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Motivate your lazy teenager with this easy-to-follow guide
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The transition from being a youngster to being a teenager can be a tricky one for your child. Your teen is likely dealing with raging hormones, rising responsibilities, and navigating the social dynamics of high school. But this does not mean your teen should lounge around the house, fail to get their chores done, and miss deadlines for school assignments. Laziness in most teens can be adjusted by creating solid rules for your teen and sticking to them, motivating your teen to get chores and other commitments done, and talking to your teen about any issues or problems they may be having at school or at home.
Things You Should Know
- Check in with your teen to see if there's an underlying cause. Stress, depression, and sleep problems can negatively affect motivation.
- Make a chore list for your teenager to provide some structure. Set consequences for not following through with chores and be sure to enforce them.
- Reward your teen when they follow through with their commitments. You can offer praise as a reward, but money might be a better incentive.
Steps
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Listen and be patient with your teen. Avoid putting words in their mouth or interrupting them when they speak. Encourage your teen to talk by asking casual questions about their day, or how a test went at school. Note their responses and allow them to share their thoughts. [1] X Trustworthy Source HealthyChildren.org Health information from the American Academy of Pediatrics. Go to source
- Have a two way conversation. Showing your teen you care about their thoughts and opinions during a conversation will give them more confidence to be open and honest with you. Allow them to ask questions and let them think for themself. [2] X Research source
- An example conversation starter might be: "How are things at school?" "How did practice go?" "Was the party fun on Saturday?"
- Let your teen know you care about what's going on in their life and you are there to listen. "You know you can always talk to me if you're having trouble at school or you are feeling distracted." "I'm here to listen if you ever need to talk." "Remember, you can talk and I'll just listen." [3] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source
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Ask your teen about their sleep schedule . Most teenagers may appear lazy or distracted, when in fact, they are often sleep deprived. [4] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source Unlike adults, adolescents are biologically prone to sleeping in later and waking up in the mid-morning, rather than in the early morning. So when your teen is forced out of bed at 7:00 or 8:00 AM to go to school and learn, their natural sleep cycle is thrown off and they will likely appear lazy, disoriented, and unmotivated (all symptoms of lack of sleep). It is important that your teen goes to bed at a decent time to ensure they get eight full hours of sleep a night. This will help to ensure they have enough energy for the day. [5] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
- Discuss your teen's sleep patterns and typical bed time. A consistent bed time every night, even on weekends, will help to set your teen's natural sleep cycle and allow their body to get enough rest. For example, if they have to wake up at 7:00 AM five days a week for school, they should go to bed no later than 10:30 PM to ensure they get a full eight hour sleep. They should then try to stick to this bedtime on weekends so they don't throw off their natural sleep cycle.
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Explain the value of following through on commitments and responsibilities. Many teenagers drag their heels when asked to do chores or tasks because they don't see the value in doing these things. They may think, so what if I forget to take out the trash, or to clean my room? What does it matter? As a parent, it's important for you explain that you do not always want to do certain chores and would rather be doing other things with your time. Tell your teenager that completing household chores and other life tasks is part of being a responsible member of the family. [6] X Research source
- Note that importance of teamwork and cooperation between everyone in the household to ensure chores and tasks are done equally in the home. Explaining to your teen that you often don't enjoy doing household duties, but you do them anyway for the good of everyone will help your teen understand the reasoning behind completing a chore or task. This will then motivate them to do their part as a member of the family.
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Check if there are other issues at home or at school. Laziness can sometimes be a symptom of other issues, like a lack of sleep, depression, stress, or other internal struggles. If your teen seems to be more sluggish or lazy than usual and is displaying other signs of depression or anxiety, sit down with your teen and talk with them. [7] X Research source
- If you are worried about your teen’s depression or anxiety, consider talking to a medical professional, your family doctor, or a counselor about next steps.
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Make a chore schedule. [8] X Research source Assigning chores to your teen will teach them responsibility and help them practice following through on commitments. Chores will also force your teen to get off the couch and get things done. Create a schedule that breaks down the duties around the house by day and assign each task to your teen and/or others in the home, including:
- Cleaning their bedroom
- Cleaning the bathroom
- Doing laundry
- Dusting and cleaning the common areas
- Sweeping or mopping the floors
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Limit your teen’s video game and computer use. Most teens are easily distracted and reduced to lethargy by their computer, their smartphone, or the latest video game. Rather than cut off your teen completely, which could lead to conflict, place specific time limits on these distractions. For example, no smart phones at the table during dinner, or no gaming after 10:00 PM. This will allow your teen to focus their time and energy on her school assignments or chores. It will also ensure they are not up all night on the computer and can be well rested for a productive day. [9] X Research source
- When setting limits for your teen, it’s important that you also set a good example by also following the same rules. Don’t bring your phone to the table during dinner if your teen is not allowed to have their phone with them during dinner, and try to also limit your watching television or gaming to no later than 10:00 PM. This will show your teen you can also abide by the same rules you have established for them.
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Follow through on consequences for negative behavior. If your teen argues against doing chores or does not follow any of your limitations, be firm and clear about the consequences. This can range from less severe punishments like no going out for the night to more severe punishments like a reduction on their allowance, no television or computer use for a week, or grounding them for a period of time. [10] X Research source
- As the adult in the relationship, you must enforce the rules that you set and dole out consequences for disobeying the rules. Your teen may get upset or angry, but they will understand the consequences of their actions and likely think twice about disobeying a rule or neglecting a chore again.
- Try not to overreact and give your teen the most severe punishment for small arguments or conflicts. Match the scale of the your teen’s wrongdoing with the level of punishment they will receive.
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Don’t lose your temper or take negative comments to heart. Your teen will likely resist your initial attempts to set rules and assign chores, so be prepared for some arguing and talking back. Avoid losing your temper and screaming at your teen. Instead, focus on responding calmly and being positive about the situation. Your teen is much more likely to respond to a controlled parent than an angry one. [11] X Research source
- Rather than take away their phone or computer when they don't listen to you, another option is to simply ask them to do a task and then stand there and watch them until they put down the distraction and complete the task. Your teen may see this as unreasonable or annoying, but they will soon realize you will not stop watching them until they stop being lazy. This type of motivation will work better than nagging or yelling at your teen. [12] X Research source
EXPERT TIPMarriage & Family TherapistMoshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).As your kids grow, their opinions and communication style will evolve. They'll need a safe space where they can change without judgment. Open communication and acceptance will equip your family to have healthy boundaries, while being happy and loving.
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Analyze how your teen spends their time. Observe how your teen seems to be acting lazy or wasting time. Do they spend all day on the computer? [13] X Research source Does your teen opt to read a book instead of do her chores? Maybe he spends most of his time on his phone, talking to friends, and neglecting her chores or responsibilities. Before you can provide adequate motivation for your teen, you need to determine how they are being lazy. This will help you understand their current way of thinking and spot any patterns of laziness. [14] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source
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Use a reward system. [15] X Research source Once you observe your teen’s lazy behavior, you can use these patterns of laziness to create a custom reward system. For example, your teen may like to spend a lot of time texting on their phone. You can then tell them that before they can text on their phone, they have to complete their chores for the day. They will then see texting on her phone as a privilege and part of her reward for doing her chores. Or, if your teen tends to spend a lot of time on the computer, limit their computer use until they have set the table for dinner or cleaned their room. [16] X Research source
- Be specific about the tasks you use as rewards. This will feel more immediate to your teen and motivate them to get things done. Tailor the rewards to the preferences of your teen, as they will feel the reward that much more if it something they are interested in.
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Hire your teen for household jobs. Most teens are looking to earn a little extra cash, especially if they do not receive an allowance from their parents. Provide opportunities for your teen to earn some side money by hiring her to complete special projects around the house or in the neighborhood. This will also help get your teen off the couch and on to doing something productive.
- You could hire your teen to paint a wall that needs a touch up, or to organize the garage or the basement. Give your teen a job outdoors, like pulling weeds or trimming the hedges, to get her outside and away from any distractions.
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Encourage your teen to try extracurricular activities or sports. Consider your teen’s skill set, such as a flare for drama, an interest in basketball, or a budding passion for computer science, and encourage her to participate in a school play, join the basketball team at school, or join a computer science club. This will get your teen to spend time on an activity she enjoys and motivate her to develop her talents and skills. [17] X Trustworthy Source Understood Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia Go to source
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Volunteer with your teen. Another way to set a good example is to spend time with your teen by volunteering together for a good cause. Think of an activity that you and your teen can do together that will allow you both to give back to the community and avoid laziness.
- This could be as simple as spending a few hours at the local soup kitchen, or spending a day as volunteers at a local festival. You could also both donate time to a charity drive or a food drive.
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Congratulate your teen for any accomplishments or achievements. Once your teen demonstrates her motivation by winning an award or accomplishing a high score on a test, compliment her. This will show you appreciate her hard work and value her productivity. [18] X Research source
- Though you may want to give your teen a monetary reward like extra allowance or more time allowed on the computer, kind words of encouragement can be a reward in itself for a teenager.
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References
- ↑ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/How-to-Communicate-with-a-Teenager.aspx
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/better-communication-with-teens#1
- ↑ https://childmind.org/article/tips-communicating-with-teen/
- ↑ https://childmind.org/article/teenagers-sleep-deprived/
- ↑ https://www.apa.org/monitor/oct01/sleepteen.aspx
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/raising-clean-teen#1
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201004/lazy-adolescents
- ↑ https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/chores-for-children#1
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/screentime-teens.html
- ↑ https://positivepsychologyprogram.com/positive-punishment/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201204/how-stop-arguing-your-teen-spouse-partner
- ↑ https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/how-do-i-get-my-grumbling-lazy-teen-to-help-around-the-house/article624518/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/sites/tjmccue/2019/02/28/how-do-teens-spend-their-time-with-technology-plus-best-parental-control-apps/#7660ff175ad6
- ↑ https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/02/20/the-way-u-s-teens-spend-their-time-is-changing-but-differences-between-boys-and-girls-persist/
- ↑ https://www.aboutkidshealth.ca/starting-a-reward-system-for-your-teen-to-help-them-manage-their-juvenile-idiopathic-arthritis-jia
- ↑ https://www.today.com/health/want-change-your-teen-s-behavior-study-suggests-focusing-positive-t99561
- ↑ https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/child-social-situations/sports/6-ways-to-improve-your-childs-self-esteem-with-extracurricular-activities
- ↑ https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/dealing-with-teenagers
About This Article
Article Summary
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If your teenager is often lazy and they neglect their schoolwork and chores, there are a few simple changes you can make to help motivate them. Help them write a weekly schedule for when they’ll do their chores and work so they can clearly see what they need to do. If they fall behind on their schedule, limit their time with technology until they catch up. When they finish their chores, show your gratitude and give them a reward, like extra pocket money, more time on gadgets, or cook them their favorite meal. You can also encourage your teen to do extracurricular activities and sports, which will get them used to being active and give them more energy. For more tips from our co-author, including how to check on your teen’s mental health, read on.
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