How to Make a Reasonable Excuse to Miss a Date (with Examples)

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Learn how to cancel a date with these quick excuses
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So, you’ve got a date coming up you want to cancel. Maybe you’re no longer interested in this person and don't know how to say so, or you’ve simply had a bad day and don’t want to go out. We get it! Canceling a date is never fun, but sometimes it’s necessary. But how do you do it without hurting their feelings? In this article, we’ve compiled the best excuses to use to cancel or miss a date. Plus, we talked with dating coaches to bring you advice on how to make an excuse efficiently.

How to Get Out of a Date Last Minute

If you're not interested in the person, try to be upfront and apologetic about it, but if you need to fib, make up an excuse that’s believable and rooted in truth. For instance, if you’ve been busy at work, say a meeting popped up. If you’re feeling burnt out, explain that you’re feeling under the weather.

Section 1 of 3:

Good Excuses to Cancel a Date

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  1. A simple “I’m feeling sick” can work wonders when trying to cancel plans. Maybe you have a sore throat, stomachache, or temperature. No matter the case, you just don’t think you’ll be up to hanging out.
    • Trying saying something like, “I have to cancel our plans today. I have a sore throat and haven’t been feeling well. I’m so sorry!”
    • Pro tip: When making this excuse, ensure you’re not going out or posting lively content on social media that they might see, as this can unravel your lie.
  2. Maybe something came up at work or you have family plans you can’t get out of. Either way, there’s no way you’ll be able to make the date now. [1]
    • You could say, “Something came up at work, and I have to monitor a webinar this evening. I hate to have to cancel on you, but I can’t get out of this,” or “I forgot that I promised my niece I’d go to her dance recital. Could I ask for a rain check for tonight?”
    • Pro tip: Don’t have a prior commitment or conflict? Make one up!
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  3. It could be very likely that you overlooked something on your calendar and double-booked the day—it happens! When used correctly, this excuse can be very believable. You don’t need to share a lot of excuses, but ensure you lay out your intentions (especially about a possible follow-up date).
    • You might say, “I have a doctor’s appointment when we were supposed to meet up. I totally forgot! Can we make a new plan?” or “I completely forgot I’m supposed to dog sit on Friday. Can we circle back on meeting up?”
  4. 4
    You have the wrong date or time. Everyone’s made a mix-up in their schedule at least once, so make up an excuse around yours. Perhaps you thought the date was next Saturday, not this Saturday, and wrote it in your calendar wrong. This excuse is great to use if you’d still like to meet at a different time.
    • Try saying something like, “I didn’t realize our date was this Friday! I had it on my calendar for next Friday. Could we reschedule?” or “I got the dates mixed up for our date and won’t be able to make it anymore.”
  5. We’ve all had to put in the extra hours at some point! If you have a demanding job, consider using this excuse to cancel plans (just be sure not to use it too often). [2]
    • You could tell them, “I’m so sorry to change our plans, but this is our busy season at work, and I have to do catch up all weekend.”
  6. 6
    You’re dealing with family drama. Everyone can relate to family drama, so use that to your advantage! Come up with a scenario where you have to help out a family member or be a mediator of sorts. This excuse is great to use on someone you don’t really know all that well yet.
    • Try saying something like, “I’m having to help my mom deal with a scam issue…long story. I won’t be able to meet up tonight. I’m so sorry!”
  7. 7
    You have a household emergency. Broken refrigerator, overflowing toilet, mysterious leak, you name it! Emergencies can pop up at any time, no matter where you live, so use that to your advantage. Just be sure that who you’re cancelling on won’t want to run over and save the day.
    • For example, “My freezer decided to call it quits just before I walked out the door. I’m not going to be able to make it tonight.”
  8. 8
    You’re running late. If you live in a busy area, this excuse is perfect. Maybe you hit traffic, or a train was delayed. Either way, you don’t think you’re going to be able to make the date after all. Just make sure your excuse doesn’t indicate that you’ll be tardy for the date but that you actually have to cancel.
    • You might say, “I’m stuck in traffic and won’t make it home till late, and I still have to get the dogs settled. Can we reschedule?”
  9. 9
    You’re having a rough day. Maybe you’ve had a long day at work and just need some solo time, or you simply can’t even think about having a conversation right now. Either way, you’re not up for socializing. Think about what’s best for you and your mood, and go from there.
    • You could say, “I’ll be honest, I had a really rough day, and the idea of going out again is stressing me out. I don’t want to put you in a bad mood. Could we cancel tonight?”
  10. 10
    You’re emotionally drained. Not being emotionally available is a valid excuse to cancel any plan. You may be feeling burnt out, stressed, or overwhelmed, and the idea of going out is just too much. Remember, it’s important to take care of your own needs, too.
    • Try saying something like, “It’s been a long day at work, and I’m not feeling the best emotionally. Could we reschedule? I want to be in a better mood when I see you.”
  11. Sometimes, the best excuse is the truth. Try being honest with them if you’re having second thoughts about the possible relationship. As Laura Bilotta says, “Honesty can be harsh, but it’s necessary to avoid stringing someone along.” [3]
    • You might say, “I think you’re great, but I’m just not emotionally available to date right now,” or “I’m not up for dating right now, but I’d love to hang out and be friends!”
    • If you’re interested in someone else, you could say, “I have feelings for someone else, and I can’t really see past those at this time.”
    EXPERT TIP

    Julianne Cantarella

    Dating & Relationship Coach
    Julianne Cantarella is a Dating Coach, Certified Life Coach, Licensed Social Worker, and the CEO and President of New Jersey's Matchmaker. With over a decade of experience, she specializes in helping women heal from a heartbreak and create healthy long-term relationships. Julianne created a comprehensive transformational date coaching program From First Date to Soulmate™ that has helped hundreds of women find love. She holds a Bachelor of Social Work (BSW) from Ramapo College of New Jersey and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from Fordham University. Julianne has contributed to numerous media such as Your Tango Online Magazine, 24Seven Wellness Magazine, and Talk of The Town Magazine. She has also been featured as a relationship expert on CBS, iHeartRadio, and PBS “This Emotional Life Project.”
    Julianne Cantarella
    Dating & Relationship Coach

    Avoid misleading someone that you’re into them. If you’ve already decided that you don’t want to see them again or go on a date, be upfront about it. It’s not worth wasting your or their time. Respecting their time is only fair.

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Section 2 of 3:

How to Craft the Perfect Excuse

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  1. 1
    Make your excuse believable. If you’re trying to get out of a date, make sure your excuse is based on partial truths. You don’t have to lie completely—just stretch the truth a little bit. Come up with an excuse that fits your lifestyle and current situation. This way, they won’t be too suspicious. [4]
    • For example, say you have a little brother. You could make an excuse that you have to pick him up from school or babysit last minute.
  2. 2
    Give a worthy excuse. Think of an excuse that is worthy enough to cancel your plans. In other words, your excuse must have enough weight to seem believable.
    • For instance, missing your favorite TV show isn’t a good excuse to cancel plans (especially if the plans have been in place for a while).
  3. 3
    Think of a low-risk excuse. The premise of your excuse needs to carry weight but also not be too demanding. Aim to make your excuse simple and ensure it doesn’t involve follow-up questions or actions.
    • Making up a sick loved one, for example, might carry too much weight and come back to haunt you.
  4. Briefly explain the reasoning behind your excuse. You don’t have to go into elaborate details, but don’t leave them hanging! This is simply the polite and courteous thing to do, especially when canceling plans.
    • You might say, “I’m so sorry to cancel, but I’ve been feeling really down and don’t think I’m up to spending time with anyone.”
    • Bilotta recommends “trying to make your reasoning about you rather than about them. Use ‘I’ statements to preserve their feelings. Don’t make it about them.” [5]
  5. 5
    Stick with your excuse. To make your lie believable, you have to stick with it. If you say you’re sick, don’t go out with someone else and post all about it online. If you say you have conflicting plans with a friend, ensure they don’t message the person you canceled on. Simply put, make sure all of your ducks are in a row so nothing backfires on you.
  6. 6
    Ensure you really want to cancel your plans. Before you make any sort of excuse, think long and hard about your decision. Why do you want to cancel your date? Have there truly been red flags, or are you fearing the possible commitment? Do a bit of self-reflection to ensure you make the right decision for you. [6]
    • Consider journaling your thoughts or calling up a friend to chat it out.
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Section 3 of 3:

How to Minimize the Damage

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  1. When you cancel on someone you like, it's best to suggest a new time for you to meet. Unless you are trying to permanently distance yourself from your date, suggest the soonest possible opportunity to meet again. [7]
    • You might suggest trying again at the same time next week or perhaps meeting the next day.
    • Julianne Cantarella advises that if you don’t want to reschedule, don’t make a suggestion too. Avoid suggesting seeing them again or staying in touch. Simply cancel, say you’re sorry, and drop contact. [8]
  2. When you cancel on someone, you’re likely putting your own needs above theirs. Always make sure to apologize for having to change plans, whether you’d like to reschedule or not. After all, it’s the nice thing to do! [9]
    • Try saying something like, “I'm so sorry to cancel. I hate to ask you to move your schedule around when we already had plans.”
  3. Lying works best if you keep your lie simple and believable. If you say you were with someone else, you risk them spilling the beans. Instead, tell a simple lie without many details, or ensure that the person involved in your lie is aware of any made-up plans or excuses.
    • For example, try reframing excuses to be centered around you when possible. Instead of saying, “Carly was feeling sad, so I have to spend the day with her,” try, “I’m not feeling well, so I think I’m going to stay home."
  4. Avoid being a serial canceller when you can. If you truly like the person you have to cancel on and do want to see them again, try your best not to cancel the rescheduled date; otherwise, they may lose interest. [10]
    • Chances are, if you cancel because you don’t want to see them again, you won’t reschedule the date and won’t have to worry about this.
  5. If you’ve been thinking about canceling your date for a while now, don’t wait until the day of. Bite the bullet and cancel as soon as you’re sure you don’t want to go through with it.
    • Now, there’s nothing wrong with canceling at the last minute, especially if that’s when you know for sure. But do your best to avoid it when possible.
    • Whether you cancel ahead of time or last minute, make sure your excuse matches the time frame. For example, a work meeting popping up may happen days in advance, while a broken fridge can happen at the last minute.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://mashable.com/article/best-excuses-for-canceling-plans
      2. ↑ https://mashable.com/article/best-excuses-for-canceling-plans
      3. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
      4. ↑ https://www.self.com/story/canceling-plans
      5. ↑ Laura Bilotta. Dating Coach & Matchmaker. Expert Interview. 7 July 2020.
      6. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      7. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      8. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.
      9. ↑ https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/life/relationships/cancel-plans
      1. ↑ https://www.thegoodtrade.com/features/cancelling-plans-thoughtfully/
      2. ↑ Julianne Cantarella. Dating & Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 6 August 2021.

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