How to Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You

Co-authored by LeTisha Underwood

Last Updated: July 2, 2023 Fact Checked

So you want to have sex, but how do you get your girlfriend on the same page? Whether you wish your girlfriend would want to have sex more often or you want to get intimate for the first time, we’ve got you covered. It goes without saying that you should never force your girlfriend to have sex with you. However, you can work to build attraction, set the mood, and show her that you’re a person she can fully trust . Read on for all the relationship tips and seduction techniques to get your girlfriend interested in having sex with you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building Her Trust

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1
Be dependable . If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, then you should show her what an amazingly dependable person you are. If your girl is going to trust you enough to have sex with you, whether it's her first time or if she's had sex before, then she has to feel like she can depend on you. One of her fears may be that as soon as you have sex, she won't be able to rely on you anymore because you would have gotten what you wanted. So, prove her wrong by being an upstanding and dependable person.
- Show up when you say you're going to show up. If you routinely pick her up half an hour late for your dates, she'll think that you don't think she's so special, and she'll be less likely to have sex with you.
- Don't be a flake. If you say you're going to take her to the beach over the weekend, do it. If you don't stick to your word, she won't be able to trust you.
- Be her rock. Let her talk to you about her problems and insecurities while knowing that you can make her feel better.
- Don't go hours or even a day or two without returning her phone calls or texts. This will make her feel like she can't depend on you.
2
Give it time. Some people can be ready to have sex with a girl in the time it takes to down a beer, while some people can take months, or even longer, to decide that they're ready to make love. Some people are really adamant about holding out for the one, and don't even want to have sex before marriage. So, don't rush into it -- wait for the girl to trust you first.
- If your girl is barely comfortable with kissing, then you shouldn't bring up sex for a while. However, if you and your girlfriend are already comfortable hooking up in bed all the time after just a few weeks, then you can start thinking about taking it to the next level.
- If you want to make your girlfriend want to have sex with you, the worst thing you can do is bring it up or try to force it when it's way too early. This will turn your girlfriend off and will make her much less likely to sleep with you.
3
Do not act like you are obsessed with sex. Let's face it -- if you're someone who is desperate for their girlfriend to have sex with them, then you probably are obsessed with sex. That doesn't mean you have to make jokes, innuendos, or even blatant references to sex all the time. The last thing you want your girlfriend to think is that you're a person who is so obsessed with sex that you don't care which lady comes into your bed. You should make her feel special, like you want only her.
- You don't have to hide the fact that you're a person with needs, but you should avoid being vulgar, talking about sex all the time, or talking about other people who have sex all the time.
- Don't make derogatory comments about other women. This will make your girlfriend feel like a piece of meat. Remember that you're not with your bros, but with your special lady.
4
Be loyal. If you want to make your girlfriend trust you, then you have to be loyal to her. She'll probably never have sex with you if she thinks you're talking to or checking out other people. Though you don't have to be rude to or ignore other women, you should have a laser-sharp focus on your girlfriend so she knows that you will always be there for her, especially after you start having sex.
- Spend lots of time with her. Make sure that you plan at least one or two dates every week and that you check in with her at least once a day if you're not together.
- There's a difference between being loyal and being possessive and smothering your girlfriend with affection. You should make a point of seeing her when you both want to hang out, but don't try to see her 24/7 or she'll begin to pull back.
- You should not only show your partner that you're loyal by being loyal to her, but by showing that you're a loyal sibling, friend, and family member. Show loyalty in many aspects of your life and your girl will be impressed.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Treating Her Well

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1
Treat her kindly . Don't overdo it, but being chivalrous can be more appealing. Don't force chivalrousness on them if they don't like it or say they don't like it. You should treat her kindly, not just like someone you want to hook up with. To do this, you can to be considerate, as well as courteous, kind, understanding, and generally admirable. You could, for example, open doors for her, give her your coat when she's cold, pull out chairs for her, or help her carry her heavy bags.
- Make sure to compliment her to let her know how great she looks or how special she is.
- It's important to be very kind, but don't do anything that feels too unnatural to you, or she'll be able to tell that you're not being yourself.
2
Clean your space . This may sound silly, but if you want your girlfriend to really feel special, then you shouldn't invite her to hang out at your place if it looks like the set for World War Z. You need to make sure to remove any dirty laundry off your floor, clean your counters, and make your bed look and smell as clean and inviting as possible.
- Not only will this make your lady feel special, but it'll make her feel more inclined to have sex with you. She won't want to get it on if your bed is covered in candy wrappers and dirty clothes.
- If you drive her around a lot, you should also keep a clean car . Give your partner the respect she deserves by making sure she has a clean seat.
3
Show an interest in all of her--not just her body. Your girl's biggest fear may be that you don't care at all about her mind because you're too busy obsessing over her body. You must prove her wrong. Show her that you are about who she is as a person, about her hopes and dreams, and about what makes her tick.
- Ask her about her friendships, her childhood, and her favorite experiences.
- Show her that you value her opinion. Ask her what she thinks about the current political situation in your state, or about the look of your new outfit.
- Make eye contact when you talk to her. Show her that everything she says is important to you.
4
Take her out on romantic dates . If you want to build the sexual tension, you have to build the romance first. Make her feel special by taking her out, dressing up, and picking a romantic spot for dinner, a drink, or even just for stargazing. You don't have to do anything corny or out of your element to make her feel special.
- Though you and your girlfriend can have fun at baseball games, birthday parties, or at a loud, sweaty concert, these events will be less conducive to lovemaking.
- Doing something romantic once in a while will show your lady that she really matters to you.
5
Be attentive to her needs. If you're not attentive to your lady's everyday needs, then how will you be attentive in the bedroom? Your girl needs to feel like you know when she's sad, nervous, anxious, or even just cold or hungry. Pay attention to her eyes, her body language, and her words to know if there's something bothering her. If you act completely oblivious when she's obviously upset about something, then she'll think you're not really paying attention to her.
- If something's wrong, don't be afraid to ask her what's up. This will only show that you care.
6
Make sure she's ready to have sex. If you really want to treat your partner well, then you have to be able to have an idea about whether or not she's ready for sex. If you're her first partner, if she's sexually inexperienced, or if she's deeply religious or has other moral convictions that make her steadfast about not having sex, then you should back off and wait for her to trust you enough to even consider having sex with you. But here are some ways to know if she does want to have sex with you:
- If things have been getting hot and heavy in the hook up department, then she may be ready to move forward.
- If she's been talking about sex, giving you sexual compliments, and touching you a lot more, then she may be ready for sex.
- If she's been hinting that she wants to sleep over, spends a lot of time in or near your bed, or invites you over late at night, then she may be ready for more intimacy.
- If she has deep moral or religious convictions that make her not want to have sex, don't try to force it. Accept that some people will never have sex until they're married and that there's nothing you can do to change their mind.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Turning Her On

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1
Be prepared. If you plan on trying to have sex, or even talking about having sex with your girl, then you should be prepared with protective measures, including internal or external condoms (if pregnancy is a possibility) and dental dams, in case the mood strikes her. You shouldn't flash condoms or dental dams, or make her feel uncomfortable, but it does mean that you should have some backup just in case things do happen. STIs are no joke, and pregnancy would be a huge undertaking that could hurt future life prospects.
- Some countries have programs for free protection, mostly for younger ages (12-19 or 20-25) but other countries have very broad (most people) schemes.
2
Set the mood. If you want your girl to have sex with you, then you have to set the mood. You should start the evening by doing something romantic. Then, go back to your (clean) house or apartment, which can be stocked with wine (don't get her drunk though, having sex with a drunk person is considered rape), grapes, chocolate , etc. and maybe some light and quiet music (e.g. jazz), or even. Light the candles and turn the radio on to get her in a romantic mindset, and offer her something to eat or drink.
- If this feels corny, you should only do what makes you both get in the mood. If you just want to dim the lights instead of lighting candles, then that's fine too.
3
Kiss her . If you want your girl to have sex with you, then you have to be a master kisser. Even if you've been kissing for a while, you should still know how to kiss her in a variety of ways and make your kisses feel fresh. Don't overwhelm her and grope her the second you lock lips. Instead, take it slow, grazing your lips as you touch her hair or stroke her face.
- Take breaks from kissing so she has time to come up for air and want you even more.
- You are not very likely to have sex with your girlfriend if all you've done is kiss. It takes a bit longer for things to reach a natural progression. You can try building up sexual tension with kisses through a few dates, though.
4
Play hard to get. If you really want to make your girlfriend want you, then you shouldn't act like a sexual beast, moving rapidly from kissing to touching, to ripping off your clothes and practically levitating into the bedroom. Instead, you should kiss your girlfriend for a few seconds, then hold back, stroke her, and talk to her. Repeat this move a few times and wait for her to go wild. ^{[1]
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- This move will make her want to be the one who asks for more.
Does playing hard to get work? Yes, because this will make your girlfriend feel like you like her, but that you're in control of your desires and aren't desperate to get your hands all over her -- even if you are.
5
Touch her. If you want to turn on your girlfriend, you can start thinking about doing more than just kissing. Begin by lightly caressing her arms, the back of her head and hair, and then, as things progress, stroke her chest under her shirt or wait for her to touch you. If your clothes are off or partly off, you can kiss her breasts or touch her in more sensual ways.
- Just make sure that your actions are reciprocated -- if you're touching her and she just lies there and doesn't make noise or do anything, then you're probably making her uncomfortable. Make sure she's ready for more before you proceed.
- If you're already in the bedroom and hooking up, then you can simply ask her if she's ready to have sex with you. This doesn't have to be elaborate or corny -- just say, "Are you sure you're ready?" and be prepared for any answer.
If your girlfriend says she's not ready to have sex with you, then you shouldn't pressure her. Don't try making any arguments -- saying things like, "But we've been together for so long," "Everyone else is doing it," or "But I really, really like you," isn't going to make her feel any better. In fact, trying to reason with her will only make her more frustrated, annoyed, and much less likely to sleep with you.
If she changes her mind from yes to no, or asks you to stop during the act, do so immediately. It may be useful to have a chat beforehand about what she wants to do and what she isn't ready for. Pay attention and never make her do something that she isn't comfortable with.
8
Be a good judge. Learn to translate her reactions, don't insist when she is against. There is always a tomorrow to make another try. It’s advisable to try a "turn on" when her mood is good. Feelings cannot be feigned since they are a function of the mind. Good timing and taking matters easy will ultimately make her mellow down no matter how long the process may take. Just know she will come around when she thinks the time is right.
- If you're having trouble understanding her signals or communicating with her, get expert help with wikiHow’s course: How to Talk about Sex (Without Feeling Awkward) . This expert course is created by a Sex and Relationship Psychologist, and it will walk you through how to talk to your partner about sex and other intimate activities.

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What is the legal age for sex?

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It depends on where you and your partner live. In the US, most states have the age of consent set between 16 and 18; other countries have different laws. You can find the age of consent for your state or country by searching online.

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Can I get intimate with a guy who is four years older than me when I am younger than 18?

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Assuming this guy is over 18, the legality of it would depend on where you live. In some areas, it's illegal for anyone over 18 to have sex with a minor; in others, there are laws that protect couples that are close in age when one or both of them are underage. Practically speaking, however, you should be extremely cautious, because even if you're 17 and the guy is 21, that's still a significant age gap. When you're under 18, someone who's four years older than you has completely different life goals and priorities than you, and has more life experience than you do (and would be much better at manipulating you or taking advantage of you). While you may or may not be legally in the clear to do so, it isn't a good idea from a developmental standpoint.

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How long should a guy wait before having sex with his girlfriend?

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That really depends on the relationship. Some people are ready for sex in a relationship earlier than others. Your best bet is to communicate with your partner about both of your beliefs, comfort levels, and desires - everyone is different, and the only "right" amount of time to wait is the amount of time it takes for both of you to be ready.

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Be open about it.

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Respect her answer if it's a "no," as it may change later.

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No matter how much you may want to have sex, it is still illegal to have sex without consent. Always make sure both individuals are ready.

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How to Make Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You

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Building Her Trust

Treating Her Well

Turning Her On

Attract Girls and Win Their Hearts with this Expert Series

Community Q&A

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