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Use our guide to smooching someone for the first time and kiss your dating anxiety goodbye!
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It’s the end of your first, second, or maybe third date with a new person who you really dig. All your laughter and joking around, your stolen glances over dinner or coffee, maybe even some tentative hand-holding—it’s all been leading up to this moment: the kiss! But how do you know when the time is right? Even if the date seemed to go well…how do you know for absolute certain that they want to lock lips? Don’t worry! That first kiss is exhilarating and anxiety-inducing for all of us, but if you want to feel more comfortable gauging your date’s interest and knowing when to lay one on ’em, check out our guide to kissing on a date, below!
Things You Should Know
- Kiss on whichever date you feel comfortable. Many people wait until the end of a first, second, or third date; this gives you time to get to know each other.
- Gauge your date’s interest before planting one to make sure they’re receptive to kissing. If you’re not positive they’re up for it, ask.
- Show them you’re interested by finding small ways to touch them, maintaining eye contact with them, and leaning towards them slowly.
Steps
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Stare at the person's mouth to show your interest. While this might seem a little silly, spending some time looking at the person's mouth can indicate you want to kiss them. Of course, you don't want to look at their mouth only, as gazing into their eyes is also romantic. Nonetheless, occasionally glancing at your date's lips can help indicate you want to kiss someone. [1] X Research source
- Don't continuously stare at your date’s mouth. They might get weirded out. Short one to two second glances here and there should do the trick!
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Find ways to subtly touch them. This touch isn't necessarily an intimate touch. Rather, touch their arm or their shoulder as you talk, or move closer to them so your legs are touching. These small touches show you want to get closer. [2] X Research source
- You don’t have to wait until the end of the date to start your little touches; you can build up to the kiss with little touches throughout your date. If you’re at dinner together, try putting your hand on their hand. If you’re at a movie, sit close so that your shoulders touch.
- If they pull back, they may not be as interested. Some people don't like to be touched, so you may need to be patient.
- Reader Poll: We asked 1741 wikiHow readers who've gone in for the kiss, and only 8% of them agreed that the best way to let someone know you want them to kiss you is by gently touching them. [Take Poll] Physical touch is often a great sign you’re interested in someone, but be as direct as possible to make sure they get the hint!
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Compliment the person. Tell the person you like the way they smile or that you find their humor charming. Everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves, and when you compliment someone , you show them you care.
- Try to give sincere, direct compliments. In other words, really pay attention to the person and figure out what you like about them. That way, you can give a compliment that's specific to the person. [3] X Research source
- For instance, saying "You look pretty," is fairly general. Saying, "Your smile is so lovely. It lights up the room," is much more specific.
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Observe their body language to see if they’re receptive. Your date’s body language will tell you a lot about whether they’re enjoying the date and whether they might like a smooch. Keep an eye out for open body language, and note if they return your flirty little touches. [4] X Research source
- If your date is into you, they might play with their hair, hold your gaze, lean toward you, or even mimic your movements (subconsciously).
- And, yes, they might look at your lips, just like you’re looking at theirs! We love the sexual tension!
EXPERT TIPDating CoachJohn Keegan is a Dating Coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. With over 10 years of professional experience, he runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.Pay attention to your date's reactions to you. As your conversation flows, gauge their comfort with physical touch. Build a connection gradually. For instance, offer to gently put your arm around them while walking. If they respond positively, it could lead to further physical connection.
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Listen for verbal cues that they're interested. Just like you compliment your date to indicate your interest, if your date is interested in you, they'll likely flirt back in some way. They might compliment you, laugh at your jokes (and try to make you laugh), or indicate investment by asking you deeper questions to get to know you.
- Realize that this may not mean your date wants to kiss. They may be having a nice time, and they may like you romantically, but they could still be uncomfortable kissing yet.
- If your date asks you for a piece of gum, they may be trying to freshen up their breath before a potential smooch. (Make sure you freshen up, too!)
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Kiss on whichever date you feel comfortable. Some people choose to wait until their third date to kiss, while others are more comfortable kissing on the first date . There aren’t hard and fast rules about which date to kiss on, but generally, people kiss after they’ve spent some time together, gotten to know one another, and gotten a feel for whether the other person is up for a little smooching. [5] X Research source
- You don't even need to be on a date to kiss: you can smooch during a casual hangout or at work or school, if the moment is right. As long as you both want to kiss, it doesn’t matter when you do it.
- You may feel comfortable kissing on a first date, but remember that your date may not be, so assume nothing, and don't feel bad if they're not up for it. They may feel more comfortable after you've gone out a few times!
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Wait until the end of the date to initiate a kiss. The end of the first, second, or third date is often when that magical first kiss occurs. Usually, a kiss acts as a goodbye—and though it doesn’t always mean a follow-up date is on the horizon, it’s a good way to let your date know if you’d like to see them again. [6] X Research source
- Waiting to kiss until the end of a date gives you more time to gauge their feelings—if you try to kiss someone without spending enough time with them, they’ll be more likely to turn you down.
- Another reason to wait till the end of the date: if it doesn’t go well, or if your date rejects your kiss, you get to leave right after!
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Pick somewhere private, but not too private. Some people are shy about kissing in front of other people. Find a place that's a bit secluded, such as your or your date’s front porch, or under a streetlight outside the restaurant you just ate at. Just make sure your kissing site isn’t too secluded, or your date might get nervous if they don’t know you well!
- If you can't find a secluded spot, dim lighting (like at a restaurant or movie theater) may afford you some privacy. Studies also indicate that being intimate in dim spaces can help you be more present with your partner and feel less self-conscious—which may be particularly helpful when kissing for the first time! [7] X Research source
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Initiate a kiss when your date lingers. If someone wants to kiss you but is too shy to ask about it or to instigate a smooch themselves, they'll likely spend some time hanging around at the end of the date. So if their body language hasn’t already convinced you they might be receptive to locking lips, if they don’t rush off at the end of the date, it’s a sign they’re probably waiting for a little kiss.
- If they rush off, it doesn’t necessarily mean they didn’t want to kiss; they might be nervous or not comfortable kissing on a first date.
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Look the person in the eye to show them you desire them. Now that you've found the perfect spot and time, take a moment just to look the person in the eye. Gazing into someone's eyes can be quite intimate, as most people don't spend more than a few seconds looking into someone else's eyes. Hold the person's gaze as you contemplate kissing them. [8] X Research source
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Slowly lean in closer. Leaning in indicates you want to get more intimate, and going slowly gives your date a heads-up that you’re going to kiss them. If they don't want to kiss, going slow gives them a chance to lean away or to turn your head so you kiss their cheek. [9] X Research source
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If you’re not sure, ask if they want to be kissed. Consent is important, and while body language can tell you a lot about someone’s intentions, it’s often unclear what a person wants unless you come out and ask. Asking if you can kiss someone doesn't need to break the moment. Rather, it shows you respect the person enough to ask. [10] X Research source
- If you’re worried that asking will spoil the “romance,” there are lots of cute and romantic ways to ask!
- You could give them a handwritten note that says, “Can I kiss you?”
- Make a silly joke by saying, “Welcome to Kissville, population: us!” so they know what your intentions are (and keeping it light may alleviate the pressure if they don’t feel up for it).
- Or just be direct and say, “I really want to kiss you right now” or “Would you mind if I kissed you?” Telling your date what you want can be pretty darn hot, actually!
- If you’re worried that asking will spoil the “romance,” there are lots of cute and romantic ways to ask!
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Move in for the kiss . Once you know they’re up for it, it’s time to plant a kiss . Bring your face in closer, but let the other person come part way. Even if they said yes, it's good to let them make part of the move, so you know for sure they want it. You'll both need to tilt a bit so you don't bump noses, then move on with the kissing part.
- Keep your lips slightly parted and soft. If you're too rigid, it won't be a great kiss.
- Most people don’t French kiss the first time they kiss, but if you want to initiate tongue , and you think your date is into it, slowly introduce your tongue to your partner’s lips. If their mouth opens to receive your tongue, it’s a sign they’re interested in Frenching, but if they keep their lips closed, it likely means they’re not up for it. [11] X Research source
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Go easy on yourself if they reject your kiss. There are lots of reasons a person might reject a kiss, and while it can hurt, it’s important to respect their choice. Don’t take rejection too hard. It happens to everyone at some point! [12] X Research source
- If your date rejects your kiss, it could mean they didn’t feel enough chemistry and aren’t interested in a romantic relationship with you. This always stings, but it’s good to know!
- But it’s also possible your date likes you but they’re just not ready to kiss yet. If they seem to have had a good time, and if they express interest in going out again , it’s likely you’ll kiss them soon enough!
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Join the Discussion...
What is the purpose of people kissing? What does it mean when people kiss? Why do people like to do it? I spent too long thinking about the actua... Read More
People kiss in many different contexts for different reasons. For example, if someone kisses you on the first date, it could mean they are intere... Read More
That makes sense, thank you! So how can you tell when someone wants to kiss? When I'm on a date I can never tell and I feel like I miss the momen... Read More
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QuestionOn what date should you first kiss?Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.It could be the first date or it could be the fifth date. It really depends on how comfortable you and your partner are. When it comes to the first kiss, it helps to really not overthink it if you've already made it to the dating stage. They already have some interest in you, so try not to dwell too much on it. Just let things develop organically and you'll be fine.
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QuestionIs it possible to date two people at the same time without cheating?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerAs long as the people you're dating know you're not exclusive, it's not cheating. Cheating means you've betrayed someone's trust, so if any of the people you're seeing think you're exclusive, let them know you're not!
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QuestionWhat if you kiss them and they don’t like it?This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.wikiHow Staff EditorStaff AnswerRejection hurts. Believe us, we know! If you think your date wants to kiss you, but it turns out they didn't, apologize and make sure they're OK. This is why it's important to read all their signs and ask for consent before kissing. But if you kissed and the kiss just didn't go very well, go easy on yourself! Even if this isn't your first kiss ever, it's your first kiss with someone new, and that's almost guaranteed to be a little awkward. You're both bound to enjoy it more after a few attempts (if you're both up for trying again).
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References
- ↑ https://www.thedatereport.com/dating/be-better/2481-how-to-initiate-a-kiss/
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-of-the-self/201401/praise-as-manipulation-6-reasons-to-question-compliments
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201603/4-ways-tell-whether-someone-is-you
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/first-date-kiss-hug-text-tips-advice-b2238102.html
- ↑ https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/first-date-kiss-hug-text-tips-advice-b2238102.html
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201901/do-you-make-love-your-eyes-closed
- ↑ https://pairedlife.com/physical-intimacy/PandasKissingHub
- ↑ https://www.thedatereport.com/dating/be-better/2481-how-to-initiate-a-kiss/
About This Article
Article Summary
X
Even if you’re having a great time on a date, it can be tricky to know when the time is right for a kiss. It’s usually best to wait for a moment close to the end of the date. Find a quiet, somewhat private spot and observe your date’s body language and facial expressions. If you notice them leaning in close to you, touching you lightly on the arm or shoulder, or glancing at your lips, they might be in the mood for a kiss. You can also try getting close and see whether they lean in or move away. If you think your date is interested in kissing you, look them in the eye and say something like, “I had so much fun spending time with you tonight. Is it okay if I kiss you?” If they say yes, go for it. On the other hand, if they say no, respect their decision and don’t push it.
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