What Does It Mean When a Guy Avoids Eye Contact with a Woman?

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Why he’s not meeting your gaze and how you can handle it
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You’re talking to a guy (a coworker, a friend, an acquaintance, your partner) and he just won’t meet your gaze. What is that? Is he intentionally not making eye contact with you? Is he trying to send you a signal? His lack of eye contact can be confusing, which is why we’re here to help. Keep reading to learn all of the potential reasons why a man might not meet your gaze, as well as advice on what to do about it.

Things You Should Know

  • He might be avoiding eye contact if he’s attracted to you or if he’s working up the courage to ask you out.
  • He might also be avoiding eye contact if he’s in a bad mood or feels guilty about something.
  • Or, not making eye contact might just be a normal part of his personality.
Section 1 of 3:

Reasons Why He Might Be Avoiding Your Gaze

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    There are many reasons why someone may not be meeting your gaze, and one of those is that he doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. If the person in question is shy, has low self-esteem, or is autistic, eye contact may just be a bridge too far for him. [1]
    • He could also be experiencing other mental health issues. It’s also possible that the culture he was raised in taught him not to look people in the eye.
    • Pay attention to how he interacts with others. You’ll notice that if eye contact just isn’t his thing, he won’t make eye contact with anyone, not just you.
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    Yes, it’s true: when a man avoids eye contact with a woman, there is a chance that he likes you. While it’s often the case that increased eye contact means he has feelings for you, a lack of eye contact could mean that he’s still making up his mind about his feelings or that he’s super shy about them. [2]
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    Confusing, isn’t it? We know—but when someone purposely avoids eye contact with you, there’s a chance that he’s trying to show he’s not interested in you. He could be doing this to signal that he’s not flirting with you or that he’s already taken, just so you really get the message. [3]
    • Other body language cues that show he isn’t interested include crossing his arms, leaning away from you, or twisting his body to look elsewhere while you two talk.
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    Did you just catch this guy in a lie? Did he do something to you that he regrets? If so, his lack of eye contact might tell you that he’s feeling ashamed or guilty. [4]
    • Similarly, he could be feeling confused. If you two are in a relationship, he might be feeling flustered about his feelings or not sure where he wants this relationship to go.
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    Are you stumbling upon dangerous territory, at least in his mind? If so, he’s probably signaling to you that he’d really rather be anywhere else right now with his lack of eye contact. If you know him well, this will definitely be evident: along with his lack of eye contact, he might get fidgety or start looking around for an exit route.
    • For instance, maybe this guy is your partner, and you caught him in a lie. He’ll avoid your gaze because he doesn’t want you to find out just how badly he messed up.
    • Or, maybe he’s your coworker and you’re asking him about the reports he filed. If he knows they’re not up to snuff, he probably doesn’t want to chat about them.
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    Have you ever had such a terrible day where you just didn’t want to talk to anyone? If so, you probably know what it’s like to avoid someone’s gaze so they catch the hint. If the guy you’re chatting with seems uninterested or moody, it probably has nothing to do with you (and everything to do with how he’s feeling). [5]
    • Avoiding eye contact could also mean that he disagrees with what you’re saying, but he’s not comfortable expressing that.
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    If this guy feels like you’re out of his league, whether that be because of your looks, your social skills, or your status, he might have trouble meeting your gaze. This is especially true in the workplace: if he thinks that you might talk down to him or get him in trouble (even if that’s not true), he’ll likely do his best to avoid eye contact.
    • On the flip side, it could mean that he feels superior to you. This is especially common in the workplace if someone who’s technically underneath you feels like you shouldn’t be in charge.
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    This is especially common in the workplace. If this guy needs to critique your performance or tell you to work a different way, he might be feeling nervous about it. This is likely because he’s not prepared or he’s dreading what he has to say.
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    Whether you’re actually talking too much doesn’t really matter—the fact is, he thinks you are. He might be busy with something at work, or he might just be trying to sit and relax somewhere quietly. If he won’t meet your gaze, it’s likely that he’s sending a “please go away” signal. [6]
    • Feeling bold? Call it out. Say something like, “Okay, I’ll leave you alone now,” to poke fun at the fact that he won’t make eye contact with you.
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    His lack of eye contact might have nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s feeling overwhelmed because of his workload, or because of how many people are in the room with you both. If he’s avoiding your gaze, he could just be feeling stressed about other things.
    • This is particularly common in people who are naturally more socially anxious or introverted.
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Section 2 of 3:

What should you do?

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    If you really can’t figure out why he’s not making eye contact with you, just push on with your conversation. Keep trying to look him in the eye, but don’t feel offended if he never meets your gaze.
    • If he has trouble making eye contact in general, you might never get him to make eye contact with you, and that’s okay. While eye contact is nice, it isn’t 100% essential for every conversation.
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    If you can tell he’s upset or going through something, he might want to talk about it. If you’re alone in private together, ask him if he’s alright or if he wants to chat. There’s a chance that he won’t want to, but by asking, you’re showing him that you can tell he’s not himself. [7]
    • Just say something simple, like, “Hey, everything okay?” or, “You alright?”
    • If he’s upset with you or feels uncomfortable talking to you, this will also signal that he can open up to you about what’s bothering him.
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    Do you think his lack of eye contact indicates that he likes you? If you want to encourage that, try gently touching his arm or flirting with him . This sends the message that you like him, too, and you want him to make a move.
    • You can also lightly tease him about his lack of eye contact for a flirtatious way to call him out. Say something like, “Avoiding my gaze, huh? Am I just that pretty?”
    • If you feel like he likes you and you don’t want to encourage it, do the opposite. Lean away from him when he talks, and cross your arms. This will signal that his feelings are not reciprocated.
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    Some people just don’t like making eye contact, and that’s okay. If he eventually feels comfortable enough to make eye contact with you, that’s great! And if he doesn’t, that’s okay, too. Try to accept him for who he is. [8]
    • If you can tell he’s nervous or has trouble making eye contact in general, don’t call him out for it. Doing so could make him feel embarrassed or ashamed.
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Section 3 of 3:

Why is eye contact important?

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    In many cultures, including the U.S., eye contact is considered normal in almost every conversation. When we make eye contact with others, we’re showing them that we’re fully invested in what they’re saying, and we want to hear more. Eye contact also allows us to look for other body language cues that might tell us if our conversation partner is interested or disinterested in what we have to say. [9]

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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/foster-care/2019/02/inability-to-make-eye-contact-autism-or-social-anxiety#1
      2. ↑ https://www.psychmechanics.com/avoiding-eye-contact/
      3. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/rejection/
      4. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/detecting
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/rejection/
      7. ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-ask-a-friend-if-theyre-ok
      8. ↑ https://www.mayinstitute.org/news/acl/asd-and-dd-adult-focused/tips-for-talking-to-adults-on-the-autism-spectrum/
      9. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_an_introduction_to_its_role_in_communication

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