This article was written by Julianne Cantarella
and by wikiHow staff writer, Megaera Lorenz, PhD
. Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”
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cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources.
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It can be a little hard to know what to say when you get a “hey you” text from a guy. The best way to respond depends on a lot of things, like how well you know him, what his usual texting style is like, and whether you’re really interested in talking to him
. In this article, we’ll give you a few tips on how to deal with this type of text.
This article is based on an interview with our professional dating coach and licensed social worker, Julianne Cantarella. Check out the full interview here.
“Hey You” Meaning and How to Respond
“Hey you” is a playful greeting a guy might send if he’s being flirty. If he’s your crush, try sending him a similar message like “Hey yourself.” If you’re not sure if he’s flirting or just being friendly, keep it neutral with a simple “Hi” or “What’s up?” Or, respond with an emoji or GIF if you don’t know what to say.
Steps
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Sometimes, the simplest response is best. A “hey” or “hey you” text is pretty low-effort, so it can be a little disappointing to get one of these. Give him a taste of his own medicine and put the burden of starting a real conversation back on him. If he’s really interested in talking to you, he’ll probably come out of his shell and say something a little more engaging. [1] X Research source
- Responding back with a simple “Hey!” shows that you are interested in talking to him. However, at the same time, it lets him know that you expect him to put in a little more work.
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“Hey you” is often a playful greeting. If the guy is your friend, your crush, or someone you’ve been chatting with on a dating app , there’s a good chance he’s flirting with you—or at least being friendly. If you’re pretty sure he’s flirting and you want to return the sentiment, shoot back a message with a similar tone. [2] X Expert Source Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. For example:- “Hey yourself! :)”
- “Howdy, stranger!”
- “Hiya!”
- “Oh hey, ‘sup?”
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This is a good option if you don’t know him . You can also go this way if you just aren’t that into him or you’re not sure what his intentions are. Keep it polite, but don’t match his ultra-familiar tone. Go for something like:
- “Hello”
- “Hi, how are you?”
- “Yes?”
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A “hey you” is a way of checking your interest. When you ask him what’s up, he’ll probably consider that a green light to continue the conversation. It’s also a pretty neutral reply, so this is a good bet if you’re not sure how you feel about him. Just say something like:
- “What’s up?”
- “Hey, what’s happening?”
- “Hello, what’s new with you?”
- “How’s it going?”
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Emojis are a good fallback when you don’t know what to say. You can’t actually use facial expressions or body language to communicate over text, but emojis can be a helpful alternative. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source They can be playful and flirty if you’re into him, but they can also express confusion or frustration if you’re befuddled by his low-effort texting. For instance, send something like:
- A heart, a wink, or a kissy face if you’re in a flirty mood.
- A “meh” emoji if you want to convey that you’re not impressed.
- A simple smile to show friendly interest.
- A thinking or puzzled emoji to show that you’re not sure how to respond.
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An image is worth 1000 words. It’s also a quick and easy way to answer a text that doesn’t have a lot of content. Grab a GIF or meme that sums up your feelings and send it to him. It might just break the ice and get him to say something interesting! [4] X Research source
- For example, if you want to send back a friendly or flirty greeting, choose a GIF of someone waving, winking, or blowing a kiss.
- If you’re annoyed or unimpressed, go for an image that reflects those feelings instead, like a “Nope” or an “I got nothing” GIF.
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If he’s your crush, get a little more affectionate. Sometimes, “Hey, you!” is just a sweet way to say hello. If you’re really into the guy, or if you’re already in a relationship, don’t be afraid to fire back with something a bit more warm and fuzzy. For instance: [5] X Research source
- “Oh, hey, cutie!”
- “What’s up, hot stuff?”
- “I was just thinking about you. ;)”
- “Hey, babe! I miss you!”
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If he actually wants to chat, put the ball in his court. While you can respond with something short (like “Hi” or “What’s up?”), another option is to just stay quiet for a little while and see if he says anything else. [6] X Research source If he doesn’t say anything, it’s possible he was just testing the waters to see how interested you are. On the other hand, if he actually has something substantial to say, he’ll probably go ahead and say it.
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It could be he’s just not sure what to say. You can always give him a hand by bringing up an interesting topic of conversation. [7] X Expert Source Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. One great way to get things moving is to ask an open-ended question (that is, one that requires more than a “yes” or “no” answer). [8] X Research source For instance, you might ask:- “So, what are some interesting things that happened to you at work today?”
- “What did you think about that movie you watched last night?”
- “How has your weekend been going?”
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Talking over text can be a bit limiting. If you’re really interested in chatting with the guy, see if he’s willing to take it to the next level. Ask if you can give him a call, or bring up the possibility of meeting in person. [9] X Expert Source Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.- Say something like, “I’m not super into texting, actually. Could we chat over the phone?” Or, “It would be cool to see your face. Want to take this to FaceTime?”
- You could also say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed texting with you over the past few weeks. I’d love to get together in person! What would you say to hanging out this weekend?”
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Does he go days or weeks without contacting you? If so, a “hey, you” text out of the blue could be a sign that he’s stringing you along—especially if it doesn’t lead to a real conversation. If it seems like he’s not willing to put a lot of effort into your relationship (or friendship), consider moving on . [10] X Expert Source Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. Other signs of “breadcrumbing” include: [11] X Research source- Occasionally liking your posts on social media, but never bothering to reach out for a conversation.
- Not making any effort to meet up with you or move the relationship forward.
- Constantly making excuses not to see you or talk to you.
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You don’t have to put up with low-effort texting. If the guy regularly sends you vague or lazy texts—especially if he’s not putting in an effort in other areas of your relationship—let him know how you feel about it. [12] X Research source If you’re still interested in having a friendship or relationship, let him know what he can do to hold up his end. [13] X Expert Source Julianne Cantarella
Dating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.- For example, you might say something like, “I like you, but I don’t feel like our relationship is really progressing at this point. Can we work on spending more time together?”
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If he’s annoying you, you don’t have to respond. Whether you’re fed up with his low-effort texting or you just don’t like the guy, don’t feel obligated to keep the conversation going. You can either simply stop answering his texts, or ask him not to contact you anymore. [14] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Business Review Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices Go to source
- If he continues to bother you, block his number .
Expert Q&A
Tips
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References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/za/blog/love-digitally/201806/why-do-we-flirt-text
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/six_tips_for_reading_emotions_in_text_messages
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/text-conversation-starters/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202010/the-science-flirting-deciphering-subtle-signals
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-flirt/
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202305/the-art-and-science-of-great-conversations
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-tips-to-mend-a-broken-heart
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/how-to-get-over-a-breakup
- ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
- ↑ https://hbr.org/2019/07/6-causes-of-burnout-and-how-to-avoid-them