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Nobody likes hearing that someone they like doesn’t have the same feelings for them, but sometimes it’s actually the best thing you can do. If a girl likes you, you can let her down in a kind and respectful way without hurting her feelings too much. You may even be able to remain friends. To help you out, we’ve put together a list of ways you can let her down easy so she doesn’t get her hopes up.

1

Don’t put off telling her.

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  1. If she tells you that she has feelings for you or if you notice that she may want to be more than just friends, tell her that you don’t feel the same way. Don’t drag it out or it’ll only be harder for you to say it and for her to accept it. [1]
    • If you want to stay friends with her, don’t lead her on or wait too long to tell her that you don’t have romantic feelings for her.
    • If you think she might like you as more than just a friend, but you aren’t sure, try asking one of her friends about it.
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3

Say it clearly and directly.

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5

Be nice to her.

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  1. Just because you don’t feel the same way about her doesn’t mean you should dismiss her feelings. Be respectful and kind when you let her down, even if she gets emotional or upset. Try not to make it into a big deal and she’ll likely be able to move on and you may even be able to remain friends. [5]
    • You could try being apologetic so she understands that you don’t enjoy hurting her feelings, but you also didn’t want to lead her on. For instance, you could say something like, “I’m really sorry I just feel the same way, but I hope that we can still be friends.”
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6

Give her a real reason.

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  1. Don’t give her abstract reasons like “I’m just not ready for commitment” or “You’re too good for me.” Instead, give a real, concrete example of why you don’t think you’re right for each other. She’ll appreciate that you’re being honest and you aren’t just making up an excuse. [6]
    • For instance, you could say something like, “You’re good friends with my ex and I just don’t feel comfortable with it” or “I don’t think we share common interests.”
    • The truth doesn’t have to be harsh. Instead of saying something like, “I just don’t like you,” you could say, “I just don’t think we’re compatible.”
7

Be as positive as you can when you tell her.

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  1. Telling her you don’t have feelings for her is uncomfortable for both you and her. Stay calm and positive so she doesn’t feel any worse than she already does. Keep an upbeat attitude to help console her and make the moment feel less awkward. [7]
    • For example, after you tell her that you don’t have romantic feelings for her, you could say something like, “I really treasure the friendship we have and I feel like a romantic relationship could ruin that.”
    • If she’s really upset and wants you to leave her alone, don’t try to crack a joke or be funny.
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8

Tell her that you still want to stay in touch.

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  1. If she takes the news relatively well (meaning she’s not furious or inconsolable), try telling her that you hope you can still talk to each other and hang out. Let her know that you still hope to spend time with her and be friends, especially if you both have mutual friends and will likely see each other often. [8]
    • Try saying something like, “I know this sucks, but I hope we can still hang out. I really appreciate our friendship, but I understand if you need some time.”
    • It may be awkward for a bit, but eventually, things may go back to normal and you can spend time around each other without it being weird.
9

End with something that will make her smile.

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  1. After you tell her how you feel, she may understandably be hurt and a little upset. Try not to end the conversation on a bad note or by walking away and leaving her alone. Instead, try to offer some consolation like a hug. If you both have a bunch of inside jokes, try to make her laugh. Do whatever you can to end things positively. [9]
    • For instance, if you’re both fans of the TV show The Office , you could quote a line from the show like, “I am ready to be hurt again” or “Oh how the turntables.”
    • If she’s really upset, it may be best for you to give her some time and space.
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10

Give her space after you tell her.

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  1. Allow her to emotionally recover from the news. [10] Don’t ignore her or avoid her, but try to give her at least a week to get over it. After that, if she’s comfortable, you can spend time with her and things may be back to the way they were before she started having feelings for you. [11]
    • Keep in mind she may not be comfortable being around you. If that’s the case, respect her wishes and give her space.
    • If she still continues to pursue you after you've told her how you feel, you can be more direct about your lack of interest and set boundaries around your time together.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 386 wikiHow readers about how they’d handle a girl continuing to pursue them after rejection, and 58% of them agreed that they would set clear boundaries and communicate their disinterest . [Take Poll]
13

Send a text after a first date that didn’t go well.

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  1. If you haven’t spent much time with her or if you were set up for a date and things didn’t seem to be going anywhere, you can send a text to tell her how you feel. Just type out a simple, direct text that is kind and clearly says that you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship. [14]
    • For instance, you text her something like, “Hey, I had a great time, but I don’t think there’s a connection here,” or “Hi! Thanks for dinner, but I don’t think there’s a lot of chemistry between us.”
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Expert Q&A

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  • Question
    How can I recover after my girlfriend broke up with me?
    Cherlyn Chong
    Relationship Coach
    Cherlyn Chong is a breakup recovery and dating coach. With 6 years of experience, she specializes in working with high-achieving professional women who want to get over their exes and find love again. She has experience as an official coach for The League dating app, and has been featured on AskMen, Business Insider, Reuters and HuffPost.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    It can take a long time, but the best thing you can do is try to just get a little better every day. It's okay if you need to take some time to grieve, or even if you go into a cycle and bounce around emotionally. It's okay to feel bad for a while. The third thing you need to do is take on a growth mindset. It may hurt a lot now, but just try to treat it as an opportunity to grow.
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      • Breakups can have positive effects on the people involved. Even if they're painful, they usually result in lasting emotional revelations. Keep that in mind if you're feeling guilty for hurting a girl's feelings. [16]
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