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Learn to praise people in a genuine and thoughtful way
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Compliments are a great way to break the ice and make others feel good, but how can you craft a genuine message that doesn’t sound cliché? We interviewed dating coach Candice Mostisser to find out the best ways to show admiration and respect toward someone. We’re also providing a list of sincere compliments that you can use to praise loved ones, coworkers, and strangers, so read on for the ultimate guide on giving a compliment!
Things You Should Know
- To come up with a genuine compliment, reflect on the other person’s behavior and think about why you appreciate or admire them.
- Phrase your compliment in a positive and straightforward manner.
- Focus on complimenting things that the other person can control, such as their style, personality, or accomplishments.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Giving a Genuine Compliment
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Be sincere and specific. According to dating coach Candice Mostisser, when you say something that you don’t really mean, it can come off as “disingenuous.” [1] X Expert Source Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. The key to giving a genuine compliment is to reflect on the other person’s behavior, then think about why you appreciate them. Dig deep to find a specific trait or accomplishment that you admire, and look them in the eye when you deliver it. The more specific you are, the better! [2] X Research source- For instance, saying “You’re a hard worker” doesn’t sound as sincere as “I respect how seriously you take work. We couldn’t have completed the project without your technical skills and attention to detail.”
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Phrase compliments positively and be respectful. Make sure what you're saying to someone isn't critical or offensive, even if you mean it to be a compliment. If your compliment comes with a qualifier (“You look nice for a…”) or focuses on the other person’s age, race, sex, class, or physical appearance, you’re venturing into dangerous territory—and you may want to reconsider how it sounds or keep it to yourself. [3] X Research source
- For instance, telling a woman that she looks really pretty when she wears makeup implies that she isn’t pretty without it.
- Other problematic “compliments” include: “You look good for a woman over 50,” “You’re smart for someone who didn’t graduate high school,” “You’re super athletic for a girl,” or “You’re well-spoken for someone who wasn’t born here.”
- Phrase your statements in a positive and straightforward manner to avoid giving a backhanded compliment. For example, instead of saying “I appreciate that you finally cleaned your room,” you could say, “I appreciate that you remembered to clean your room.”
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Consider the time and place before complimenting someone. To avoid making the other person feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, think of the context of the situation before giving a compliment. Commenting on someone’s appearance might be nice in casual settings, but it can come off as inappropriate in the workplace. [4] X Research source
- For example, complimenting a female coworker on her appearance after she's just given a presentation is demeaning and belittles the hard work she just put in.
- If you’re on a date, dating coach Candice Mostisser recommends “using compliments minimally” to reassure the other person that you’re glad to be there. [5]
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Expert Source
Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. Instead of automatically saying that they look good, praise their character and intellect or something that they put a lot of effort into.
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Use adjectives to transform a simple compliment into a genuine one. If you want to give a more “surface-level” compliment, tie your words to a descriptive or emotional statement to make it more meaningful. For example, you could say, “Your eyes really sparkle when you wear green,” instead of just “I love your green sweater.”
- This is a great strategy if you’re trying to compliment someone’s style or appearance.
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Use “I” statements to sound more genuine. Begin your compliment with phrases like “I appreciate,” “I admire,” or “I value.” This puts yourself into the compliment and makes the other person feel like it’s really coming from your heart. [6] X Research source
- For example, you might say “I really appreciated how you spoke to the shareholders and carried yourself,” instead of “You did a great job presenting at the meeting.”
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Be open and honest. According to dating coach Candice Mostisser, the best way to ensure that you sound genuine is to compliment someone when the positive thought comes to you. [7] X Expert Source Candice Mostisser
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 24 January 2020. In other words, speak your mind—if you want to say something nice to someone, just do it instead of planning it out! -
Don't make it about you. Avoid turning a compliment towards someone into a conversation about yourself. This makes you seem self-centered or like you’re fishing for compliments .
- For example, don't say something like "You did such a good job with that thing last week. I couldn't have done that. I'm rubbish at it."
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Section 2 of 3:
What to Compliment
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Compliment things that they control. When you're complimenting someone, it's best to focus on things that are under their control, such as their personality, style, or accomplishments. This will help them feel secure in themselves, rather than create worry that they might lose something that other people find valuable.
- For example, you could say, "I love how you interact with little kids. You're so patient!" or "You did a great job on that poster! I just can't stop looking at it!"
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Look for things that they value. Look back on your interactions with them and think of the things that they talked about. To craft an authentic message, link your compliment to things that the other person cherishes, values, and holds dear to their heart.
- For example, if you notice your girlfriend looking sadly at another girl's clothes and saying that she wished she could dress like that, tell her how much you love her style.
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Comment on things that they struggle with in a positive way. If the other person frequently complains about a certain attribute that they have, compliment their hard work and determination. This is an incredibly meaningful gesture because it shows that you’re actively listening to them, and it may help boost their confidence and self-esteem.
- If your friend turns in a really difficult assignment, praise them for their effort and motivation.
- If your friend is trying to lose weight, you could compliment them if they eat super healthy or go to the gym often.
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Compliment Help
References
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-give-a-powerful-compliment#5
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200403/the-art-the-compliment
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-give-a-powerful-compliment#4
- ↑ Candice Mostisser. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.
Community Q&A
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QuestionHow do I make a compliment sound real?Community AnswerSmile when you say it, and make eye contact. Keep in check your vocal tone. Listen to how other people talk, and how they compliment. Also listen to them being sarcastic, and avoid doing that yourself.
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QuestionHow can I keep from being creepy when I compliment people?Community AnswerThere are certain physical features that you shouldn't compliment unless you're already in a relationship, especially when complimenting women. Avoid complementing their figure, breasts, butt. Safe features that all girls will appreciate include eyes, hair, smile, personality, and intellect.
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Tips
- Just be genuine and speak from the heart.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- If you can't think of anything to say, tell the other person that they look nice. A short and sweet compliment works in any situation.
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Article Summary
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If you want to compliment someone, think of something that you genuinely like about that person. Be as specific as possible and try to look the person in the eye when you compliment them so they’ll know you’re being sincere. Your compliment could be something about their character, or it could be more casual, like what they’re wearing or the way they’ve styled their hair. For instance, you might say, “Your new sweater is so cute! I love that color on you.” or “You’re always really kind, and that means a lot to me.” Read on to learn about compliments that could be offensive, like comments about a person’s body or anything with a qualifier, like “You’re really smart for someone who….”
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Reader Success Stories
- "It helps me go about my day making people happy! I went to my dear friend, who was feeling quite blue, and I sincerely complimented her. This was indeed very helpful. " ..." more
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"It helps me go about my day making people happy! I went to my dear friend, who was feeling quite blue, and I sincerely complimented her. This was indeed very helpful. "
..."
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