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The dating world can seem really confusing. What’s the best way to ask your crush out? What does it mean to be a good boyfriend, anyway? While there’s no magic formula for the perfect relationship, there are a few steps you can follow to boost your dating success. First, put yourself out there by joining clubs and going to social events. Once you’ve found a crush, gather your courage and ask them out! If you end up taking the next step and starting a relationship, you can be a good boyfriend by balancing your time, compromising, and communicating openly.
Steps
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Say yes to parties and other social events. Parties, football games, pep rallies, and other social events are great places to meet potential dates. Go put yourself out there! [1] X Research source
- Not sure how to approach someone? Have a mutual friend introduce you. You’ll already have something in common: your shared friend!
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Find potential partners with similar interests. Yes, it’s important that you’re physically attracted to your partner, but it’s just as important to be attracted to their personality. That’s why looking for people with shared interests is a great place to start. Get to know people who are involved in the same clubs, sports teams, and activities as you.
- You might even consider joining a new club or organization that interests you. Have you always loved art but never had a chance to join the art club at school? Join it now!
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Strike up conversations in class. Class is a great time to meet a potential partner, especially because you see your classmates every day. Take a look around the room and scope out the single people in your class. If you feel drawn to anyone, start a conversation . [2] X Research source
- If you don’t know where to start, comment on a shared experience in the class. If you thought the homework last night was impossible, you could say, “That assignment last night really killed me. How was it for you?”
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Practice good hygiene. One of the simplest ways to boost your chances of dating success is to practice good hygiene. That means brushing your teeth, showering, and washing your clothes regularly. Post-workout stink is sure to kill your game.
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Start by hanging out in a group. Asking out a crush can be really nerve-wracking. If you want to take things slowly, ask your crush to hang out in a group situation first. You could go to a football game, or head to the lake with a few of your mutual friends. It’ll take the pressure off but still give you some time to get to know your crush a little better.
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Think of different date options ahead of time. Come up with a few different date options before you ask out your crush. It might even be helpful to write them down so you don’t forget them. After all, nerves can play games with your brain.
- You could go bowling, head to a movie, have a sunset picnic, or play glow-in-the-dark putt putt golf! Don’t be afraid to think outside the box.
- Think about what your crush likes to do. If they’re really into swimming, you could visit a water park or go for a dip in your local lake.
- If you’re nervous about keeping up the conversation, go for a date activity where you won’t have to talk the whole time, like a soccer game or a movie.
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Ask your crush what they would like to do. Throw out a couple of the activities you came up with, like going the movies or having a weekend beach day. Then, ask your crush what they think and see if they have any suggestions of their own. Doing this shows your crush that their opinion counts.
- You might say, “Hey, I was thinking we could do something together this weekend, like go bowling or check out the carnival. What do you think?”
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Be respectful if your crush declines. It’s a bummer, but sometimes crushes say no. If this happens, respect your crush’s decision . Don’t say rude things or keep pushing them to go on a date with you. Let yourself feel low for a little while, then brush it off and move on. You’ll find the right person eventually.
- Say something like, “Ok, I get it. Just thought I’d ask.”
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Keep your body language relaxed. You may be super nervous on your first date--that’s 100% normal. However, by keeping your body language relaxed, you can project confidence and make your date feel more at ease. Keep your back straight and your shoulders back, hold your head up, make eye contact, and smile. [3] X Research source
- Too little eye contact can make it seem like you’re bored, but too much can look really intense or even a little crazy. Look into their eyes, but take breaks periodically to look elsewhere, too.
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Think of possible conversation topics before the date. A date is all about getting to know someone, so there’s going to be a decent amount of talking involved. If you’re feeling nervous or just want to give your conversation skills a boost, think of a few conversation topics before the date starts. Consider the things the two of you have in common. School is a great place to start.
- Think about your date’s interests. Are they a huge fan of volleyball? Ask them how their most recent tournament went and share a few sports stories of your own.
- There are tons of conversation topics out there. You could talk about movies, music, your favorite foods, or that one annoying teacher you both have.
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Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. If you date likes you for you, that’s great. If not, don’t sweat it, and go find someone that does.
- Pretending to be someone you’re not may work for a little while, but it’ll come back to bite you later.
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Ask questions. Asking questions can make other people like you more. Making yourself look good might seem like the logical thing to do here, but it could actually backfire by making you seem cocky or boring. Instead of bragging about your latest victory on the soccer field, ask your date about their debate team’s recent win. Chances are, your date will think you’re nicer and more interesting. [4] X Trustworthy Source Association for Psychological Science Nonprofit organization devoted promoting trustworthy research and education in the psychological sciences Go to source
- Ask follow up questions, too. If your date just told you how they love to ride horses, you could say something like, “I’ve never ridden a horse. What’s it like?”
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Mind your manners . This may sound cliche, but manners go a long way. Hold the door for your date, listen to them when they’re talking, and eat politely if you’re going out to dinner. Be polite to the waiters, too--it’ll show you’ve got good character.
- Unwanted touching or groping is a big no-no. Always ask before engaging in any sort of physical contact.
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Put down your phone. You should be focused on you date, not your Instagram feed. Put down your phone and give your date your full, undivided attention. Your phone can wait.
- It’s a good idea to turn your phone on silent to avoid annoying interruptions. Nothing brings down the mood like a phone call in the middle of an intimate conversation.
- You may find it helpful to put your phone facedown on the other end of the table or in your pocket or backpack.
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Balance your time. Make sure you’re spending quality time with your partner, as well as the other important people in your life. It’s easy to get caught up in a new relationship, but remember that your other relationships are equally important.
- Stay active in any sports teams, clubs, or activities that you were involved in before you started dating.
- Quality time means engaging in meaningful interactions with others. It could be something as simple as eating a meal together or having a good conversation.
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Practice healthy communication. Communication is probably the most important part of a successful relationship. You should feel comfortable talking to your partner about your feelings, even the tough ones. No matter how close you are, you partner isn’t a mind reader, so you’ll need to be clear and direct when explaining how your feel. Don’t forget to listen to what they have to say, too. [5] X Research source
- Being honest doesn’t mean being rude or mean. It means communicating your feelings clearly and calmly and letting your partner do the same.
- When possible, talk in person. Things can get lost in translation over texting or social media.
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Remain calm when you have disagreements. Disagreements will happen now and then, but they shouldn’t result in hysterics. Try to remain as calm as possible, and don’t yell at your partner. Getting angry sometimes is completely normal, but if you’re feeling really worked up, you should probably take a break to cool off. [6] X Research source
- Use “I” statements to avoid blaming or accusing your partner. For example, you could say, “I feel hurt when you ignore me in front of your family.”
- Remember, you shouldn’t try to “win” every argument--it’s not a competition.
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Learn how to compromise . Relationships should be a balance of giving and taking. Sometimes, you’ll need to make sacrifices for your partner, and they’ll need to do the same for you. When arguments occur, you should focus on coming to an agreement that addresses you and your partner’s needs. [7] X Research source
- Try to meet in the middle. If your partner wants to go to the school play but you want to go to your friend’s bonfire, go to each for a little bit.
- Take turns making sacrifices for one another. Maybe your partner is really busy, but you need them to run an errand for you. Instead of getting upset when they protest, offer to do something for them in return, like driving their little sibling to soccer practice.
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Communicate openly about sexual matters . Sexual matters can be tricky to talk about for sure, but there’s no need to be embarrassed. Tell your partner what you feel comfortable doing sexually and what you don’t, and give them the chance to do the same. If something isn’t clear or you feel like you’re getting mixed messages, just ask your partner a question. [8] X Research source
- You should talk with your partner about sexual boundaries, consent, and safe sex if necessary. Being shy isn't an excuse! There is too much at stake.
- This isn’t a one and done conversation. You should always lay out sexual boundaries before getting physical, but you should continue to communicate during and after your sexual experiences, too.
- You might say, “Can we try ___?” or, “I don’t like the way that feels. Can we try something else?”
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Spend time with your partner’s friends. Part of being in a relationship is getting to know the people who your partner cares about. That doesn’t mean you need to spend every waking moment with their friends, but if your partner wants to get a group together to hang out, say yes. Your partner should do the same for you. [9] X Research source
- You don’t have to become best friends with your partner’s friends, but you should make an effort to spend time some time with them every so often.
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Tell your partner you’re thankful for them. Don’t forget to say thank you to your partner and let them know you’re grateful for them. It’ll keep your relationship happier and healthier. [10] X Research source
- If you love the way your partner leaves cute notes in your locker, tell them!
- Express gratitude by doing kind things for your partner, like bringing their favorite snack to school as a surprise.
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Be respectful if you break up. Most couples break up eventually. Part of dating successfully is handling breakups in a mature, respectful way. Plus, it’ll show you’re a good guy, making you more eligible for future relationships.
- It’s totally OK to cry if you need to. You might worry that crying isn’t manly, but here’s the truth: everyone needs to cry now and then to get their emotions out.
- If your partner broke up with you, your first reaction might be anger, but don’t lash out. Your partner had their reasons and you should respect them. Don’t spread nasty rumors about your ex or stalk them obsessively.
- If you initiate the breakup, be considerate. That means not breaking up with your partner over social media or via text. Tell your partner in person or over the phone.
- Don't be cruel. Tell the truth in a direct, but nice, way. Use "I" statements such as, “I’m not ready for such a serious relationship.”
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionI've already gotten to know my crush through texting. Now we are going out for the first time to the cinema, but I still have problems getting into deep conversations. Any tips?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Well the good news is that if you are going to the cinema, you won't have to talk that very much. And afterwards, you can always talk about the movie itself--what you liked and didn't like, or what it reminded you of. Remember that most people have a hard time on first dates...asking questions about them, their activities, their families are always good places to start. You also can comment on their outfit, hair, or something like that. Have a good time and try to worry less!
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QuestionI have gone out with this girl for 6 months and we are 15 and she wants to take our dating to the "bedroom." I'm not sure I'm ready and I don't want an unexpected pregnancy but I do want to have sex. What do I do?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).So, you've known one another for a while; that's good. Before doing any intimate physical touching, you should first talk about it. It is possible that initially you will be in different places about it. Listen to one another and reflect the other's feelings back to them: for example, say, "I hear that you are worried about getting pregnant." At a minimum, you should address birth control, if you are considering having sex. Pregnancies can definitely happen from one unprotected act of sex--even when you try to stop in time. There are a lot of resources out there about birth control, or about forms of sexual intimacy that can't lead to pregnancy. But, always talk first to ensure you are both ready to take things to the next level.
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Tips
- A little showing off is alright if it's done in good fun. If you're cocky, however, you may not make a good impression.Thanks
- Remember that most of the time, your date is just as nervous as you are!Thanks
- Always be polite to your date's parents or family members. If the parents don't like you, chances are you won't be seeing your date again.Thanks
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Warnings
- Don't make fun of your date. Brief, gentle teasing is okay and can be fun for both of you, but only if your date knows you are joking.Thanks
- Watch how you spend your money, and go easy on gifts. A few gifts here and there are nice, but they can’t buy affection.Thanks
- Remember that everyone is different! Your current date may enjoy different things than a person you dated previously. Get to know your date before making assumptions.Thanks
- Don't date anyone just for their body. The relationship will not be rewarding for either of you.Thanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/single-and-ready-mingle-best-places-meet-people-thats-not-bar-2.html
- ↑ http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/single-and-ready-mingle-best-places-meet-people-thats-not-bar-2.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201206/the-ultimate-guide-body-language
- ↑ https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/minds-business/asking-questions-increases-likability.html
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201510/compromise-made-simple-7-handy-tips-couples
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication/talking-your-partner-about-sex
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201501/7-simple-ways-you-can-become-better-partner
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