11 Signs A Narcissist is Done With You

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Spot the signs of a narcissist who is preparing to discard you
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Feeling locked into a toxic or abusive relationship is distressing to say the least, especially if your partner demonstrates an emotional volatility that makes it difficult to tell where you stand with them. To help you decode this behavior, we've tapped expert psychologists to explain everything you need to know about how someone with a narcissistic personality may behave when they're finished with you. Just remember that displaying narcissistic traits doesn't automatically make someone a "narcissist" and not everyone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is abusive or toxic.

How to Know a Narcissist is Finished With You

  1. They showered you with affection then suddenly stopped.
  2. They constantly criticize you and blame you for everything.
  3. They easily become irritated over trivial things.
  4. They take advantage of you by borrowing money or crossing your boundaries.
  5. They gaslight you and make you question your own memories.
  6. They accuse you of cheating on them without any evidence.
1

They show no emotion.

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  1. At first, they were incredibly charming and affectionate. In fact, you may have even felt overwhelmed by the amount of attention they were giving you. This tactic is called love-bombing and people with narcissistic traits use it to manipulate partners at the beginning of a relationship. Then, once you’re fully invested, this person discards you. [1]
    • Did their initial adoration seem excessive? Did they rush you into a commitment? These are classic signs of love-bombing.
    • Don’t blame yourself for getting caught up in their behavior. Wanting to feel desired and attractive is human nature. Love-bombing is effective because it takes advantage of our humanness.
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2

They criticize you constantly.

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  1. At the end of an abuse cycle, nothing you do is good enough and a toxic partner may try to belittle you. Often, they'll zero in on an imaginary defect or a tiny mistake you made and blow it way out of proportion. Before long, criticism is the only thing you get from this person at all.
    • People with diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) struggle with an innate lack of self-esteem. As a result of their mental health condition, they often feel inadequate and may criticize others as a way to build themselves up. [2]
    • Remember that this behavior is not a reflection on you—in fact, it’s the other person who’s struggling to feel good about themselves.
3

They blame you for everything.

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  1. If someone often displays narcissistic behaviors, it’s usually because of low self-esteem. Their way of hiding feelings of inferiority from the world is to inflate their own ego. [3] They can't take personal responsibility for anything, so they use you as a scapegoat. This behavior usually starts slowly and gets worse as the relationship draws to an end.
    • Some of these individuals are extremely skilled at making people feel guilty. They'll convince you that you’re to blame and may even manage to get an apology out of you (even though you had nothing to do with it).
    • Typically, fighting back is futile. They’ll probably have a difficult time seeing things from your perspective and end up doubling down no matter how much evidence you have to support your innocence. [4]
    • It’s upsetting to be manipulated this way, but now that you know what to watch for, you can reclaim your power.
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4

They’re always irritated or angry.

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  1. In the beginning, they probably put you on a pedestal and practically worshiped you, right? These days, you can't even breathe right around them. Your very existence seems to annoy them, and the constant negativity and aggression can be really hard to deal with. [5]
    • Why did they change? Once you invest in the relationship, someone with such deep-seated insecurities may secretly start to panic. They’re afraid you’ll see who they really are and leave them, so their solution is to make you feel bad first.
Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: Am I Dating a Narcissist?

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1 of 12

How did they act when you first started dating?

5

They pick fights over trivial things.

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  1. They'll pretend like this trivial matter is the end of the world no matter how meaningless it truly is. For example, they may fly into a blind rage because you “loaded the dishwasher wrong.” Typically, they'll drag conflicts out for as long as possible until you're completely exhausted. [6]
    • Not only will you be unfairly blamed during these conflicts, but the other person will also try to rationalize their outbursts.
    • There’s no point in engaging or arguing with them. In their mind, you’re wrong and they’re right, end of story.
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6

They take advantage of you.

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  1. They’ll ask for favors, borrow money, fish for compliments/praise, drain your emotional energy, cross your boundaries, and anything else they can get away with. To this type of individual, you’re an object to be used for their personal gain. [7]
    • Once you start noticing this pattern of behavior, try to refuse their requests as much as you can.
7

They withhold physical affection.

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  1. Do they avoid touching you and squirm away when you reach out? Withholding affection is another common way that they may flip the script on you. Suddenly, they won’t kiss or hug you, recoil from your touch, and reject you in the bedroom. As always, this behavior is about control since someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) struggles to feel control over their own feelings and self-worth. [8]
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8

They accuse you of cheating.

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  1. Have they suddenly become paranoid that you’ve betrayed them? These accusations are most likely a ruse so that they can justify the breakup. It’s important that the breakup be entirely your fault, and someone with narcissistic qualities may choose to lie rather than face up to their own actions.
    • They may also start telling other people that you cheated on them, or spread other lies to devalue you and ruin your reputation. [9]
9

They gaslight you.

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  1. Gaslighting is when a person lies or denies reality in order to confuse you. For example, they may try to make you question your memory or perception of events. Gaslighting behavior usually starts early on in the relationship and tends to ramp up at the end. [10] [11] Common gaslighting techniques include:
    • Tone policing: they tell you that you’re overreacting or to calm down as a way to invalidate your feelings. For example: “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
    • Blocking/diverting: they make you question your memories and doubt yourself. They say, “You’re crazy, that never happened” or “It’s all in your head.”
    • Stonewalling : they refuse to discuss the problem altogether. If you bring it up, they change the subject, pretend they didn’t hear you, or walk away. [12]
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10

They ignore everything you say.

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  1. At the end of an abuse cycle, the abuser typically wants to make sure that you feel worthless. They'll tune out your remarks and avoid your questions until you feel invisible. If it seems like they're stonewalling you 24/7, it's likely they're getting ready to end the relationship. They’ll still grace you with their presence, but they’ll be blatantly unresponsive if you attempt to communicate. [13]
11

They stop all communication.

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  1. When a person discards you , they rarely have the spine to confront you. Instead of facing you and providing closure when the relationship ends, they'll block your access to them and just assume you’ll get the picture. They’ll ignore your texts, refuse your calls, unfollow you on social media, and do everything they can to pretend you don’t exist. [14]
    • You don’t deserve any of this and it hurts, but the cycle is over now. It’s important not to let this person back into your life.
    • They may try to wheedle their way back into your good graces, but only so they can repeat the cycle of abuse once again. If they contact you, don’t reply.
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      Tips

      • Keep in mind that not everyone with narcissistic traits or diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is abusive or toxic (and not every abuser has NPD). While we provided guidance on how to handle abusive behaviors that are also associated with NPD, this doesn’t mean that your partner is a "narcissist"—only a licensed mental health professional can make that diagnosis. [15]
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      • Remember that narcissistic traits often come from severe mental health challenges and a lack of personal self-worth and security. While that doesn’t make any potentially harmful behaviors okay, it is worth keeping in mind as you navigate these issues with as much empathy and compassion as possible.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/resources/signs-of-love-bombing/
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/narcissism
      4. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/202104/5-reasons-not-start-relationship-narcissist
      5. ↑ https://www.psychalive.org/narcissistic-relationships/
      6. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/202104/5-reasons-not-start-relationship-narcissist
      7. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm
      8. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/narcissist-signs
      9. ↑ https://health.clevelandclinic.org/narcissist-signs
      1. ↑ https://www.marriage.com/advice/mental-health/how-to-know-a-narcissist-is-finished-with-you/
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gaslighting
      3. ↑ https://www.rtor.org/2021/05/07/what-is-gaslighting-how-to-recognize-it-and-protect-yourself/
      4. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/stonewalling-ways-to-deal-with-it/
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-narcissism/201704/the-narcissistic-love-script
      6. ↑ https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20366690

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