How to Talk to a Girl You Like for the First Time

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How to make a move on a girl you like—and determine if she’s interested in you too
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It can be nerve-wracking to talk to a girl you like for the first time. However, when you work up the courage to speak to her, there's a chance she could like you back! Start by looking at her body language to figure out when to approach her. Then, use a question or statement to break the ice and spark a conversation.

Talking to Women You’re Interested In

  • Break the ice with a friendly “Hi!” and make conversation about something you have in common.
  • If you’re in a coffee shop, try "There's nothing like a warm cup of coffee on a cold day, is there?"
  • Smile at her and take a genuine interest in what she has to say. Use open-ended questions and share honest responses to any questions she asks you.
  • If all goes well, end the conversation by politely asking for her phone number or social media handles. If she doesn’t want to talk further, politely thank her and walk away.
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:

Breaking the Ice

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  1. The longer you wait to say something, the more likely you won't do it. You don't necessarily have to say anything brilliant! You just need to get the conversation going. Even a simple "Hi!" can do it. [1]
    • You could also try saying something playful, like "I need help! I just can't make up mind. It's killing me. Should I get the chocolate chip cookie or the brownie?"
  2. Believe it or not, you have something in common with everyone you meet! You just have to look around you and figure out what it is. Find something you can use to start a conversation . It doesn't have to be anything big. [2]
    • If you're at a coffee shop, you might say, "There's nothing like a warm cup of coffee on a cold day, is there?"
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  3. No, don't go up and ask her for $100. Rather, ask her for a small favor . It seems weird, but when you ask someone for a favor, they want to give it to you. In fact, it tends to make them like you more. [3]
    • Keep it simple, like "Could you pass the salt?" or "Would you mind handing me that creamer?"
  4. Calm yourself down with deep breaths if you're feeling a little anxious. It's natural to get butterflies before you go and talk to someone you like! If you're nervous, try taking deep breaths. Close your eyes and breathe in through your nose to the count of 4. Hold it for 4 counts, then breathe out to the count of 4. Make sure you're taking deep breaths from your abdomen area. Do this breathing exercise a few times to help calm your nerves. [4]
    • You can also take a few minutes to bolster yourself. Tell yourself you can do this! Also, put in perspective. What's the worst that could happen? If she doesn't want to talk to you, it will hurt, but it won't be the end of the world.
  5. by responding to her statements. You'll need to go back and forth when talking to the girl you like! If she says something in response to your statement or question asking for a favor, talk back to her. Try to keep the topics happy and cheerful, as this is your first meeting. [5]
    • For instance, she might say, "Yes, coffee is the best! It warms me up from the inside!" You could say, "I know! What's your favorite type of coffee drink?"
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Observations and compliments are helpful tools in a conversation. Try talking about her hobbies or offering her a compliment. Then, follow up with open-ended questions to show genuine interest and encourage further discussion.

  6. Stay confident to show you're interested. When you're having a conversation with a girl for the first time, you may start to second-guess yourself or read things she's saying in a negative way. If you can, try to combat these thoughts. Keep smiling and asking questions. Stand up tall and speak in a clear voice. [6]
    • Most people find confidence attractive. Even if you're not feeling confident, faking confidence is often enough. Plus, faking it with body language will make you feel more confident!
    • Reader Poll: We asked 1330 wikiHow readers, and 67% agreed that the best way to show confidence when meeting a girl is making eye contact and smiling . [Take Poll]
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:

Preparing to Make a Move

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  1. Smile at her and see if she returns it. A smile is a good indication she may want to talk to you. Flashing her a smile indicates you're happy to see her. If she gives you one back, you may want to approach her . [7]
    • Look at her eyes to see if her smile seems real. If a smile is genuine, it will reach all the way to her eyes, and you'll be able to tell. If she's just being polite and smiling at you, the smile will look a little fake instead. [8]
    • Check to see if the smile lifts her cheeks and crinkles her eyes, which is a sign it's genuine.
  2. Don't try to stare her down! However, if you catch her gaze, hold it for a few seconds while you smile at her. If she holds it, too, she may be showing signs of interest in you. [9]
  3. Watch for other signs of positive body language . Positive body language indicates she may be open to talking to you. You may notice she points her body your direction or that she uncrosses her arms or legs. She might play with her hair or fidget with her clothing. [10]
    • Alternatively, if you see negative body language, you may want to wait to approach her. Signs of negative body language include her crossing her limbs, turning away from you, frowning, holding her body stiffly, or looking off to the side.
  4. If she's upset or looking sad, wait for another day. You're trying to approach her because you like her, but she's probably not in the frame of mine to reciprocate when she's in a bad mood. [11]
    • Similarly, if she looks like she's hard at work on something, it's not the best time to approach.
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Part 3
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Moving Forward with the Conversation

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  1. Listen to what she has to say. Any conversation is about give and take. Make sure to focus on what the person is actually saying so that you can respond to her. If you're not listening to her, the conversation will end quickly! [12]
    • No one likes to hear someone go on and on about themselves for 30 minutes. Encourage her to talk about herself instead!
  2. Use open-ended questions to continue the conversation. An open-ended question is just one that makes her give an answer besides "yes" or "no." It lets her talk about herself, which she'll likely be happy to do as long as she's not too shy. [13]
    • For example, instead of asking, "Do you like rock music?" you could ask, "What's your favorite kind of music?"
    • If she gives a short answer, ask a follow-up question, like "Who's your favorite pop singer?"
  3. Talk about yourself some. If she asks you questions, answer them honestly. While you don't want to drone on about yourself, the conversation should go back and forth. If you're not willing to talk about yourself at all, she may wonder what's wrong with you. [14]
  4. End the conversation on a positive note. If things are going well, try to set up something for another time. For instance, you could ask for her number so you could text or call, or you could ask for her social media handles so you can contact her that way.
    • You could also open up the possibility for hanging out some other time. For instance, you might say, "Hey, you feel like getting coffee sometime?"
  5. While it can make you sad or depressed if a girl doesn't want to talk to you, you still have to respect what she wants. If she doesn't want to have a conversation or doesn't want to go out with you, say "Thanks anyway!" and walk away.
    • It can be painful, but don't take it personally. You don't know what's going on in her head right now. She might just be too worried about her grade right now to think about going out with anyone.
    EXPERT TIP

    John Keegan

    Dating Coach
    John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
    John Keegan
    Dating Coach

    Don't go into the conversation like a bull in a china shop. If you come on too strong the first time you talk, it might be too much for her. Instead, go in soft and without an agenda. Give her enough space and distance so that she doesn't feel like her body space is invaded or that she can't easily exit the situation.

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What Are The Signs That Someone Is Interested In You?


Conversation Help

Join the Discussion...

So how do you actually talk to girls?
WikiGiraffeHugger577
16
WikiGiraffeHugger577
I’m (16 m) not very good at talking to girls. I just get all clammy and awkward whenever I talk to someone I like. Sometimes, I even get weird... Read More
Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
I'm a firm believer that the problem with talking to someone you like is that you know you have that intention in your heart. I think women can p... Read More
WikiBirdGlider597
WikiBirdGlider597
I used to get nervous around girls too. But then I learned that listening more than you speak is a hack that makes people think you're a great co... Read More
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  • Question
    If we stare each other for a second and she looks away after awhile and rolls her eyes back does she not like me?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
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    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    It's hard to tell just from a look. It could mean she doesn't like you, or she could be acting like that because she likes you. Try talking to her and see what kind of impression you get!
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  • Question
    I like a girl she look at me when I study and I look at her then I move my eyes on other side,when look again she is looking at me.
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    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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    If you notice her looking at you a lot, she might like you too! The only way to know for sure is to talk to her.
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    Talking to her but she frown her face.
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    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
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    That might be a sign she's not interested, but she might just not know you well enough. Try making conversation if she's open to it, but otherwise, give her a little space.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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      Tips

      • If you're anxious at first, talk to her around other people until you feel comfortable talking to her by yourself. Be confident!
        Thanks
        Helpful 91 Not Helpful 21
      • If you are interested in this girl, it's best to start by building a friendship with her. However, before you do so, ensure that she is single and not in a relationship.
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        Helpful 18 Not Helpful 6

      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • If you know a girl that she's friends with, ask them what she thinks about you. You never know, she might like you back!
      • A nice way to introduce yourself is just to walk up and say, "I don't think I know you. I'm (insert name here)."
      • Try to make her laugh or smile by making a silly joke or telling a funny story.
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      Warnings

      • If she makes unreasonable requests, such as asking for money or expensive gifts, or if she expects you to take her to luxurious places that are beyond your budget, it's best to walk away and forget about her . Even if you wish to maintain a friendship with them, it's not worth the trouble.
        Thanks
        Helpful 19 Not Helpful 0
      • Remember that each girl is different; no set of questions will work on every girl! Just be yourself and hope she likes you in return.
        Thanks
        Helpful 94 Not Helpful 16
      • Make sure she's alone. Pay close attention if her partner is around and jealous, otherwise, you'll have a terrible time.
        • You should be cautious if she claims to be "single" while having a partner, as this could be a trap to manipulate you, leading to harm.
        • Don't bully her! You could get into serious trouble.
        Thanks
        Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-ask-someone-out/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0
      4. ↑ https://www.inc.com/john-rampton/12-ways-to-fake-being-happy-in-uncomfortable-situations.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
      7. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/whats-in-a-smile/
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact
      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201110/reading-basic-body-language-dating-and-persuasion-success
      2. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-approach-girls/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201106/how-reduce-dating-anxiety
      4. ↑ https://www.mediacollege.com/journalism/interviews/open-ended-questions.html
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201112/break-the-ice-how-talk-girls-and-guys-0

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      To talk to a girl you like for the first time, start by smiling, making eye contact, and approaching her when she doesn't seem busy or distracted. Next, open with a casual, witty comment or bring up something you have in common, like a class, to get the conversation started. Then, keep the conversation going by responding to her comments and asking open-ended questions. Finally, smile and end the conversation on a positive note. For tips on specific things you can say, read on!

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