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A complete guide to attracting, keeping, and loving your favorite introvert
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So, you're interested in or dating a guy, but you've noticed something different about him: he's super shy. How can you make him yours, help him feel comfortable, and understand him on a deeper level when he's so hard to read? Shy guys might seem mysterious, but the truth is, they're really not. With a little help, you'll become an expert at dating your introverted crush, and we're here to give you everything you need and more. Let's get started!
Things You Should Know
- Shy guys might be shy because they're insecure or anxious. They might feel like they always say the wrong thing.
- Show him you care by making the first move and accepting him for who he is. To a shy guy, this'll mean the world!
- Introduce him to your circle slowly and carefully. He'll appreciate the extra time and consideration you put in.
Steps
Section 1 of 6:
Why He's Shy
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He's a little insecure. Shy guys might be shy around their crush because they feel a bit nervous about their flirting abilities and romantic history. In his mind, he's the most awkward person on the planet (even if you find him totally charming!). He probably really wants to talk to you, but he's too stressed about messing up, so he just can't bring himself to.
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He gets anxious easily. We all get anxiety from time to time; we all overthink. A shy guy, though, might be plagued by worried thoughts all the time. He might leave every conversation and obsessively think about all the things he could've done wrong. Eventually, this might cause him to clam up, especially around people he wants to impress. [1] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to sourceAdvertisement
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He's intimidated by you. Can you blame him? You're amazing! When a shy guy has a crush, he might feel completely tongue tied around them. To an introverted guy, you're this charismatic, easy going, amazing person, and so how can he possibly expect to get your attention? If he thinks you're really great, it might actually cause him to become even quieter around you.
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Section 2 of 6:
Signs He Likes You
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He seems super nervous when you're around. Blushing, silence, and avoiding eye contact are all major signs that a shy guy is feeling a little stressed. And why is he on edge? Because he's in the presence of his crush! A shy guy will almost certainly be more nervous around someone that he really likes. If you notice that he's sweating, stammering, or fidgeting, that's definitely a sign that he's crushing out on you. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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He remembers the little things and notices tiny changes. Shy guys might not be able to talk a big game, but that doesn't mean that he's not paying super close attention to the person he likes. If you mention your birthday or your favorite food, somehow, he never forgets it. When you get a hair trim or change your mascara, he's the first to quietly tell you that it looks nice. When a guy likes you, he pays attention—shy guys included!
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He's all about sweet gestures, even if he's not big on the sweet talking. A shy guy will have an easier time finding the courage to offer you favors than to ask you out. He might rarely talk to you, then randomly offer to drive you to the airport. That's a telltale sign that a shy guy is super interested in you.
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Section 3 of 6:
Tips To Attract Him
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Make the first move. In all likelihood, your introverted guy will be super appreciative if you're willing to be a little bold . He might totally dread having to be the one who leans in to kiss his crush (AKA, you!). In general, be the one to take the reigns in your relationship, and you'll make your shy guy feel totally comfortable. [3] X Research source
- Can this be nerve-wracking? Sure. But sometimes, great things take a little extra effort, and if you want to date a super sweet shy guy, this might be what it takes to get there!
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Plan dates where he'll feel relaxed. On the whole, shy guys are probably looking for more low-key, chill outings. He'd probably take a picnic on the beach over a big night at the club. When you choose your perfect date , try to keep this in mind. Choose a setting that's pretty quiet, relaxed, and sweet—to your shy guy, this'll mean the world. [4] X Research source
- Looking for an introvert-approved date idea? A movie, a home-cooked dinner, or a walk through the park would all probably make him absolutely swoon.
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Ask him open-ended questions when you two hang out. This is the kind of guy who won't necessarily know how to get vulnerable without a little extra guidance. Ask him thoughtful questions that give him room to for deeper explanations. Questions that can be answered with a "yes" or "no" might not lead to great chats. Instead, try to find a way to open the door to a more meaningful connection. [5] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- Try asking him big about his passions or his dreams: "If you could accomplish one thing in your life, what would you want it to be?"
- For instance, you might ask him about something he loves so that he feels comfortable: "You're so good at guitar. Why do you think you love it so much?"
- Chatting through his childhood is another easy way to get deep: "What's your happiest memory from childhood?"
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Get creative about how you connect. While you two are still bonding and finding common ground, it might pay to think outside of the box. For example, maybe he's shy in person, but when you two text, he throws in zingers left in right. If that's the case, try putting more effort into flirting over text . [6] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- That way, when you two meet up again in person, you'll have laid more groundwork in a way that makes him feel super comfortable.
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Let him know that you appreciate his effort. In any relationship (or flirtationship!) appreciation will be key. For an introverted guy, this might be especially important. He's probably gone through life feeling like he never expresses himself fully; as a result, he might feel misunderstood. Make sure he knows that you see how great he is. For example, try to: [7] X Research source
- Let him know that you appreciate it when he opens up: "Wow, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I know it's hard for you, and I think you're amazing."
- Tell him you love how much he values actions over words: "Thanks for taking out the trash for me! I love how big you are on acts of service."
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Section 4 of 6:
Accepting Him
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Don’t take his shyness for aloofness. In a lot of relationships, when a guy's unwilling to make a move or open up, it might mean that he's not interested. When you're talking to an introverted guy, though, that's not the case. Remember not to take his shyness personally. Not only will this make you feel better about your crush, but it'll also help him feel understood , too. [8] X Research source
- When you struggle with this, try to remember signs that he's shown you that he does like you. He might always try to be around you or blush when you talk to him; why would he do that if he weren't into you?
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Be patient with him. When you show your crush that you're willing to treat him with respect and kindness, you'll create an amazing foundation for any future relationship. You already know he's shy, and even though he will definitely warm up more in time, you can't expect that to happen over night. When you find yourself getting frustrated, remind yourself why you're waiting ("I really like him, and it's worth the wait!"). [9] X Research sourceEXPERT TIPDating CoachLaura Bilotta is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Founder of Single in the City, her dating and relationship coaching service based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. With over 18 years of experience, she focuses on helping singles date more intentionally, encouraging them to let go of negative patterns so that they can attract the love that they deserve. Her experience, skills, and insights have led to thousands of successfully united over 65,000 singles through events and one-on-one matchmaking coaching sessions. She has been the host of The Dating and Relationship Show on Global News Radio 640 Toronto (AM640) for 6 years and is known as The Hookup Queen of Clubhouse; her popular singles club, Single in the City, has over 95.5K members who regularly join in weekly dating and relationship-focused rooms.
Our Expert Agrees: A shy person usually needs to build trust with someone before they can let you in, so go slowly. Don't tease them about being shy, and don't put them on the spot by asking them a million questions. Also, when they finally do start to open up, give them your full attention to encourage them.
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Do your best to be super reassuring when he finally opens up. When someone gets vulnerable with you, your response is important; with an introverted crush, this might be especially true. It probably took your guy forever to pack up the courage and share a secret. So when he does, try to accept what he says, offer a kind response, and allow him to talk as much as he wants.
- For instance, you might say something like: "Wow, that makes so much sense. I definitely understand why you'd feel that way, Mohammed."
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Section 5 of 6:
Making Him Comfortable
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Compliment him regularly so he feels secure. A shy guy might be insecure, and as a result, always wondering whether or not he really deserves someone as amazing as you. By reassuring him with flattery, you can help put his mind at ease. Try letting him know how much you like him, what you think is amazing about him, and why you find him attractive. This'll mean the world! [10] X Research source
- For instance, try saying something sweet , like: "You know, I think you're just the best. I hope I tell you that enough."
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Allow room for silence when you two are together. If you’re an outgoing, chatty person, you might feel the need to fill quiet moments with chit-chat. That's totally normal! A shy guy, though, will probably appreciate the occasional bout of silence. When you two are together, don't be afraid to just enjoy the peace and quiet in each other's company. [11] X Research source
- If you find yourself feeling super tempted to say something that breaks the silence, remind yourself that he doesn't need you to. Enjoy being with a guy who doesn't need small talk all the time, just your company.
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Give him space if he needs it. Introverted people tend to need time to themselves, so they can recharge and come back better than ever. You may love to be around your guy all the time, even though that's not something he can handle. That's okay! Remember that balance and independence make for great relationships. [12] X Research source
- When he needs solo time, focus on your passions and other relationships. Go for a jog, do some journaling, or ask your best friend to go get a coffee.
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Section 6 of 6:
Introducing Him to Others
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Introduce him to your friends and family gradually. If things progress with your guy, you’ll eventually want to introduce him to your friends and family, which can be challenging for someone shy. Big gatherings or constant meetups might feel super overwhelming to him. So instead, to help your circle get to know your amazing guy on better terms, try staggering his visits with them. [13] X Research source
- For instance, instead of inviting him to a big NYE bash with everyone you know, start him off with a nice, relaxing dinner with your parents.
- Or, instead of planning multiple introductions in a week, space them out for him. If he meets your parents one week, let him wait a couple weeks before meeting pals.
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Support him during social situations. Even small gatherings might feel stressful for a shy guy. One of your super powers in your relationship will be your ability to help him shine in group settings. Bring up things you know he loves to talk about, compliment him in crowds, and when he seems tense, give him a reassuring touch. [14] X Research source
- For instance, you might say something like: "Did you guys know that Jason is an amazing artist? You should tell them more about that."
- Or, if you know he's familiar with a topic, help him speak up: "Oh actually, Mateo knows a ton about chess. If you like it, you should ask him for tips!"
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Give him positive reinforcement if he feels anxious. Sometimes, shy guys might also be prone to overthinking. Your crush might leave a night with your friends and then go on to worry about how he acted for the rest of the week. Let him know that your circle absolutely loved him, and you'll make his day. [15] X Research source
- For instance, you might say something like: "I was chatting with Sarah yesterday, and she was talking about how much fun you were the other night..."
- Or, you could let him know that he has nothing to worry about: "I know you're worried about that last joke, but I talked to CeCe about it. She said it was funny!"
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Community Q&A
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QuestionMy boyfriend seems too shy and, but he's sweet. I'd like him to try to do something to me like kissing but he won't show it since he's shy. It's difficult to understand his feeling.Community AnswerYou will probably need to ask your boyfriend about his feelings in order to understand. Shy people don't necessarily volunteer intimate information. Make sure you let him know how you feel about him first so he feels more comfortable opening up to you about his feelings.
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QuestionWhat if your boyfriend is too shy do anything for you but loves youCommunity AnswerIt's possible that he just needs to feel more comfortable around you. Make sure you let him know how you feel about him and do things to ease his nerves, like complimenting him on his looks and personality.
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QuestionOkay so my boy is shy when were in front of each other but when were texting he's not how do I get him both waysCommunity AnswerHe probably is more comfortable communicating through text than face-to-face. Keep talking to him through text and allow him to continue sharing with you this way, but let him know you enjoy talking to him in person as well. Eventually, as he becomes more comfortable with you, he will become less shy in person too.
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References
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201603/study-women-should-probably-make-the-first-move-more-often
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/202103/how-plan-date-night-will-make-you-feel-closer
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-introverts-guide-to-social-engagement-2018111415353
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/the-psychology-of-love
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-introverts-corner/201612/how-date-introvert
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-introverts-corner/201612/how-date-introvert
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-introverts-corner/201612/how-date-introvert
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201008/what-do-we-owe-our-partners-obligation-in-relationships
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hi-anxiety/201611/7-tips-supporting-romantic-partner-anxiety
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hi-anxiety/201611/7-tips-supporting-romantic-partner-anxiety
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you’re dating or friends with a shy guy, it can be good for you to take initiative sometimes to ease the pressure off him. If you have a crush on him, try to make the first move. Ask him out instead of waiting for him to ask you out or lean in to kiss him first, as he may not feel comfortable to be the initiator in these situations. You might also want to try different methods of communicating, like texting or chatting on social media, since he might be more comfortable talking that way than face-to-face. Try calling him, texting, or using a messenger app to chat. Be patient with your shy guy so that he feels relaxed around you. Don’t take his inability to open up personally and let him do so at his own rate rather than pressuring him. For more advice on dealing with your shy guy, like how to help him ease his nerves, read on!
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