16 Proven Strategies for Approaching Women

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Do you want the confidence to approach any woman? In this article, we’ll help you identify women who are interested in chatting with you and provide expert-backed tips on making the smoothest approach possible. We’ll also share the best ways to strike up a good conversation and how to ask her out on a date. Read on for our complete guide!

1

Look for open body language.

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  1. These are signs she might be interested in you. On the other hand, you might switch your attention to someone else if she’s got her arms folded across her chest or seems to be avoiding your eyes. In that case, she might not be in the mood to talk right now. [1]
    • People-watching can help you learn to read body language . Watch how people move and interact with each other to get a feel for how body language works.
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2

Move into her line of sight.

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  1. Move into her eye line, even if you’re just in her periphery. Give her time to notice you there before you go over to talk to her.
3

Relax your body so you look confident.

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  1. You’ll seem casual and confident, which are desirable qualities. [2] Take a deep breath and release all the tension from your body. Additionally, keep your arms at your side and smile so you seem welcoming.
    • Wondering how to look approachable ? In addition to smiling, pick out an outfit that fits into the place where you’re going. Colors like earth tones, blue, and yellow make people feel comfortable talking to you, so they’re great options. As you move about the room, angle your body toward people you’re interested in talking to and mirror their gestures. [3]
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4

Approach her from the side.

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  1. She’ll probably feel more relaxed, which will make it easier for you to talk to her. Walk a little away from her and come back if necessary to get into a good position. Then, slowly walk over.
    • Never approach a woman from behind because it’ll make her uncomfortable. She may even be startled. [4]
5

Introduce yourself.

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  1. Say, “How’s your night going?” or “Having a good time?” Really listen to her response so she knows you’re interested. She’s probably going to ask how you are in response, so say something positive like:
    • “I’m doing great.”
    • “My night’s amazing.”
    • “I’m having a terrific time, especially since I met you.”
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6

Talk about what’s going on around you.

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  1. It’s so hard to know what to say in these situations, but you can use your surroundings for inspiration. Things like the menu, music that’s playing, or why you’re there make excellent topics. You could also comment on the weather or the people around you. [5]
    • “I love this song. What about you?”
    • “Your drink looks tasty. What did you order?”
    • “What would you recommend off the menu?”
    • “Can you believe this rain we’ve been having?”
    • “It feels like everyone else here knows each other. Maybe we should get acquainted.”
7

Tell her a joke.

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  1. Make her laugh to break the ice. Laughter actually relieves stress, so it can put you both at ease. [6] Learn a few jokes in advance so you can dazzle her with your sense of humor. You might try:
    • “Jokes about steak are medium, rarely well done.”
    • “What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.”
    • "Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels, and bagels can’t fly."
    • “Why do mushrooms always get invited to parties? Because they’re such fungi!”
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8

Ask her a question and really listen.

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  1. Plus, she’ll like that you’re interested in getting to know her. [7] Ask her an open-ended question to keep the conversation going. She’ll give long answers or ask you a question if she’s interested in talking. If she gives you short answers, she’s probably not in the mood to talk, so it’s best to move onto someone else. [8]
    • “What’s your favorite band?”
    • “What do you do in your spare time?”
    • “What was the last book you read?”
    • “What was the last movie you watched?”
    • “What’s your favorite item to order off the menu?”
    • “How often do you come here?”
9

Compliment her.

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  1. Women typically get a lot of attention for their looks, so compliment her on her style or mannerisms. [9] On the other hand, steer clear of comments about her body because they might make her uncomfortable. [10]
    • “This color looks great on you.”
    • “Those earrings are so unique.”
    • “Your eyes caught my attention from across the room.”
    • “Your laugh is so melodic.”
    • “Your confidence is magnetic.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 482 wikiHow readers who've initiated a conversation with someone they’re interested in, and 52% of them agreed that the best conversation starter is complimenting or commenting on a shared interest. [Take Poll]
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10

Be direct if you’re feeling confident.

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  1. It’s scary to put yourself out there, but it might be the best way to get a date. If you’re up to it, just be honest about how you feel. Hopefully, she’ll be intrigued and want to get to know you more. [11]
    • "You're probably used to this but I'm new to it, so here it goes: I don't know you, but I'd like to. I think you're beautiful...and who doesn't want more of that in their life?"
    • “I saw you from across the room and knew I had to meet you. Would you be interested in getting to know each other?”
    • “I just wanted to tell you that you’re lovely tonight. Can I buy you a drink?”
11

Make sure she looks comfortable.

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  1. Keep talking to her as long as she seems okay with it. [12] If you notice her eyes darting away or she folds her arms across her chest, it might be time to end the conversation and move on. In that case, thank her for her time and move on to someone new.
    • “Thanks for your advice. I’ll let you get back to your drink.”
    • “I appreciate your time. Have a good night.”
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12

Exchange phone numbers.

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  1. Giving her your number puts the ball in her court so she can decide if she wants to talk to you again. She’ll text or call if she’s into you. If you don’t hear from her, she might not be interested, she’s not dating right now, or she’s already taken. In that case, focus on someone else who caught your eye.
    • “Can I get your number?”
    • “Do you wanna exchange digits?”
    • “Here’s my number.”
    • “Text me sometime.”
13

Ask her out for coffee or drinks.

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  1. Then, invite her out on a specific day to a place you’ve chosen in advance. [13] Keep it simple by going on a traditional first date to a place like a coffeehouse.
    • “You seem really cool. Do you want to meet for coffee this Saturday?”
    • “I’d really like to get to know you more. Wanna get drinks on Friday night?”
    • “I’d like to continue this conversation over lunch one day this week. Want to meet at Cozy Coffee House?”
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14

Take rejection in stride.

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  1. There are tons of reasons why a woman might turn you down that have nothing to do with you. She might be in a relationship, or perhaps she’s just not dating right now. It’s also possible she had a bad day and just isn’t in the mood to meet anyone. If she’s not interested, kindly make your exit and focus on someone else. [14]
    • “I totally understand. Have a great night.”
    • “Enjoy your evening.”
    • “I appreciate your reply. Have a nice day.”

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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/nonverbal-communication.htm
      2. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4839399/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/platonic-love/201908/the-secret-making-friends-adult
      4. ↑ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4444068/
      5. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm
      6. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/laughter-is-the-best-medicine.htm
      7. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.
      8. ↑ Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insights-yet-unseen/202209/give-more-compliments-it-won-t-be-awkward-you-think
      1. ↑ Imad Jbara. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 22 September 2021.
      2. ↑ Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/let-their-words-do-the-talking/201607/5-nonverbal-clues-someone-is-interested-in-you
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/a-buoyant-life/202311/what-to-ask-on-a-first-date
      5. ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection
      6. ↑ Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
      7. ↑ Patti Novak Williams. Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.
      8. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/dealing-with-loneliness-and-shyness.htm

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to approach women anywhere, know that it can be nerve-racking, but you should try and treat it just like how you would start a normal conversation with anyone else. Find excuses to talk to her by commenting on something interesting that’s happening or asking her a question. For example, you can say, “Do you know what song this is?” Make sure you’re being non-threatening by talking to her in a public, open area and respecting her personal space. Instead of ending the conversation by immediately asking her out, ask for her number so you can get to know her more. For more help, including how to read a woman’s signals when you're talking to her, scroll down!

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