How to Love Your Girlfriend

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Show her she means the world to you with this easy-to-follow guide
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The language of the heart can be difficult to speak, especially when you are trying to express strong feelings to someone you care deeply about. Letting your girlfriend know that she's special to you will encourage a healthy and respectful relationship. Inexperienced teens and dating pros alike can learn how to better express love for a significant other and build a lasting relationship.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Showing Her You Care

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  1. [1] You experience many benefits from gratitude, like bettering your physical and mental health. But you might not know that gratitude also reduces aggression and strengthens empathy. [2] Your partner will likely interpret this as an expression of love.
  2. Some people have a tendency to keep thoughts to themselves and to build relationships while working on tasks, which can be interpreted as coldness. Even if you don't agree with what is being said, acknowledge it and respond appropriately. [3]
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  3. A text, phone call, or email might be the easiest way of getting in touch with your girlfriend, but taking the time to pen a letter yourself and either mailing it or delivering it shows your girlfriend she's worth the time to do something nice. [4]
  4. [5] Use your own words to come up with a unique message that conveys just how much you love your girlfriend. Vocalizing your feelings can help you manage and enrich those feelings. [6] Try starting with:
    • "It's hard for me to say sometimes because I feel it so strongly, but I love you more than anything."
    • "There is nothing better than having you in my arms."
    • "Whenever I see you, I..."
  5. Negative surprises have a measurable effect on satisfaction. Prevent negative surprises for your girlfriend to maintain a higher level of satisfaction. [7]
    • Conversely, positive surprises will give your girlfriend a higher sense of satisfaction.
  6. [8] If your girlfriend articulates a need to continue a conversation even if it is unpleasant for you, take note of her emotional need. In the event that you are unable to calmly carry out the conversation, voice your own feelings while acknowledging her own. [9]
  7. It can be easy to take for granted something you know absolutely to be true, like your love for your girlfriend. Reawaken yourself to this truth by reminding her frequently. [10]
    • Look her in the eyes, or wait for an unexpected moment, like when the lights dim before a movie plays in the theater, and whisper, "I love you."
  8. The very act of asking this question to your girlfriend will signal to her that her happiness is important to you. Showing you care for her emotional well-being is a powerful indicator of love. [11] You might ask:
    • "What are your guilty pleasures?" This can be useful down the road when she's unhappy or when you want to give her a small surprise.
    • "If you could ... in the world, what would you...?" This pattern is great for making future plans. You can kill an afternoon talking about exotic places or things you've always wanted to eat, then use this later when planning a trip or gift.
    EXPERT TIP

    Lauren Urban, LCSW

    Licensed Psychotherapist
    Lauren Urban is a licensed psychotherapist in Brooklyn, New York, with over 13 years of therapy experience working with children, families, couples, and individuals. She received her Masters in Social Work from Hunter College in 2006, and specializes in working with the LGBTQIA community and with clients in recovery or considering recovery for drug and alcohol use.
    Lauren Urban, LCSW
    Licensed Psychotherapist

    Your natural way of showing love might not line up with her preferences. That's okay! Focus on finding a happy balance that feels good for both of you and respects your comfort levels.

  9. Talk to her and sincerely ask her how she feels. Women frequently communicate by sharing personal details and feelings of vulnerability. [12] Respond in kind to communicate your own feelings more clearly to her.
    • Remove, "What's up?" from your vocabulary. Ask direct questions, "How was your morning? What did you have for lunch? Was it good?" Respond to her answer with your own opinions and observations.
  10. [13] Even if you don't know what to tell her, a hug or a shoulder to cry on can be enough. Though being around an emotional person can be difficult, by staying with your girlfriend through the ordeal, you demonstrate your dependability. It's important to let her know that:
    • "Everything's going to be OK."
    • "Sometimes I feel the same way."
    • "I'm here for you."
  11. Comparisons are a natural part of human communication, but by comparing your girlfriend to your ex you may accidentally make her feel like she's in competition with a previous girlfriend.
    • Research has shown that closeness and affection in a relationship are influenced when you make comparisons to a prior partner.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Making a Deep Connection

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  1. Bonding is important in any relationship, and the stronger your bond, the stronger your long-term relationship. [14] Sharing an inside joke is a way to revisit times enjoyed in the past, which will remind your girlfriend the good experiences you have shared. [15]
  2. Wash the hoodie she left at your house, buy nail polish in her favorite color, or bring her a favorite flower. Random acts of kindness will make her feel great, and have the added bonus of enhancing your own happiness. [16]
  3. Even something as simple as offering your hand while she empties a rock out of her shoe will indicate that you love her enough to help with any problem, big or small.
  4. Your sense of smell is linked very closely to memory. [17] Giving your girlfriend an article of clothing with your scent will keep her thinking of you even while you're away.
  5. Checking your phone every five or ten minutes during a date can leave your girlfriend feeling not only unimportant, but also frustrated. [18] If you've planned a special day with her, set a firm boundary limiting distractions beforehand. Some effective boundaries are:
    • Promising yourself you will not use your phone unless there is an emergency situation.
    • Letting your friends know ahead of time that you have special one-on-one time planned with your significant other.
  6. This is also an important part of bonding and can promote a healthy relationship. [19] Listen together to her favorite music, play a team sport like tennis, or take up something entirely new.
    • Do not sacrifice your own happiness for that of your girlfriend. This can lead to resentment, and do more harm than good. In the event you don't hold the same interest, encourage your girlfriend to pursue it while finding a suitable activity to engage yourself.
  7. A common complaint in relationships is a lack of communication. [20] While conversing, attempt to maintain eye contact, give feedback through body language (nods, smiles, expressions), and provide feedback that summarizes what she has said in your own words. [21]
    • Active listening can be especially difficult for men, as it is at odds with typical male communication strategies. [22] If you would like to learn more about active listening, why not look into how to Actively Listen ?
  8. Or, better yet, make her something! The investment of your time for her sake is a clear sign that you care. These intimate gifts often carry great emotional value and can turn into valued mementos later in your relationship.
  9. Even if her quirks amuse you, be sensitive enough to recognize areas she is self-conscious. Take time to explain your perspective, and gently inquire about the root of the problem.
    • Respect her boundaries at all times, but by regarding the thing she is self-conscious about with tact, you will convey that it is important to you.
  10. Pet names are a social cue in a relationship; your terms of endearment can boost your relationship satisfaction. [23] Keep her opinions in mind as you explore nicknames.
    • Choosing a nickname that upsets her will only do damage, especially if you follow the offending name up with laughter.
  11. Change is something that comes from within, and no matter how hard you might try, you cannot force your girlfriend to change if she isn't ready. If there is a particular issue that bothers you, work together to find an mutually acceptable resolution.
  12. You don't have to go to out for an expensive meal or organize an elaborate picnic, but a change of pace and scenery will allow for new experiences you can share together. [24] Sometimes going to the place you first met can be romantic, or a walk around the park might give you the time you need to truly appreciate each other.
    Esther Perel, Psychotherapist

    Embrace adventure and trying new things. "Breaking routine and stepping out of what feels comfortable connects you to curiosity and discovery. So, ask yourselves, what is something new you can do together?"

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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Communicating Body Language

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  1. Smiling is actually contagious, and when she catches your smile she'll know how excited you are to be with her. [25] Some research even indicates that smiling makes you more attractive. [26]
  2. Don't break off your hug like you can't wait to get away! Allow your embraces to last longer than ordinary. Rest her head in the crook of your neck.
    • Physical contact with other people releases oxytocin, also called the love hormone, into the blood. [27] Longer touches translate to more oxytocin, drawing the two of you closer together.
  3. Hand holding is proven to reduce stress, so why not put your girlfriend at ease and take her hand?
    • Use soft touches to relay a sense of happiness and generosity. Firm or hard touches can make her feel like you are being selfish or aggressive. [28]
  4. Many people have a certain touch or caress that has a calming effect. Look for these in your girlfriend, and use them to say, "I love you," without a word.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 445 wikiHow readers how they want their partner to comfort them, and 56% of them agreed that the best gesture is a sweet hug or tender touch. [Take Poll]
  5. You don't have to aim for the lips! The forehead, nose, and cheek are excellent landing zones for a quick kiss.
  6. Eye contact is one of the most universal ways of communication. [29] Taking a moment to look deeply into her eyes can remind you both just how much you love each other. [30]
  7. When in a rush, you may opt for the half-hug or a quick embrace with two pats to the back, but a safe, encompassing, heart-to-heart hug will make her feel like she's most important person in your life.
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Become a Better Lover with this Expert Series

Ready to become the best lover you can be? We've put together this expert series to help you spice things up in the bedroom and foster romance in your relationship.
1
Become a Better Lover
2
Spice Things Up in the Bedroom
3
Make Love Last
4
11 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Loved and Secure
5
Be a Better Boyfriend
6
How to Become a More Romantic Man

Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    Why does my girlfriend make such a big deal out of gifts?
    Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Allen Wagner is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist based in Los Angeles, California. After working as a therapist at the Children’s Bureau and Penny Lane Centers, he opened his own practice in 2008. Allen works with both individuals and couples and has 20 years of experience as a therapist. Allen specializes in helping clients improve their relationships, assisting people in managing life transitions, improving communication in all environments, and identifying realistic and positive goals. Alongside his wife Talia Wagner, he authored the book "Married Roommates". He received an MA in Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Film and Creative Writing from the University of Arizona.
    Allen Wagner, MFT, MA
    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Expert Answer
    Different people experience love in different ways. For your girlfriend, it sounds like she attaches a lot of meaning to gifts. That's not a good or bad thing, it's just the way she is! Try to meet her halfway and put a little more joy into the act of giving and receiving gifts. It will probably mean the world to her.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How can I make my girlfriend jealous?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Relationship Counselor
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Relationship Counselor
    Expert Answer
    I don't believe in playing games. If you're trying to make your girlfriend jealous, it means you want to get her attention. Try to just cut the game out of it and have a conversation with her instead. Being vulnerable and direct with her will be a better option.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
    Thank you for your feedback.
    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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  • Question
    How can I support my girlfriend?
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Relationship Counselor
    Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
    Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
    Relationship Counselor
    Expert Answer
    Ask her what she needs, because everybody's going to need something different. Also remember how important listening is in effective communication. Try to listen and really process what your girlfriend has to say.
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    If wikiHow has helped you, please consider a small contribution to support us in helping more readers like you. We’re committed to providing the world with free how-to resources, and even $1 helps us in our mission. Support wikiHow
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      Tips

      • Make extra effort to share your feelings. Remember that men and women communicate differently, and even if you struggle with her communication style, it's important to communicate in a way she can understand.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Doing simple things, like texting her after your phone conversation to say "Goodnight" and "I love you," can help her feel more loved and appreciated.
      • Never stop telling her how much you love her! She will always appreciate hearing it.
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      References

      1. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/what-mentally-strong-people-dont-do/201504/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-gratitude
      3. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-gratitude/201304/10-ways-express-love
      5. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      6. ↑ https://paidtoexist.com/three-ways-to-deal-with-emotions/
      7. ↑ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0278431909001303
      8. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      9. ↑ https://www.hsperson.com/pages/1Aug08.htm
      1. ↑ https://thoughtcatalog.com/jerrica-peterson/2013/12/enjoy-every-moment-its-time-to-stop-taking-things-for-granted/
      2. ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/50-ways-to-show-you-care-without-spending-a-dime/
      3. ↑ https://scholarship.claremont.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1521&context=cmc_theses
      4. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      5. ↑ https://www.stayhitched.com/bonding.htm
      6. ↑ Allen Wagner, MFT, MA. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 6 March 2019.
      7. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/priya-advani/random-acts-of-kindness_b_3412718.html
      8. ↑ https://www.fifthsense.org.uk/what_is_smell/psychology/
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201307/smartphone-addiction
      10. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/just-listen/200911/10-habits-happy-couples
      11. ↑ Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Psychotherapist. Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
      12. ↑ https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/ActiveListening.htm
      13. ↑ https://www.achievesolutions.net/achievesolutions/en/Content.do?contentId=10241
      14. ↑ https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/mind-guest-blog/why-do-we-use-pet-names-in-relationships/
      15. ↑ https://www.huffingtonpost.com/lizzie-vance/why-a-change-of-scenery-i_b_3839373.html
      16. ↑ https://inspiyr.com/9-benefits-of-smiling/
      17. ↑ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/ejsp.2420200307
      18. ↑ https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/275795.php
      19. ↑ https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/7852010/Physical-touch-affects-emotional-mood.html
      20. ↑ https://msue.anr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication
      21. ↑ https://hellobeautiful.com/2011/08/04/5-reasons-why-eye-contact-is-important/

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      Showing your girlfriend that you love her may seem complicated, but all it takes is setting aside a little time and finding small, but meaningful ways to show that you care. For example, spend time alone with her, even if it’s just a few minutes, to ask about her day and give her your full attention. If you can’t be with her every day, try leaving her a note or letter to remind her of your commitment while you’re apart. Most importantly, tell her how much you love her on a regular basis instead of taking it for granted that she knows how you feel. Even a small gesture, like texting her “I love you” out of the blue, will go a long way toward making her feel loved and cared for. For more advice, including how to be there for your girlfriend when she’s sad or upset, keep reading.

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