Q&A for How to Be Friends After a Bad Breakup

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How long does it take to get over a bad breakup?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Research shows that the pain of a break-up usually fades over the course of 6 months to 2 years.

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Why does breaking up hurt so badly?

Amy Chan
Relationship Coach
Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.

Amy Chan

Relationship Coach

Expert Answer

Mourning the loss of a relationship can feel much like grieving someone who has passed away. There are various stages of separation - from shock, denial, depression, anger, bargaining, relapse and acceptance. Healing from a heartbreak is not one linear line. After a heartbreak your body is in a state of shock. The person that you were used to talking to, cuddling with, bickering with, having sex with - is no longer there. The loss will feel lonely and scary, and on a scientific standpoint, you’re no longer getting your doses of dopamine and oxytocin (feel-good chemicals) from your partner. While on a logical level, your mind tells you it’s over, your body is craving the chemical fix and this is what causes the urge to get back together, contact the ex, stalk your ex’s social media or text them.

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What is considered a "bad break up"?

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Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

wikiHow Staff Editor

Staff Answer

A bad breakup is one where one of both people involved feels a lot of hurt or resentment. Perhaps the breakup happened after a major argument, or there was a major betrayal of trust involved (such as infidelity).

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I cheated on my girlfriend. How do I get her back?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

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Unfortunately, there is a good chance that your girlfriend won't be willing to give the relationship another chance. It is ultimately up to her to decide. The best thing you can do is sincerely apologize to her and take responsibility for your actions. Explain what you plan to do differently in the future so that the same thing doesn't happen again. You might need to talk about setting ground rules so that she'll feel more secure going forward, like regularly checking in with her when you're out with friends.

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What if she already has a new friend?

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wikiHow Staff Editor

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In a healthy friendship, both of you should be able to have other friends. Try to accept that your ex has other people in her life who are important to her. Focus on building your own friendships outside of your relationship with her, so that your life feels more balanced.

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