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When you have chemistry with someone, do they feel it, too? When it comes to an unspoken connection, the chemistry is often palpable. Mutual attraction is a lot like gravity—the two of you may feel drawn to one another in ways that feel mysterious, or even confusing. You can absolutely feel this kind of tension, but if you’re looking for some help figuring out if the signs you’re picking up on are the real deal or not, you’re in the right place!
Steps
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They “accidentally” touch you, or lock eyes with you. If they “accidentally” brush against you, put their arm on your shoulder, or hold their hugs for longer than it feels like a random friend might, it could be a sign that they’re interested in you. If you find yourself doing the same, it could be mutual attraction. [1] X Research source
- Eye contact will tell you a lot as well. If they steal glances from the other side of the room when you think they aren’t looking, or they blush when they look at you, they could be interested!
- If they lean in when they talk to you, and they turn towards you when the two of you are sitting together, it’s a subtle sign they’re interested.
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They play along when you flirt or compliment them. Try sliding in a comment about their outfit looking cute or their hair making them look handsome and see how they respond. [2] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 25 May 2021. If they just say “thanks” and move on, they may not be interested. If they lean into the opportunity and tell you that they like something about you as well though, they probably like you just as much as you like them. [3] X Research source- If they come up with a pet name or a nickname for you, it’s a big signal that they’re interested in your romantically.
- You might try referring to them as your “work boyfriend” or “history class wife” if the two of you spend a lot of time together. If they go along with it, that’s a huge sign that the feeling is mutual.
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They mirror your behavior and tone to match how you feel. If they grimace a bit and use a sympathetic tone when you’re sad, or they laugh at your jokes (even when they’re bad), they may be mirroring your behavior. [4] X Expert Source John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 25 May 2021. Mirroring is a common way that people try to get others to like them. Basically, if they try to act, feel, or talk the same way you do, it’s a massive sign that they want you to like them. [5] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health Go to source- You could try poking fun at them in a competitive, flirty way and see if they play along with it. For example, if you work together, you might say, “I’m totally going to beat your sales numbers this quarter. Don’t worry, I’ll share the bonus with you!” If you’re at school, you might say, “Guess who’s getting a better grade than you on the upcoming test. You’re cute, but I’ve got the brains.”
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They go out of their way to be near you in group settings. Do they go out of their way to stand right next to you when other people are around? Are they always bringing you a drink at a party and striking up small talk, or asking if you want to go hang out alone somewhere else? If they do any of these things and they make you happy when they do, this is a massive signal that you’re experiencing mutual attraction. [6] X Research source
- This may happen organically too, without either of you actively taking steps to make it happen. If you go to a group dinner and the two of you just magically end up being the last to leave because you’re just chatting it up all night, that’s huge!
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The two of you confide and trust in one another. If the two of you are there for another when things are tough, it’s a key sign that the two of you are experiencing mutual attraction. You two might check in on one another if you notice the other person is having a rough day, or express support for one another. Mutual attraction is like gravity, and that gravity should still be there even when the two of you aren’t flirting, laughing, or enjoying yourselves. [7] X Research source
- Have the two of you shared secrets? People only open up about things they’re potentially embarrassed about around people they’re comfortable with.
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Your conversations tend to be deeper than normal small talk. How much time the two of you spend talking matters less than the quality of your conversations. If it’s all small talk and surface-level chitchat, it’s possible they’re only interested in being friends. However, if those small chats about the weather turn into conversations about your plans for the day, and the talk about your plans turns into a conversation about your hobbies, interests, and passions, it could be mutual attraction! [8] X Research source
- Test the waters on this one by asking them a deeper question like, “What kind of parent do you think you’d be?” or, “Do you ever feel totally misunderstood?” If their answers are kind of boring and straightforward, it’s a red flag. If they pick up what you’re putting down and start digging into the question, it’s a good sign, though!
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They get you gifts and do favors for you out of nowhere. If the two of you find reasons to make the other person’s life easier, or you share little gifts or trinkets, it’s an important signal that the two of you have an intuitive impulse to care for one another. Even if it’s something small, like a cup of coffee in the morning for your 8 am work shift, or some borrowed notes for a class you missed, it can mean a lot. [9] X Research source
- If you’ve never noticed anything like this, try getting them something tiny! If they’re a huge fan of the Chicago Bulls, get a little $2-3 Michael Jordan toy or something and give it to them. Say, “This reminded me of you!” If they blush, get super thankful, or get you something in return next week, they’re into you.
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Ask a neutral third party what they think of the two of you. If you have a friend or coworker who has seen the two of you interact, ask them if they think there’s a mutual attraction there. It can be hard to figure this out on your own, but an objective set of fresh eyes may pick up on things that you aren’t seeing. [10] X Research source
- Even if you haven’t known your crush that long, you can still ask a friend if they could picture the two of you together. This is a simple way to rule out whether you’re being unrealistic or not.
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Sit with the way you feel to avoid over-romanticizing things. When you’ve got butterflies in your stomach, it can be difficult to know if your vision is clouded or not. If you have a tendency to obsess over things, or you’ve misread signals in past romantic endeavors, it may mean that you’ve over analyzed things to the point that you’re imagining things. Just sit with the feeling for a while. You don’t have to act on an attraction right now, and the longer you wait, the more evidence you’ll have the feeling is mutual! [11] X Research source
- If you’re confident in who you are and you don’t have a tendency to jump from relationship to relationship, it’s safe to say that you can trust your judgement on this one.
- Consider how long you’ve known this person. If it’s been a few months and your relationship has been developing steadily and slowly, there’s probably something there. If you just met last week, wait for a while!
- Are you a “hopeless romantic?” If so, you may be looking at things through slightly unrealistic lenses.
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Trust your gut at the end of the day. You know how you feel, and you’re more than capable of picking up on cues and signals. Don’t talk yourself out of a good thing! If you can feel the tension building up between the two of you and it really feels like something is there, you’re probably right. It’s easy to overthink things, but when you know, you know. [12] X Research source
- Think about the risk and reward here. If you continue pursuing this and it doesn’t work out, so what? It’s always worth taking the chance and going for it.
- If something really does feel “off” here, there probably is. Your brain and body have a funny way of letting you know that something is either too good to be true or not quite right.
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Let things develop organically and give it time. Nobody said you have to do anything right now. If there’s mutual attraction between you two and you’re spending more and more time with one another, and your conversations continue to become increasingly intimate, you can simply let nature take its course. When the time is right, you’ll know! [13] X Research source
- This is an especially good way to explore your feelings if the two of you have just met.
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Ask them out on a date for a straightforward approach. If the attraction is mutual, they’ll say yes. You could ask them on a simple coffee date for something casual, or ask them out to dinner for something a little more formal and traditional. Alternatively, if the two of you have a shared hobby, like dancing, you could ask them out for some salsa or tango at the local dance spot. [14] X Research source
- You might say, “Hey, are you free this weekend? I was wondering if you’d want to go check out that new Peruvian restaurant that just opened up. We could make it a date!”
- You could also try something a little more open like, “Would you be interested in a date sometime? I’d love to hang out and spend some time together.”
- You can tell they’d definitely say yes if they’ve mentioned how single they are around you. That’s a common signal that someone would be open to a relationship.
- Reader Poll: We asked 845 wikiHow readers who've asked someone on a date, and 54% of them agreed that the best way to ask is by casually suggesting to hang out and spend time together. [Take Poll]
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Try confessing how you feel and see how they respond. Instead of asking them on a date, you could tell them how you feel and see how they respond. If they aren’t interested, tell them that’s okay and that you hope the two of you can still be friends. If they are, the two of you can figure out where this thing is going and choose a spot for your first date! [15] X Research source
- You could say, “I’m really sorry if this is forward and it’s totally okay if you don’t feel the same way, but I think I’ve got a bit of a crush on you,” or, “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I think you and I might really have something here. If you feel the same way, I’d love to explore it with you.”
- This is functionally identical to asking them out on a date, but it may be easier for you if you kind of want to breach the topic slowly to see how they respond. If you’re scared to ask them out straight up, do this instead!
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Invite them to a casual hang session to play it safe. You don’t have to spell it out if you aren’t totally comfortable just going for it. Instead of asking them on a date, invite them to hang out and do something you’re both interested in. This is a great way to test the waters and see how it goes when the two of you are alone together. [16] X Research source
- For example, you might say, “I’ve got an extra ticket to a play this weekend. I know you’re into theater, so I thought you might come along,” or, “You’re a Red Sox fan right? Want to catch the game at a bar after work?”
- This is a good option if you aren’t sure whether they like you or not. If they’re totally not into the idea of a date, you can always play it off like you were asking as a friend. If they are into it, you can let the night develop like a normal date!
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References
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-unspoken-mutual-attraction/
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.
- ↑ https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/02/150212154627.htm
- ↑ John Keegan. Dating Coach. Expert Interview. 25 May 2021.
- ↑ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18453390/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-unspoken-mutual-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-unspoken-mutual-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-unspoken-mutual-attraction/
- ↑ https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/10/how-the-five-love-languages-gets-misinterpreted/600283/
- ↑ https://medium.com/hello-love/the-danger-of-romanticizing-potential-relationships-f0dd1a5ce11a
- ↑ https://medium.com/hello-love/the-danger-of-romanticizing-potential-relationships-f0dd1a5ce11a
- ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/signs-of-unspoken-mutual-attraction/
- ↑ https://duniamagazine.com/2016/08/5-ways-to-let-love-unfold-naturally/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/just-asking-it-part-ii-why-dating-partners-say-yes
- ↑ https://www.seventeen.com/love/dating-advice/a26324989/how-to-tell-someone-you-like-them/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/5-ways-indirectly-ask-date
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