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Even though asking a girl out on a date might make you feel nervous, there's nothing to worry about! Though you should treat anyone you want to ask out with respect, you might want to ask her out differently based on whether or not you know her. With a little preparation, though, you can confidently ask a girl out—and then you can move on to the next step, which would be getting ready for the date!
Steps
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Have an idea of where and when you want your date to be. Don't just tell her you'd like to "hang out sometime." Ask her directly and include specifics. [1] X Expert Source Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020. Have backup ideas in case she doesn't like a certain type of food or is too busy on a certain date.- If she shoots down multiple invitations without suggesting alternatives, she is probably not interested. Many women have a hard time directly saying "no" to a date or may be trying to spare your feelings. [2] X Research source
- Dinner at a not-too-fancy restaurant is a good choice for a first date.
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Ask her in person. While it may be tempting to ask her out via phone, text, or the Internet, doing so will block vital nonverbal communication. These indirect approaches can lead to miscommunication that may ruin your chances at a romantic relationship. Instead, simply ask her the next time you see her.- When you get a private moment, ask her by saying something like this: "I was wondering if you were free this Friday night? I'd like to get together just the two of us and check out [restaurant]. Are you interested?"
- If you rarely see her, then asking her out through a call or message may be necessary. A sample message you can send would be: "Hey! This is [your name] from [where you know her, like a particular class]. You seem like a really cool person, and I'd like to get to know you better. I was wondering if you'd like to go to [restaurant] this Friday at around 6:00 pm?"
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Go to a mutual friend for help. If you're still struggling to ask her, try asking a mutual friend of yours for some help. Your friend may have some tips or insights about what she likes. Your friend may also be willing to help "set you up" or in some other way help you to ask her out. Even though a mutual friend may make things easier, do not expect your friend to ask her for you.- To broach the subject, try saying something like this to your friend: "Hey, you know [girl's name]? I kind of want to ask her out. Has she said anything about me? Do you think she'd be interested?"
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Make your intentions clear. You don't have to explicitly tell her "this is a date," but don't disguise your feelings. [3] X Expert Source Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020. If she asks about it being a "date-date" or your attraction to her, be honest. Trying to "play it cool" by pretending to not be romantically interested in her will probably backfire. [4] X Research source
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Avoid doing anything that makes her feel pressured or unsafe. Don't approach a girl walking alone on a deserted street at night. Likewise, don't ask a girl out if she is somehow "trapped" with you in a location, such as elevator or cornered in a room. A good way to make her feel safe is to talk to her with other people nearby and visible.- Don't make any kind of physical contact unless she does so first. A quick way to make her feel threatened is to invade her personal space.
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Introduce yourself politely. Try making eye contact before greeting her. Tell her your name and give her a non-vulgar compliment. If she responds in kind with her name and a reciprocal compliment or expression of gratitude, mention wanting to get to know her.- Something you could start with would be: "Hey, I really like your shirt. [Whatever is on the shirt] is great!" Then wait for her response. Follow up with: "My name is [your name], by the way."
- If she ignores your greeting, it's best to back off.
- If she seems receptive and neither of you are in a hurry, feel free to have a longer conversation.
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Give her your contact information. While most guys think they're "supposed" to ask a girl for her phone number, it's best to offer yours first. This takes a lot of pressure off of her and may make her more open minded about your offer. [5] X Research source Write it down on a scrap of paper instead of insisting she record it in her phone. which can be seen as creepy and manipulative.- If she's interested, she will likely volunteer her phone number or email without you needing to ask.
- An example of something to say when offering her your contact information would be: "So it was great meeting you, but I need to get going. I really enjoyed talking to you and would like to get to know you better. If you feel the same, here's my number."
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Call, text, or email her the next day to set up a date. If she's given you her contact information, don't play mind games or expect her to make the first move. Ask her to dinner at a specific restaurant with an idea of the day and time. Have a few backup options in case she is genuinely busy or averse to a certain food choice.- An example of what to write or say would be: "Hey this is [your name] from yesterday at [location you met]. I was wondering if you'd be free Friday night around 7:00? There's this [type of food] restaurant called [restaurant] I've been meaning to try, and I was hoping you might be interested in joining me? If you'd rather go somewhere else or you're busy, let me know what would work better for you. Thanks! I look forward to seeing you again soon."
- If she doesn't return that first call or shoots down multiple offers without suggesting alternatives, she may not be interested in dating. Even if she seemed into you before, people can always change their minds. Respect her decision and move on.
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Remember that the worst thing that can happen is that she says "no." That may sound like a cliché, but it's an important fact to keep in mind when asking out a girl you don't know. Striking out with someone you have an established relationship with can inject some awkward moments into your life for some time. An advantage of asking out that cute girl you just met at a coffee shop is the lack of outside social pressure. Keep this in mind to boost your confidence.
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Pay at least as much attention to what she's doing as what she's saying. Properly reading body language is vital to asking a girl out, whether she's a stranger or a friend. This will help you to gauge whether she's interested before you even start talking.- While researchers disagree about exactly how much body language plays a role in human communication, most agree that it is significant. [6] X Research source
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Look at her eyes. Keep your eyes on her face and see if she returns her gaze. [7] X Expert Source Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist Expert Interview. 1 May 2020. If she won't look you in the eye for very long or is constantly looking elsewhere, there is a good chance that she is not interested in a date.- Remember that there are a few reasons why she may not keep eye contact even if she's romantically interested in you. She may have vision problems, social anxiety, autism spectrum disorder, or some other condition that may make nonverbal communication difficult.
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Check her posture. If she is interested in you, she will likely face in your direction while keeping her arms open and unfolded.- Signs that she's disinterested include crossed arms and a hunched posture. [8] X Research source
- Keep context in mind. If it's a cold day, don't assume that a girl crossing her arms is communicating disinterest. [9] X Research source Likewise, if you're standing in the only exit of a room, don't mistake her facing in that direction as a sign of interest in you.
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Tips
- The most important thing you can do is to simply be confident and straightforward when asking her out. [10] X Research sourceThanks
- If a girl seems busy or in a rush, it isn't an appropriate time to ask her on a date.Thanks
- Don't let an additional friend or two tag along on your date. This would quickly change the dynamic from "first date" to "just another friendly get-together." If she asks about bringing someone else, emphasize that you want to hang out as just the two of you. If she insists, then there's a good chance that she doesn't want the occasion to be a "date." There will be plenty of time to hang out with friends as a couple further along in your relationship. She may ask something like: "Would it be ok if [friend's name] tags along?" Respond with: "I really want to hang out with just you that night."Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Make sure your friend actually likes you like that before asking her out. If she's made it super obvious she just likes you as a friend, don't ask her out, as this could make things weird.
- Always be yourself. Don't try to be something you're not to get a stranger to like you. Even if it works to land you a date, it isn't sustainable in the long run.
- If you're asking out a friend, let her know that you still want to be friends if she says no (so long as she's okay with it too).
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References
- ↑ Collette Gee. Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smart-relationships/201311/why-women-have-hard-time-saying-no
- ↑ Collette Gee. Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.thefrisky.com/2011-02-18/girl-talk-ask-me-on-a-damn-date
- ↑ https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-simplest-dating-advice-ever-give-her-your-number-hesaid/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-a-numbers-game
- ↑ Collette Gee. Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist. Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.
- ↑ https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-body-language-of-attraction_b_3673055
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/beyond-words/201109/is-nonverbal-communication-a-numbers-game
About This Article
Article Summary
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The best thing to do if you want to ask a girl out on a date is to ask her in person. It may seem scary, but talking to her face-to-face can help you avoid any possible misunderstanding that may come up through messaging. Instead of just generally asking her if she wants to hang out sometime, you should have a specific idea of when and where to go so you can make a set plan. For example, you can say, “Would you like to have dinner with me on Friday at the new Italian restaurant?”. Remember that if it seems like she’s shooting down your suggestions, she may just not want to hurt your feelings by saying no to your date. If that happens, don’t feel too down and know that there are other fish in the sea. For more advice, including how to ask out a stranger, read on!
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