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Plus, how to deal with or distance yourself from fake people
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There’s no getting around it—we all have days where we say something we regret. But what about the people who are constantly negative and self-centered? Also known as “fake people,” these individuals can be a constant drain on your emotional and mental well-being. We’ve talked to psychologists and therapists and put together a list of tips and tricks to help you pinpoint all the fake people in your life. We’ll also explain the common reasons why some people act fake, and talk about the best ways to deal with them.
Signs of a Fake Personality
- They judge, manipulate, or belittle others.
- They make rude or harsh comments without a second thought.
- They don’t pay attention to what you have to say.
- They’re desperate to be liked and noticed by others.
- They’ll hang you out to dry when you’re going through a rough patch.
- They get easily offended by constructive criticism.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Signs of a Fake Person
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They won't hesitate to pass judgment and rarely give compliments. Fake people tend to manipulate and claw their way to the top by putting others down. Belittling the people around them bolsters their own sense of self and helps them feel less threatened by others. [1] X Research source
- For example, a fake person might give a co-worker a back-handed compliment instead of saying something genuinely nice.
- They might make passive-aggressive comments about a colleague’s work performance, or make a judgmental remark about a friend’s outfit.
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Fake people make hurtful comments without a second thought. Friends may poke fun at each other once in a while, but their playful barbs will always be just that: playful. Check-in with yourself after spending some time with this individual—do they make you feel supported and uplifted, or treat you like you’re worthless? If you always feel negative around this person, there’s a good chance they’re fake.
- A fake friend might say something like, “You aren’t good enough to make the soccer team” or “You shouldn’t bother applying to that school.” A lot of times, these hurtful remarks stem from jealousy.
- A fake person won’t give out compliments. Instead, they’ll look for ways to bring everyone else down.
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Fake people never really listen to you. If someone’s really busy, they might not be able to give you their full attention. That’s okay—what isn’t okay is when a person never invests in or pays attention to what you have to say. If your friend, co-worker, or acquaintance is just going through the motions of a conversation, they’re probably a fake person. [2] X Research source
- For instance, a fake person might seem bored or zoned out when you talk about your plans for the night.
- If you tell a fake person that you’re going to a wedding over the weekend, they won’t bother asking you how it went.
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Fake people are desperate to be liked and noticed by others. Because of this, fake individuals will do everything under the sun to get a thumbs up or nod of approval from the people around them. [3] X Research source In everyday conversations, fake people might adjust their opinions and statements instead of sticking to their beliefs. [4] X Research source
- When talking about politics with a group of people, a fake person might change their opinion to match the majority.
- They also might care a lot about keeping up a picture-perfect image image of themselves and their life on social media.
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They’re always surrounded by a clique. While part of a “clique,” fake individuals may spark outrage among their peers in order to boost their own social status. As the so-called leader of the group, fake people pressure others to support their opinions instead of offering feedback. [5] X Research source
- For instance, a fake person will always try to be the center of attention during a conversation.
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Fake people spread rumors or gossip. Pay attention to what this person does in their day-to-day life. Are they supportive and uplifting, or do they spend their time gossiping about other people? If they have nothing better to do than spread false rumors, they’re probably a fake person. [6] X Research source
- A fake person might gossip about the least popular person in school, or spread false rumors to manipulate their friends.
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As friends, they don’t stick around through thick and thin. When you’re going through a rough patch, these individuals will hang you out to dry instead of being a kind, unconditional friend. Real friends will stay by your side through good and bad times, and won’t stick around only when it’s convenient for them. [7] X Research source
- For example, if you get into a fight with your partner, a fake person won’t stick around to offer advice.
- A fake friend might be nice to your face, but then talk badly about you behind your back.
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Inauthentic people find it difficult to be consistent. Instead of being devoted to a single project, fake individuals will jump from idea to idea without putting much effort in. As they spread their schedule thinner and thinner, they tend to miss important commitments. When called out on these inconsistencies, they’ll come up with excuses or pass the buck to the next person. [8] X Research source
- A fake person might join a lot of clubs and extra-curricular activities but not put effort into any of them.
- They might also commit to too many projects at work, and miss lots of deadlines in the process.
- A fake friend might agree to hang out with you, and then cancel plans last minute.
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A fake person won’t give a real apology. A fake person might try to minimize their actions or pass the blame instead of taking responsibility themselves. They might even imply that they’ve already apologized, or look for ways to skirt around the consequences of their actions. [9] X Research source
- For instance, they could say “I was just trying to help” or “I’m sorry, but I think you’re overreacting.”
- They might say something sarcastic or cynical instead of offering a real apology.
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Fake people tend to get offended by constructive feedback. Think about times when a friend, co-worker, or acquaintance was given feedback. Did they take the comments in stride, or did they make a big fuss? In many cases, fake people can’t handle being told that they did something wrong. [10] X Research source
- For example, if a co-worker makes a mistake in their project, they might deny doing anything wrong.
- If you critique a friend’s artwork, they might say something like “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
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They’re petrified by failure. Most individuals use their failures as a springboard for future improvement; a fake person usually gives up once something goes wrong. Unfortunately, fake people aren’t so accepting of their faults, and feel so nervous about the possibility of failure that they never try anything new. [11] X Research source
- A fake person might sign up for low-level classes instead of taking more challenging courses.
- A genuine person will look for opportunities to advance their career, while a fake person might be content staying where they are.
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Fake people only hit you up or ask to hang out if it benefits them. While a genuine friend might send you a meme they think you’d like or set up a movie night once a month, a fake person might only ask how you are if there are strings attached. Maybe they want you to put in a good word for them with another employer, or they want you to talk them up to your hot friend.
- Whether it’s taking something off your to-do list or getting you a cup of coffee, fake people also tend to avoid doing anything for you unless they think you can do something for them.
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They make you feel emotionally drained after hanging out. Fake people tend to make everything about them and always seem to have some drama going on in their lives. They can also be overly pessimistic and jealous, expecting you always to be available. If you aren’t, they might guilt you into spending time with them or doing whatever they want you to do. [12] X Research source
- For example, a toxic friend might constantly complain to you about their family. If they see you talking with another friend, they might join the conversation and talk about their family again.
- A genuine person, however, will ping-pong the conversation back and forth so that the two of you have equal space to talk about both the positive and the negative aspects of your lives.
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Inauthentic people steal good opportunities from under you. Fake people are super competitive and fight tooth and nail to get what they want—even if it means taking it from you.nThey’re often willing to sabotage you, embarrass you, tear down your reputation, or exclude you to gain attention, social acceptance, or success. [13] X Research source
- You might be just about to apply for a higher position at your company when you overhear them talking negatively about you to your boss.
- Or, you’re at a bar talking about asking a hot person for their phone number when your “friend” decides to go up to them instead.
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Community Q&A
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QuestionIf I'm scared of failure, but try my hardest to just be my weird and kind self, am I fake or real?NicoTop AnswererYou're real. Anyone who truly wishes to be kind, and is kind to others, is a good person. Also, since you're being yourself, you actually can't be fake! Lots of people are scared of failure. This doesn't make you "fake," though.
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QuestionI've been talking to someone for 8 months and she's asked me for money for different things, but she's offered me money back but I've never seen her. Is she fake or real?Community AnswerIt sounds "fake." They may ask for a small amount at first, pay it back and earn your trust, then ask for a large amount. After you send it you'll never hear from them again. Don't send money to strangers.
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Tips
- If someone lets you down or insults you, they probably aren’t a genuine friend. [37] X Research sourceThanks
- While dealing with a fake person, seek out friends and family members who you know will love and support you no matter what.Thanks
- If someone regularly gossips about other people with you, they might be gossiping about you to other people.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
- ↑ https://au.reachout.com/articles/what-makes-a-good-friend
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201608/7-core-qualities-authentic-people
- ↑ https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/313268
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- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202009/13-fake-apologies-used-narcissists
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201503/the-7-habits-truly-genuine-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201503/the-7-habits-truly-genuine-people
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-avoid-being-drained-by-energy-vampires
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- ↑ https://ideapod.com/why-are-people-so-fake-the-top-reasons/
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- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/what-doesnt-kill-us/201608/7-core-qualities-authentic-people
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/ambigamy/202303/demystifying-self-awareness-introspection-and-narcissism
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/peer-pressure.html
- ↑ Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS. Clinical Psychologist. Expert Interview. 4 June 2023.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/narcissism
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/things-you-absolutely-must-know-about-toxic-people
- ↑ Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist. Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
- ↑ Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist. Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-flux/202108/5-ways-avoid-drama
- ↑ Julia Lyubchenko, MS, MA. Adult Counselor & Certified Hypnotherapist. Expert Interview. 29 April 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201203/how-to-deal-with-people-who-drain-you
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ Jin S. Kim, MA. Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 14 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-pragmatic-aspie/201109/fake-friend-real-friend
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