How to Make Close Friends

Co-authored by Adam Dorsay, PsyD

Last Updated: December 9, 2024 References

Close friends can offer comfort, laughs, and a genuine connection—but cultivating those relationships can seem totally impossible. Where do you meet close friends? How can you turn an acquaintance into a awesome pal? Don't stress. With a little help, finding and creating friendships is actually way simpler than you'd think. Put in a little work, and you'll find that the reward is totally worth it! We're going to walk you through absolutely everything you need to know; that way, you'll have an amazing new friend in no time.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Meeting New People

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When you sign up for something in which everyone is learning a new thing the pressure to perform is off. Learning a new skill – whether pottery or golf – might be intimidating, but learning with others may help you to forge new connections.
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Get active. Walk the dog. Play Frisbee or kickball with your kids. Go running in your neighborhood. Join a gym and participate in group fitness classes. Embracing regular physical activity is a wonderful way to improve your physical health and establish new friendships.
- For example, if you are walking your dog through the park, let your dog lead. If he or she shows interest in another pup, you can use this interest to strike up a connection with the other dog's owner. Ask whether this person's dog is friendly, what it likes to do for fun, or the weirdest thing it ever ate. Think about it, you already know of at least one mutual interest you have with this individual - a love of animals.
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Of course, one of the greatest impacts of volunteering is positively benefiting your local community. Just spending an hour or so of your time each week can help make your area a better place to live in. Volunteering is also a two-way street - as you give, you also receive. It helps strengthen your ties to the community, connects you with others through a shared activity, and can even deepen an existing relationship. ^{[1]
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Take part in spiritual activities. Understanding your purpose and role in the universe or with a higher power naturally makes you feel less alone. Additionally, getting in touch with your spiritual side can lead to new friendships. Visit a church, prayer center, retreat, or meditation or yoga class built around the spiritual principles you value.
- Start a conversation with someone you see regularly about his spiritual beliefs and see where it goes.
- Invite members of your spiritual or religious group to join a book club devoted to spirituality or personal development. ^{[2]
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Accept invitations, and extend them. If you are a shy person, you may frequently say “no” to invites to social events due to worry that you will embarrass yourself or not know anyone there. However, saying “no” may inadvertently cause others to stop asking you over time. Start saying “yes” to invitations, and you might just make a new friend. ^{[3]
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- If you notice someone at work or in a class and you believe the two of you might hit it off, ask her out for coffee or for ice cream. Or, when someone asks you out to an activity, return the favor by inviting her to something next time.
- Even online invitations to be friends can lead to lasting and fulfilling relationships. Opening yourself up to virtual friendships can be just as rewarding as face-to-face connections. What's more, if your virtual friends are local, once you feel ready, you can always arrange to meet up and move an online relationship off-line. ^{[4]
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  Research source} Just use good judgment when sharing personal information.
Sometimes, friends find each other by coincidence. You might bump into a great potential friend at the pet store or in line at the coffee shop. Open your eyes to all the possibilities of developing new relationships that are in front of you on a daily basis.
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Ask yourself what a close friendship means to you. The answer to this question may differ from person to person, and there is no wrong or right choice. It's based on your personal preferences. Some people covet friendships with people who have shared similar situations or struggles. Others long for friends who have the same core values as them. ^{[5]
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Research source} In general, there are four elements that usually draw people together and form close friendships. ^{[6]
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- Common interests- hobbies, shared activities, passions, etc.
- History- shared pasts and circumstances
- Common values- ideals for how to live life
- Equality- a balance of give and take
- Decide which combination of elements is most important to you. By doing so, you can learn what places or situations might help you foster new friendships. For example, if you care about history and you are struggling with social anxiety, you might connect well with a person in your support group who has overcome this condition in the past.

Part 2

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Evaluating Potential Friendships

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Think about how this person makes you feel. If you are hoping to build close friendships, don’t worry yourself with external characteristics, such as how the person looks or how much money he has. Instead, dig deeper and pay attention to internal signs of a healthy connection. ^{[7]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.} Ask yourself the following about a potential friend: ^{[8]
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- Do I feel safe around this person?
- Can I be myself around him or her, or do I have to tiptoe around eggshells when we’re together?
- Does this person treat me with respect?
- Is he or she supportive of my ideas and goals?
- Can I trust this person?
- Is this person overly critical of me?
- Does this person take my kindness for granted?
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Consider the habits of new friends. Good friends may discourage your participation in unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking. ^{[9]
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Research source} However, the reverse is also true. Friends can impact our choices and even unconsciously sway us to pick up unhealthy habits.
- In University of Liverpool study, when one friend ordered an alcoholic beverage, 80% of the time, the other friend followed suit. Friends even matched how heavy the other friend drank, without even knowing. ^{[10]
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- If a potential friend has unhealthy habits or negatively influences your life, you may need to assess the value of that friendship. While drinking may not be a make or break for a new friendship, drug addiction or criminal activity might be red flags for you to stay away from a fledgling relationship.
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Determine if the other person is committed to the friendship. Deepening and maintaining a relationship requires continuous nurturing and attention. ^{[11]
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Research source} Therefore, a successful friendship must exhibit both giving and receiving of time, attention, and effort. ^{[12]
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Expert Source

Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}
- The give and take in a friendship may not always be equal. For example, your friend might be really stressed over her parents’ divorce and require more support for a time.
- However, if the friendship is always one-sided, and you are constantly giving of yourself or acting against your own needs or values, this may not be a friendship you choose to continue. ^{[13]
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Part 3

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Maintaining Friendships

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1
Call or hang out regularly. A good way to deepen a connection with someone is to keep in touch. Show interest in your potential friends’ lives by calling, visiting, or checking in on them throughout the week, especially during the first few months of a friendship. ^{[14]
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- Although you should make an effort to spend time with your friends, recognize that not every relationship will be the same. With some friends, you may fall into the habit of meeting up every Thursday night. With others, such as long-distance friendships, you may only get together every other month or so. Find a balance for each of your friendships.
- Simply take out the time to let your friends know you are thinking about them and interested in their lives.
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Listen. There are few attributes as important as being a good listener when it comes to friendships, and all relationships, really. Typically, when a person is feeling down or stressed out, the first person you go to is your closest friend. Adopt the habit of being an active listener so that potential friends know that they can count on you for non-judgmental support. ^{[15]
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Research source} Show that you are listening by: ^{[16]
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- being comfortable with silence
- orienting towards the person, making eye contact, exhibiting open body language (i.e. arms and legs uncrossed)
- offering validation (e.g. “I understand this is a hard topic for you to discuss…”
- prompting the person to continue talking (e.g. “I see…” or “Umm hmm”)
- restating the message in your own words (e.g. “If I understand you correctly, you’re saying…”)
- reflecting what feelings you are perceiving (e.g. “It sounds like you’re really angry”)
- using “I” messages (e.g. “I can see that you’re sad, but have you considered…”)
- refraining from giving advice unless it is expressly requested
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Share. A clear sign of a close friendship is feeling like you can confide in the other person. Talking to a friend about something that is bothering you - or exciting to you - can help you sort through your feelings, put things into perspective, and even release tension. ^{[17]
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Research source} Sharing with a friend who is empathetic and emotionally validating can even increase the bond that you share. ^{[18]
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- If you are uncomfortable with self-disclosure, start small.
- Reader Poll: We asked 760 wikiHow readers about the best topics to bring up when you’re getting to know someone better, and 76% agreed that it’s best to discuss the other person’s hobbies and interests . [Take Poll] ^{[19]
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  HelpGuide
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  Go to source} Tell the friend something a little more personal that you have never shared, like a bit about your hobbies and interests. If your friend ask questions, seems interested, refrains from judging, and discloses personal information to you as well, you might move forward to sharing more intimate details about yourself.
- Only do this if you feel 100% comfortable with the other person, and believe that she is loyal.
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Respect boundaries. A healthy and long-lasting relationship is built on boundaries. Although your friends may be the closest people to you, you should still respect their boundaries, and vice versa. Setting boundaries outlines what each person in a friendship is comfortable with. Nurture your friendships by closely observing what boundaries your friends express, and respecting them.
- Examples of boundaries in friendships might be respecting one another’s privacy, refraining from sharing confidential information, not expecting to be a person’s one and only friend, being able to participate in hobbies and activities that you find pleasurable individually, and acknowledging one another’s likes and dislikes. ^{[20]
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Be a positive influence. Look at the bright side of every situation. Show gratitude and appreciation for your friendships. Find healthy ways of coping with stress . Lift up your friends when they are feeling down. Becoming a more positive person can have amazing effects on your friendships, leading to your friends becoming more positive, too.
- Positive people live longer and have more friends than their negative counterparts.

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Tips

Don't feel like you need to have a ton of friendships. Quality is more important than quantity. ^{[21]
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Adam Dorsay, PsyD
Licensed Psychologist & TEDx Speaker

Expert Interview. 11 April 2019.}

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You can't be friends with everyone. Aim to be friendly to everyone, but recognize that you are not meant to have a close friendship with all you meet.

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Warnings

Beware of people who use friendship as a way to use, manipulate, or exploit you. Go back to how this person makes you feel. If the person causes you to feel uncomfortable, afraid, or in danger, steer clear.

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How to Make Close Friends

Steps

Meeting New People

Evaluating Potential Friendships

Maintaining Friendships

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