This article was reviewed by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW
and by wikiHow staff writer, Dev Murphy, MA
. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.
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While “soulmates” haven’t been scientifically proven to exist, many people believe they do—and there are plenty of psychological facts that help support the idea that some people are perfectly suited for us! They understand us and support us, they share our goals and values, and everything about them just feels right . Want to learn more? Keep reading: we’ve compiled a list of facts about soulmates, below.
Things You Should Know
- Soulmates support one another through thick and thin. They build each other up and encourage one another to pursue their dreams.
- Soulmates are vulnerable with each other. Mutual trust and openness are cornerstones to a soulmate bond.
- Soulmates are often believed to be romantic, but they could be platonic as well! You may have a deep soul connection with someone you just see as a friend.
Steps
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Your soulmate is your cheerleader and your number-one fan. A good relationship is built on mutual respect and admiration. Soulmates support and empower one another: they encourage one another to follow their dreams. When you have a bad day, your soulmate is there to hug you and tell you tomorrow will be better. When you feel like you can’t do the tough things, they’re there to say, “Yes, you can!” And when you do, they’ll be in the audience, applauding like mad. And you’re their cheerleader, too!
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Vulnerability is essential to a healthy relationship. In order to have a successful, long-term relationship, it’s important to be open with your soulmate about everything. You can tell one another about your dreams and fears, your past experiences and goals for the future. And while being vulnerable is rarely easy, when you find someone who just gets you, someone you know you can trust, it makes it a lot easier to do! [1] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
- If you’re not used to being vulnerable, it may take some time and practice. But the more you see your partner responding to your vulnerability with love and care, without judgment, the easier it’ll become to be vulnerable with them.
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Soulmates are beacons of support in times of difficulty. When you’re struggling with a job loss, a death, or just a rough day, your soulmate will be there to offer a hug and an encouraging word—or maybe just comforting silence. Healthy relationships involve being able to rely on one another for support and comfort in difficult times. Through mutual reliance, you may both come out the other side of a tough situation even stronger—and more connected than ever.
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Their lives tend to move in the same directions. It’s certainly possible to meet someone and fall in love, only to realize they’re life trajectory looks totally different from yours. But usually, soulmate-level love involves 2 people whose lives are heading toward the same things, whether that’s getting married, having kids, never having kids, never getting married, moving to Tokyo, living on the moon, or staying in the same town you’ve lived in your whole life. [2] X Research source
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You might be closer to your soulmate than to anyone else. While friends really make life meaningful, who’s to say your soulmate can’t be your lover and your BFF? Some people may become so close with their soulmate and spend so much time together that they may consider them their best friend.
- It makes sense: if you live together, they're likely the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see when you go to bed. As your lives become more intertwined (by having kids or sharing incomes or what have you), you'll like rely on and trust them more than some of your close platonic friends.
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For some people, soulmates are just good friends! The exact definition of “soulmates” differs from person to person, and while many people think of your soulmate as the ultimate romantic connection, for others, soulmates can be platonic. That doesn’t mean the connection is any weaker or less worthy of celebration: in fact, while our romantic connections can be invaluable to our happiness and growth, for many people, friendship soulmates can help you live longer and enjoy a happier, more meaningful life. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
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You may feel less anxious and more calm around them. The beginning of almost any relationship is associated with butterflies in the stomach or sweat on the palms, and that might include your relationship with your soulmate! But as your relationship develops, you’ll likely feel more secure and safe, knowing you can trust your soulmate with anything.
- Scientifically speaking, being around your soulmate may trigger the release of feel-good hormones such as oxytocin may give you warm fuzzy feelings, while your cortisol levels decrease, alleviating anxiety and stress. [4] X Research source
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You might feel addicted because they make you feel so good. When you find “the one,” it’s easy to forget that you’re your own people. Due to their strong connection, it’s possible for soulmates to become too into each other, even to the point of codependence or obsession! Plus, being in love causes your body to release dopamine, which gives you a high similar to addiction. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- Being obsessed with your partner may result in you using your relationship as a tool to avoid thinking about painful or uncomfortable things. You may find you’re no longer able to enjoy your hobbies or time with friends because you only want to be with your soulmate.
- To cope with being overly attached to your soulmate, try engaging in other activities that release the same feel-good hormones: exercise, listen to music, or watch a comedy movie. [6]
X
Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source
- Meditating and journaling can help you feel less reliant on your soulmate for your emotional well-being.
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Their differences make their relationship stronger. A common misunderstanding is that soulmates are exactly alike, when in reality, soulmates often have different but complementary personality traits. This doesn’t mean they don’t have things in common or aren’t alike in many ways, but in many cases, it’s their differences that bring out the best in one another and make their relationship stronger. [7] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
- For example, if you’re an introvert and your soulmate is an extrovert, you may help your partner become calmer and more introspective, while they may help bring out your social, outgoing side.
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Just because you’re meant to be together doesn’t mean you won’t fight. All relationships take work, even soulmate relationships—and sometimes, that means you’ll have the occasional disagreement. Remember, soulmates aren’t carbon copies! In fact, it might be because you love and trust one another so much that you feel safe to disagree with one another: you know your soulmate is unlikely to blame you for disagreeing, and you know you can work through it together.
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A healthy relationship depends on open and honest communication. Soulmates aren’t perfect, and they don’t necessarily go into a relationship knowing how to resolve conflict or say what’s on their mind. But in a healthy partnership, both parties are willing to learn how to communicate and grow into more honest, open, reliable communicators.
- Open communication involves actively listening to one another, without judgment. Give your soulmate your full attention when they want to speak. [8] X Research source
- Use “I” statements to ground what you say in your own experience. For instance, saying “You aren’t listening to me” instead of “I don’t really feel heard” may come off accusatory.
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Your relationship might benefit from a strong sexual connection. If sex is important to you and your soulmate, it’s likely that your strong communication skills and intense bond will benefit you both in the bedroom. You care about each other’s sexual pleasure and health: you’re invested in helping one another feel good, while also feeling safe and secure.
- Because you and your soulmate trust and respect one another, you may find it easier to discuss your sexual needs , including what turns you on (and off) and your most intimate fantasies. [9] X Trustworthy Source Johns Hopkins Medicine Official resource database of the world-leading Johns Hopkins Hospital Go to source
Expert Q&A
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References
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_is_it_so_hard_to_be_vulnerable
- ↑ http://news.ku.edu/2016/02/19/new-study-finds-our-desire-minded-others-hard-wired-controls-friend-and-partner
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_your_friends_are_more_important_than_you_think
- ↑ https://hms.harvard.edu/news-events/publications-archive/brain/love-brain
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/labs/pmc/articles/PMC4861725/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35195103/
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26828831/
- ↑ https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/work-communication-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/keep-the-spark-alive-in-your-marriage
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Medical Disclaimer
The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.