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Figuring out how he really feels can be tricky, but we can help!
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If you’re in a relationship, you may find yourself wondering, “Does my boyfriend really love me?” Maybe he hasn’t said those three magic words yet, and you want to figure out his true feelings. Or, maybe he says “I love you” all the time, but you're not sure he really means it. Don't worry—we've got you covered. We've compiled a list of signs you can look out for to help you determine whether or not he loves you. We’ve also consulted dating coaches John Keegan and Cher Gopman for some insight into how he’ll act if he’s in love, so keep reading!
How do you know your boyfriend loves you?
If your boyfriend loves you, he’ll treat you with kindness and respect. He’ll make an effort to get to know your friends and family, and he’ll invite you into his familial and social circles, too. He'll also pay attention to what's going on in your life, and he'll show interest in your likes and dislikes.
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Section 1 of 2:
Signs That Your Boyfriend Loves You
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He always treats you with respect . When your boyfriend really loves you, he'll be interested in you. He will respect your ideas and opinions, even when he doesn't agree with them. He'll pay attention to details about your likes and dislikes, and he'll accommodate your needs to the best of his ability. [1] X Research source If you answer yes to the following questions, that's a strong indicator that he loves you:
- Does he ask you about your life?
- Does he appear to genuinely care about your feelings and opinions?
- Does he respect your point of view when you disagree with him?
- Does he speak to you in a kind and considerate way?
- Does he accept and adhere to any boundaries you set?
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He initiates lots of casual touches. When someone is in love, they want to be close to you. Maybe he places his hand on your leg when you’re sitting next to each other, or puts his hand on your lower back when you’re walking. Or, maybe he reaches out and tucks your hair behind your ear when you're talking. These types of touches demonstrate to the world that the person cares for you deeply. [2] X Research source
- If your boyfriend doesn’t do these things, it isn’t necessarily a red flag— if he's shy or grew up in a culture where public touching isn't acceptable, he may not feel comfortable showing this type of affection, even if he does really love you. [3] X Research source
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3He cares deeply about your well-being. If your boyfriend is in love with you, your happiness will be his happiness. [4] X Research source When you’re sad, anxious, or frustrated, he’ll make an effort to comfort you. If your boyfriend pays attention to your emotions and goes out of his way to make sure you feel content and safe, this is a big sign of his love.
- For example, if he’s bad at responding to messages but he knows you get anxious if you haven’t heard from him all day, he’ll work on being a better texter.
- He may also learn your love language and make an effort to adjust his actions based on that. If you’re a big fan of words of affirmation, for instance, he’ll do his best to show his love and support through his words.
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4He does nice things for you to let you know he’s thinking of you. When someone is crazy about you, they’re always thinking of little ways to brighten your day. For example, maybe he knows that you have a favorite meal from a certain restaurant, so he picks it up for you when you’ve had a tough day, explains Gopman. If he goes out of his way to show you that you’re on his mind, this is definitely a sign that he cares!
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5He makes you a priority. If your boyfriend is in love, you’ll be one of the most important things in his life. This doesn’t mean that you’re the only thing he cares about, but nurturing your relationship will definitely be one of his top priorities. [5] X Research source He’ll make time for you in his schedule, check in with you throughout the day, and tell you how important you are to him on a regular basis.
- On the flip side, if it seems like he’s consistently putting other things above you, this would be a bit more concerning, explains Keegan.
- For example, if you try to set up dates with him but he’d rather be with his friends most of the time, this may be a sign that he’s not all-in, Keegan says.
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6He trusts you completely. A partner who truly loves you will give you the benefit of the doubt. [6] X Research source This means he won’t get jealous and accuse you of being unfaithful for no reason, or demand all the passwords to your accounts so he can snoop. He'll believe the things you say to him, and he’ll respect your boundaries.
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He makes an effort to compromise with you. There are bound to be a few disagreements in any relationship, but if your boyfriend genuinely cares for you, he'll make an effort to meet you in the middle. Whether he compromises on little things (like going to see a movie he isn’t interested in because he knows you'll like it) or bigger issues (like accepting that you’re not ready to move in together yet) compromise is an important sign that your boyfriend really loves you. [7] X Research source
- True compromise doesn't mean "I'll do this for you if you do this for me." It's not a negotiation—it’s about working together to find common ground.
- Does he insist on being right when you have a disagreement or argument? Or is he okay with letting you have the last word?
- Reader Poll: We asked 1097 wikiHow readers how they would handle conflicts in their relationships, and 55% said they would work through it until they found a resolution. [Take Poll]
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8He loves you for who you are. We all have our little quirks and habits we’d like to work on, but if your boyfriend is deeply in love with you, he’ll love the full picture of who you are and make you feel good about yourself. [8] X Research source This means he won’t be nitpicky, critical, or judgmental, and he won’t try to change you. He’ll celebrate all the amazing things about you, and he’ll be understanding of your little flaws—just like you’ll be of his.
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9He is proud to be in a relationship with you. When a guy is in love, he’ll want to shout it from the rooftops. He won’t have any problems telling people that you’re together—in fact, he’ll probably want to brag about you all the time, and he’ll be glad to walk into events and social gatherings with you on his arm. [9] X Research source If your boyfriend has this type of energy about your relationship, this is a pretty clear sign that he’s crazy about you!
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He wants you to spend time with his friends and family. “Make sure he brings you into his life, that you’re meeting his friends and family,” says Keegan. When a guy truly sees a future with you, he’ll want to bring you into his social circle and include you in all areas of his life. So, if he invites you to events like birthday parties, family dinners, or holiday gatherings, this is a huge sign that his feelings run deep! [10] X Research source
- On the other hand, if he doesn’t want to introduce you to family or friends and prefers to hang out with you alone, this could be a sign that his feelings are less serious.
- Keep in mind, however, that including you in his family life may be difficult if his relationship with his family is rocky. In this case, it wouldn’t be a bad sign if he hadn’t introduced you to them.
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He makes an effort to get to know your friends and family. “Make sure that he wants to meet your friends and your family, and that he’s not just like, ‘Hey, I just want to come over at midnight and hang out,’ or ‘I just want to come over after work and it’s just me and you all the time,’” says Keegan. Someone who loves you will be interested in getting closer to the people in your life. Even if he doesn't like them, he'll be willing to spend time with them if you want him to.
- If your boyfriend avoids your family and friends, he might be shy or worried about making a good impression, but this is something you should be able to work through. If he’s still unwilling to meet them after you’ve explained how important it is to you, it may be more of an issue.
- If he tries to get you to avoid them too, this is another problematic sign. It may indicate that he has a tendency to be overly controlling. [11] X Research source
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He participates in your hobbies and interests. Someone who loves you will try to show interest in the hobbies and activities you enjoy, even if he doesn't care for them that much. [12] X Research source For example, he'll try to play video games with you every once in a while, even if he isn’t much of a gamer himself. Or, he’ll ask you about the novel you’re reading, even if he isn’t a bookworm. These things are all signs that he feels deeply for you!
- A man who really loves you will pay attention to what you like and dislike. He'll try to make sure you're happy, because your happiness matters to him. [13] X Research source
- On the other hand, if you’re always doing activities that he enjoys, and he never makes an effort to do the same for you, this could be a bit of a problem. His wants and needs shouldn't take priority over yours 100% of the time.
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13He pays attention to what’s going on in your life. Is he listening to you when you tell him you have an important day or a big meeting coming up, and then is he calling to see how that meeting went? Gopman explains that this would be a clear sign that he loves you because it shows that he’s stepping up to the plate and really making an effort to be there for you.EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.
If he’s in love with you, he’ll be there for you. He’ll be thoughtful and conscientious, and he’ll show up in the ways that you need him to show up. If you need him for something reasonable and he's not showing up, this would be a red flag that he's not all in on this, and that he's not really in love.
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14He supports your goals and cheers you on. Keegan explains that a healthy relationship isn’t just about doing things together—it’s also about being respectful of your partner’s independence and their life outside the relationship. If your boyfriend supports you in your personal goals at work, school, and beyond, this is another big sign that he truly loves you.
- For example, if you’re going after a promotion at work, challenging yourself to get a certain grade in a class, or learning a new creative skill, he’ll check in with you about how things are going and offer encouragement as often as he can.
- And, when you achieve your goals, he’ll be super proud of you and brag about your successes to anyone who’ll listen. [14] X Research source
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He uses the word "we" rather than "I". When someone loves you, he considers you when he's thinking about his daily life or the future. This means that he’ll refer to the two of you as a unit when making plans, rather than only answering for himself. For example, if a friend asks him to come to a dinner party, he may say something like, “I’ll have to see if we’re free that night,” instead of “I’ll have to see if I’m free that night.”
- Keegan also recommends listening to how he responds when you try to plan something with him in the slightly distant future.
- For example, “If you want to plan a trip six months from now or three months from now and he’s like, ‘I’m not sure about that,’ that’s a sign that he’s not all the way in, that he's not there yet,” Keegan explains.
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He apologizes when he's wrong. Notice how your boyfriend reacts when he's done something hurtful or insensitive. Does he say he’s sorry and try to make things right? If he truly does love you he should be able to take responsibility for his actions, own up to a mistake, and apologize in a heartfelt way. [15] X Trustworthy Source Harvard Medical School Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public Go to source
- A boyfriend who is stubborn may have a hard time apologizing for when he's wrong, but if he loves you he'll be uncomfortable until things are right between you again. He’ll fight for the relationship because it means so much to him. [16] X Research source
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He backs up his affectionate words with his actions. Just saying "I love you" isn't enough—it’s important to consider whether his actions match his words. Does he do kind things for you, make an effort to spend quality time with you, and share his life with you? If he does, this a good sign that his affection for you is true and sincere. [17] X Research source
- On the other hand, if he says he loves you but disrespects you, belittles you, or doesn’t make an effort to connect with you, this could be more of a red flag.
- The mismatch between his words and actions indicates that he might be untrustworthy or insincere.
- If you aren't sure whether you should trust someone's words, ask a trusted person for help figuring it out. Maybe they've noticed something that you haven't.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you test if your boyfriend loves you?John Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Look for these signs that your boyfriend might not be in love with you anymore: he isn't showing up for you the way he used to. He's not taking your calls or answering your texts. He's starting to pull away. He doesn't want to spend as much time with you or has too many excuses to not see you. He'd rather hang out with his friends than you. He's not as playful with you as he used to be.
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QuestionWhat if my boyfriend doesn't speak to me?Community AnswerAsk him what's going on. He's probably bothered by something else and does not realize you are affected by it. You're in a relationship, and one of the pro's for that is that you should always be there for each other. And most importantly, listen.
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QuestionI always call my boyfriend rather than him calling me. This makes me feel sad but if I complain it starts an argument. What can I do?Community AnswerTell him your feelings without blaming him for them. Tell him you fear that the relationship is one-sided. If he values you, your happiness will be important to him, and he should make an effort to please you.
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Tips
- There are many online quizzes that claim to tell you whether or not your boyfriend really loves you. Take them if you want to, but consider their results with caution. These quizzes might be most interesting to help you think about your relationship in a new way.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Remember, it's okay to ask for more affection and intimacy. Some guys get kind of scared or distant with these things, but if he cares about you, he'll be willing to work on it with you.
- Don’t be nervous around your boyfriend, and don’t change who you are to make him think you're attractive. He should like you for you!
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Warnings
- If you find yourself regularly doing things you don't want to do or saying things you don't want to say because of your boyfriend, this isn’t a great sign. He should respect you for who you are, and you shouldn’t feel compelled to change for him.Thanks
- Remember that abusive relationships take many shapes. If you aren't sure if you're being abused, consider doing some research into the warning signs of abuse.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://positivepsychology.com/build-trust/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-the-name-love/201405/why-lovers-touch-is-so-powerful
- ↑ https://www.scienceofpeople.com/someone-likes-you/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-with-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/lifetime-connections/201605/stop-dating-the-wrong-person
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/health/the-secrets-of-happy-couples
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/signs-controlling-partner-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-with-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-with-you
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-do-you-know-if-youre-in-love
- ↑ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/the-art-of-a-heartfelt-apology-2021041322366
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201403/11-ways-to-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201403/11-ways-tell-if-your-lover-loves-you
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/how-long-does-it-take-to-fall-in-love
- ↑ https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/02654075221075264
About This Article
Article Summary
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If you want to know whether your boyfriend really loves you, think about the way he treats you. For example, if he respects your ideas and opinions even when he doesn’t agree with them, that’s a good sign that he loves you. You should also think about the way he touches you. If he only touches you in private, but never in public, this could be a sign that he’s not truly in love with you. Along with his actions, you should pay attention to what he says, especially when he does something wrong. If your boyfriend loves you, he should be able to apologize without being dismissive or finding ways to put the blame on you. Most importantly, make sure he says “I love you” while acting in a loving and caring way, and not because he’s trying to manipulate you into something. For more advice, including how to tell if your boyfriend is being abusive, keep reading.
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