What to Consider When Dating a Short King 👑

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Is height a deal-breaker when you’re looking for love?
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You’ve matched with a short king on Hinge—now what? If you’re new to dating guys who are on the shorter side, this article’s for you. We’ll walk you through the pros and (potential) cons of dating a short guy, as well as where the preference for 6’2” dudes came from in the first place, whether it’s valid, and how to overcome your personal biases. (If Zendaya can do it for Tom Holland, you probably can too. 💅)

Is it OK to date a guy who’s shorter than you?

It’s totally OK—and some women even prefer a pocket-sized boyf. 🧍 🥰 (Oscar Isaac, anybody??) Ultimately, a person’s height shouldn’t be a deciding factor in a relationship: instead, look to the guy’s character and prioritize positive traits like kindness, a sense of humor, creativity, intelligence, and confidence.

Section 1 of 5:

Benefits of Dating a Short Guy

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  1. In fact, since it’s fairly common for heterosexual women to vocally prefer taller dudes, some short guys may overcompensate for a “lack” of height by being extra attentive, extra fit, or extra funny. We’re not making promises, but…why not give it a whirl?
    • On the other hand, since it’s easier for guys over 6 feet tall to get dates, they may feel they don’t need to work as hard on valuable relationship skills like active listening, thoughtfulness, loyalty, humor, and so on.
    • While some gals gravitate to the over-6-foot crowd because taller guys are perceived as more dominant, stronger, tougher, “bad boy”-ish, etc., this overlooks the fact that tallness really has nothing to do with a guy’s ability to beat someone up (if that’s something you require in a mate). [1]
    • Plus, if you’re the same size, your wardrobe just doubled. If you’re lucky enough to score a hot date with a dude with roughly your same body type and a sense of style, his closet es su closet. You can wear each other’s clothes and save money on shopping.
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Section 2 of 5:

What to Expect When Dating a Short Guy

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  1. If you’re a heel-wearer and you’re committed to being the short queen in the relationship, dating a guy who’s your height or only slightly taller may mean switching to flats. (On the bright side, this may mean you have an excuse to buy new shoes.)
  2. Of course, this is true if you’re dating a guy who’s significantly taller than you, too. Kissing anyone who isn’t roughly your height may take some finagling, but it’s worth it for the right guy. It just might take some creativity: he can stand on the stairs, you can wear flats or bend over, you can kiss while sitting on the couch, etcetera. Just be willing to laugh about it and have fun, and it’ll be fine.
    • Anyway, height really doesn't matter when you're lying down...if you catch our drift.
  3. People are gonna people, unfortunately, and in this lovely society we’ve cultivated in which a large chunk of (usually heterosexual) folks believe man = tall and woman = short, someone inevitably is going to remark on how you’re taller than your date . What can you do?
    • You can ask them with a straight face what they’re talking about and force them to reckon with the ridiculousness (and rudeness) of their comment.
    • You can say, “We’re both happy. What’s bothering you?”
    • If they’re tall and you’re sassy, ask them, “How’s the weather up there, Jolly Green Giant ?”
    • Just ignore them. They’ll (probably) get the picture and be duly embarrassed.
  4. Even the most confident short kings may deal with anxiety about their height, and in some cases this could be a problem—especially if the girl they’re dating is working to overcome her own height-related biases. This isn’t a guarantee, though: lots of short guys are totally confident in their height and know hotness is about more than being 6 feet tall.
    • While insecurity about his height might be something he can get over the longer you’re together, it’s also possible it could lead to petty fights or resentment or mistrust in the relationship.
    • To help keep his insecurity in check, try to regularly compliment him about what you like about him—both the appearance-based and the more abstract qualities, like his brilliance or gentleness—and avoid comparing his height to other taller guys. [2]
    • But try not to feel like you need to kick the flats or hunch over just to make him feel better about the height difference. If you’re happy in heels, wear your heels!
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Section 3 of 5:

Can you change your dating preferences?

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  1. Some of your preferences are hardwired into your brain, but it may also be possible to retrain your brain by practicing being more open-minded and questioning your bias against shorter guys—do you prefer tall dudes because it genuinely matters (or matters that much )? Or is it something you’ve been subconsciously pressured to prefer by society?
    • Is it inherently wrong to have aesthetic preferences? No—but insisting on a superficial aesthetic trait (especially one that someone can’t help) over more important qualities like kindness or loyalty is, let’s face it, rather foolish.
    • Consider this: how often do you claim to prefer tall guys on the apps without actually meeting a short guy in person? Sometimes, once you go out with a shorter guy, you'll realize a) 5'7" really isn't even that short and b) he might be super fun and sexy in person.
    EXPERT TIP

    Cher Gopman

    Dating Coach
    Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.
    Cher Gopman
    Dating Coach

    A guy's height doesn't matter if you're compatible. Many women say, “I only want to date a tall guy,” but if they meet a guy who’s five-nine and he has a great personality, she’ll often want to date him because she fell for who he is. Height doesn't matter when you have inner confidence and you're fun to be with.

Section 4 of 5:

FAQ About Dating a Short Guy

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  1. Yes, it’s no myth: short guys do tend to struggle to get dates more than taller guys do, and women report preferring to date taller guys. [3] According to one study, about half of women prefer to date a guy who’s significantly (at least 8 inches) taller than they are, while only about 13% of guys prefer to date a woman who’s shorter than they are (and then it’s only about 3 inches). [4]
  2. "No one under 6 feet" has become so prevalent on dating apps it's turned into something of a joke, but the exact definition of "short" varies from woman to woman: for some, it's anyone shorter than they are themselves. For others, it might really be any guy under 6-foot. But the average man in the United States is actually only 5-foot-9 , so "short" would technically probably be 5'7" or under. [5]
    • The thing is, insisting your mate be over 6 feet tall literally rules out 85% of the male population: only about 15% of men are over 6 feet tall!
  3. Some women (and gay men) prefer to date a guy who’s taller (even significantly taller) because they’ve been socially ingrained to value this trait. But there is also evidence to suggest some women’s preference for tall dudes is biological: tallness may be associated with dominance, social status, good genes, or even being a “bad boy,” since being short may be perceived as a sign of “weakness.” [6] (Please!)
    • Some women report feeling safer when they’re out and about with a tall guy who may be able to protect her. But this obviously doesn’t take into account the fact that some shorter guys are still very strong—maybe even stronger than guys a foot taller than them. [7]
    • Unfortunately, the “social status” thing is somewhat true (or at least it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy): according to an APA study, tall guys tend to be paid more than short guys on average. [8]
  4. No way—not only are there loads of gals who can ignore a guy’s height if he’s got other great qualities, but there are tons of women who actively prefer bite-sized boyfriends. And why not? Who wouldn’t want to date Marty McFly, Jason Schwartzman, or Zac Efron? We love short kings! 😍
    • Some studies suggest it’s primarily cis, straight women who prefer tall guys, which isn’t super surprising when you consider the hypermasculine ideal of a tall, beefy alpha is a result of millennia of aggressive heteronormativity.
    • The adherence to heteronormative gender stereotypes may also make it easier for cis straight women to ignore the fact that, well, rejecting a guy for being too short could really hurt his feelings, since “big tough alphas” aren’t supposed to have feelings.
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Section 5 of 5:

Final Thoughts

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  1. You can’t help who you’ve got the hots for (and probably the short king in your DMs would prefer you not fake an attraction). But consider how a guy’s height compares to his ability to be a loving, loyal, fun, intelligent partner, and ask yourself: are you willing to miss out on the love of your life because he’s a few inches short of perfection?

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201401/short-men-why-women-arent-attracted-enough-to-date-them
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/202301/how-to-get-through-to-your-partner
      3. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10480972/
      4. ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X13519256?journalCode=jfia
      5. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-the-average-height-for-a-man
      6. ↑ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10480972/
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201401/short-men-why-women-arent-attracted-enough-to-date-them
      8. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/julaug04/standing

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