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A full social schedule or work week can make you feel like flaking out on plans. Sometimes you just aren’t feeling up for a scheduled activity. Getting out of something requires either confrontation or little white lies. If you feel roped into doing something you don’t want to do, then you can choose an honest approach or a sly excuse.
Steps
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Give an honest explanation. Being honest about your feelings is not easy, especially if you think you will disappoint someone. Showing complete transparency can be a healthy way to get out of doing something that you have a good reason for avoiding. Your honesty may be well received, and it may open up an important dialogue between you and another. On the other hand, you might find yourself wishing that you’d stayed quiet. Be tactful when you approach the conversation. Find a time to talk privately with the person. Use a friendly and firm voice that communicates your true feelings about the situation. Provide an alternative if appropriate. [1] X Research source
- For example, if your parents want to do something with you, but you have too much homework, let them know. Try saying, “I know this is important to you, but catching up on work is really my top priority right now. Let’s eat together tomorrow when I’m finished with this essay.”
- Communicate dislike for others softly. If you’re invited to a party with people you don’t care for, for example, say something like, “It is so nice of you to invite me, but I don’t get along so well with that crowd.”
- A conversation with your boss might be a bit harder. Maybe you really hate the job you’ve been assigned, but you don’t want to quit completely. Try saying, “Ms. Bartlett, I wanted to talk to you about the project. I’m trying my best but it’s been weighing me down and I need to take break. Can we talk about a different topic for my next assignment?”
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Fill your days with activities that keep you from accepting invitations. Set a day and time for the things you need to do to have a productive week. That way you’ll have a concrete reason to not do something if you get an invitation or are asked to do something extra for work or school. [2] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Pre-booked personal activities might include times dedicated to working, exercising, or family time.
- If you are a student, you might designate certain evenings for an extracurricular activity or have a homework day on the weekend. If you’re asked to attend an event, you can say, “Sorry, but I have soccer practice that day.”
- Remember to do the thing you say you are going to do. Your goal is not to be labeled dishonest.
- Although you won’t be lying by saying you have to do something else, someone might get offended if you pick another activity over doing something with them. This is more likely to happen if people know that you’ve made exceptions to your scheduled activities in the past. Stick to your schedule or be prepared to explain yourself.
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Just say “No. ” Sometimes you just do not want to do something, and that is usually understandable. Even so, turning down an invitation or getting out of responsibilities can be difficult. You probably don’t want to make the other person feel bad or cause problems. If you do not want to do something, it is likely because it causes some kind of physical or emotional discomfort. Remember that you have to take care of yourself too. Don’t please other people at your own expense. [3] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source Use short and direct phrases to say “no” without going into too much detail.
- You can say “No” and still be gracious and kind. Try saying, “Thank you for inviting me, but I have to pass.” Keep it short and direct. You have a right to say “no” to things, especially if they are not within your responsibilities.
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Suggest a new plan. Maybe you made plans to do something and later realized that you really aren’t feeling up for it. This doesn’t always mean you have to cancel. Try suggesting a new plan that you and the others involved might enjoy.
- For example, if you made plans to go to the park, but you really would rather stay home and relax, try inviting your friends over instead. You can say, “Hey, I still want to hang out, but I’m feeling lazy. Can we hang out at my place instead? I’ll make some snacks.”
- Rescheduling is another way to get out of something you aren’t up for in the moment. Try saying, “Something came up. Can we change dinner to Monday night?” [4] X Research source
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Blame shift. Avoid taking the heat for a failed project, scheduling errors, or any situation in which you receive negative attention, by pointing to other people’s mistakes. Although shifting the blame is not the most noble way to get yourself out of something, it happens often. People in work environments have even admitted to taking the blame for something they did not do. [5] X Research source
- Shift blame without using names. If you don’t want to get your coworkers in trouble, explain the facts and details of what went wrong without mentioning specific people. [6] X Research source Remember to point out the things that were beyond your control or given responsibilities.
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Flake out at the last minute. With modern technology it is much easier to declare that you are not going to be where you said you would be or do what you said you would do. Send a text, tweet, or Facebook message to say that you just won't make it. The plus side is that social media allows you to avoid any disappointing looks or sighs of discontent. [7] X Research source
- Keep your message short and sweet. Try writing, "Hey everyone, I'm not going to make it today."
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Say that you are sick. Illness is the golden standard of getting out of something, because people can’t question how you feel. Beware that some people might be suspicious if the sickness was unknown until just before the activity. [8] X Research source Use an illness that is easy to recover from and doesn’t bring on too many questions. Things like a 24 hour stomach virus or a migraine work well because real recovery is quick. That way you can show up the next day as if nothing happened.
- Sickness may still be the best way to get out of school or work, because you are allotted sick days. However, you may use up a valuable sick day that you later need when you are truly unable to get out of bed.
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Say that you have too much work. This a very common reason for avoiding plans. Even if you do not have work, you can tell the person that you are swamped with paperwork or tests to study for. Most people will not probe you too much. Additionally, telling people that work or school is the problem will shift the blame from you to your boss or teacher. [9] X Research source
- If the plan was to meet a friend or coworker, call them up and say, “I’m sorry, I’ve got too much work to do. Can we raincheck?”
- You might be trying to get out of something with your parents. Try saying, “Dad, I just feel like I need to study more for the math test. I really want to get a good grade.” It helps if you actually have a test or paper coming up. Even if you don’t end up studying, at least you won’t get caught in a lie if your parents happen to check with your teachers.
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Say that you’re broke. This excuse works well if you are invited to dinner, a show, or a weekend trip. Even if the activity requires only transportation, you might still claim that you need to cut back on train or gas expenses. [10] X Research source
- Note that the person may offer to buy the ticket for you or pay for your drinks. If this is the case, say, “I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that. I need to be frugal and stay home a little more.”
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Say that you need to take care of someone else who is sick. Your spouse, child or parent needs a nurse for the night. You may need to fill your spouse in on the lie so that they can cover for you in the future.
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Wait until you receive the reminder from the organizer to cancel. This only works if you received a written invitation. If that is the case, wait for the reminder to break the news. Let the organizer know that you did not get the first invitation and made other plans.
- Be careful with email invites. Some people use applications that allow them to see if a receiver has opened an email.
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Slack off. If you do something poorly, or show disinterest, people might stop asking you to do it. This may be at work, school, or in social environments.
- If your boss gives you task you don’t like, find clever ways to avoid doing it. Spend more time on something you like doing, wait until the last minute to do it, or turn it in late. [11] X Research source Avoid showing enthusiasm when you complete your assignment.
- Consistent social invitations may be harder to get out of. Show up late to the events and leave early. Spend most of the time on your cell phone so you don’t have to talk to anyone. The host may stop inviting you if you are boring enough.
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Say you're having technical difficulties. We use many machines in the 21st century. Sometimes things break. Use the technology around you to get out of something.
- Point to transportation problems. Try saying that your car won't start or that there's been a train accident. This can either buy you some extra time or completely prevent you from doing something.
- Blame your phone or computer. Phones and computers have difficulties often enough that you can use this excuse at least once. Say that your computer broke down or your phone won't turn on.
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Avoid the situation completely. Get out of something by leaving, not showing up, or not doing whatever you had to do. Don’t say anything, just act like everything is fine. This, of course, may have negative consequences.
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Pretend to be on your cellphone. This is a very common way to avoid all forms of social interaction. [12] X Trustworthy Source Pew Research Center Nonpartisan thinktank conducting research and providing information on public opinion, demographic trends, and social trends Go to source As long as you’re in an environment where cell phones are allowed, you can take out your phone and pretend to get an important call or text message. Excuse yourself from the situation and pretend to be deeply engaged in conversation.
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Say you have an emergency. This may be used right after you pretend to receive an important phone call. Go back into the room, state that you just got an important call, and say you have to leave. Remember to make your excuse believable and relatively unverifiable. [13] X Research source
- If you have children, try saying, “My son isn’t feeling well. I have to go pick him up.”
- If you are on a date, try to look disappointed and say, “My roommate locked herself out, and I have to go let her in. Let’s meet up later.”
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Go to the bathroom. This can be hard to pull off if the bathroom is within eyesight. If not, however, going to the bathroom may be your best escape route. No one will question this need, and they probably won’t go looking for you until at least five minutes have gone by.
- A short trip to the bathroom may be all the time you need to get out of something. For example, if you’re in class and you don’t want to participate in an activity, ask your teacher to use the bathroom. Take your time so you miss the full activity.
- You don’t always have to use the bathroom as an excuse for leaving. You can say that you’re going to get more popcorn from the concession stand, drinks, or anything you might need in the moment. [14] X Research source That way, you have a real reason to take your coat and bag with you.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you politely get out of a date?Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”If there's no attraction and nothing in common, but the person is nice, you can be very direct. Remember, though, that being direct isn't an excuse to be rude. Just say something like, "I think you're a really great person and I know you're going to meet someone special, but I just don't think that we're a match."
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QuestionI want to get out of gymnastics practice my mom paid for. I appreciate what she did, but I am not interested in it anymore. How do I tell her?Kate TheGymnastCommunity AnswerTell her honestly that you appreciate what she did, then after you tell her you don't want to do it, suggest other things/activities you could do in place of gymnastics practice.
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QuestionHow do I tell my family I don't want to go to dance tryouts any more?Community AnswerJust calmly tell them that you don't enjoy it, and it hasn't turned out as you'd hoped.
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Tips
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Don't make up totally unbelievable lies, or you’ll be more likely to get caught.
- Make sure your lie is backed up by a friend/ trustworthy person.
- Don't do this all the time or people may catch on.
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Expert Interview
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References
- ↑ https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/talk-to-parents.html#
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
- ↑ http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/21_ways_to_give_good_no
- ↑ https://lifehacker.com/how-to-flake-out-on-someone-gracefully-5919163
- ↑ https://www.careerbuilder.com/advice/blog/how-to-take-or-not-take-the-blame-at-work
- ↑ https://www.careerbuilder.com/advice/blog/how-to-take-or-not-take-the-blame-at-work
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/friendship-20/201205/yes-you-might-be-flake
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/veronica-melkonian/10-excuses-youll-use-to-get-out-of-doing-something_b_3534011.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/veronica-melkonian/10-excuses-youll-use-to-get-out-of-doing-something_b_3534011.html
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/veronica-melkonian/10-excuses-youll-use-to-get-out-of-doing-something_b_3534011.html
- ↑ http://www.yourofficecoach.com/topics/lessons_in_leadership/effective_leadership/seven_employees_that_drive_managers_crazy.aspx
- ↑ http://www.pewinternet.org/2011/08/15/americans-and-their-cell-phones/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a56695/how-to-leave-a-date-early/
- ↑ http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a56695/how-to-leave-a-date-early/
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you don’t feel like doing a social activity, you can either be honest or tell a white lie to get out of it. Say that you’re sick if you want an excuse to avoid something. Make sure to choose an illness that’s quick to recover from, like a stomach bug or migraine, so you don’t attract too many questions. Alternatively, apologize and say that you’re too swamped with work to do the activity. If you’d rather be honest with your friend about why you can’t do something, give them a short but clear explanation. For example, if they invite you to a party with people you don’t like, be polite by saying something like, “Thanks for the invite, but I don’t get on so well with that crowd.” You can also just say no outright with a short statement like, “Sorry, but I’ll have to pass” or “Thanks for inviting me, but I need some time alone.” For tips on how to get out of an activity in the moment, keep reading!
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