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There are many reasons why your best friends might be acting more distant lately. Keep yourself from jumping to negative assumptions by taking a close, controlled look at your friendships. Make note of your friends’ behaviors, while also considering their motivations. In the end, no matter what you find out, keep reminding yourself that it’s best to invest your time and efforts in true friends.
Steps
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Test text or voicemail response times. Send your friends a couple of texts or voicemails and watch to see how long it takes them to respond. Keep in mind that your friends might miss a single text or message or think that it doesn’t require a response. The key here is to look for patterns of poor or non-responses. [1] X Research source- If your friends seem to respond really slowly to messages, you may want to reconsider reaching out to them during a personal emergency.
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Check your online friendship status. Go online to various social media websites, like Facebook or Instagram, to see if your best friends have blocked or stopped following you. You can also download an app, such as Who Deleted Me, that will alert you when others have removed you. [2] X Research source- If everything else seems okay, it may be worth asking your friends if they did some sort of Facebook friend purge. You could have accidentally been caught up in it.
- Another social media warning sign is if you notice that your friends stop tagging you in images or posts.
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Demand honesty. Honesty is an important part of building trust and respect in a friendship. If you suspect that your friends are lying, it’s best to keep an open mind until you have clear proof. If you do catch them in a lie, you have the choice to either say something right then or make note of their untrustworthiness. [3] X Research source- As a friend, you must also be forthright if you plan to hold your friends to that same standard. Try to steer clear of white lies, as they are not always as harmless as they may seem.
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Listen to how supportive they are. Try talking with them as a group or individually about a subject that is important to you. Watch their faces to see if they give you the normal signs of listening, such as nodding or making small comments. See if they ask you any questions or express any concern. [4] X Research source- For example, all of your statements might be met with “uh-huhs” from the group, even if they should be disagreeing with you.
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Be careful if they only call with requests. This could mean that they’ve fallen into a pattern of needing your help, but not necessarily your friendship. If this happens, ask yourself if they’ve helped you as much as you’ve helped them. And, consider whether or not they are thankful when you do step in. [5] X Research source- Even if they are thankful when you help them with something, it could still be a lopsided friendship if they only call you when they need something.
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Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Is My Friend Toxic?
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Look for patterns. All friendships go through good and bad periods. To avoid overreacting, think about the entirety of your friendship and consider how often you’ve hit a bad or down period. If you feel constantly depressed or your friends are always negative, then you may be headed toward a separation. [6] X Research source- For example, you might notice that your friends were great until they got into relationships. To spend more time with them, you’ll likely need to find activities that are partner-friendly.
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Pay attention to their schedules. Try to be a bit flexible when planning and see if they’ll make time for you. If they are always busy and booked up, then it’s going to be tough to move your friendship forward. Be patient, but don’t put your whole life on pause waiting for them. [7] X Research source- Notice if there is a pattern of them only being available when it suits them. For example, you may notice that they are never available when you want to make plans, but they are suddenly available on days when their other friends are busy.
- To be fair, if they are in a new relationship or starting a job, they might be working out how to manage time.
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Watch if they always leave early. Instead of spending time lingering at a restaurant or out at a club, your friends now seem to head out as soon as possible. Another sign is if they consistently arrive late and leave together early. This could mean that they have other plans elsewhere. [8] X Research source -
Pay attention to any new friends. If your best friends talk about these new people all the time, then it’s possible that they are simply trying to widen their social circle. Try your best not to be jealous. Instead, listen to what your friends are saying. Are they describing these newcomers as your replacement or as a new friend for you? [9] X Research source -
Stop inviting everyone out for a week. Continue to answer any texts or calls, but don’t put the effort into creating new plans or organizing any gatherings. See if any of your best friends invite you out or suggest any activities. If they don’t, then it’s possible they aren’t willing to put the effort into continuing your friendship. [10] X Research source
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Cut off ties. If you’ve determined that your friends are really trying to ditch you, then it might be time to let these relationships just fade away. You can cut down on your hang out time with them and minimize any text contact. If they are already avoiding you, then this is usually non-dramatic way of ending things. -
Confront them. If you feel wronged by your friends or are worried that there is some sort of miscommunication, you might want to talk with them as a group or one-on-one. Tell them what you’ve noticed lately about their behaviors. Ask them how they think friends should act. Try to come up with a specific plan to improve your friendship, such as always responding to texts within a day.- Having this type of conversation can get awkward. You might start by saying, “Is everything okay?” This is a non-confrontational way of getting them to start talking.
- Try to be understanding and avoid blaming your friends for everything or they may get defensive and the conversation could turn negative.
- Keep the focus of your statements on yourself. For example, "I feel" and "I think." Don't accuse them with statements like "You always" or "You never."
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Take the chance to pursue new friendships. Try to find potential friends who have similar interests to you and who seem open to hanging out often. Don’t expect to be best friends with a new person right away, but stay hopeful that it could happen down the road. [11] X Research source
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do I stop being ignored by friends?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).First of all, ask yourself if you want to hang around someone who does not pay any attention to you. Second, be careful about making rash judgments that the other person is ignoring you; sometimes people have other things on their mind.
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QuestionHow can you tell if someone is a fake friend?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).A fake friend only comes around when they need or want something from you. Or, they only want to talk about themselves and not about you.
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QuestionWhat do you do when your best friend is mad at you?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Give them some space, first. Then reflect on the situation and ask yourself if you might have done something to offend them. After these steps, consider reaching out to them.
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Tips
- Try to remember that friendships often change over the years and it isn’t always a bad thing.Thanks
- Friendships come and go. It’s okay to let friendships go and create new ones.Thanks
- Make sure to talk it out with your friend before ending the friendship. A lot of friendship problems stem from minor problems. (i.e. a boy, or a small argument).Thanks
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Warnings
- No matter what stage your friendship is in, never let anyone put you down verbally or push you around physically. It’s not okay. If this happens, get away from the group as quickly as possible and find some new friends to spend time with. [12] X Research sourceThanks
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References
- ↑ http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/26/toxic-friends-_n_7366026.html
- ↑ https://finance.yahoo.com/news/losing-facebook-friends-new-app-exposes-their-123489128419.html?guccounter=1
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/best-friend-dumping-12-sad-signs-youre-getting-ditched/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/best-friend-dumping-12-sad-signs-youre-getting-ditched/
- ↑ https://www.society19.com/ways-to-tell-if-you-have-fake-friends/
- ↑ http://www.keepinspiring.me/a-7-step-approach-for-dealing-with-friends-who-drag-you-down/#ixzz4rT9jdK6M
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/best-friend-dumping-12-sad-signs-youre-getting-ditched/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/best-friend-dumping-12-sad-signs-youre-getting-ditched/
- ↑ https://www.bolde.com/best-friend-dumping-12-sad-signs-youre-getting-ditched/
About This Article
Article Summary
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It can be nerve-wracking if you think your friends are trying to ditch you, but if you watch closely, you'll be able to figure it out before it happens. Watch to see if your friends are avoiding you in subtle ways. For example, they may take a long time to text you back, or they may say they’re too busy to hang out with you. You can also listen to see how they react to you in conversations. The next time you’re talking with them in a group, watch their faces to see if they nod and give you their full attention. However, if they avoid eye contact or don’t say much, they might be trying to ditch you. Additionally, they may only call you when they need something from you, rather than just to see how you are. If you think your friends are trying to ditch you, confront them to figure out what’s going on. You could start the conversation with a simple, “Is everything ok with us?” If you decide to cut ties, try to think about it in a positive way. For instance, it may give you the chance to pursue new friendships with people who actually care about you! To learn how to spot new, replacement friends, read on.
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Reader Success Stories
- "My two best friends have been ignoring me a lot and have been pranking me continuously. It was hard. So I used your tips and did my best and now they are okay. They still do it, but now I know what to do, so thank you." ..." more
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"My two best friends have been ignoring me a lot and have been pranking me continuously. It was hard. So I used your tips and did my best and now they are okay. They still do it, but now I know what to do, so thank you."
..."
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"I liked that it tells how to know whether your friend's bored or mad at you. It was helpful, thank you!"
"This article helped me a lot, as I was in a depression that I was losing my closest and only friend."
"I really appreciate the help my friends. I don't think they like me, or have since the beginning."
"Thanks so much! All these signs are true, and I saw it. Oh well. Now to move on..."
