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If you’re dating a guy who you like or even love, you might wonder if he’s as into the relationship as you are. Sure he might buy you flowers and act like he wants you, but does he see a future together? Luckily, there are several signals that can help you determine if your guy is serious about you for the long term. Consider his words, actions, and your history together to assess how attached he is to you. Read on for the top signs to tell if your boyfriend is serious or playing around.
Steps
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Notice how often he says “we.” Pay attention to how often you hear him say “we” in reference to the two of you. A man who is serious about his partner will think of himself as being a part of a couple. He will tend to reference you and the relationship often and will make plans with you in mind. [1] X Research source
- Notice especially how often he does this when you are not a part of the conversation, such as when he is on the phone with his friends.
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Consider the words ‘I love you.” Has your boyfriend told you he loves you yet? If so, he likely has serious feelings for you. If he tells you this often, then he is probably very invested in the relationship. Also, if he said “I love you” first, that’s a major sign of commitment. [2] X Research source
- Consider his background, as well. If he comes from a family where those words are rarely said, he might not say them to you often. But this does not mean he doesn’t love you.
- If he has not said “I love you” yet, allow him to do so in his own time so that you know the words are genuine. Don’t pressure him into saying it before he is ready.
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Notice how often he opens up to you. A man who is serious about someone they’re dating will often confide in them. He might tell you secrets, talk about family issues, or describe stressors at work. If you feel that you know a great deal about your guy and that he is open with you, he is probably serious. [3] X Research source
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Evaluate any talk of the future. Does he talk about marrying you? Or what about moving in or having children together? Any talk from him that is future-oriented can indicate that he is serious. [4] X Research source
- Consider also if he mentions going to events that are far into the future with you, like a wedding or family reunion.
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Consider if you discuss finances together. If your guy discusses his salary with you or if he makes big financial decisions with your input, then he probably sees a future together. If you two own things together, like a home or car, then things are likely very serious. [5] X Research source
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Have a talk with him after a few months. If you truly want to know if your guy is serious about you, ask him! Sit him down after dating at least three months exclusively and ask him how he feels about your relationship. Talk in private during a non-stressful time for the both of you. [6] X Research source
- Say something like “I’ve really enjoyed being with you these last few months and I’m excited to see where things go. Can you imagine us being together long-term?”
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Assess how often you are around his family. Have you met his family yet? Especially his mother? This is a sign that he is serious about you. If he regularly takes you to family events and speaks about you to his family, this is another sign of commitment. [7] X Research source
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Determine your involvement with his friends. If you have met his close friends, then he probably is very invested in the relationship. You might hear him speaking about you to his friends on the phone as well, which is another good sign. [8] X Research source
- Don't sweat it if he doesn't invite you out when it's boys’ night. This is a time for him and his guys.
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See if he does things for you that he doesn’t enjoy. A man who is serious about his partner will often go above and beyond for them. Does he sit through your favorite shows with you even though he hates them? Or maybe he takes you out for sushi even though he doesn’t eat it. These are signs of a man who cares for you. [9] X Research source
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Assess how often he includes you in his plans. Are you often your guy’s plus one to events? You might find you two are so serious that he no longer even asks you to be his date for major events. Instead, it might be an expectation or assumption at this point. If you two spend more time together than apart, you’re probably serious. [10] X Research source
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Notice what items you keep at each other's homes. If you have a drawer, toothbrush, or section of a closet at his home, then he is probably invested in the relationship. Not only are you a regular fixture at his place, but so are your things.
- If he keeps things at your place, this is a sign of seriousness, as well, but it is not necessarily a sign of commitment.
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Consider how often he is there for you when you need him. When your car breaks down, is he the first person you call? Or when your pet died, did he come over to comfort you? When a man is serious in a relationship, he often makes himself available and useful. Notice the things he’s done for you over the course of your relationship. [11] X Research source
- Reader Poll: We asked 1153 wikiHow readers about what factors are essential to building a committed relationship, and 63% of them agreed that trust and loyalty between partners is most important. This includes being honest and there for one another. [Take Poll]
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Consider whether you have broken up in the past. If you two regularly break up and get back together, then the relationship might not be very serious or worthwhile. But if he tries to work through problems rather than throwing in the towel, then he is committed to you. [12] X Research source
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Reflect on how long you’ve been dating. Though there are some couples who become serious after the first date, this is the exception and not the rule. If you have been dating for six months or longer, then you might have a serious boyfriend on your hands. If it has been shorter, give it some time before getting too serious.
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Determine if you have a set routine. If you two have a bedtime routine or set date nights with one another, then your guy might be serious about you. Having you incorporated into his daily schedule is a big deal! [13] X Research source
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Consider past relationships. Have his past partners met his mom or are you the only one to do so? Are you his longest relationship? How many others has he loved in the past? If you find that you are one of few to hear “I love you” from him or meet his mother, then he’s probably head over heels for you!
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References
- ↑ http://news.berkeley.edu/2010/01/27/couple_we_ness/
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2556682/Is-boyfriend-YOU-The-50-signs-youre-committed-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201409/12-steps-getting-someone-open
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2556682/Is-boyfriend-YOU-The-50-signs-youre-committed-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.bustle.com/articles/99437-20-unexpected-ways-to-tell-your-new-relationship-is-getting-serious
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201406/5-tips-tough-conversations-your-partner
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2556682/Is-boyfriend-YOU-The-50-signs-youre-committed-relationship.html
- ↑ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2556682/Is-boyfriend-YOU-The-50-signs-youre-committed-relationship.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/201607/seven-signs-hes-really-in-love-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/valley-girl-brain/201411/is-your-relationship-getting-serious-should-it
- ↑ https://www.bustle.com/articles/99437-20-unexpected-ways-to-tell-your-new-relationship-is-getting-serious
About This Article
Article Summary
X
If you’re dating a guy that you like or even love, you may be wondering how serious he is about you and your relationship. Luckily, there are several signs that can help you figure out his feelings for you. Notice how often he says “we” when discussing the two of you since a guy who’s serious about his partner will think of himself as part of a couple. Also consider how often he opens up to you about his family, work stressors, future dreams, and old secrets since guys who are more open tend to be more serious too. Another way to tell if he’s serious is if he talks to you about his salary or big financial decisions, which could indicate that he’s thinking about a future with you. If he regularly takes you to family events or invites you to spend time with him and his closest friends, chances are he’s pretty serious about you. To learn how to tell if he’s serious by the things you leave at each other’s homes, keep reading!
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