How to End a Friends with Benefits (Fwb) Relationship

PDF download Download Article
PDF download Download Article

A Friends with Benefits (Fwb) relationship can be fun and empowering, but it may not always be the best fit for your lifestyle. Fwb relationships can run their course for lot of reasons. Maybe you've had a change of heart, your priorities have changed, or one of you caught the dreaded "feelings." Ending a friends with benefits relationship can be tricky, but it's totally possible to call things off while staying friends and not hurting the other person's feelings. To help you out, we've put together some tips on how to end a friends with benefits situation as painlessly as possible.

Method 1
Method 1 of 3:

Holding an Honest Conversation

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/75\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/75\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-1.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    As you grow, you may find your priorities and desires shift over several weeks, months, and years. Imagine where you want to be several months or years from now, and decide if a Fwb is a good fit for that lifestyle. [1] If this isn’t the case, then you may need to rethink your relationship. [2]
    • Don’t feel like you have to make a relationship decision overnight! It isn’t easy figuring out what you want, and it may take you several weeks or months before you can figure out what lifestyle is best for you.
    • If you’d prefer a more monogamous, committed relationship, you may need to redefine the terms of your relationship with your friend.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 522 wikiHow readers about what they wanted from their romantic life, and only 7% of people said they enjoyed periods of casual dating without building any lasting connections. [Take Poll] So if your ultimate goal is to move from casual to committed, you’re not alone there (and your feelings are valid)!
  2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-2.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-2.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Call or text your friend and see if they’re available to meet. In-person conversations are tough, but they say a lot about how much you value the other person. Choose a time and a place to meet so you can talk in person. [3]
    • A good segue to this conversation might occur if your friend texts you asking for a hook-up.
    • For instance, you can say something like: “Hey, are you free today? I was wondering if you’d like to grab lunch at the food court, since I wanted to talk to you about something.”
    • You can also say something like: “Sorry I didn’t reply to your text earlier. I can’t make it tonight, but I’d like to meet up with you sometime so we can talk about a few things.”
    • Reader Poll: We asked 728 wikiHow readers about how they’d prefer to end a very casual or short-term relationship, and 63% agreed that it’s okay to end these types of romantic connections over text or phone. [Take Poll]
    • Note: this should only apply to very casual or short-term relationships though. If there was genuine intimacy or the two of you got to know each other, you should break up with them in person.
    Advertisement
  3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-3.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-3.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Be honest about what’s been on your mind—if you’ve found a serious, monogamous partner, be sure to mention that person. If you need some time by yourself, or feel like you and your friend have different priorities, be honest about those feelings. Don’t try to brush your thoughts and feelings under the rug, or the break-up may seem harsh or not genuine.
    • For instance, you can say something like: “For a while now, I feel like we’ve had different priorities in our friendship. You only text me at night when you want to hook up, and I’m just not getting much out of this anymore.”
    • You can also say something like: “I’ve really appreciated your companionship, but I’ve started a serious relationship. For my emotional health and yours, I don’t think we should hook up anymore.”
  4. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f2\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-4.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f2\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-4.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    This may seem like a cliche thing to say, but it’s a cliche for a reason. Describe how much your friend means to you, and that you aren’t looking to end the friendship. Explain that you’d still be interested in texting and hanging out without hooking up.
    • For instance, you can say something like: “I’ve always treasured our friendship, and I really mean that. You’ve gotten me through countless obstacles, and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
    • You can also say something like: “I know it’s cliche, but I really do want to stay friends. Your friendship means a lot to me, and I don’t want to lose that.”
  5. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f0\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-5.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f0\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-5.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Talk about how you’ve been looking to the future a lot, and how a Fwb doesn’t fit with your priorities or goals. Mention that being friends with benefits is something fun and short-term that you’ve enjoyed a lot, but not something that’s a huge priority for you anymore. Additionally, stress that you want your friend to be with someone who has the time and energy to dedicate to a fulfilling relationship. [4]
    • For example, say something like: “You’re a really great person, and you deserve to be with someone who views you as a top priority in their life. I have a lot going on in my life right now, and I can’t be that person for you anymore.”
    6. Advertisement
Method 2
Method 2 of 3:

Ironing out Conflict

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-6.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-6.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/60\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-6.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-6.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Don’t falter if your friend starts getting really emotional. They may start making demands or promises to change, but do your best to put your foot down. Keep emphasizing that this relationship isn’t good for your emotional health, and that you need to take a step back for yourself. [5]
    • For instance, you can say something like: “I really appreciate your willingness to change, but I’m not looking to fix or salvage our relationship right now.”
  2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-7.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-7.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/51\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-7.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-7.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Even if it’s not a committed or monogamous relationship, a Fwb can offer a lot of close, emotional ties. It’s normal for your friend to feel angry or sad that the relationship is ending. Don’t try to take those feelings away from them, or tell them that their emotions aren’t valid. Instead, try to be as comforting and understanding as possible. [6]
    • Instead of saying “I don’t get why you’re so upset about this,” says something like: “I’m really sorry to spring this on you. I know that this is upsetting, but this decision is what’s best for you in the long run.”
  3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9f\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-8.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-8.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9f\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-8.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-8.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Give your friend time to talk after you’ve said your piece. [7] After making such an emotional declaration, your friend will probably have questions about why you’re ending the relationship, and ask if there’s anything they can do. Answer their questions honestly, and give them space to air out their thoughts. [8]
    • For instance, if they say something like “I don’t get why you’re doing this,” you can say something like: “I don’t want to pretend that I know what you’re feeling, but I get that you’re really hurt right now. I don’t expect you to understand my reasoning, but it’s really important to me that you respect my space.”
    4. Advertisement
Method 3
Method 3 of 3:

Moving on from a Fwb Relationship

PDF download Download Article
  1. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/71\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-9.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-9.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/71\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-9.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-9.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    A Fwb relationship may not be the same as a committed, monogamous partnership, but there are still a lot of emotions involved. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel sad that the relationship is over, even if you’re the one ending it. [9]
    • Talk to a trusted friend or family member about how you’re feeling. They can offer support and help remind you that you made the right choice.
  2. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e3\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-10.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-10.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e3\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-10.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-10.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Offer to hang out if the break-up conversation doesn’t go that badly. Texting and spending time together as friends may help you adjust to the new state of your relationship without focusing as much on the break-up.
    • For instance, you can offer to grab lunch or see a movie with your friend as a casual, non-sexual outing.

    Tip: You don’t have to stay friends if you don’t want to. If you’re ending a toxic relationship, it may be better in the long run if you give yourself space after ending the relationship. [10]

  3. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fb\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-11.jpg\/v4-460px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-11.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fb\/End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-11.jpg\/aid11917673-v4-728px-End-a-Friends-with-Benefits-%28Fwb%29-Relationship-Step-11.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>\u00a9 2024 wikiHow, Inc. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.S. and international copyright laws. This image is <b>not<\/b> licensed under the Creative Commons license applied to text content and some other images posted to the wikiHow website. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc.<br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"}
    Not all friendships will last after a break-up, which is totally normal. Take the measures that you need in order to feel safe and happy. If the break-up ends up badly, feel free to delete their number altogether and erase them from your social media. [11]
    4. Advertisement

How Do You Start a Breakup Conversation?


Expert Q&A

Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
      Advertisement

      Tips

      • Sex doesn’t have to make or break your relationship. If you choose to remove the “with benefits” component of your relationship, the friendship itself doesn’t have to change. If it does, you may want to devote more time and energy into other friendships. [12]
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      Submit a Tip
      All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
      Name
      Please provide your name and last initial
      Submit
      Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
      Advertisement

      Warnings

      • Always put your own safety and wellbeing first. If you’re worried about the break-up ending explosively, choose a public area to meet your friend. [13]
        Thanks
        Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0
      Advertisement

      You Might Also Like

      How to
      Ignore People You No Longer Wish to Be Around
      How to
      Politely Stop Being Friends With Someone
      How to
      Tell Someone You Don't Want to Be Their Friend Without Hurting Their Feelings
      What Are the Signs That Someone Doesn’t Want to Be Your Friend?
      How to
      Get Over Friends Who No Longer Want to Be Friends With You
      Ending a Friendship: Tips for a Successful Split
      Why Is She Acting Hot and Cold? Possible Reasons + Expert-Backed Tips
      How to
      Cut a Toxic Friend Out of Your Life
      Ready to End a Friendship? Expert Tips on How to Break Up
      How to
      Tell Someone You Do Not Want to Be Friends
      How to
      Find an Old Friend
      How to
      Uninvite Someone from a Party
      How to
      Gently Dump a Clingy "Friend"
      How to
      Leave a Group of Friends
      Advertisement

      References

      1. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
      2. ↑ https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a26397512/situationship-dating-definition/
      3. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      5. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      6. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      7. ↑ Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC. Marriage & Family Therapist. Expert Interview. 7 August 2019.
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201805/fourteen-ways-break-better
      9. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      1. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
      2. ↑ https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/advice/a9916/how-to-survive-breakup/
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201402/what-happens-after-friends-benefits
      4. ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship

      About This Article

      In other languages
      Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 68,910 times.

      Did this article help you?

      Advertisement