How to Text a Girl You Don't Know (Without Feeling Awkward!)

Co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: July 8, 2024 References

Texting a girl you haven't talked to before is enough to make anyone a little nervous. Whether you got her number from a friend or a dating site, you want to put your best foot forward so she's comfortable and curious about you. We'll walk you through the do's and don'ts of texting a girl you don't know very well so you can spark her interest.

Tips to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Don’t Know

Introduce yourself in your initial text.
Mention the reason you’re texting her.
Ask an interesting, open-ended question.
Give her a specific and genuine compliment.
Talk about things you two share in common.
Text her a photo to stand out from the crowd.
Keep your texts casual to avoid coming off too strong.

1

Introduce yourself in your initial text.

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Keep your first text short, sweet, and simple. She probably doesn't recognize your number, so it really helps if you casually tell her who you are. If she gave you her number in person, you could also mention where you met. This also gives her something to build the conversation off of. ^{[1]
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Research source}
- For instance, text, "Hey, Charlotte! This is Alex from the arcade." If you just got matched with her on a dating site and she knows it, you could send something playful like, "Hi Emilia, guess who? It's Jake—we just got matched." ^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}

2

Text with a purpose.

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Avoid just sending her a message that says, "Hey." She'll probably think this is lazy and you don't know what to say to her. Chances are she'll be impressed if you take the lead and mention the reason you're texting—you want to get to know her better or take her out! ^{[3]
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- Don't be afraid to be assertive . Instead of sending a vague, "Hi" or "Hey" text, you could say, "Hi, We met at the bookstore. Care to meet for coffee sometime?" This cuts right to the chase and she can either agree or politely refuse. ^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.}

3

Draw her into a conversation.

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Say something unique or surprising to get her interested. For instance, text, "Have you ever heard this song?" or "Do you know the best thing about living in this town?" To spark her curiosity, text, "Do you know what I found most interesting about your profile?" She'll probably have a really hard time ignoring a text like that because she genuinely wants to know! ^{[5]
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- If you got her number in person, you might mention that she said something interesting that you've been thinking about. Use that to start an engaging conversation with her. For instance, text, "I've been thinking about that book you mentioned the other day."

4

Pay her a compliment.

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This is a pretty standard way to start texting a girl you don't know well. While it's totally fine to compliment her , try to be specific so it feels genuine. For instance, she may not warm up to a generic, "Hey, beautiful," but if you tell her you like the freckles she's got on her cheeks, she'll probably think you're more sincere or interested in her. ^{[6]
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- It might be tricky to compliment her if you've never met, so find something you like about her profile to mention. For instance, you could say, "I love your sense of adventure," if she shared how she likes to skydive. ^{[7]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Christina Jay, NLP
  Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} You might say, "From your profile picture, it looks like you have an amazing fashion sense," or, "I love how your profile is black and white—it looks timeless."

5

Text about common interests.

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Find something you both have in common. For instance, maybe you both like similar bands and you could text about an upcoming concert. If you met her briefly and you got her number, refer back to the experience. This gives you a great jumping-off point for a conversation. ^{[8]
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- For example, say, "Hey, I really liked the food from that cart we met at. Want to try another food cart together?" or, "If you like that podcast I mentioned, I've got a few more suggestions you might really like."

6

Ask open-ended questions.

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Get the conversation going by asking for her opinion. Since you don't know her well, stick to lighthearted questions. Find out what she likes, hopes for, or hates. To draw her out, don't just ask "yes-or-no" questions since you want to get to know her. ^{[9]
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Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- You might ask, "What's your favorite scary movie?" "Is there somewhere you want to travel one day?"

7

Say something that makes you stand out.

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Instead of going with really standard conversation starters like "What do you do?" or "What do you study?" you might text her a picture of something you saw on a walk—then follow it with a text like, "Can you guess where I am?" or "Have you ever seen this spot at the park?" ^{[10]
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8

Keep your text lighthearted and casual.

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Let's be honest—you'll come off a little strong with a heavy text. Skip saying really provocative things since you may frighten her off! Instead, keep things fun and positive. She'll be more likely to engage if you've got a relatable personality. ^{[11]
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- For instance, instead of texting her something dramatic like, "You are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen—if you don't say "yes" to a date, I don't know what I'll do with myself," send a light text like, "I have no idea if you're a fan of BBQ, but there's a fantastic food cart downtown. Want to try it out?"

9

Ask her out if you want to go on a date.

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Don't be afraid to make a move if you think she's interested. ^{[12]
X
Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

Expert Interview. 11 February 2020.} If you're enjoying your conversation with the girl, ask her out ! After all, if you're hitting it off over texts, you may really enjoy each other's company. ^{[13]
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Research source}
- Need some texting ideas? Say, "Hey, have you ever gotten coffee from that new place? Want to try it with me sometime?" or, "It would be great to meet up in person. Are you free this weekend?"
- It's totally fine to feel nervous—just remind yourself that she's probably a little anxious too.

10

Give her time to respond.

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Yes, it's hard to wait for her to text back, but play it cool. After all, you have no idea if she's busy, her phone's not charged, or she's thinking about what to text back. Instead of obsessing over it, take a deep breath and try to be patient. ^{[14]
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- Whatever you do, don't keep texting her until you've gotten a response back. You don't want to sound desperate!
- If she says yes to a date, great! You can text details back to get it set up. If she's not into the idea, no problem. You can thank her for being honest with you and move on.

11

Relax and be yourself.

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Sure, texting someone you don't know well can be a little strange. But, hey, it's probably strange for her too! Remind yourself that the more you get to know each other, the more comfortable you'll be, so don't give up. Just be your genuine self and try to relax. ^{[15]
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- If you feel more comfortable talking in person, go ahead and ask her out! ^{[16]
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[1]

[2]

Expert Source

Christina Jay, NLP
Matchmaker & Certified Life Coach

[3]

[4]

[5]

[6]

[7]

[8]

[9]

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach

[10]

[11]

[12]

[13]

[14]

[15]

[16]

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How to Text a Girl You Don't Know (Without Feeling Awkward!)

Tips to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Don’t Know

Steps

Introduce yourself in your initial text.

Text with a purpose.

Draw her into a conversation.

Pay her a compliment.

Text about common interests.

Ask open-ended questions.

Say something that makes you stand out.

Keep your text lighthearted and casual.

Ask her out if you want to go on a date.

Give her time to respond.

Relax and be yourself.

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