How to Tell if the Kiss Was as Meaningful to Him as It Was to You

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It was a “true love” kiss for you—but how does he feel about it?
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You’ve just had your very first smooch with that special guy, and the butterflies in your stomach are doing the macarena. But how do you know if he feels those same butterflies? First kisses are so exciting and fun, but the uncertainty is enough to drive you crazy. Fortunately, there are more than a few clear signs he was into your kiss—and might want to try it again sometime soon. We’ve made a list of green flags to watch out for after you and your guy share your first snog. Check it out, below!

This article is based on an interview with our professional matchmaker and dating coach, Lauren Sanders, founder of Dating for the Soul. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • If the kiss was long or passionate, it’s likely it meant something to him.
  • He’ll reach out afterward if he enjoyed the kiss: maybe he’ll text and ask you out, or he’ll follow you on social media.
  • After a meaningful kiss, he’ll make it clear he’s into you by smiling or by telling you he enjoyed the kiss.
1

He continues kissing you.

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    If he only gave you a peck, don’t worry : it doesn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t into it—he could have been nervous, short on time, etcetera, etcetera. But if he keeps kissing you, it’s because he feels something, babe!
    • How long is the perfect kiss? Research says about 6 seconds. Seems quick, doesn’t it? But 6 seconds is actually long enough to establish connection and intimacy. [1]
    • In fact, psychologists suggest we all try to have at least one 6-second kiss every day to stay happy and stress-free. (And who are we to argue with science?)
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2

The kiss is passionate.

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    Maybe it was fire the whole time, or maybe it began tentative and turned into full-on snogging. If he gets into the kiss—y’know, running his hands through your hair, holding your face, pulling you close to him—odds are good it means something special.
    • When we say “gets into it,” we mean hugging and holding, not, like, groping. Ew. A solid guy respects your boundaries, no matter how into the super-hot makeout sesh he is.
    • If your kiss wasn’t passionate, don’t freak out! It’s very possible that he was nervous or just wanted to be respectful the first time kissing you.
3

He asks if you enjoyed it.

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    Some guys are direct, some guys are a little more cautious. If this guy asks you after the kiss how you liked it, it's because he cares about your feelings (bright green flag!). And he wouldn't care about whether you liked the kiss or not if he didn't also enjoy it.
    • It might be tempting to be coy here, but if he asks you directly what you felt, don't beat around the bush! You don't have to say you're head over heels (if you even are, yet), but some microscopic version of that will suffice: "It was wonderful, Alec."
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4

He smiles during or after.

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    Smiling while smooching might be an indication he's not only happy to be kissing you right now, but that he's been wanting to kiss you for some time, and is overcome with elation and a sense of victory. First kisses are usually nerve-wracking, and if he smiles during yours, it's because his joy outweighs his anxiety.
    • Does a guy fall in love by kissing? We couldn't say for sure. In scientific terms, though, what happens when we kiss is that the reward centers in our brains are unlocked, releasing a flow of oxytocin and vasopressin, the chemicals that make people feel happy and attached to someone else. [2]
    • So, chemically speaking, the more you two kiss, the more attached you're both likely to get to each other.
5

He texts you right away.

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    The whole “wait 3 days” rule is bogus. You know it. We know it. And if your guy texts you immediately after your date, it’s because your special smoochy time meant something to him and he’s too eager to wait a whole 72 hours to make that clear.
    • Obviously it matters what he texts. He may not mention the kiss directly, but if he says something like, "I had a great time tonight!" that's a green flag.
    • On the other hand, "Hey, I'm going out of town for a bit and don't know when I'll be able to go out again" is...less green. (Although it's better than ghosting, we guess.)
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6

He's consistent with his attention afterward.

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    OK, technically, the kiss could still mean something even if he does give you mixed signals, but we simply don't tolerate a boy who messes with people’s heads, especially when lip-locking is involved. That being said, if your guy is clear about his intentions after (and maybe before, but definitely after) you kissed, he’s a true gentleman—and yes, the kiss meant something.
    • What does being clear about his intentions look like? Basically, it means being direct about his feelings: does he make it obvious he likes you by texting you and asking you out again? Is he consistent in his attentions—that is, does he avoid yanking you around or ghosting you?
7

He tells his friends you kissed.

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    After you kissed, did his friends poke lighthearted fun? Yes? No further questions! People tell their friends about hot kisses and important dates, and if he hadn’t been excited about the kiss (and you), his friends would probably be avoiding you like the plague out of sheer awkwardness.
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8

He follows you on social media.

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    Whether he’s sliding into your DMs or watching all your stories, if he’s engaging you on social media, it’s likely because the kiss meant something to him and he can’t stop thinking about you. Maybe one day soon you’ll be posting photos of the two of you together….
    • Creeping on your social media is an even bigger sign if he didn't really do that before you kissed. It means the kiss had a major impact on him!
9

He gets jealous of your other potential admirers.

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    Believe it or not, jealousy can actually be a useful tool for helping us understand who we’re attracted to (and who’s into us too). So if your guy suddenly acts brusque towards your many other admirers, or if he asks you casually-not-casually if that close friend of yours is really just a friend, odds are he’s got it bad for you. [3]
    • Let’s be clear about something: there’s good jealousy and bad jealousy. It’s natural to be a little insecure at the start of a relationship, when neither of you knows where you stand yet. But if your guy gets controlling, possessive, or manipulative, that’s 100% bad jealousy .
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10

He tells you he liked it.

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    OK, no-brainer right here. But it’s true: if he says he enjoyed kissing you, he enjoyed kissing you . We stan a guy who puts his feelings out there directly!
11

He asks you out on a date.

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    Whether you kissed on a date or unexpectedly in the heat of the moment at school or work, if he asks you out after, odds are, he enjoyed kissing you (and wants to do it again).
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12

He talks about the future.

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    A guy who’s serious about you won’t stop at kissing. He’ll not only ask you out, but he’ll invite you to a weekend getaway next month, mention his cousin’s wedding that’s happening next year that you can attend as his plus-one, or even ask you directly what your goals and dreams for the future are to see if they align with his. [4]
    • Future talk is a big sign he’s into you, but if he’s planning your retirement after your first date, that’s a red flag that he might be rushing into things! Back away slowly.
    • Talking about the future is useless without a little follow-through. If he makes grand promises to take you to Paris one day but never seems to be available for coffee when you ask him, his “future talk” is probably a flim-flam.
13

He wants to label your relationship.

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    If he takes your amorphous blob of a situationship and officially dubs it a relationship after you lay one on him, babe, you’ve got it made in the shade. Wanting to take things to the next level is a sign your kiss meant a heck of a lot.
    • If he doesn't immediately get gung ho about being your boyfriend after you kiss, take heart: he might be nervous or need to move slowly, but it's not an automatic sign the kiss meant nothing.
    • If he doesn't try to label things in the next few weeks, though, that might indicate he isn't feeling it.
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14

You felt like it meant something.

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    Go with your gut (and your heart). Don’t downplay your own instincts: they can usually tell you a lot more than you think. If you feel deep down like the kiss meant something, it probably did.
    • Try to separate what you want the kiss to mean (true love, fireworks, little cupids flying around everywhere) from what you feel, in your heart, that the kiss actually meant, even if it means acknowledging that the spark probably wasn’t there for him.
    • If it turns out the kiss wasn’t as meaningful to him as it was to you, it can be painful. But there are millions of other fish in the sea, just waiting to share a perfect, magical kiss.

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/happy-healthy-relationships/202207/how-long-should-great-kiss-last
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/myths-of-desire/201708/the-sexual-science-of-cuddling
      3. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5609545/
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-you

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