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An attention whore is someone who craves attention and validation from others. They will do anything to receive it, even if it means doing something negative. Your friends and others may say things to you about being an attention whore or distances themselves from you because of it. You can stop being an attention whore by recognizing you have a problem, figuring out why you're acting this way, and working to change your behavior.
Steps
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Analyze your attention-seeking habits. In some cases, someone might make a comment about being an attention whore or you could suspect you might be too “visible.” These can be signs that you're an attention whore. Take some time to have an honest conversation with yourself about the possibility that you are an attention whore.
- Be brutally honest with yourself about your behavior. Some typical ways that attention whores behave include: faking illness, acting in overly dramatic ways, causing harm to others to look like a hero in the situation, putting yourself as a leader in any situation, acting overly busy and very important, pretending to be a victim at the smallest situation. [1] X Research source
- Think about specific situations where you were the center of attention. Ask yourself, “Was I doing or saying things that made sure that others saw and heard me?”
- Look over your social media accounts, which are often the site of behaviors of an attention whore. See if you are making ridiculous statements or posting inappropriate photos. Reading people's reactions or checking how many “likes” you have can help you figure out if you're an attention whore. Also ask yourself, “Do I constantly check how many people liked and commented on my post?”
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Look for your patterns of seeking attention. If you've realized that you're an attention whore, it's important to know why you act this way. Think about if there are specific situations that you are or feel like you need to be center of attention. It could be things like wanting to get a guy's attention or you feel like you are less successful than others. Asking yourself the following questions may help you pinpoint patterns in your attention seeking behaviors:
- When do I seek attention?
- Is there someone in particular I want to impress?
- Do I feel insecure and then try to make someone else look or feel bad?
- Do I feed off of people reacting to my behavior, even if it is mean or inappropriate?
- Are my attempts to get any kind of attention successful?
- Is the type of attention I'm getting the kind I want?
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Notice reactions to your behavior. How others respond to you in any situation is a good sign of their feelings about you. Listening to what they say or paying attention to their body language can cue you into whether or not you're an attention whore. [2] X Research source
- Watch how people respond when you start talking. Do they move away? Do you notice that some are rolling their eyes? These can be good signs that you're seeking too much attention and turning off others with your behavior.
- Listen to what people say when you speak. If you hear a, “Come on, Avery,” or “We can all see and hear your, Avery,” people may think you're an attention whore. Some people may even make remarks like, “Why do you always have to be the center of attention, Avery?” or “Oh my goodness, you're such an attention whore, Avery.” These are good signs others think you are an attention whore.
- Watch people's body language when you are in a group and the center of attention. Some physical signals you may be annoying them with your attention whore ways include: crossing arms, huffing or sighing, looking at anything but you, turning away from you, rubbing their faces in exasperation, giving you “death stares,”
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Think about your attention needs. The need for constant attention and validation is often related to another issue. Thinking about what fuels your need to be attention whore can help you identifying underlying problems and put you on the path to changing your behavior. [3] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.- Write some notes about things that make you feel insecure or bad about yourself. Consider things such as your childhood experiences with parents and friends. You may not have had a lot of attention from family members or not had a lot of friends. Both of these can cause you to crave constant attention. Think about when you starting seeking so much attention—maybe it was caused by wanting to be like someone else or feeling like someone didn't properly recognize you for an accomplishment.
- Ask yourself questions such as, “Why do I need this attention? What does it bring to me?” You should also think about what would happen if you stopped getting this attention.
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Consult friends and family. If you're realizing that your behavior is problematic and others are making negative comments, talk to a trusted friend or family member about your suspicion. It may be painful to hear, but someone who loves and cares about you will tell you his or her opinion about you being an attention whore in a manner that won't hurt your feelings. [4] X Research source
- Consider asking family members to help you if your behavior is related to not getting enough attention as a kid. Be very gentle in the way you approach the subject. For example, “Hey mom, I've really started to do some things that I'm not proud of to get attention. I realize it's because I always felt lonely as a kid. Could we spend some quality time together—just the two of us? I'd really love that.”
- Recognize that it is difficult to ask a person to tell you how they really feel about your behavior. In some cases, the person may not feel comfortable. Approach the situation delicately. You can say, “Sam, I need your opinion on something. I think I may be trying to get attention at all costs. Do you think I've been doing this? Please be honest with me. I know it's hard, but you mean a lot to me and I really value your opinion. I won't be hurt by what you say.”
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Earn positive feedback. Hearing positive feedback that reflects others' expectations of you can spark positive consequences from you and your behavior. Earning specific praise on things such as schoolwork, professional projects, sports performances, and being kind and compassionate is key to changing your attention seeking behavior. It can also help you sustain the changes you make.
- Make a concerned effort to get positive feedback from your friends, parents, and superiors. For example, study hard for a test or put in extra hours at work without telling anyone. Although you may not get immediate feedback, someone will notice and may say, “Hey Logan, you've put in a lot of great work. It really shows and I'm so pleased with your final grade/ project. Keep it up!”
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Keep an upbeat attitude. [5] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. You may find that your earlier needs for attention are at odds with your attempts to change your behavior. This includes aiming for only positive feedback, which may not be as frequent as you'd like at first. This can cause your mood or feelings to dip. But it's important to maintain an upbeat attitude by recognizing that you're making positive changes and getting the type of attention that truly feels good. [6] X Research source- Recognize that you may have setbacks, which are normal. The key is to remind yourself of what is positive in your life to keep you from reverting to attention-seeking behavior.
- Use setbacks as a positive. Tell yourself, “Ok, I didn't do that well, but I can learn from the feedback and knock the next section out of the park.”
- Consider helping someone, which may help you refocus on the positive. Remember to not advertise what you did and let the person thank you and give any public praise he or she wishes. Even simple acts of kindness can help you feel better and may keep you from indulging in your attention-whore behaviors. [7] X Research source
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Love every part of yourself. Accept yourself as you are, both the positive and the negative. Every person has many layers to his or her personality, including the need to have regular—not excessive-- validation and attention. By doing this you may be able to put yourself on the path to needing less attention. [8] X Research source
- Focus on your positive traits internally as much as you can. For example, you might be a kind and giving person. Instead of showing off your accomplishments, show off those of others. You could say, “Let's raise our glasses to Taylor's graduation from college. She did such an amazing job and graduate with highest honors.”
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Create new habits. Your need for attention probably didn't develop overnight. It likely unfolded over time, as most habits do. The most effective way to break your habit of seeking any type of attention is to find new habits for yourself. Making your new habits a part of your daily routine instead of your attention-seeking ones can help you change your behavior. [9] X Research source
- Try finding alternatives to certain behaviors. For example, if you seek attention on social media, go to a site that has the latest news or articles on cooking and traveling. Do this every day and it can keep you from the temptations of social media over time. You could also choose to go to an intimate and quiet restaurant for a glass of wine instead of happy hour at a bar.
- Find ways to channel any energy you spent on getting attention. You could take cooking classes, volunteer with a local charity, or try a new sport or activity such as yoga or painting.
- Creating new habits allows you to change your thoughts and behavior towards others, this in turn decreases the need to seek praise outwardly from others. [10]
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Expert Source
Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
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Spend quality time with individuals. Many people become attention whores when they are in a group or participate in something that includes a lot of people. Consider taking a break from group activities for a while. This may prevent the need for any type of attention and help you get a lot of positive attention from one person. It also gives you a chance to practice heaping attention on other people. [11] X Research source
- Recognize that there are many benefits of focusing your time on one or two people including that it helps you strengthen those relationships. It also can really help you notice and change your behaviors as an attention whore.
- Schedule fun activities with one or two people. Suggest a day trip or a quiet dinner at your home. If the friends ask if they can bring someone, kindly decline. You can say, “I'd love to meet your friend, Allie, but I'm really working at developing my friendships and changing my need to be the center of attention. Being around a lot of people makes me do this. Can we just keep it to us for now?”
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Take a break from social media. People are increasingly using of social media sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Your world may be saturated with pictures, statements, and other things that make you feel insecure and like no one is paying attention to you. These feelings can lead to being an attention whore and posting anything just to get a “like” or reaction from people. Giving yourself some time off of social media can help you focus on yourself and stop being seeking any type of attention.
- Delete your accounts entirely or deactivate them until you feel ready to try social media. Deleting accounts can take away temptation to read and make posts and give you a chance to show your changed self with a brand new account.
- Deal with any questions about why you're gone by saying, “You know, I just decided to take a break and focus on myself. I could have so much more time to do the things I love without the distraction of social media. This includes seeing you more often.”
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Get professional help. You might make a real attempt to stop being an attention whore and have a hard time doing it. If this happens, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. The therapist can identify the causes of your behavior and help formulate a treatment to deal with underlying issues and your need for constant attention. [12] X Research source
- See a counselor, social worker, psychologist, or a psychiatrist for help with your behavior. Tell the person honestly why you've come for counseling. Answer any questions the therapist has for you. These can give your therapist insight on the causes of you being an attention whore and how best to tackle it.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat causes someone to be an attention seeker?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Attention-seekers usually feel unsure of themselves and need some extra validation about their self-worth.
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QuestionHow do I change my thoughts from negative to positive?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Challenge your negative thoughts as they pop up! Change thoughts like "I am unworthy" or "I am nothing without attention" to more positive ones, like "I am whole and complete" or "I don't need anyone to give me value."
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QuestionIs it bad to praise yourself?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Not at all—there's nothing wrong with celebrating yourself! Adopt a superhero pose, pat yourself on the back, take yourself out for ice cream, or do something else that makes you feel good. Recognize the hard work you are putting in and give yourself a little treat!
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References
- ↑ http://afineparent.com/be-positive/attention-seeking-behavior.html
- ↑ http://www.bustle.com/articles/149490-9-ways-to-tell-someone-is-annoyed-with-you
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/07/business/07shortcuts.html?_r=0
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://source.wustl.edu/2006/12/psychology-research-offers-20-strategies-for-staying-upbeat-coping-with-stress-during-holidays/
- ↑ http://www.prevention.com/mind-body/emotional-health/10-simple-ways-to-relieve-stress-and-improve-your-mood
- ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/love-yourself-accept-yourself-forgive-yourself/
- ↑ http://www.npr.org/2012/03/05/147192599/habits-how-they-form-and-how-to-break-them
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ http://tinybuddha.com/blog/21-ways-to-build-strong-friendships/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/08/11/8-signs-you-should-see-a_n_4718245.html
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