How to Make Long Distance Work: 21 Expert Tips

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Strengthen and enjoy your bond with your long-distance partner
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Long-distance relationships can certainly be challenging in some ways, but they can also help create a strong emotional connection between you and your partner. We’ve consulted dating experts to create a list of the best tips for maintaining a healthy and strong long-distance relationship, including advice on maintaining communication, spending quality time together, and navigating common challenges. Even though your partner may be miles away, there are plenty of things you can do to make sure your connection stays strong.

This article is based on an interview with our dating coach, John Keegan. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • Maintain consistent communication with your partner through text, phone calls, or video calls and update them about your life.
  • Make room for spending quality time together, such as having a video call dinner date, watching a movie together, or having a deep conversation.
  • Visit each other as often as your schedule allows and talk about where you see your relationship going in the future.
1

Keep in contact with your partner.

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  1. One of the biggest challenges of long-distance relationships is the absence of physical contact with your partner. However, just because you’re not side-by-side doesn’t mean you can’t form a real connection and keep the spark alive. Be sure to text, call, and video call each other as often as you need to help you feel connected to each other.
    • This doesn’t mean that you have to text or call them 24/7. In fact, avoid spamming them with messages since that may make them feel a bit suffocated. Just reach out to them when you feel like talking and let the conversation flow from there.
    • Come up with a schedule to make sure you’re contacting each other regularly. For example, save Friday evenings for FaceTiming each other.
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2

Give them little updates about your day.

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  1. Talking about the little, mundane happenings in your life can bring you and your partner closer, even if there are hundreds of miles between you. Tell them what you plan on eating for dinner, what you did during the day, or how you’re planning to redecorate your home. [1]
    • Telling your partner these “boring” details can actually give them a lot of insight into your life. Since they can’t be there with you everyday, these little snapshots give them a better picture of who you are as a person.
3

Have deep conversations.

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  1. Having a deep conversation is the perfect way to get to know the ins and outs of how your partner thinks and what they believe. These kinds of talks can also be an opportunity for you to express your honest thoughts and opinions on certain topics. You might discover plenty of things you have in common, or it could be an eye-opening experience that highlights your differences. Some topics to talk about include:
    • Your goals and dreams
    • Your faith
    • Your political views
    • Your fears and worries
    • Your favorite memories
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4

Make them feel involved in your life.

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  1. To help strengthen your bond, do little things to make your partner feel like their presence is truly valued and appreciated in your life. Ask for their opinion when you’re making a decision, go to them for advice about a problem, or even ask them for help on a project you’re working on. Long-distance relationships work when you both truly feel involved in each other’s lives.
    • For example, even if they can’t be there to help, involve them in the conversation about what color you should paint your room.
    • Or, ask them for honest advice if you’re having trouble at work or school.
    • Also be sure to introduce them to your friends and family since this can help them feel even closer to you and the important people in your life.
5

Schedule quality time together.

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  1. Unfortunately, unlike in a regular relationship, you can’t just hang out together or go to visit each other whenever you feel like it. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t carve out some special time to reconnect. When you spend quality time together , make sure all of your attention is on your partner and do some fun or relaxing things. For example:
    • Have a dinner date over a video call.
    • Put on the same movie at the same time and talk about it while you watch.
    • Bake something together while video chatting.
    EXPERT TIP

    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

    Marriage & Family Therapist
    Moshe Ratson is the Executive Director of spiral2grow Marriage & Family Therapy, a coaching and therapy clinic in New York City. Moshe is an International Coach Federation accredited Professional Certified Coach (PCC). He received his MS in Marriage and Family Therapy from Iona College. Moshe is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), and a member of the International Coach Federation (ICF).
    Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
    Marriage & Family Therapist

    Be honest with yourself about what's taking up your time outside of the relationship. Then, consider how you can adjust your schedule to make time for your partner. For instance, think of ways to adjust certain hobbies and activities to do things together.

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6

Bond over shared experiences.

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  1. Doing things together and sharing experiences, even while you’re apart, can make you feel a lot closer to your partner. It’ll give you something fun to talk about and can help create special memories. For example, read the same book and hop on a call to talk about it when you’re done. Or, attempt to cook the same recipe and have a dinner date. It might help in making it feel like they’re really there beside you. Some other ideas include:
    • Starting a new hobby together, like exercising, crafting, or painting.
    • Learning a foreign language together.
    • Going to restaurants with similar cuisines and giving reviews to each other.
7

Make time to be intimate.

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  1. Even though you’re pretty limited in your ability to get physical together, there are still plenty of ways you and your partner can be more intimate with each other. If you’re feeling in the mood, send some dirty texts to your partner or give a go at having phone sex . Intimacy can help bring couples even closer together, and there’s no reason you should miss out just because you’re long-distance.
    • Some other intimate things to do include taking a bath together over a video call and doing role-play with your partner.
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8

Visit them whenever you can.

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  1. Being in a long-distance relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you have to stay long-distance for the entire time. Make time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits. Once you meet up, go ahead and do all the things you might’ve been missing out on while communicating long-distance, such as going on dates or introducing each other to the place you live.
    • Plan ahead for your next meetup so that you have something to look forward to.
    • Meet away from home sometimes, too. Visit a place together that’s new to both of you, or choose a place that’s halfway between you and make a vacation out of it.
    EXPERT TIP

    Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS

    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Asa Don Brown is a Clinical Psychologist with over 25 years of experience. He specializes in working with families, children, and couples, treating a variety of psychological disorders, trauma, and abuse. Dr. Brown has specialized in negotiation and profiling. He is also a prolific author having published three books and numerous articles in magazines, journals, and popular publications. Dr. Brown earned a BS in Theology and Religion with a minor in Marketing and an MS in Counseling with a specialization in Marriage and Family from The University of Great Falls. Furthermore, he received a PhD in Psychology with a specialization in Clinical Psychology from Capella University. He is also a candidate for a Masters of Liberal Arts through Harvard University. Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress and a Diplomate for the National Center for Crisis Management and continues to serve a number of psychological and scientific boards.
    Asa Don Brown, PhD, DNCCM, FAAETS
    Clinical Psychologist

    Long-distance relationships depend on really communicating and connecting. Prioritize hearing each other and plan regular in-person visits. Though virtual contact helps, make the most of physical time together. Focus on building intimacy, avoiding just defaulting to technology. Shared experiences and quality moments keep bonds alive.

9

Give each other support and encouragement.

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  1. Just because you’re not right by each other’s sides doesn’t mean you and your partner can’t cheer each other on. Send them encouraging messages throughout the day, support them when they try new things, and offer them reassurance when they have doubts. Even though you’re not together, you’re still a team, and it’s important to remind them of that whenever you can.
    • For example, if you know they have a big presentation at work coming up, send them a good luck message that day and let them know you want to hear all about how it went.
    • Give them your full attention and listen attentively when they call you with a problem to show that you really care and want to help.
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10

Remind them how much you appreciate them.

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  1. Complimenting your partner and expressing your gratitude to them can help remind them just how precious of a person they are to you. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it’s natural for you and your partner to have a few doubts about if things will work out at first. However, if you continuously remind them just how much they mean to you (and they do the same for you), your bond will definitely strengthen despite the distance.
    • For example, make sure to tell your partner “I love you” often.
    • Be direct and sincere with your compliments. For example, say something like, “I really love how safe you make me feel” or “I love how in touch you are with your emotions.”
11

Send each other gifts.

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  1. Just like how you’d probably give gifts to your partner is a close-distance relationship, don’t hesitate to shower your special someone with things they like during special occasions or just because. Fortunately, no amount of distance can stop you from sending a thoughtful gift through the mail. For example: [2]
    • Send them chocolates on Valentine’s Day.
    • Mail them a care package with all of their favorite snacks and treats.
    • Gift them an item they’ve always wanted for their birthday.
    • Send them some flowers on a random day to let them know you’re thinking of them.
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12

Send each other letters through the mail.

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  1. Switch things up and write a hand-written love letter for your partner to send through the post. Technology makes communication almost instantaneous, but if you’re looking to add a bit of excitement to your relationship, why not opt for a more traditional means of communicating? Not to mention, waiting for a reply will give you something to look forward to. [3]
    • To make things more intimate, spritz your letter with your signature cologne or perfume so that your partner instantly thinks of you when they get it.
    • Other things to send via the post include postcards, drawings, or even a calendar they can use to count down the days until you can meet up again.
13

Set boundaries for your relationship.

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  1. Setting boundaries is a way to maintain a healthy balance between you and your partner and lays out your expectations for one another. These ground rules can act as a blueprint for your relationship and can be something you refer to if things get complicated. Discuss things you’re comfortable and uncomfortable with regarding your relationship and set boundaries accordingly. For example:
    • Let your partner know how often you want to call and text each other.
    • Tell them if you feel uncomfortable sharing any personal details about your life.
    • Set expectations that you’ll listen to each other without being judgmental.
    • Specify how you want to approach your sexual needs. Do you want to stay monogamous, or open things up while you're apart?
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14

Be honest with each other.

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  1. All successful and healthy relationships, including long-distance ones, are rooted in good communication and honesty. If you and your partner both feel like you can be open and honest without the other person being too judgmental, the quality of your relationship is sure to improve. [4]
    • For example, if something’s bothering you in your personal life, don’t be afraid to open up to your partner and share what’s going on.
    • Or, if there’s something that’s been on your mind about your relationship, share your honest thoughts.
    • Listen to your partner and avoid being too critical to show that they can trust you.
15

Stay committed to your relationship.

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  1. Long-distance relationships thrive and flourish when both people know for sure that their partner is fully on board. Show your partner that you’re 100% committed to your relationship by scheduling time to be together, being there when they need you, and addressing any issues rather than giving up on the relationship right away. [5]
    • Commitment is also about not putting yourself in situations that could jeopardize your relationship. For example, if you know you’re going out to a club, be sure to not flirt with other people.
    • It’s also important that you and your partner trust each other and have faith that neither of you will do anything to threaten your relationship.
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16

Come up with a long-term goal for your relationship.

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  1. This end goal refers to when you and your partner will finally be able to be physically near each other and continue your relationship in person. Talk to your partner about where they see your relationship going and come up with a general timeline of when you can take your relationship to the next phase.
    • For example, you might agree to move to where they are within the next 2 years provided that your career allows for such a move.
    • If you don’t see your relationship working out in the future, be honest with your partner and tell them you think it might be best to end things after a while.
17

Sit down and talk about relationship issues.

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  1. Since you may not see your partner every day, it can be easy to simply ignore problems for a while. However, when these issues remain unsolved, frustration and resentment can easily begin to build up. That’s why it’s incredibly important to have a serious conversation about your relationship whenever you feel unhappy or dissatisfied with something. [6]
    • When talking to your partner, use “I” language to keep the focus on your feelings and perspective and avoid sounding like you’re blaming your partner.
    • For example, instead of saying, “You never call me first and it’s annoying,” say, “I’ve been feeling a bit lonely recently and would like if we could talk more.”
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18

Spend time working on yourself.

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  1. Healthy relationships, whether long-distance or not, all require partners to maintain a sense of independence and personal freedom. This allows each person to grow and bring new energy to the relationship. Instead of constantly thinking about your partner and how far away they are, get out and do things that make you happy, then go back to your partner and tell them all about what you did. [7]
    • For example, set aside time to pursue your hobbies during the week.
    • Or, just spend some time relaxing on your own by reading a book, going for a walk, or even meditating to clear your mind.
19

Talk to your friends and family.

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  1. While having your partner be so far away may not be the ideal situation, don’t forget that you have plenty of other people near you who you can turn to for support and comfort. Avoid letting yourself get wrapped up in your romantic relationship and be sure to spend time with friends and family to nurture those relationships as well. [8]
    • For example, hang out with friends on the weekend, get together for a meal with your family, or take a trip with your closest pals.
    • Don’t hesitate to turn to friends and family for relationship advice.
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20

Keep your expectations realistic.

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  1. While there are plenty of things you can do to make your long-distance relationship work, it’s important to stay realistic and acknowledge that challenges that you wouldn’t experience in a close-distance relationship might come up. This will help you better prepare to tackle these challenges head-on rather than give up as soon as something goes wrong.
    • Remember that all relationships take some amount of work. Just because you might hit a rough patch every now and then doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t worth it.
21

Stay positive.

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  1. If you find yourself having doubts about your long-distance relationship, remind yourself of all of the good things that can come from it. For example, studies have shown that long-distance couples actually experience more intimacy and stronger emotional connections. Also, tell yourself daily about what you love about your partner to remind yourself why it’s all worth it.
    • If anything, the distance between you and your partner will allow you to be more creative in expressing affection toward each other.
    • The success of your relationship partly depends on your attitude. If you tell yourself that things will work out, you’ll be more motivated to make sure that that comes true.
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      Tips from our Readers

      The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
      • Surprise bae by having little gifts sent their way, like a cute teddy bear or their fave snacks from that bakery near them they love. These are small reminders you're thinking of them even when apart.
      • Like any relationship, LDRs take work, but focus on strengthening your bond through honestly sharing your feelings. Approach struggles creatively together as a team.
      • Book future trips to fun new places neither of you have been — having adventures to look forward to together makes the distance less bleak.
      • Send each other silly selfies and random pics from your day. Including your partner in the little moments makes them feel not so far away.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
      2. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201806/10-tips-make-long-distance-relationship-work
      3. ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
      4. ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
      5. ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
      6. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-effectively-approach-your-partner-about-relationship-issues-0613135
      7. ↑ https://fsap.cornell.edu/sites/fsap/files/pdfs/Long-Distance-Relationships.pdf
      8. ↑ https://www.cabrini.edu/about/departments/counseling/counseling-resources/long-distance-relationships

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