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It's normal to cry when you're stressed or sad, but if you are in a situation in which you don't want to cry or be seen crying, there are ways to stop. To do so, you can make physical or mental changes to shift your attention away from whatever is upsetting you and focus on something more positive. If that doesn't work, however, you can also try to hide your tears for a moment to give yourself some time and get into a better headspace before trying to focus on something else again. In any case, remember that what you're going through is normal and that you'll feel better again.
Steps
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Focus on your breathing. Crying is a reaction caused by a heightened state of emotions and the relaxing effects of breathing can help you to stop yourself from crying. [1] X Research source Perhaps you’ve just thought of a sad memory, you’ve been broken up with, or something tragic has happened in your life. Calming yourself is a big part of stopping yourself from crying. Focusing on breathing, as in meditation, can help you to control the emotions you are feeling and help you to restore a sense of inner peace. [2] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.- When you feel the tears coming, breathing in slowly and deeply through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth. Doing this will both relax the lump that forms in your throat when you are on the verge of tears, and will stabilize your thoughts and emotions.
- Try counting to 10. Breathe in through your nose when you count a number. Exhale through your mouth when you are between numbers. Counting helps you to focus solely on your breath and not whatever is making you want to cry.
- Even taking just one deep breath can steady you when you are faced with something that makes you want to cry. Draw one deep breath in, hold it for a moment, and then let it back out. In that moment, focus only on the air going in and out of your lungs. Taking this deep breath will also give you a moment to pause before you have to deal with the cause of your sadness.
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Move your eyes to control your tears. If you are in a situation that is making you want to cry, but you don’t want to show your emotions to others, moving your eyes can help you to control those tears. Some research has actually shown that blinking may help stop the flow of tears. [3] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Blink a few times to clear your eyes of any tears.
- Cross your eyes or roll them several times. Of course, you may only want to do this when you know that no one is looking at you. Aside from mentally distracting yourself (you have to focus to cross your eyes) it will also physically keep the tears from forming.
- Close your eyes. Closing your eyes gives you a moment to process what is happening. Closing your eyes paired with taking several deep breaths will help you to calm down and focus on not crying.
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Distract yourself with a physical movement. When you are on the verge of tears, it is important to get your mind onto other things. [4] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source Physically distracting yourself is one way to keep yourself from crying.
- Squeeze your upper thighs or squeeze your hands together. The pressure should be enough to distract you from the reason why you feel like crying.
- Find something else to squeeze, whether it is a stress toy, a pillow, a part of your shirt, or a loved one’s hand.
- Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth or up against your teeth.
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Relax your facial expression. Furrowing your brow and frowning may make it more likely that you will start crying because our facial expressions can affect our emotions. To help stop yourself from crying, try to adopt a neutral facial expression in any situation where you feel like you are going to cry. Relax your brow and the muscles around your mouth so that you are not wearing a look of concern or distress.
- If it is appropriate or you can get away for a few minutes, try smiling to stop yourself from crying. Some studies have shown that smiling can alter your mood in a positive way even if you don’t feel like smiling. [5] X Research source
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Remove the lump in your throat. One of the hardest parts of trying to hold in your tears is getting rid of the lump in your throat that forms when something makes you want to cry. When your body registers that you are under stress, one of the ways the autonomic nervous system reacts is to open up the glottis, which is the muscle that controls the opening from the back of the throat to the voice box. When the glottis is opened, it makes it feel like there is a lump in your throat when you try to swallow. [6] X Research source
- Take a sip of water to release the tension caused by the glottis being opened up. Sipping water will relax your throat muscles (and calm your nerves.)
- If you don’t have water on hand, breathe steadily and swallow slowly several times. Breathing will help you relax, and swallowing slowly will help tell your body that it doesn’t need to keep the glottis open.
- Yawn. Yawning helps to relax your throat muscles, which means that it helps ease the tightness you feel in your throat when your glottis is opened.
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Think of something else that you can focus on. Sometimes you can stop the flow of tears by redirecting your attention onto something else. [7] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. For example, you could change your focus by doing some simple math problems in your head. Adding up small numbers or going over the times table in your head will distract you from what is making you feel upset and help you calm down.- Alternatively, you could try to think of the lyrics to your favorite song. Remembering the words and singing the song in your head will take your mind off whatever is bothering you. Try to imagine the words to a happy or funny song so you give yourself a mental pick-me-up.
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Think of something funny. While it may seem hard to do in the face of whatever is making you want to cry, thinking of something funny can really help you overcome your sadness or anxiety. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source Think of something that has made you laugh really hard in the past—a funny memory, a scene from a movie, or a joke you heard once.
- Try to smile when thinking of this funny thing.
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Remind yourself that you are a strong individual. Giving yourself a mental pep-talk when you feel like you are on the verge of tears can help you overcome your desire to cry. Tell yourself that it is okay to feel sad, but that you cannot feel sad right now. [9] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. Remind yourself of the reasons you cannot cry at that moment—you don’t want to cry in front of people you don’t know, or you want to be strong for someone else, etc. Tell yourself that you will let yourself feel sad, but that you need to hold it together for that moment.- Research has shown that using positive self-talk has many health benefits beyond easing distress. It can also expand your life, enhance your immunity to the common cold, reduce your chances of developing depression, improve your ability to deal with difficult situations, and reduce your chances of dying from a heart attack. [10] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Distract yourself by engaging in something else. The worst thing you could do would be to dwell upon whatever is making you want to cry, especially when you want to keep yourself from crying. Distracting yourself is a temporary way to keep yourself from crying—but know that at some point you will have to face whatever is bothering you. [11] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.- Put on a movie that you have been wanting to watch (or an old classic that you really love). If movies aren’t your thing, grab your favorite book or put on an episode of your favorite TV show.
- Go for a walk to clear your head. Often, being in nature is a great way to distract yourself—invest yourself fully in appreciating the beauty around you and try to avoid thinking of whatever is making you sad.
- Exercise. Exercising releases endorphins and will make you feel better when you are feeling sad. Exercising also makes you focus on what you are doing, rather than how you are feeling. [12] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
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Blame your tears on something else. While people around you may see through your white lie, telling it may still help to calm you down.
- Say you have been having really bad allergies. This is a classic excuse for having tears in your eyes—allergies make your eyes watery and red. [13] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
- Yawn and then say something like, “Yawning always makes my eyes water.”
- Say you think you are getting sick. Often, when people get sick their eyes become glassy. Saying you feel sick also gives you a good excuse to leave the setting you are in.
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Dry your tears discreetly. If you can’t help but shed a few tears, wiping them away discreetly is the next best thing to keeping yourself from crying.
- Pretend that you're trying to get something out of the corner of your eye, then wipe along the bottom and wipe the tears off the edge. Pressing your index finger lightly into the inside corner of your eye will also help to dab away the tears.
- Pretend you’re about to sneeze, and put your face into the inside of your elbow (so that you can wipe your tears on your arm). If you can’t fake-sneeze, just say "false alarm."
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Remove yourself from the situation. If you are caught up in a negative situation that is making you want to cry, get out of it. This does not necessarily mean storming out of the room. If something is upsetting you, make an excuse to leave the room for a few moments. Taking a step back from whatever is causing you to want to cry will help you to feel better and control your crying. [14] X Research source By taking a step back, you are distancing yourself both physically and mentally from the problem.
- As you take a step back, breathe in deeply and then exhale just as deeply. You will find that you will feel less distressed. [15] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
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Let yourself cry. Sometimes you just have to let it out and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. [16] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source Crying is a completely natural thing that everyone—really everyone—does. Even if you keep yourself from crying in the moment, you will need to let yourself feel sad at some point. Find a quiet place where you can be alone and let yourself have a good, long cry.
- Allowing yourself to cry may even benefit your mental and physical health. Crying can help your body to release toxins. After a good cry you may also find that you feel happier and less stressed. [17] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
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Examine why you want to cry or are crying. Taking time to think about what is making you cry or feel like crying is important. Once you find the reason behind your tears, you will be able to analyze it more fully and come up with a solution or a way to make yourself feel better. Think about what is happening that is making you feel like crying. Is there a specific person or situation that is making you feel this way? Has something recently happened that is making you feel sad, such as a breakup or the death of a loved one? Or is there another reason that you keep finding yourself fighting off tears? [18] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source
- If you cannot determine the cause of your tears on your own, consider speaking with a therapist for help. If you cry a lot or often feel like crying, you may be depressed and need to be treated for depression. [19] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source
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Write in a journal or diary. Writing your thoughts down will help you to sort them out and feel better. [20] X Expert Source Sandra Possing
Life Coach Expert Interview. 15 July 2020. Journaling can also help you to deal with stress, anxiety, and depression. For best results, set aside a few minutes every day to write about your thoughts and feelings. You can structure your journal any way that you like and write about whatever you want. [21] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source- If a specific person has made you want to cry, try writing them a letter. Writing down what you feel can often be easier than saying your thoughts out loud. Even if you don’t give the person the letter, you will feel better after having expressed what you have been feeling and thinking.
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Talk to someone. After you have let yourself cry, it may be helpful to talk to someone about what you are experiencing. Talk to a close friend, family member, or therapist about whatever is making you want to cry. As the saying goes, two heads are better than one, and the person you talk to may be able to help you resolve the challenges you are facing.
- Talking to someone will also allow you to feel like you are not alone in the situation. If you feel like you are carrying around the weight of the world, talk to someone and let them help you sort out what you are thinking and feeling.
- Talking therapy is very beneficial for people who are dealing with depression, anxiety, loss, health problems, relationship problems, and more. Consider speaking to a therapist if you continue to have trouble with crying or if you have problems that you want to discuss with someone in a safe, confidential environment. [22] X Trustworthy Source National Health Service (UK) Public healthcare system of the UK Go to source
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Distract yourself with things you love. Taking time to enjoy your hobbies can help you to gain a new perspective during a difficult time. Set aside time every week to enjoy one of your hobbies. Even if you feel like you will never be able to fully engage in the world around you because you are so sad, you will soon find that you are actually having fun and laughing.
- Surround yourself with people that make you happy. Do fun things that you like to do like going hiking, painting, etc. Go to a party and meet new people, or dress up with your friends and throw your own party. Immerse yourself in activities—filling up your time is a great way to distract yourself from feeling sad.
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Tips
- Gritting your teeth may help you control your tears if you are in a public place. Once you've calmed down, think of why you cried and who made you cry.Thanks
- A hug from a friend or family member can be very comforting.Thanks
- Talk about why you're upset to the person that's actually caused it in a calm manner.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Listen to some of your favorite songs, but not slow songs. Although slow songs have a calming effect, they also may induce more tears, especially if it is related to the problem that you are experiencing. Try songs with a faster beat and if you feel like it, dance and move a little bit with the song.
- If you let it out, don't let it be known (unless you're fine with that). Those sad feelings need to be let go of somehow, even if it's a public place. It may seem childish or silly, but crying really does help.
- Holding your breath can help stop the tears and when you can't hold it in anymore, you'll start breathing deeply and it'll calm you down.
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Warnings
- If you feel like you don't have someone to talk to, seek professional help. Go to your school counselor or to a therapist. There will always be someone willing to listen. Even talking to another adult you trust who isn't in your family can help.Thanks
- If you're thinking of hurting yourself or others, seek immediate help. The International Association for Suicide Prevention and Befrienders Worldwide both contain directories of international suicide prevention hotlines which provide immediate help with suicidal thoughts; do whatever possible to keep yourself safe!Thanks
| Organization | Phone Number |
|---|---|
| S.A.F.E. Alternatives | (800) DONT-CUT |
| National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline (United States) | 988 |
| Self-Injury Foundation | (800) 334-4357 |
| Samaritans (UK) | 116 123 |
| HOPELINE247 (UK) | 0800 068 41 41 |
| Suicide Crisis Helpline (Canada) | 988 |
- If you have hidden depression and/or you are feeling suicidal , talk to a trusted adult about your true feelings and see how you can get help and treatment.Thanks
- It's not always healthy to hold back tears, and it can even lead to a less resilient immune system, cardiovascular disease, and hypertension, as well as mental health conditions including stress, anxiety, and depression. [23] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.npr.org/2010/12/06/131734718/just-breathe-body-has-a-built-in-stress-reliever
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11166137
- ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/crying-during-conflict/
- ↑ https://web.psych.ualberta.ca/~varn/bc/Kleinke.htm
- ↑ https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/lump-throat-cry
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/exercise-fitness/emotional-benefits-of-exercise.htm
- ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/symptoms/watery-eyes/basics/causes/sym-20050821
- ↑ http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-benefits-of-stress-management/
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response
- ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/crying-during-conflict/
- ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4035568/
- ↑ https://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/crying-during-conflict/
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/basics/symptoms/con-20032977
- ↑ Sandra Possing. Life Coach. Expert Interview. 15 July 2020.
- ↑ http://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?ContentTypeID=1&ContentID=4552
- ↑ http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/benefits-of-talking-therapy.aspx
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/is-crying-good-for-you-2021030122020
About This Article
Article Summary
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To stop yourself from crying, focus on breathing slowly and calmly to relax the lump that forms in your throat when you're on the verge of tears. Additionally, blink, close, or move your eyes to prevent the tears from flowing. You can also change your focus by doing some math problems in your head, trying to remember all the lyrics to a song, or recalling a funny joke or situation. If you do shed a few tears, wipe them away discreetly by pretending to get something out of your eye. To learn how to relax your facial muscles to prevent yourself from crying, keep reading!
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Reader Success Stories
- "I'm happy to know that what I naturally do when I'm trying to keep myself from crying is actually working! I feel happy knowing I was actually doing something as a natural instinct. I usually just sing a quick tempo song in my head to distract myself." ..." more
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"I'm happy to know that what I naturally do when I'm trying to keep myself from crying is actually working! I feel happy knowing I was actually doing something as a natural instinct. I usually just sing a quick tempo song in my head to distract myself."
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"This is a very good article with expert advice on how to stop yourself from crying and moving on/distracting yourself. It's good that the article includes talking to a therapist or a person you can talk to. Keep up the amazing work!"
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"The thing that helped me most in this article is physical actions. I took a small pillow to school, and when the teacher yelled at me I squeezed the pillow, and for the first time I didn't cry. Thanks, wikiHow. :)"
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"Helped by making me reflect on why I want to cry, what or who has hurt me, but then realizing I'm a catch! I'm worthy, and if he can't see it, someone else will. Taking care of my heart is my new job. Thank you. "
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"Deep breathing helped me, and the facial expression part. Smile helped a lot. I want to keep smiling. Crying is good sometimes, but sometimes you need to move on from things. I'll smile. Thank you very much."
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