A Guide to PDA Etiquette (With Examples)

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How much PDA is too much?
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Being touchy and affectionate with your partner is just one way to show them how much you love and adore them. However, there’s a difference between hugging and kissing your partner in the privacy of your own home and doing so out in a public place. We’re here to explain what exactly public displays of affection (PDA) are, how they’re perceived, and the dos and don’ts when it comes to being a bit more intimate in public. We’ll also look at what PDA looks like in other cultures, so keep reading!

Things You Should Know

  • Public displays of affection (PDA) include things like hugging, kissing, and hand-holding in public spaces.
  • Small, affectionate gestures like hugging and holding hands are generally acceptable in public, especially if you’re greeting someone.
  • More intimate forms of PDA (making out, groping, etc.) are often seen as especially inappropriate in formal or crowded settings or when you’re with family.
Section 1 of 4:

What are public displays of affection (PDA)?

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    Things like hugging, kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, and other kinds of intimate touching, when done in a public space (i.e., a restaurant, bar, public park, etc.), are examples of PDA. With public displays of affection, you’re taking your intimate moments outside of the privacy of your own home and are making them more public for others to see. [1]
    • PDA is also something that happens on social media. Posting a picture of you and your partner kissing, hugging, or cuddling on social media is technically a form of PDA. [2]
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Section 2 of 4:

PDA Dos & Don’ts

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    Talk to your partner, friends, or family about what kinds of displays of affection they’re comfortable with, both in public and private spaces. Everyone has different levels of comfort when it comes to being affectionate in front of others. Discuss these boundaries and check in every once in a while to make sure you’re still on the same page. [3]
    • PDA used to make others jealous or to “claim” a partner is a potential red flag and a sign of an unhealthy relationship. [4]
    • This includes things like purposefully engaging in PDA when an ex is around, pressuring a partner to post photos on social media that include PDA, and being overly aggressive when initiating PDA.
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    Hellos and goodbyes can be pretty emotional. Other people are more than aware of this, so they’re more understanding of two people hugging and kissing in public places like airports or train stations where these kinds of greetings are common. Examples include: [5]
    • Greeting your partner with a kiss at the airport after they’ve been away on a business trip
    • Hugging a friend you haven’t seen in a long time
    • Hugging and kissing family members who are coming to visit for the holidays
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    Things like hugging and hand-holding are more common in American society. These acts of affection are associated both with close friends and romantic partners, so they’re more acceptable even if they’re done in a public space. They’re also usually more readily accepted when included in social media posts and photos. Some examples of these milder versions of PDA include: [6]
    • Walking hand-in-hand with your partner or friend
    • Giving your partner or friend a big hug
    • Resting your head on your partner’s shoulder while on public transit
    • Posting a picture of you giving your partner or friend a kiss on the cheek
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    In some cases, family members might consider such intimate acts to be disrespectful and inappropriate. Of course, each family has different opinions on what is and isn’t acceptable when it comes to PDA. Just be aware that certain actions might make family members uncomfortable and remember to be respectful of them. Here are some examples of things that might not be as acceptable:
    • Having a passionate make-out session with your partner in front of others
    • Getting a bit too touchy with your significant other while cuddling on the couch
    • Being overly handsy when hugging your partner
    • Things like giving your partner a kiss that doesn’t get too hot and heavy or subtly caressing their arm or leg might be more acceptable to family members. Each family has their own boundaries, so just be cautious of their reactions.
    • If you’re not sure what others may deem to be appropriate, refrain from PDA in general just to play it safe. In this case, less is best.
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    As a general rule of thumb, the more formal or public the setting is, the less acceptable it is to engage in lots of PDA. There’s an expectation to remain professional in these kinds of settings. Also, public spaces will likely have lots of families with children present, and PDA is usually frowned upon when it’s done in front of kids. Try to limit PDA in places like: [7]
    • Your place of work
    • School
    • A formal event such as a dinner, fundraiser, or wedding
    • A family-friendly restaurant
    • An amusement park or fair
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    The more crowded the place is, the higher chance you have of disrupting someone else. While kissing might be okay in some settings, if you’re in a crowded place and kissing your partner ends with you blocking someone’s path, you might be given the stink eye. Some other places to refrain from PDA include: [8]
    • The mall or another crowded shopping center
    • In the middle of a street with lots of foot traffic
    • In a doorway where lots of people have to pass through
    • Social media sites can also be considered to be “crowded” places. A lot of people can see your posts, but some people might not like seeing you being intimate with your partner. Therefore, be mindful of what you post.
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Section 3 of 4:

Reactions to PDA

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    Seeing a couple hug or watching two people reunite after a long time apart can be quite heartwarming. It’s important to remember that not all forms of PDA are inappropriate. As long as you’re being mindful of other people and not taking things too far, being affectionate with your partner, friends, and family certainly isn’t a bad thing. [9]
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    In American society, many people often view gestures that go beyond a friendly hug or something simple like holding hands in a somewhat sexual context. Therefore, more extreme forms of PDA can make people around you very uncomfortable. When you kiss your partner out in public, the people around you become an unwilling audience to your affection. This is why PDA is usually seen in a more negative light. [10]
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    To some people, a couple that does a lot of PDA appears to be purposefully flaunting their relationship. If you’re single, seeing two people passionately kiss or be all lovey-dovey with one another might not be something you care to see. For some people, PDA can be an unwanted reminder of their own single status and make them feel all the more lonely. This goes for both displays of affection out in public spaces and on social media. [11]
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    In particular, members of the LGBTQ+ community have generally received more negative reactions when they engage in PDA, such as kissing or holding hands. [12] There have also been instances where older people have reprimanded younger people for engaging in PDA. As values and cultures change over time, views on PDA also change and evolve. [13]
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Section 4 of 4:

PDA in Other Cultures

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    In countries such as France and Spain, kissing people as a greeting and being more openly affectionate with your partner isn’t anything unusual. Other European countries, such as Belgium and Germany, also have a custom of greeting others with a kiss, though they keep more intimate gestures private. [14]
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    Specifically, many East Asian countries, such as China and South Korea, have generally held more strict views on PDA. Things like kissing in public were usually frowned upon, but views are beginning to change as time goes on. [15]
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    In Dubai, it’s against the law to kiss in public. Other countries may not have as extreme of measures put in place, but PDA is still extremely taboo in certain places, such as Thailand and Indonesia. [16]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can you tell if your partner is comfortable with public displays of affection?
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Lauren Sanders is a Professional Matchmaker, Dating Coach, and the Founder of Dating for the Soul. With over four years of experience, she specializes in helping singles find love. Lauren is also the author of Lipstick Faith: A Collection of Inspirational Writings and Life Lessons, You Deserve the World, Rainbows and Strawberries: 100 Devotions for the Brighter Side of Life, and Let's Go Outside Mommy. Lauren holds BS from Dillard University and a Masters from The University of North Georgia.
    Lauren Sanders
    Matchmaker & Dating Coach
    Expert Answer
    You can tell that your partner is okay with PDA if they feel at ease when you touch them. For instance, they'll never push you away or act as if you're bothering them when you lean in for affection (like a hug, kiss, etc.). They may also initiate public affection without you having to always initiate it (or they may even initiate it more than you). They will also appear happy about it. A person who like PDA enjoys doing it, and it's never a hassle or burden for them to show that they like you in front of other people.
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  • Question
    Can my boyfriend and I hold hands in church when we are both 15?
    Community Answer
    That depends on various people's opinions: parents and church officials in particular. Some people would have no problem with that. Others might find it inappropriate. Ask the people you care about.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    Is it okay to do PDA with a co-worker in front of your CEO?
    Max Wolf
    Community Answer
    It might be better to save your affection for outside of work, as your boss might not be too fond of your display of affection. Giving a quick hug or a kiss on the cheek may be acceptable but keep your PDA to a minimum, and keep it professional so as not to let your partner distract you from work.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thoughtco.com/addressing-pda-public-display-of-affection-at-school-3194654
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201408/what-we-really-think-public-displays-affection
      3. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look
      4. ↑ https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/unhealthy-relationship-behaviors-series-jealousy/
      5. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/17/style/relationships-displaying-affection-in-public.html
      6. ↑ https://via.library.depaul.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1222&context=csh_etd
      7. ↑ https://via.library.depaul.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?referer=&httpsredir=1&article=1222&context=csh_etd
      8. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/17/style/relationships-displaying-affection-in-public.html
      9. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/17/style/relationships-displaying-affection-in-public.html
      1. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/17/style/relationships-displaying-affection-in-public.html
      2. ↑ https://www.nytimes.com/1984/12/17/style/relationships-displaying-affection-in-public.html
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9386764/
      4. ↑ http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/culture/2013/12/399_113
      5. ↑ https://www.expatica.com/living/love/public-displays-of-affection-108636/
      6. ↑ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01110/full
      7. ↑ https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/9-places-where-you-dont-want-to-be-caught-kissing/
      8. ↑ https://www.ny.gov/teen-dating-violence-awareness-and-prevention/what-does-healthy-relationship-look

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