How to Behave Well at Home

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Good behavior is something all parents want and expect from their children. Most children, in turn, want to please their parents and make them proud. But as you grow and become an adult, sometimes you can get into disagreements with your parents. Behaving well at home is, therefore, sometimes easier said than done. The formula for having good behavior at home is relatively simple; by avoiding bad behavior like talking back, showing your parents that you are responsible, and being thoughtful and considerate, you can get along better at home and avoid issues.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Avoiding Bad Behavior

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  1. Perhaps you have been getting in trouble a lot lately at home and are unsure of why. Or maybe you feel that your parent’s rules feel unfair to you at times. If this is the case, talk to your parents about their restrictions and why they find them important. There could be underlying factors at play that you don’t know exist that will help you understand them and their rules better. This is also a time for them to understand you better. [1]
    • Say something like “Hey Mom and Dad, I know that I’ve been getting in trouble a lot for breaking my curfew of 10 o’clock by a few minutes. I really want to be a better child and I never want to stress you out or for you to worry about me. But I’ve had the same curfew for a year now, and I was wondering if in the future you would consider extending it to 11, after I’ve proven that I can be home by 10 consistently?”
    • Perhaps your parents are very strict on you because there are a lot of kids in your area who do drugs or get into fatal car accidents. If so, you can reassure them by being drug free and by driving carefully.
  2. Often times, there are certain situations that you can get yourself into that you know will lead to trouble. Take some time to think about occasions that you have gotten into trouble. Work to avoid such behavior and negative circumstances in the future. [2]
    • For example, if you get into trouble nearly every time you hang out with a certain friend, consider spending significantly less time with that friend. You can also try to talk to the friend so that you both can be better friends to each other and avoid trouble.
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  3. One other way to be good at home is to be good at school. No parent wants to hear the news that their child has been disruptive at school, and doing so can almost guarantee that your parents will be upset and disappointed in you. Work to be good at school and avoid issues so your parents never get a bad report.
    • Review your school’s handbook as far as conduct policies as well as the classroom policies that your teachers have on an individual level. Follow these rules and you will avoid punishment.
  4. Another issue that many parents have is frustration when their children argue or talk back to them. You must remember that you are the child, even if you are in high school, and your parents are the authority figure over you. Though you may enjoy a close and even friendly relationship with them, they are still your parents and they are deserving of respect. Therefore, if you disagree with them about something, present your issue respectfully and without arguing.
    • For example, if your parent won’t allow you to go to the mall with your friends, accept their decision. You can say something like “I know you said I can’t go to the mall with my friends, and I accept your decisions as my parent, but I do still want to go. If you change your mind, please let me know. Also, if there is any way you’d feel more comfortable with me going, could we talk about that?"
    • In the future, ask them a bit in advance so they have more time to think about it, and don’t demand an answer right away.
    • Never under any circumstances tell your parents that you hate them.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Talk to your parents with confidence. Conflicts or disagreements with your parents can get heated, but instead of yelling, try a calmer approach. Think of it similarly to how you'd approach a discussion or debate with a friend.

  5. You may get into a lot of trouble at home stemming from fights with your brothers and sisters. These fights, however, can typically be avoided. Sit down with your siblings and have a talk about ending the issues between you, and discuss ways to avoid fights should tempers begin to flare. [3]
    • For instance, you should always take a minute to calm down once your sibling has done something to upset you. Walk away for a moment, gather your thoughts, and then return to have a talk
    • Never hit your sibling under any circumstances.
  6. Always remember that you are living under your parents’ roof, not vice versa. Your parents probably work hard to provide a home, food and clothing for you and want nothing more than for you to be taken care of. Respect the things that they have given to you and the rules that they have put in place. When you are older and have your own home, you will be able to set your own rules.
    • For instance, don’t play your music too loud.
    • Keep your room reasonably neat.
    • Take care of the things they have given you.
    • Don’t invite friends over without checking with them first.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Being Responsible At Home

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  1. Your parents likely have given you certain chores that you are supposed to do each week, like doing the dishes or taking out the trash. Every week, make sure that you are doing your part in your home to keep it clean and running efficiently. Remember that you are a part of your family and if you all work together, you make things easier for your parents. [4]
  2. Your parents may come home each day from work and ask to see your homework so they can check it. Make sure that you are completing your homework each day after getting home from school so that your parents don’t have to stress about unfinished work. Since school is likely your only job, you should do it diligently and make sure that all of your business is taken care of without having to be reminded.
  3. Though you are not their parent, if you have younger siblings, you can help take care of them. This will signal to your parents that you are responsible and are becoming more mature, and they will likely trust you more and think of you more favorably. If you know how to do certain things that your siblings usually rely on your parents for, you can step in occasionally to help.
    • For instance, if your mom or dad usually gets your sibling a snack at night, you can get it for them some nights instead.
    • You can also help them with their hair or when they pick out their clothes. Ask them if they want help first, though.
  4. Even if your parents make rules that you think are strict or perhaps even a bit harsh, you should always obey them. Many issues can be avoided if you heed the wise instruction of your parents. They have been where you are now and tend to make rules to prevent you from making the mistakes that they made. So do all that you can to keep your promises to them and show your respect. [6]
    • Always show them respect. Never let your friends or any others talk badly about them.
    • It is your parent’s job to guide you and prevent you from harm. Remember that their rules stem from that desire.
    • Avoid comparing your parents to your friends' parents. Each household has its own rules and style. Remember that some other parents might be lax and not provide enough guidance.
  5. If your parents have given you a certain time to be home, respect that time. Your parents have likely set this time to ensure that you are home safe so they don’t have to worry about you. Do you best to never cause your parents unnecessary stress.
    • Come home a few minutes early when possible.
    • Set an alarm on your phone so you know when to leave your friend’s house or other location in order to be home on time.
  6. [7] Your parents love you and only want the best for you. Always show them the respect that they deserve, which is a lot because they gave you life and take care of you. Be positive with them, don’t argue, and always show them kindness. [8]
    • Always treat them how you would like to be treated.
    • Think about all that they do to take care of you.
    • Never yell at them or raise your voice.
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Going The Extra Mile

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  1. Though you should prioritize the chores that you have already been given by your parents, you should try to do a little more to help them out every so often. Your parents may work 40 hours or more per week and have to take care of you and your siblings, so they have quite a bit on their plate in addition to taking care of the house. Take some time during the week to clean a little extra to relieve some of the burden off of your parents. [9]
    • Do a few extra loads of laundry when you have time or wash the dishes if you see some in the sink.
  2. Your parents very likely do nice things for you often, probably even more than you notice. Take some time to think about ways to return the favor, but also to show your parents how much you love and appreciate them for all that they do. This is a great way to go beyond just being good at home, but to show your parents how much their own goodness is important to you. [10]
    • For instance, you could write your parents a letter expressing your love for them.
    • You could bake them a batch of cookies or save up your money to buy them a gift.
  3. If your parents are together and both are working, they may find it hard to find the time to go out on a date with one another like they did before you were born. If you are old enough, suggest babysitting your younger siblings so your parents can have some time to themselves. They will appreciate the gesture and you will be able to spend time with your brothers and sisters. [11]
  4. Extra money helps out any household. If you are age 16 or older, consider getting a part time job if your parents consent. This job will not only provide you with spending money so you have to ask your parents less often, it will also make you more responsible and will give you skills that are important for the workforce. Your parents will appreciate you taking this initiative and it will give you an opportunity to get out of the house for a bit.
    • Consider looking for employment at the mall or at a restaurant.
    • You can also babysit kids in your neighborhood or do errands for your neighbors.
  5. Remember that, even though you are not a parent yourself, parenting is the hardest job on the planet. You may be your parents’ first child, and while they are always doing what they think is best, they don’t have all the answers. Know that and don’t take it out on them when you feel that they are being unfair or unreasonable.
    • Put yourself in their shoes and imagine what you would do if you had a child. Think of how protective you would be.
    • Be thoughtful. You can do this in small ways like not leaving the bathroom floor wet after you take a shower, as well as in larger ways like giving your parents some space after a long day at work.
  6. There will never be anyone or anything more important in life than your family. Remember that your parents’ love for you is deeper than anyone else’s that you know, more than your friends, and more than your significant other if you have one. Always honor, respect, and love them and put them first and you will have no issue at home! [12]
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How do you maintain discipline in your classroom?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    You maintain discipline by being consistent. State your expectations clearly. Let your students clearly know how you expect them to behave. Be sure to build in a reward system for students from time to time.
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    Not Helpful 5 Helpful 18
  • Question
    How do I behave?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    Become more objective about your own behavior. Ask for feedback from family and close friends. Try journaling about situations as they occur. Before you can change the behavior you first have to acknowledge behaviors you might benefit from changing.
    Thanks! We're glad this was helpful.
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  • Question
    How do I become more mature?
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).
    Klare Heston, LCSW
    Licensed Social Worker
    Expert Answer
    You become more mature by learning from your mistakes. It doesn't mean never making any mistakes in the first place! The next time you run into the same situation or set of circumstances, alter how you react. You also become more mature by stopping and thinking things through before reacting.
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      Tips

      • Tell them how you love them and say “please” and “thank you”.
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      • Mother's Day and Father's Day are special holidays. You can do a little extra to show how much you love your parents and express how good you feel about your good work!
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      • Respect your parents, even if you think some of their rules are unfair. If they say you have to go to bed early, don't bawl and scream. Calmly talk to them and try to see if there's any chance of you staying up later. If they still say no, don't throw a tantrum. Go to your room and read a book, or do some homework.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Do small helpful things for your parents when possible, like getting snacks for siblings or loading the dishwasher. These thoughtful acts will be noticed.
      • Have candid talks with friends if they influence you negatively. Explain needing to avoid bad situations and ask them to support more positive choices.
      • Talk to your parents openly if you disagree with the rules so all sides are heard. Find compromises if possible. This builds mutual understanding.
      • Schedule a relaxing outing for your parents if you can babysit. Time alone together strengthens their bond, which helps the household.
      • Reflect on past incidents where you got in trouble and what fueled them. Then, make a plan to avoid those situations going forward.
      • Write heartfelt notes periodically to tell your parents how much you appreciate them. Words of gratitude go a long way.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html
      2. ↑ https://oureverydaylife.com/avoid-getting-trouble-parents-2276282.html
      3. ↑ https://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/fighting-with-your-sibling
      4. ↑ https://lifehacker.com/5829673/how-to-find-more-time-in-your-day-by-putting-your-chores-on-auto-pilot
      5. ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
      6. ↑ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/best-advice-listen-your-parents-neil-blumenthal
      7. ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
      8. ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/work-in-progress/2011/08/08/8421/#6231100c55a0
      9. ↑ Wits End Parenting. Parenting Specialists. Expert Interview. 5 March 2020.
      1. ↑ https://www.buzzfeed.com/alannaokun/unexpected-ways-to-show-your-mom-you-love-her?utm_term=.agodRMYag#.ofOJKz8nZ
      2. ↑ https://www.moneycrashers.com/part-time-jobs-high-school-students/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/prescriptions-life/201201/10-habits-keep-you-out-trouble

      About This Article

      Article Summary X

      If you want to behave well at home, show your parents how responsible you are by doing your weekly chores, without being reminded. Take even more stress out of their busy lives by doing your homework every day after school so that they don’t have to worry about you. When you see that your parents are tired, step in and help take care of your siblings by doing simple things, such as feeding them. And always treat your parents with respect, even when you think their rules aren’t fair. To learn more from our Social Work co-author, like how to show sympathy for your parents, read on!

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