Download Article
The average age to start dating, plus how to tell if you’re ready
Download Article
When you’re still in school, it can be tough to figure out what the right time is to start dating. Do you wait for your friends to get boyfriends first? Should you ask your parents for permission? Ultimately, it all boils down to what you want out of a relationship (and how your parents feel about it, of course). Read through this article to find out if you’re ready to start dating and what you should consider before going out with someone.
Things You Should Know
- Most experts agree that the right age to start dating is around 16.
- Wanting to spend more time with a boy you genuinely care about is a sign you might be ready to start dating.
- On the other hand, if you feel pressured to get a boyfriend by your peers, are too busy to date, or are worried your parents won't allow you to date yet, you may not be ready.
Steps
-
Ask yourself why you want a boyfriend. Whatever your age, knowing why you want something, like a boyfriend, is a good place to start. You don't want to jump into a relationship or say yes to dating a guy without thinking or just because you think it might be fun. Relationships take maturity and work, so it's best to first think about what you're getting into. [1] X Trustworthy Source HealthyChildren.org Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Go to source
- There are good reasons and bad reasons for wanting a boyfriend. Companionship and a partner to share life with are good reasons for wanting to seriously date one specific person.
- If you feel unhappy or incomplete, keep in mind that a person can't fulfill that for you. [2]
X
Expert Source
Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. - Boyfriends can be a temporary cure for boredom or loneliness, but expecting them to be perfect and always there for you is not realistic. They’re imperfect, just like you.
- Did you know? On average, boys start dating at thirteen and girls start dating at twelve and a half. However, this is usually just casual dating that takes place in big groups. Experts recommend waiting until you're older for more serious dating. [3] X Trustworthy Source HealthyChildren.org Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Go to source
-
Define what dating means to you. If you want to one day settle down and marry someone special, then having a boyfriend is a good way to learn about being in a serious, committed relationship. But if you just want to have fun getting to know a bunch of guys, then being exclusive with a boy may not be the best idea. [4] X Research source
- Your ideas about dating will affect how you treat a boyfriend.
- If you want to get married, you will expect more loyalty and long-term plans out of a boyfriend than if you just wanted to date a lot of guys and weren't worried about being too serious.
Advertisement -
Look at your schedule to see if you have enough time for a relationship. Having a boyfriend is going to take up a lot of your time. In all honesty, you might be too busy with school, friends, sports, clubs and hobbies, or even trying to get a good night's sleep to add another thing into your life.
- Committing a few hours or days a week to spending time with a boyfriend is about the average time you'll need to set aside.
- Don't neglect your friendships or family. Dating can take up a lot of your time, and you don't want to be the person who disappears while they're in a relationship and then resurfaces only when a break-up happens. [5] X Research source
- However, technology makes it easy to have a boyfriend and still have a life outside of the relationship. You can text, call, or video chat if you don't have time to spend together face to face.
-
Determine what your personal goals and dreams are. As an individual, you likely have plans for your life. For example, you may want a career, or you might want to be married and have kids. A boyfriend can either help you reach these goals or hinder you—you just need to decide how dating will affect your plans. [6] X Research source
- Remember that you have time to figure things out. You're never too old to start dating and you're never too old to figure out what you want to do with your life.
- Don't worry about not having enough time. There will be plenty of boys to date, so you don't need to feel desperate about being alone or the only one in your friend group without a boyfriend.
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Focus on your own personal growth before entering a relationship. Being personally fulfilled and having a strong sense of self sets you up for a healthier partnership. A partner should complement your life, but you shouldn't need them to complete it.
-
Watch out for red flags from potential suitors. Being pressured to date by a guy or even by your friends is not a good reason to have a boyfriend. Don't compromise your own boundaries and comfort just because everyone else has a boyfriend. [7] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. Your safety and emotional health is more important that having an unhealthy relationship.- Don't let anyone guilt you into thinking you have to have a boyfriend.
- A simple "No, thank you" or "I'm not interested in dating right now" can help deter anyone who wants to ask you out if you don't feel ready.
- If you're ever feeling pressured by a guy friend or a boyfriend, especially about sex, you have the right to step away from that relationship and say no.
-
Be honest with yourself about your feelings. If there's a boy who wants to date you, truthfully consider if you like him back or if you're just flattered that he's showing you attention. Warm, fuzzy feelings can be the start to a relationship if you feel a connection. If that's the case, dating is an opportunity to learn more about another person one on one. [8] X Research source
- You always have the option to group date to help take the pressure off the both of you. One on one time can be daunting and can also invite physical temptations, so start going on dates with a boy in a group with friends.
- Be careful not to accept dates out of pity or start a relationship that way. It will end up hurting both you and the boy in the end.
- Watch out for boys who are much older than you. Age gaps can work, but not when you’re still young. If a guy is pursuing you and he’s more than a few years older than you, that’s a red flag.
Advertisement
-
Talk to your parents for their opinion or rules. Before you decide completely about having a boyfriend, ask your parents about their rules for you about dating. [9] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. They might suggest you wait until you're in high school, or even after graduating high school. You might not be able to decide if you can have a boyfriend right now if they want you to focus on school or other things. [10] X Research source- When you talk to your parents, be sure to ask about curfew, if you can drive with your boyfriend, if you should group date first, or if they have any other specific rules for you. [11] X Research source
- Some good questions to ask your parents could include: "When did you start dating?" and "Do you wish you had waited to start dating?"
- Your parents have your best interest at heart, so you should try and respect their wishes even if you don't agree with them.
- To help convince them, if there's a certain boy you want to date, bringing him around to meet your parents might help your case.
- Your parents may have a better idea of your maturity level. And listening to them is a great way to prove to them that you are mature enough to make grown-up decisions.
-
Ask your friends for advice, but don't give into peer pressure . It can be easy to get caught up in the thrill of dating and hearing about your friends' partners and want one yourself. Just keep in mind that just because everyone is doing something, doesn't mean it's the best idea. [12] X Research source
- If your friends aren't dating yet because of their parent's rules or everyone still hangs out in groups together, maybe you don't need to break away yet and have one on one time with a boy.
- Ask your friends if you can hang out with them and their significant other to get an idea of what it's like to date at your age.
- But, if your friends are happily established with significant others, you may be on the same maturity level as them and can handle having a boyfriend.
- Just make sure that whatever you decide, you make the decision for yourself and not for your friends.
- Be careful. Just because your friends might all have boyfriends/girlfriends, doesn't mean you have to have one. You might be old enough, but don't feel pressured to just accept any boy's offer for a date just because you want a boyfriend.
-
Listen to older couples about their dating experiences. Find an older married couple or a dating couple who have been together a long time. Ask about their love story and about how they met. Hearing about other couples' experiences may help you decide if you want to wait to have a boyfriend or if you're ready to jump right in. [13] X Trustworthy Source Mental Health Foundation UK charity working towards good mental health for all. Go to source
- You may find that you want to wait for someone special to ask you out, or you may have even found that person already.
- Older couples will have more experience in a relationship. They'll be a better source of advice than friends your age.
- Ask questions such as: "When did you meet your spouse?" or "Do you think courting is a better idea than dating?" or "What kind of dates did you go on?"
Advertisement
-
Consider the culture you grew up in. You might have a family background where everyone married their high school sweethearts. Or, you might come from a culture where you don't have multiple boyfriends but court with the intention of marrying someone. Take note of your own personal background when deciding if it's time for a serious relationship with a boy. [14] X Trustworthy Source Kansas University Center for Community Health and Development Community-based research center focused on supporting public health development and education Go to source
- Your religion or culture might have specific opinions on things like sex or birth control. While it may sound fun to rock the boat and do something rebellious, keep in mind that the rules you know might be in place to keep you safe.
- Remember, you are your own person and can have your own ideas and opinions.
- However, it may be in your best interest to respect the rules and culture around you.
- Whether you choose to go along with what everyone around you is doing or go off on your own about having a boyfriend, keep in mind that your choices will still impact others.
-
Observe the area that you currently live in. Your own town or school might have different ideas about dating or when it's best for someone to have a serious boyfriend. You can go along with those practices if you want, but keep in mind that just because everyone is doing something, doesn't mean that it's the best idea for you. [15] X Research source
-
Talk with a mentor about having a boyfriend. Someone like a pastor, priest, or guidance counselor can be a good resource and person to talk to if you're ever in a difficult situation. Sometimes it's best to wait to have a boyfriend if marriage is the main focus of your family's culture or religion.
- Some organizations or even schools sometimes have rules about dating. It's best to respect those guidelines about relationships so you don't get yourself into trouble. [16] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source
- It may seem fun to be rebellious or edgy, but having a boyfriend for the sake of breaking rules or making a point is unhealthy.
Advertisement
Expert Q&A
Search
-
QuestionHow do you know you're not ready for a relationship?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.You're not ready for a relationship if you're unable to set boundaries for yourself. Before dating anyone, you need to be very clear about the kinds of behavior that you will and won't accept, and be comfortable asserting those boundaries.
-
QuestionWhat should I know before I start dating?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Make sure that you're educated about sex, sexual assault, and healthy relationships. It's really important to understand the different types of consensual sex, the appropriate age to have sex, the dangers of STDs, and ways to keep yourself safe. You should also know what qualifies as a healthy relationship, and what counts as sexual assault.
-
QuestionWhere can I go to learn about sex?Dr. Supatra Tovar is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, Fitness Expert, and the Owner of Dr. Supatra Tovar and Associates. Dr. Tovar has worked in the fields of health education, clinical dietetics, and psychology. With over 25 years of holistic wellness experience, she practices Holistic Health Psychotherapy. She combines her psychology, diet, and fitness knowledge to help those struggling with depression, weight gain, eating disorders, life transitions, and relationships. Dr. Tovar holds a BA in Environmental Biology from The University of Colorado Boulder, an MS in Nutrition Science from California State University, Los Angeles, and a PsyD in Clinical Health Psychology from Alliant International University, Los Angeles.Ask your teachers or parents for advice if you feel comfortable enough. If you'd rather not approach the topic with them, talk to an older cousin or sibling for advice. You can also do your own research on trustworthy medical and psychological sites.
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Video
Tips
- Trust is important when you start dating. Maintain trust between your parents and boyfriend.Thanks
- Place your own mental and emotional development ahead of getting involved with another person.Thanks
- Always consider how the relationship is going to make you and people around you feel. Also always feel free to leave the relationship.Thanks
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
Advertisement
Warnings
- If you don't feel ready, then trust your gut. There’s no need to push things or to force yourself into any relationship.Thanks
Advertisement
References
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/When-To-Let-Your-Teenager-Start-Dating.aspx
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/teen/dating-sex/Pages/When-To-Let-Your-Teenager-Start-Dating.aspx
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/ask-experts/when-should-you-start-dating-can-12-year-olds-date-if-so-how-can-i-convince-my-parents
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-teen-doctor/201410/when-should-kids-start-dating
- ↑ https://www.allinahealth.org/healthysetgo/care/love-101-is-your-teen-ready-to-date
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-be-honest-with-yourself
- ↑ Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RD. Licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert. Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html
- ↑ https://youngwomenshealth.org/guides/how-to-talk-to-your-parents/
- ↑ https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/peer-influence
- ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/healthy-relationships/top-tips-building-and-maintaining-healthy-relationships
- ↑ https://ctb.ku.edu/en/table-of-contents/culture/cultural-competence/building-relationships/main
- ↑ https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/relationships-and-cultural-context/
- ↑ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-help-kids-have-good-romantic-relationships/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To figure out what the right age is to have a boyfriend, start by talking to your parents about it, since they may have strong opinions or rules that you’ll have to abide by. Then, look at your schedule and decide whether you have time to commit to a relationship on top of school, sports, and friends. Next, spend some time reflecting on why you want a boyfriend. For example, if it’s because you’re bored or lonely, you’re probably not ready to be in a relationship yet. For tips on how to spot red flags when it comes to potential boyfriends, keep reading.
Did this summary help you?
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 414,881 times.
Reader Success Stories
- "After reading this article I told my crush that I like him and guess what! He likes me back! Well long story short, I now have a boyfriend. Trust me if you trust your gut and have the courage to tell him go for it. It works!" ..." more
Advertisement
"After reading this article I told my crush that I like him and guess what! He likes me back! Well long story short, I now have a boyfriend. Trust me if you trust your gut and have the courage to tell him go for it. It works!"
..."
more
"I think this helped a lot and here's why. I fell in love with a boy and the boy is really sweet, kind and honest. And asking myself these questions, I knew that I was ready for a relationship."
..."
more
"I am most grateful for this article, some things have been on my head for a while now but this article has really cleared everything. I love it absolutely."
..."
more
"This article is amazing help. It helped me get the guts to tell a boy I like him and be my boyfriend. I asked him and he liked me and said ......YES!"
..."
more
"It was really informative. Now I have the courage to ask my parents and get advice from other people about if I am allowed to date."
..."
more
