Q&A for How to Talk to a Shy Guy

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  • Question
    There's a guy I really like in class. I think he's shy. When I look at him, he looks back, but then he looks away. We don't talk. What should I do?
    Krista Gere
    Community Answer
    Talk to him. Try to become his friend. It's hard, but you won't get anywhere by sitting and waiting for him to make a move, especially if he's shy. He probably looks away when you look at him because he's nervous about you noticing that he's staring.
  • Question
    The guy I like is the quietest guy in the school. He barely says a word, but he stares at me in class a lot. Should I ask him if he likes me?
    Community Answer
    You will probably scare him off if you do this. Try saying hi first. Have a casual chat. Once you get to know him better and he feels more comfortable around you, then you can ask him how he feels about you.
  • Question
    There's a shy boy I really like, but no matter what I try, he doesn't laugh, talk or even look at me. Is there any way to fix this?
    Community Answer
    1.) Persistence is the key. 2.) Try to find common interests. 3) Observe, observe -- if he is particularly good at something, compliment him on it. 4.) If all fails, you may have to accept the fact that he's not interested in a relationship -- at least not at this point.
  • Question
    My new boyfriend always has his hands in his pockets and his face is always red. He does talk, but not that much. How can I break the silence and the touch barrier?
    Community Answer
    Go on a date to somewhere that involves communication -- like rock climbing or game night at the house. Do something you both enjoy that also forces him to take his hands out of his pockets and forces him to communicate. Once he gets comfortable talking, then he will open up and talk to you about some other things.
  • Question
    I like this guy in my philosophy class. We sit on the same table, alone. We always say hi and have some decent discussion and conversation. I often catch him staring, and he always laughs. Good signs?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Sure, yes, these are good signs. But it's also no more than just one drop of water into a bathtub. If love is taking a nice warm bath, then a smile is just the first drop of water to fill the tub. Next, try to engage him in more meaningful conversations, especially outside of the usual setting. Give him some personal information about you, like your true thought about this or that subject; let him feel you're honestly opening up about it - that is really attractive. But make sure he is in the same gear as you are.
  • Question
    How do I ask out a reserved guy when he's focused on university, and how do I find common ground without looking desperate or intrusive? I'm getting frustrated, as he is very hard to open up.
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Don't get frustrated; go slowly. Remember that for two people to get together, there are four options: yes-no, no-no, no-yes and yes-yes. Only 1/4 leads to a relationship; if he doesn't want to, you can't force him, and your yes alone is no guarantee. However, at a certain point you can perhaps jokingly scold him for his unresponsiveness: "I've been trying to get your attention for decades; I'm getting ready to flash you just to get your attention." But if he really doesn't respond, try backing down entirely. If he doesn't like you, he'll do nothing; if he really does like you, he'll come to you.
  • Question
    I like this guy, who talks to me the same way he talks with my best friend. But a couple of times he did compliment me. He is shy, rarely makes an eye contact. But talks a lot online. Help! Confused.
    Hannah Harper
    Community Answer
    Try to engage in more conversation with him and be open, also read his moods and body language to tell if it is the right time, also spend more time with him or sit with him at lunch.
  • Question
    Is it good if my boyfriend doesn't hang out with or talk to me, but only says hi and bye?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    When we love someone, all we want from this life is to be with that someone. All day, all night, in wake or sleep, with every breath we draw. We want to touch, talk, dance, listen, be near. Of course, if we want to keep this person in our life, we have to give some distance too, or they get suffocated and we lose the love we had. If his distance is balanced by lavishing affection at other times, then it's good. If not, then it's bad. And someone who gives you no more attention than saying hi and bye to you isn't your boyfriend; that's barely a casual acquaintance.
  • Question
    There is this guy in my lunch hour. I've never seen him talk to anyone, and if I try to talk to him, I feel like he'll be annoyed or like I'm bothering him. I genuinely want to know him better. What should I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    We have the right to annoy and bother people. When you visit a house, you ring the doorbell, not knowing if the homeowner is on the toilet that very moment, which would be annoying. You can't know if it bothers him until you talk to him, but you can leave him alone again as soon as he indicates you're bothering him.
  • Question
    If a shy guy is concerned about me, is he into me? (Example: Are you cold?)
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    He could be into you, or he could only be concerned that you're cold. Only he knows. But consider the logical consequences of which one you assume it is. If you assume he's into you and act accordingly, you might get to know him better, make a new friend, or even find love. Even if he was merely concerned that you were cold, if you show you at least want to have a few short conversations, his feelings might grow because of that. That's how we take initiative, and how friendships grow.
  • Question
    There is a guy whom I have liked for four years. He just figured it out a few days ago. He has liked me for the same amount of time. He’s shy and so am I. Should I keep acting like we’re friends?
    Jennifer1001
    Community Answer
    It is completely up to you. If you have deep feelings for him, and he has done the same, and you feel as if you two would have a stronger relationship together, go for it! Talking about dating with him will help, chances are he is feeling the same way as you.
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