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What Is Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict & How Can You Deal With It?

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Everything you need to know about this interpersonal conflict type

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: August 27, 2024 Fact Checked

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Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict Definition

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Overcoming Conflict

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Dealing with Conflict Avoidance

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Other Types of Conflict

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Expert Interview

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Tips

Making decisions isn’t always easy, and when you’re faced with 2 undesirable choices, it’s even harder. This type of interpersonal conflict is called avoidance-avoidance conflict (AV-AV) and often causes procrastination and anxiety. Even when the conflict is difficult, it can be straining to avoid it, which is why avoidance-avoidance conflicts can be so tricky. In this article, we’ll break down this conflict type. Plus, we even spoke with Dr. Liana Georgoulis, a licensed clinical psychologist, to give you tips on overcoming and dealing with conflicts.

Things You Should Know

Avoidance-avoidance conflict is when you’re given 2 unpleasant or “bad” choices to choose from.
An example of AV-AV conflict would be choosing between 2 medical treatments that don’t promise a cure.
Overcome conflict by weighing your decisions, doing research, and asking for help from someone you trust.

Section 1 of 4:

What is avoidance-avoidance conflict?

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Avoidance-avoidance conflict is when you’re faced with 2 unpleasant choices. When there’s a conflict, you essentially have to choose between 2 things. In avoidance-avoidance conflict (AV-AV), both choices are undesirable, meaning that you have to choose between the lesser of 2 evils. This can make decision-making difficult and often leads to conflict avoidance or procrastination (with the hopes that a better outcome will come about). ^{[1]
X
Research source} Take a look at these examples:
- Getting diagnosed with breast cancer and having to choose between 2 treatment options that don’t guarantee remission: chemotherapy or a double mastectomy.
- Disliking a job and choosing between quitting and being unemployed or staying and getting paid. ^{[2]
  X
  Research source}
- Starting a diet and choosing between eating at a business meeting or being the only one not eating.
- Voting for a candidate who values the environment or the people.

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Section 2 of 4:

How do you overcome conflict?

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Overcome conflict by thinking through your decisions carefully. Decisions can often be difficult to make, especially when you’re dealing with avoidance-avoidance conflict. Each choice on the table isn’t ideal, yet you have to choose one or the other. To make a decision , try these tricks: ^{[3]
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Research source}
- Make a list of pros and cons for each choice.
- Research each choice (if applicable) and learn more about each potential outcome.
- Be aware of your emotions and how a potential choice makes you feel. ^{[4]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  HelpGuide
  Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
  Go to source}
- Talk to a loved one about the choices and situation.
- Communicate your wants and needs to a doctor or health care professional (if applicable).
- Avoid delaying your decision, as this could cause you to worry more. ^{[5]
  X
  Research source}

Section 3 of 4:

How to Deal with Conflict Avoidance

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Instead of thinking of conflict as a scary thing, think of it as a learning experience. As psychologist Liana Georgoulis says, “By shifting your thinking towards thoughts that are more positive, you will positively influence your emotions.” See conflict as an opportunity to learn something new, share your feelings, and connect with someone. ^{[6]
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Research source}
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Help ease yourself into conflicts by saying “no” more often to little things. The more boundaries you set, the easier it’ll be to express yourself during conflicts. This can look like saying you can’t stay late at work or saying “no” to eating out with friends. ^{[7]
X
Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
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Learn to manage your anxiety and stress around conflicts by breathing deeply . When your nerves start to rise, inhale for 5 counts, hold for 5, and then exhale for 5. ^{[8]
X
Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source}
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Keep a notebook where you can write down all your deepest thoughts, worries, and fears. If you know a conflict is approaching, take some time to write about it. Putting your thoughts on the page can help ease your mind. Don’t think, simply write whatever comes to mind first! ^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
University of Rochester Medical Center
Leading academic medical center in the U.S. focused on clinical care and research
Go to source}
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When you feel stuck or overwhelmed, keep your mind on the here and now. What choice will help you in the current moment? ^{[10]
X
Trustworthy Source
HelpGuide
Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
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When in doubt, reach out for help! A therapist or counselor can help you identify your fears, handle your anxiety, and build your communication skills. They might ask your questions related to your upbringing or relationships to focus on why you may be avoiding conflict.

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Section 4 of 4:

Are there other types of conflict?

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According to Kurt Lewin, there are 3 types of conflicts. German-American psychologist Kurt Lewin came to the conclusion that there are 3 main types of interpersonal conflicts: approach-approach conflict, avoidance-avoidance conflict, and approach-avoidance conflict. These conflicts occur within you when you’re handed 2 options. ^{[11]
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Research source}
- Approach-approach conflict (AP-AP) occurs when you’re given 2 desirable options that you like equally.
- Avoidance-avoidance conflict (AV-AV) happens when you have 2 options you despise equally.
- Approach-avoidance conflict (AP-AV) is when you can clearly see a positive and negative option.

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Conflict avoidance is when you actively stay away from conflicts, whereas avoidance-avoidance conflict is a type of conflict.

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Expert Interview

Thanks for reading our article! If you’d like to learn more about relationships, check out our in-depth interview with Liana Georgoulis, PsyD .

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About This Article

Co-authored by:

Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Licensed Psychologist

This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Aly Rusciano . Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist based in Los Angeles, California. She is the founder and clinical director of Coast Psychological Services. With over 12 years of experience, her mission is to provide clients with effective, well-studied, and established treatments that bring about significant improvements in her patients' lives. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples. Additionally, she provides group therapy for social anxiety, social skills, and assertiveness training. Providing a space where clients feel understood and supported is essential to her work. Dr. Georgoulis also provides clinical supervision to post-doctoral fellows and psychological assistants. She received her PhD in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University and a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles. This article has been viewed 2,737 times.

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Co-authors: 6

Updated: August 27, 2024

Views: 2,737

Categories: Social Interactions

Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 2,737 times.

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