How Long Before Your Ex Misses You? Signs and Triggers

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Learn how to tell when your ex might miss you or want you back
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Regardless of who ended it, it's totally normal for you to miss your ex after a breakup. You cared for each other and shared an emotional bond that doesn't just disappear overnight. But does he miss you? Possibly. Unless you never emotionally connected at all, it's natural for both of you to miss each other for a while after the relationship ends—although it might take a bit longer for the end to really sink in for him. Read on to learn the signs that he's missing you, plus things you do that could trigger those feelings in him.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship coach, founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, Amy Chan. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • On average, it takes men about 8 weeks to miss their ex after a breakup. This can vary depending on the length and intensity of the relationship.
  • You can tell he misses you if he texts or calls frequently, talks to other people about you, and invites you out to do things with him.
  • Seeing you living your best life or realizing he might never hear from him again can trigger emotions in him that cause him to miss you.
Section 1 of 3:

How long does it take for him to miss you?

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    This is the general basis for the 8-week no-contact rule , which states that you should go at least 8 weeks without any contact after a breakup to allow each other time to heal and grieve the loss of the relationship. For most men, it takes about this long for them to process the loss and discover that they miss you.
    • Men usually go into denial mode immediately after a breakup, so it might take him a week or two to even realize that you're gone for good. [1]
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    It might take him more or less than 8 weeks to miss you depending on how long your relationship lasted, how intense it was, and who ended the relationship. Here are some possibilities to consider:
    • If you had an intense, serious relationship that lasted over 6 years, it might take him less than 8 weeks to miss you because you were such a big part of his life.
    • If you had a casual relationship that only lasted a couple of months, he might hit you up a couple of months later, but it's more likely he'll just move on.
    • If you broke up with him, it might take him less time to miss you than it would if he ended things because he still has feelings for you.
    • If he broke up with you, it'll likely take longer for him to miss you. He's thought about it a lot and feels he made the right decision in ending the relationship and he might be stubborn about taking back that decision.
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Section 2 of 3:

Signs He Misses You

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    Our brains produce the feel-good chemical dopamine whenever we talk to someone we like or love. Studies show that recently broken-up singles show activity in the same part of the brain as a drug user in withdrawal. It's all about the dopamine he would get when he interacted with you. If he's texting and calling you frequently, he's reaching out for that dopamine fix.
    • This also applies to situations where he seems like he's contacting you for a reason, but his reason seems like a flimsy excuse. If it feels like he really just wants to talk to you, he probably does!
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    If a man wants to move on after a breakup, he needs to get rid of any gifts or items that remind him of you. If he's still holding on to your gifts or little mementos of your relationship, that's a good sign that he's not over you yet and still wants you and the memory of you close by.
    • For example, you might see a picture of him on social media and notice that he's wearing the T-shirt you bought him for his birthday and the watch you got him for Christmas.
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    If other people tell you that he's been talking about you, or that he misses you, that's a pretty sure sign that he really does. In some cases, it might even mean that he asked them if they'd talk to you or put in a good word for him. [2]
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    If he's wanting to hang out with you, that's a pretty sure sign that he's missing you. He misses interacting with you and sharing things with you and wants to have that connection again. [3]
    • For example, he might text you and say, "Hey—I forgot I have these two tickets to the game tonight. You wanna go with?"
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    This shows he still truly cares about you. And, sure, it might just be platonic, but if he deeply cares about you, that's a likely sign that he misses you. He wants to be there for you when you are down and help you in any way he can. [4]
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    When you were together, he probably called you first when he needed a little extra help. But after the breakup, you both have different support systems and tend to rely on other people. If he's still reaching out to you, that's a sign that he probably misses you and wishes you were back in his life as his go-to. [5]
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    If he reminds you of regular occurrences or contacts you on an important date in your life, it definitely means he still cares about you. It might also mean that he misses you and still wants to be a part of your life. [6]
    • For example, he might text you and say, "Don't forget that we have to put out trash today since there's a holiday weekend coming up!"
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    It's usually a good idea to unfollow each other's accounts on social media, or at least mute them from your feed for a while after the breakup. If he's still following you and still leaves comments or reactions, that could be a sign that he's missing you and still wants to be a part of your life.
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    Even though it's probably just a rebound anyway, this likely means he's missing you and hoping to rekindle your relationship. He might have compared his new relationship to the one he had with you and decided yours was better. [7]
    • Once the two of you split, the reasons for the split might've faded away. But you're still left with fond memories of each other, which can make it easy to romanticize the relationship and decide that it was better than it was.
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    Openly recalling the past—especially through memories that were positive for both of you—is a way to recall that emotional bond the two of you once shared. When he brings these things up, it's likely because he misses you and was reminiscing on the good times you shared. [8]
    • For example, he might text you a screenshot of the two of you playing pickleball and say, "Hey, look what just came up in my Facebook memories today!"
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Section 3 of 3:

Possible Triggers

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    Getting drunk and being alone is one of the easiest ways for a guy to get all up in his feels. If he's feeling lonely, it won't take long for him to start thinking about you and missing you—especially if he's taking a walk down memory lane and looking at photos or videos of fond memories you shared together. [9]
    • If you're getting drunk texts, it's usually a good idea not to respond at all. If you engage with him when he's drunk, you can't be certain that the conversation is authentic.
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    A dating website survey of 1,400 men revealed that more than 75% of men who dumped their girlfriends regretted it within 60 days after the initial breakup. If it dawns on him that he might never hear from you again, he's likely to start missing you. [10]
    • The survey only talked to men who had initiated the breakup themselves. It likely won't take him as long to miss you after he realizes he's never going to hear from you again if you were the one who ended the relationship.
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    Seeing something that reminds him of something you love or something the two of you shared together can help reignite that spark and make him miss you. Thinking back to the early days of your romance stirs up strong emotions and chemistry about the reasons you got together in the first place.
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    Emotions can impact sexual performance in many ways, and the first time he tries having sex with someone else, he might find he has performance issues. Even if things don't go that far, he might still feel weird about sleeping with someone else, which could cause him to miss you. [11]
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    Seeing pictures of you with someone new can trigger jealousy, which can also cause him to miss you or want to get back together with you. He might compare himself to your new person and decide that he's a better option for you. [12]
    • If this happens and you aren't interested in rekindling a relationship with him, you're better off blocking him so that he doesn't have access to your social media.
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    Sometimes a breakup is the shakeup you need to redirect your life. If you felt like you were subsumed by the relationship when you were in it, you might find yourself coming back to yourself. Whether you're getting back in shape, starting a new hobby, or taking a solo vacation, seeing the new you could rekindle his feelings.
    • This is especially likely if he feels as though his life has not improved since the breakup. If he feels he is struggling while you're out there living it up, he might decide he was actually better off with you.
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      Warnings

      • Just because you miss each other, that doesn't mean the two of you should get back together. Missing each other is part of the process—remember that you broke up for a reason. [13]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/state-of-anxiety/202303/comparatively-speaking-do-men-break-up-badly
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
      3. ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/finding-true-love/201102/do-you-ever-wonder-about-getting-your-ex-back
      5. ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
      6. ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
      8. ↑ https://liveboldandbloom.com/01/relationships/ex-miss-you
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
      1. ↑ https://www.einnews.com/pr_news/567549801/76-5-of-male-dumpers-return-within-60-days-of-breakup-study
      2. ↑ https://www.manual.co/health-centre/erectile-dysfunction/erectile-dysfunction-after-a-breakup
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-love-and-war/201405/the-10-worst-reasons-stay-friends-your-ex
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/inside-out/201310/5-myths-recovery-after-your-break

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