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You probably feel like your girl is gone forever, but you can get her back. Everyone makes mistakes, and your relationship can still be fixed. It might take time, but we’ll help you get back a girl you hurt. We’ll walk you through all the steps you need to take to prove to her that you’ve changed and you’re the right person for her.

This article is based on an interview with our relationship expert, Kelli Miller, licensed pyschotherapist and award-winning author. Check out the full interview here.

How to Win a Girl Back After Hurting Her

  1. Talk to her in person.
  2. Sincerely apologize for what you did.
  3. Listen to her.
  4. Acknowledge what you did and tell her how you plan to change.
  5. Ask for forgiveness.
  6. Work on being a better person.
1

Text her to invite her to talk in person.

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  1. It's important that she be able to see your facial expressions and hear your tone of voice as you apologize . [1] Tell her in the text that you want to talk about what happened, and ask her to meet you in a neutral location where you can talk things over.
    • You might text her, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about our fight, and I’m so sorry for name-calling. That was totally inappropriate. Can we talk about it?”
    • You could also say, “I can’t stop thinking about you. Kissing Sarah at the party was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’ll do anything to make this better. Can we just talk?”
    • She might say "no," but don't lose hope just yet. Instead, text back, "I totally understand. Is it okay if I check back with you next week?" If she says "no" again, text, "I'll leave you alone. Just know that you can text me anytime if you change your mind." Hopefully, she'll have a change of heart.
    • If you’re in a long distance relationship or just can’t meet up, it’s okay to apologize over video chat since it’s too hard to meet in-person.
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2

Apologize sincerely for what you did.

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  1. [2] Start your apology by saying what you did wrong so she knows you understand. Then, acknowledge that your actions hurt her and tell her how terrible you feel about it. Finish your apology by promising to never do it again. [3]
    • You could say, “I know it was wrong for me to flirt with someone else. I really hurt you and made you feel less important, and I feel so awful about it. You’re the only girl I want, and I promise I’ll never flirt with anyone else again.”
    • Alternatively, say something like, “I feel so bad about teasing you. I could tell it really hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry about that. I won’t ever tease you again. I promise.”
    • You might also say, “I’m so sorry I forgot about your birthday party. I can’t believe I did that, and I swear it’ll never happen again. Please let me take you out to celebrate.”
3

Listen to her side of the story.

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  1. Additionally, listen to everything she has to say without interrupting her. Once she’s finished, repeat back what she said in your own words so she knows you were listening. This will show her that you truly care about making amends . [4]
    • For example, let’s say she’s upset that you flirted with a mutual friend. She might tell all about how it hurt her feelings and made her feel bad about herself. You might repeat back, “It sounds like you felt ignored and betrayed. I’m so sorry I made you feel like that.”
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7

Take steps to be a better person.

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  1. Really reflect on what you did and how it all happened. Then, commit to taking a different action next time. This will show her that you’ve changed. [8]
    • For example, let’s say you forgot an important event, like her birthday. You might get her small gifts, such as candy, to represent all of her special days. Write her special dates on the candies and give them to her.
    • Maybe you forgot to reply to her texts. You could make it up to her by texting her a lot more. Send her funny memes and ask about her day. You could also say, “I’m thinking of you” or “I just want to let you know you’re amazing.”
    • If you cheated on her at a party, you might decide to skip parties for a while.
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9

Show her she can trust you again.

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  1. [10] Start by being there for her and following through on your promises. Additionally, treat her well and make her your priority. Be honest about what you’re doing, and don’t keep secrets. [11]
    • For example, show up for dates on time and text her when you say you will.
    • If you’re going out with friends, tell her. Text her, “I’m going out with the guys tonight, but I’ll text you good night when I get home.”
    • It takes time to rebuild trust , so be patient . In time, she’ll see you’re there for her. [12]
    • While it’s important to keep your promises , sometimes things go wrong. For example, bad traffic might make you late for a date with her. Just let her know what happened as soon as possible.
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10

Focus on the future instead of the past.

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12

Try the no-contact rule to get her back.

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  1. Going no-contact gives her time and space to miss you. For 30 to 60 days, don’t call, text, or see her. Additionally, ignore any communication from her. Hopefully, she’ll process her anger and pain during this time and realize she wants to repair your relationship. [15]
    • Tell her you plan to go no-contact. You might text her something like "I can tell you're still really upset, so I'm going to stop contacting you," or “It seems like you really need some space, so I won’t be texting you for a while.”
    • When your no-contact period ends, send her a nice text such as, “How have you been doing?” or “I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.”
    • It’s possible your girlfriend will move on during the no-contact period. While that may be painful, you’ll also be in a good place to move on.

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