Q&A for How to Slow Dance

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  • Question
    How do you start slow dancing?
    Andrey Stanev
    Professional Dance Instructor
    Andrey Stanev is a Professional Dance Instructor specializing in ballroom, Latin and wedding dance. With over 25 years of instruction and dancing experience, Andrey is also the Owner of Ballroom Dance in NYC, a studio based in Manhattan, New York and in Hawthorne, New York. He was born and raised in Bulgaria and won the Bulgarian National Championship for Ballroom and Latin Dance in 2000-2001. He has also worked at the Fred Astaire Dance Studio where he received the Award for Outstanding Performance in the advanced department of teaching.
    Professional Dance Instructor
    Expert Answer
    Extend your left hand out to the person you want to dance with, and politely ask them if they'd like to dance. If they say yes, take their hand, then place your right hand on their shoulder blade. Once you're in position you should have about 1-2 feet between you.
  • Question
    I have to slow dance for a friends party but I am so nervous—I dont even know the guy I‘m dancing with. What do I do?
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    Don’t be nervous! Just follow the music and do slow, simple steps to the beat of the song. There’s a good chance that your partner is feeling nervous, too!
  • Question
    How do you know if your partner is going for the arms on waist/arms on shoulders or if they are going the hand in hand one hand on shoulder/waist? Just so that it wouldnt get awkward when you dance.
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    You can save yourself some trouble by sorting out hand placements at the beginning of the dance! If you aren’t sure, you can always ask your partner what they’re planning on doing, or follow their lead instead.
  • Question
    What can you talk about while slow dancing? It gets really awkward when you have nothing to talk about anymore. And also, where do you look? You can't just stare into their eyes, right?
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    You can talk about anything you want! Treat the dance like you would a normal conversation. Make eye contact while you’re talking, but feel free to gaze elsewhere throughout the dance.
  • Question
    Can I put my hand on his back if I want to be close to him but he is much taller?
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    You can definitely give that a try! Generally, you and your partner should clasp your free hands together (the hand that isn’t on your partner’s shoulder/arm) at your eye level, so the dance is more balanced out.
  • Question
    What if you have to dance in a class and you dont like the partner you are with? Also, what if it is a little uncomfortable for you?
    Janice Tieperman
    Community Answer
    Talk to your instructor and see if they’d be willing to change your dance partner. Don’t worry—it’s totally normal to feel a little uneasy while slow dancing with someone.
  • Question
    What does it mean if she has her hands on my shoulders and my hands on her hip?
    Community Answer
    She wants to be closer to you. This is sometimes just a more comfortable position for dancers, as opposed to holding your arms up which can quickly become tiring.
  • Question
    What do I do if my partner doesn't know how to dance?
    Community Answer
    If your partner can't dance, just teach them. For example, if you're a boy, and the girl doesn't know how to dance, say, "Just put your hands on my shoulder and I will put my hands on your waist." Then, on the other hand, if you are a girl, say to the boy who doesn't know how to dance, "I put my hands on your shoulders, and you put your hands on my waist." It may be a little out of your comfort zone, but it is very fun.
  • Question
    Why should I dance a slow dance?
    Community Answer
    It's the most intimate form of dancing. Asking your partner to slow dance with you is a good way to let that person know you think they're special.
  • Question
    If I surprise a girl with a slow dance, would that be romantic or creepy?
    Community Answer
    If you just asked her, that alone would be a surprise. Overall though, it depends on the girl. If she's laid back and more open about her emotions, she'll probably love it. If she's more reserved or has a boyfriend, she might not react so well, so I would use your best judgment based on what you know about her and her personality. Even if you don't think she would react well to a surprise slow dance, she might still enjoy dancing with you, so ask her either way.
  • Question
    How do I know how to move my feet if I'm looking into his eyes and not at our feet?
    Community Answer
    It just takes a little practice. After about 30 seconds of repeating your foot movements, you'll have the basic swing of things. And for those first couple of seconds, both of you, no matter how experienced, will be figuring it out. Don't sweat it!
  • Question
    What if the girl doesn't know how to dance?
    Community Answer
    Don't worry about it! Slow dancing isn't for experts. Even if she doesn't know how to dance, she can simply move back and forth to the beat.
  • Question
    How can I make it less awkward?
    Community Answer
    Talk to your partner. Look at them and smile. It might feel awkward at first, but once you loosen up and talk a little, it will feel more natural.
  • Question
    If I'm the girl in the dance, and the guy doesn't know how to dance, should I lead him or let him try his best to lead me?
    Cowboy 4 Jesus
    Community Answer
    Quickly teach him something basic like the box step, then let him lead. My first dance I knew nothing, but was taught that and survived!
  • Question
    What if my partner and I are just friends? Should we still treat it as an intimate dance?
    Community Answer
    If both of you are comfortable with the intimacy, then go ahead. If not, don't.
  • Question
    What if my dance partner doesn't like me and is just being nice? Should I act the same?
    Community Answer
    Yes. In all situations, you should attempt to be polite. Remember, while dance can be used for emotional reasons, it's ultimately a physical behavior. Just leave a little space between the two of you, don't talk too much, and don't stare at your partner's face. In the end, all you're doing is asking someone to move in sync to the music with you.
  • Question
    What if I ask someone if they want to dance and they say no?
    Community Answer
    Try to politely excuse yourself and just walk away. Respecting their decision is very important, even if you feel hurt. Depending on the circumstances, you could say something like, "maybe another time," or just a simple "okay."
  • Question
    How do I kiss a guy during a slow dance?
    Community Answer
    Just lean in, close your eyes, and kiss him. There's nothing to it!
  • Question
    What is the most common way to slow dance?
    Cowboy 4 Jesus
    Community Answer
    A basic box, which involves stepping to the right side, back, left, and then forward to the original spot. After you and your partner get that down, go for a harder one.
  • Question
    What will happen if I step on his foot?
    Community Answer
    You should just apologize and continue dancing!
  • Question
    Would a slow dance be a good time for a first kiss?
    Community Answer
    I would say it depends on the situation, but if it feels romantic, then go for it.
  • Question
    I really want my crush to ask me to dance with him, but he never notices me! What do I do?
    Community Answer
    You should just ask him. You don't have to wait around for the guy. If he says no, oh well, at least you tried. Just go back to your friends and dance with them.
  • Question
    Do I lead with my left foot or right foot?
    Community Answer
    Generally, whichever foot you feel is your dominant foot. But it also depends on the dance style and your partner's dominant foot.
  • Question
    What happens if the boy kisses me during the dance?
    Community Answer
    If you like it, then kiss him back! If you don't like it, then just pull away and tell him that you're not interested in doing anything physical with him. If he doesn't respect that, find someone else to spend your time with.
  • Question
    If my partner is taller, can they pick me up?
    Community Answer
    If you want them to it's okay. It is completely up to you.
  • Question
    Should I always have eye contact, or is it okay to look at my feet or even around the room?
    Cowboy 4 Jesus
    Community Answer
    When you're dancing with someone, you want to talk to them, and it's always courteous to make eye contact when talking to someone.
  • Question
    What should we talk about?
    Community Answer
    Ask them their name if you don't already know it. Then you can ask if they're having a nice time, who they came with, if they like the music, etc. Just make small talk. You don't have to talk the whole time, it's okay to be quiet while dancing.
  • Question
    What if I'm only in middle school?
    Community Answer
    The same steps apply. Just make sure your partner is as comfortable with the dance as you are.
  • Question
    What does it mean if a girl hums or sings while dancing with me?
    Cowboy 4 Jesus
    Community Answer
    She's probably enjoying it, a lot of girls that like to sing will hum or sing when they're happy or content.
  • Question
    How close should I be when slow dancing?
    Community Answer
    It really depends on how good of a relationship you have with the person. If the two of you are dating, feel free to get close. If the two of you are just friends, then keep a distance that both of you are comfortable with. Not too close, but not too far either. It really depends on the comfort level of you and your partner.
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