How to Tell if a Female Bartender Is Really Into You

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Does she like you, or is she just, like, doing her job?
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The hot bartender at your favorite haunt is smiling at you, flirting, and laughing at your jokes—but does she mean anything by it? Or is she just really good at her job? Relax! We compiled a list of the major signs a female bartender might like you as more than just her favorite customer, including insight from dating coach Mark Rosenfeld. Keep reading to learn what they are—and what to do next!

Clues that a Female Bartender May Be Into You

  • She flirts with you and jokes around with you.
  • She tries to find out what your plans are after her shift’s over.
  • She gives you free drinks.
  • She pays more attention to you than to her other customers.
  • You have personal conversations that go beyond the surface.
Section 1 of 5:

Signs She’s Into You

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  1. 1
    She flirts with you. Does she tease you, make jokes, poke playful fun? Flirting and turning on the charm is a big sign someone likes you, bartender or not. [1] Of course, since bartenders live on tips, many bartenders will flirt with you without necessarily being into you—so a better way to think of this is, if she doesn’t not flirt with you, she might like you.
    • In other words, if she doesn’t flirt with you, she probably doesn’t like you.
    • Since she is at work, she may be discouraged from asking out customers, Rosenfeld points out. But if her flirting includes subtle sexual innuendos, that’s a sign she could like you as more than a customer.
  2. 2
    She asks you to hang out outside of work. This is probably the biggest sign you could possibly get. It’s one thing to have a great rapport while she’s serving you drinks, but if she alludes to hanging out when she’s not being paid to do so? That’s a fantastic sign.
    • If her workplace has a policy against asking a customer out, she may not ask you directly. Instead, she may hint at it by asking what your plans are after her shift’s over or seeing if you’re dating anyone.
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  3. 3
    She gives you free drinks. Giving you free drinks (or buying your drinks) is a good indication she likes you, at least enough to keep you around. Especially if she hangs out with you while you drink it!
  4. 4
    She prioritizes you over customers. Is she chatting with everyone? Or just you? Talking to you more than to anyone else could mean she likes you—especially since ignoring other customers could lose her tips.
    • Does she go out of her way to talk to you? Also a sign she wants to grab and hold your attention.
  5. 5
    She finds excuses to touch you. Since she’s at work, Rosenfeld says, she could be limited in how strongly she can come onto you, but looking for reasons to make physical contact with you is a sign she might like you. “A lot of subtle flirting is communicating sexual interest without actually speaking it,” he says. “So it's either kind of subtle innuendos, or touch.”
    • This could involve putting her hand on your hand, lightly tapping your shoulder—really anything that suggests she might be open to more intimacy.
  6. 6
    Your conversations go beyond the surface. To clarify: you both should share more than surface-level stuff, not just you. If she opens up to you about her history, goals, dreams, and fears, it sounds like your relationship goes beyond regular bar chitchat.
    • This has to go both ways: you may find she's a great listener, but unless she unloads on you in return, it's likely she's just being nice and doing her job.
  7. 7
    She remembers who you are. If you’ve gone to this bar more than once and she remembers who you are and maybe even what your usual order is, that could mean something. She likely has conversations with hundreds of people a week, so if you stand out, that's a good sign.
    • If she doesn't seem to recall who you are, try not to take it personally!
  8. 8
    She holds eye contact with you. “Eye contact is usually the very first invitation for [you] to make a move,” Rosenfeld says. If she “[holds] it for three to four seconds [and] [adds] a smile as well,” there’s a possibility she likes you.
  9. 9
    She displays open and approachable body language. Does she smile at you, stand near you (even when people are clamoring for her attention at the other end of the bar), and maintain open posture? All good signs. But, again, they're also signs she's a good bartender.
    • Look for “shoulders back, chest or toes facing [you], arms uncrossed,” Rosenfeld says. These are signs she’s approachable and that her attention is on you.
    • Contrarily, he says, if she crosses her arms when she’s talking to you, or otherwise just seems closed off around you, odds are she’s not about it.
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Section 2 of 5:

What to Do About It

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  1. 1
    Make it clear you like her, but wait for her to come to you. Most of the time when you're crushing on a server, it's safest to wait for them to make the first move. Smile at her and tell her you love coming to the bar and return every vaguely flirtatious gesture she sends your way, but leave it up to her to ask you out if she wants.
    • Give her compliments, but don't be crude or pushy, and don't take it personally if she doesn't return them.
  2. 2
    Keep going to the bar. If you're fairly new to the establishment and aren't sure you're reading the signs right, keep going to the bar and chatting with her. Not only will it give you a better idea of how she feels, it'll also give you both a chance to get to know one another better, so even if your feelings aren't mutual right now , they could become mutual over time.
  3. 3
    Give her your number. Passing her your number not only leaves the ball in her court, it also cements your intentions while taking the pressure off: if she calls, great! If she doesn't, there's your answer.
  4. 4
    Ask her to hang out, but stress that there’s no pressure. If she’s giving you signs she might want to get to know you better outside the bar, you could shoot your shot , but realize you're probably one of a hundred customers who have, and she may not appreciate it, so be as chill and low-pressure as possible. Let her know you’re interested in hanging out, but clarify that you realize there’s a possibility you’ve misread things, since being friendly is part of her job. You could even throw in some humor to take some of the pressure off.
    • “Hey, either you’re just really, really good at your job, or you do actually like me—or both—but I thought I’d take the plunge and see if you maybe wanted to hang out after your shift.”
    • “Feel free to tell me I’m out of line, I just feel like I’m picking up on something between us, and I’d love to see if you wanted to go out sometime.”
  5. 5
    Be prepared for rejection. Remember, hosting is her job, so if you ask her out, there’s a strong possibility she’ll turn you down. If she does, try not to stress about it, don’t take it too personally , and don't keep asking . Rejection is a part of life, unfortunately.
    • As a bartender, she probably gets hit on and asked out by customers every day. There’s probably nothing wrong with shooting your shot—but being persistent or getting upset if she turns you down aren’t great looks.
  6. 6
    Try not to get wasted. This is also not a great look, but in a different way. She’s at work, so she’s probably not getting sloppy drunk—and if you do, it could ruin your chances with her. Keep your head!
    • If you want to hang out a while, try alternating alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. Believe it or not, they actually make some great NA beer!
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Section 3 of 5:

What to Consider

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  1. 1
    She could like you as a friend. If she prioritizes you over other customers and seems interested in getting together outside of work, it’s possible that she does genuinely like you, but doesn’t want more than friendship.
    • If she does want to be friends, that’s awesome! It could always lead to more—but don’t assume it will.
  2. 2
    She’s paid to be nice to you. We know you know this, but it bears repeating, because some bartenders are really good at their job. Remember that while you can come and go freely, she doesn’t have the same flexibility to just exit an interaction with you, even if she’s uncomfortable.
    • Therefore, it’s paramount that as you go about flirting with her—and that if you do decide to take the plunge and ask her out—you keep the pressure off and your expectations low.
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Section 4 of 5:

Do female bartenders flirt with everyone?

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  1. Typically, yes, they flirt with everyone. It's kind of part of the job. Many bartenders live on tips, and guess what brings in the tips? Yep, putting on the charm.
    • This doesn't mean bartenders never fall for their customers, but it's unlikely to happen. It's all but guaranteed that your bartender has people hitting on her on the daily.
Section 5 of 5:

How do I flirt with a female bartender?

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  1. 1
    Be respectful. Don't be crass, don't bring up anything sexual, and certainly don't call her names. Though it doesn't feel like it, right now, the only relationship you have with this woman is a professional one, do don't be overly familiar or flirtatious or do anything that would make her job harder.
  2. 2
    Make and hold eye contact. Eye contact, as Rosenfeld says, is a perfect way to kick of a flirtation with someone you're into. It's generally an inoffensive way to let someone know they've got your attention, and can be a segue into more conversation.
    • Try to hold eye contact for somewhere between 3 and 10 seconds before looking away; starting too long without breaking eye contact can get awkward and robotic. [2]
  3. 3
    Compliment her. But do it sincerely and in a non-creepy way. Maybe remark on the drink she just made you: "This is the best Old Fashioned I've ever had!" Or tell her she's great with the customers and seems to love what she does.
    • Basically, give her a compliment that'll get the conversation going, but that doesn't put her in a weird position, objectify her, or make her feel uncomfortable.
    • But if she doesn't really respond, don't take it to heart.
  4. 4
    Be a good customer. Tip well, be neat, don't get slobbering drunk. The last thing she needs, especially if it's a busy night, is one more unruly customer to deal with.
  5. 5
    Try not to monopolize her time. She's at work, after all, so even if you'd like to chat with her the entire evening (and even if she'd like it!), she's got other customers and responsibilities to attend to, so don't make it hard on her by monopolizing all her attention. She'll probably start to find you annoying, which will obviously hurt your chances with her.
  6. 6
    Don't force things. If she responds to your flirtation, great! If not, well, it is what it is. Try not to expect reciprocity or be too upset if she doesn't return your feelings. There are other fish in the sea...and many of them are probably in the bar with you right now.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202404/the-science-of-flirting
      2. ↑ https://www.canr.msu.edu/news/eye_contact_dont_make_these_mistakes

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