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Learn how to live your best independent life and thrive as a happy single woman
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You’ve heard the old-fashioned message that you need to be married to be a truly happy woman. Perhaps that was truer at one time, but not anymore. Over half of the U.S. population is single, according to the most recent census. So, whether you’re between relationships or have chosen to remain relationship-free, now is the time to focus on living life for yourself and your happiness.
Steps
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Learn to be alone with yourself. You spend more time with yourself than anyone else, and you should learn to enjoy your own company. One key to being a happy single woman is to be comfortable spending time alone with yourself, understanding that you don’t always need to be around others. You will ultimately discover qualities about yourself that you love, and some that you’d like to change. This process of self-discovery is invaluable to truly being a happy, single woman. [1] X Research source
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Pursue a new interest or hobby. Being single means that you have more time for yourself. Now is the time to develop your own interests outside of work and other relationships. Pursue what makes you happy, what fulfills you, or what piques your curiosity. Don’t let your work or other people influence which interest you pursue. Choose something that will bring you joy or fulfillment.
- You might take up bike riding, or yoga, or a book club, or even sign up for sewing lessons at a local shop.
- Reader Poll: We asked 931 wikiHow readers about the self-care goal they’re most motivated to work on, and only 6% of them said following a skincare routine . [Take Poll] Instead, making it a goal to try a new hobby might be more rewarding.
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Appreciate what you have. Negativity breeds more negativity, and that can stifle your happiness. Instead, look around you, really think about your life, and take stock. Think about your friends, your family, your job, your house, your collection, your hobbies, your health, and your wit, and appreciate what you have. Focusing on the positive will shift your perspective to one of gratitude and happiness. [2] X Research source
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Define your relationship standards. You might choose to be in a relationship in the future, and there’s no better time than when you’re happy and single to figure out what you want and need in a partner. Consider why you’re happy right now and what traits in a future partner could enhance that happiness. This is the best time to define what you want, expect, and need in a future relationship. It’s also a great time to concretely lay out your dealbreakers. [3] X Research source
- Perhaps you want your future partner to have a certain level of education or affiliate with a particular political party.
- On the other hand, you might decide that a partner who is disrespectful to servers and strangers is a dealbreaker for you.
- Take some time to clarify for yourself what features of a relationship are most important to you and what ones you are willing to be flexible on.
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Treat yourself. You’re a happy, single woman and you deserve to treat yourself. In fact, you should treat yourself. Splurge now and then, and if your budget allows, incorporate little treats as part of your monthly expenses. Make yourself a priority and reward yourself for being fabulous now and then.
- Schedule a spa day.
- Get your eyebrows waxed every month.
- Take yourself to the movies.
- Go get that bag that you’ve been eyeing for some time.
- Book yourself a room at the nicest hotel in town for a night.
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Advance your career. You don’t have to choose between being in a relationship and having a career, an outdated idea that doesn’t accurately represent opportunities for modern women. As a single woman, though, you undeniably have more opportunity to focus on advancing your career, as your time and flexibility is entirely yours. Seize professional opportunities for growth and training, taking advantage of your flexibility. [4] X Research source Opportunities may include:
- You might be asked to travel regularly or even relocate for a better position.
- You might be asked to work unplanned overtime.
- You may have several after-work networking functions to attend.
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Rethink your relationships. Humans are social creatures, and research shows that people are happier when they have an emotional connection with someone. [5] X Research source This doesn’t mean that you have to be in a relationship to be happy, though. Your platonic relationships can be just as rewarding as a romantic connection, and should not be overlooked as a source of happiness. [6] X Research source
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Form a support network. Having a circle of friends and a support network is a must for a single, happy woman. Women tend to form friendships easier than men, as women are usually more social. And everyone needs confidantes, those people with whom you can share your highs, lows, and true self. [7] X Research source
- Some women aren’t as comfortable meeting people or being social. If you are somewhat uncomfortable meeting people, consider joining a variety of meetup groups or getting involved in a variety of your interests, which will naturally lead you to people who share at least one interest of yours. [8] X Research source
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Make friends and family a priority. Your time, money, and energy is yours and yours alone. You get to spend each as you see fit without consulting with anyone else, which makes scheduling time with your friends and family all the easier. And just as you need a good support network, it’s important that you be a strong member of other support networks.
- Ask your parents if they’d like to have weekly dinners.
- Invite your friends over for a wine tasting.
- Suggest that your friends or family take a short road trip with you to a popular tourist attraction.
- Organize a camping adventure with a group of friends or your siblings.
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Plan for sickness and aging. Some women fear being single because they are scared of being alone when they’re older or ill. Because more and more people are choosing to be single, new communities are forming for older, single people. These intentional communities offer comradery, support, and socialization. Having a plan for how you’ll approach aging and illness as a single woman will alleviate your worries and uncertainty, allowing you to be happier. [9] X Research source
- These intentional communities are not retirement communities, although there are retirement communities for single people.
- Intentional communities are typically housing cooperatives, or land trusts, or even communes.
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Challenge social expectations. Many societies prioritize and even celebrate marriage as the ultimate achievement for women. From a young age, society tells women that they should grow up, find a partner, get married and then they’ll be happy. This might not be the right path for you, though, and that’s perfectly alright. [10] X Research source
- You can find examples of social expectations everywhere, from commercials for cleaning products to reality television shows to print magazine ads for wedding dresses and engagement rings.
- Nowadays, marriage is usually seen as a union founded on love and mutual affection, versus a financial or security arrangement between two families. Remind critics that a woman doesn’t need to be married to be secure or successful anymore.
- If being a single woman is frowned upon in your culture, ask your family to explain their concerns, and be prepared that you may ultimately disagree on what is right for you – and that’s okay.
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Defy cultural expectations. Your family’s cultural background might place an extraordinary emphasis on you getting married. If your family routinely asks you when you’re going to settle down, or offers to set you up with someone, remember these cultural motivations before you get too upset with their persistence. Bearing these expectations in mind will help you best determine how to respond to your family. [11] X Research source
- Remember, too, that you might be the first woman in your family to voluntarily remain single and succeed at being independent and happy, which is a foreign idea to some.
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Familiarize yourself with the typical conversation. Understand that there will always be neigh-sayers who cannot accept that you’re not actively working on finding a future spouse. They will typically ask questions like, “did you give up on love?” or “don’t you want to be happy?” or even, “what’s so wrong about wanting to be close to someone?” These questions usually come from a good place, with the questioner just not understanding how you could be happy without a partner. Preparing stock answers to this line of questioning will alleviate stress for you, and ensure that you respond with a concise, direct answer that ends the line of questioning.
- For example, if someone asks, “don’t you want to be happy?” you could respond with, “I certainly do, which is why I’m focusing on myself and my happiness. I am happily, voluntarily, single, am quite fulfilled, and am not looking for a relationship. I really appreciate you thinking of my happiness.” Another option is to say, “I am no more unhappy with being single than you are with being married.”
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Reconcile your desire to have children. You’re a strong, single woman and perhaps you’ve always wanted children, or have just recently realized that you do, in fact, want to have a child. You might feel disappointed that you’re not in a relationship and think that limits your options. Fortunately, you can freely have a child as a single woman, if you choose to do so.
- You have a variety of options that weren’t available to single women even 15 years ago. If you do want to have a child, look into sperm donation, adoption, and even fostering children for the state in which you live.
- On the other hand, you might feel discomfort with the idea of raising a child as a single woman. You’re not alone. Almost 20% of women are child free and the number grows annually.
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Acknowledge your desire for a relationship. Not all single people are lonely, and not all lonely people are lonely all the time. You’re a single woman, and you might be disappointed that you’re not in a relationship. You’re bombarded daily with images and cultural reinforcements that tell you that you should be in a relationship, making you even more aware that you aren’t. Whether it’s by choice or not, you’re single, and acknowledging that you do want a relationship can be difficult because it makes you vulnerable. [12] X Research source
- If you’re single by choice, you may occasionally consider that you’d like a relationship. That’s entirely normal. Remember, you’re not committed to being single and can change your mind at any point, but you don’t have to do so.
- If you’re disappointed that you’re not in a relationship, consider getting into the dating scene. Join a dating website, join a singles club, or even a hobby club, where you might meet like-minded single people.
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Choose your family. You’re single but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. You are in an extraordinary position to choose your family – the group of friends that you hold most dear. You will support one another, laugh with one another, celebrate with one another, and cry together. This is a family of your creation, and while you might not be in a traditional relationship, you are certainly not alone. [13] X Research source
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Acknowledge your accomplishments if you’re a single mom. You may not have imagined raising a child or children by yourself, but here you are. You worry, cry, celebrate, and discipline by yourself, and you don’t have a partner to rely on, which can be challenging. This may not be how you imagined raising your family, and you might be a bit disappointed. Acknowledge your strength, appreciate your power and fortitude, and importantly, know when to reach out to friends and family to ask for help. [14] X Research source
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I'm in my late 20s and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm just tired and frustrated. I don't know where to meet people and I'm not go... Read More
Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow can a single woman be strong?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).A single woman can believe in herself and her worthwhileness and her ability to love. Just because you don't have a life partner does not make you any less important or caring. Make a list of your best qualities and re-read it often.
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QuestionHow can I stay happy and stay alone?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Ultimately life is about how we feel about ourselves—whether we are in a relationship or alone. We can't derive all of our self-worth from a partner. We must all reach inside and learn to love ourselves.
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QuestionHow can I be happy when I'm single?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).You can celebrate all the things you love doing. Join clubs and organizations with like-minded people. Appreciate that you have time for yourself. Keep the company of friends and family. You won't get the single days back...someday you may be committed and busier and you might wish that you enjoyed your single time more.
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References
- ↑ https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-art-of-being-happily-single/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carol-morgan/if-you-dont-like-being-single-you-need-to-read-this_b_6294266.html
- ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/308654/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/savvy-auntie/201202/the-career-woman-myth
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/11/how-this-harvard-psycholo_n_3727229.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/01/being-single-happiness-women_n_5007469.html
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/single-and-loving-it?page=2
- ↑ http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/how-to-be-happy-when-youre-single/
- ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/single-and-loving-it?page=4
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/01/being-single-happiness-women_n_5007469.html
- ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/308654/
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/being-single-how-to-handle-loneliness_b_3461062
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/what-i-know-about-being-single-now-that-im-in-my-40s_b_4747843.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/what-i-know-about-being-single-now-that-im-in-my-40s_b_4747843.html
About This Article
Article Summary
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You can be a happy single woman by pursuing your passions in life and spending time with people who care about you, like friends and family. If you have a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, like bike riding, yoga, or sewing, try it out! Investing in a hobby or volunteer work will help you stay connected and build your self-esteem. Besides hobbies, as a single woman, you may have more time to advance your career. For example, if a relationship prevented you from traveling for work or working extra hours, now might be a good time to invest in those opportunities. Don’t forget, platonic relationships can be just as rewarding as romantic ones, so try to meet up reguarly with friends and family. For instance, you could set a weekly dinner date with your parents or organize a monthly book club with your friends. To learn how to deal with people who don’t approve of your single lifestyle, read more from our Relationship co-author!
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- "I'm single by choice. People thinks I'm crazy, others tell me I will change my mind, though I know I will not. Reading this article made me happy & reminded me that I'm not doing anything wrong or stupid. " ..." more
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"I'm single by choice. People thinks I'm crazy, others tell me I will change my mind, though I know I will not. Reading this article made me happy & reminded me that I'm not doing anything wrong or stupid. "
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"I am single by choice. People generally attribute a failed marriage or a love story for being single, which is absolutely not the case. I am a happy single, and I always wanted to be a celibate. I aspire for a better-educated society where people won't bother about others' relationship status."
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