How to Politely Ask Someone's Age

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Some say that age is just a number, so it shouldn’t be a big deal to ask about it, right? Well, some people are more sensitive about their age than others, so it’s a good idea to be as polite as you can if you need to ask. We’ve put together a handy list of super polite ways to ask someone’s age, as well as some more discreet ways to deduce their age in conversation. Read on to find the perfect way to ask, “How old are you?”

Section 1 of 4:

What’s the most polite way to ask someone’s age?

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  1. By saying “Would you mind,” you acknowledge that they may or may not care to share. It also gives them the opportunity to express how they feel about that question, as well as the chance to answer or decline. Try including a compliment to butter them up.
    • “You look so youthful! Do you mind me asking your age?”
    • “Would you mind telling me your age?"
    • “Do you mind telling me how old you are? You have so much energy.”
    • Always be prepared to state why it's relevant that you're asking. If you can't think of an appropriate answer, then it's best not to ask.
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Section 2 of 4:

Other Ways to Politely Ask Someone’s Age

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  1. Ask for permission to inquire about age with this polite but slightly more casual question. The wording gives them the option not to tell you if they wish. Use this with acquaintances or someone you don’t know well. If you have a legitimate reason you need to know their age, mention it.
    • “Can I ask your age?”
    • “Can I ask how old you are? I'm conducting a survey."
    • “May I ask you how old you are?”
  2. Instead of asking for age directly, ask if the person is willing to share that information. This way, you’re taking their feelings and potential reservations into account while still giving them a polite way to say “no.”
    • “Are you willing to tell me how old you are?”
    • “If you’re OK with it, can you tell me how old you are?”
    • “Do you feel all right sharing your age?”
  3. Use this short and straightforward phrase with people you know won’t be offended by your asking, like friends and family. This is the most common way to ask, but it’s usually considered too informal or pointed to be polite in all situations. Ask with a friendly tone to show your good intentions.
    • “How old are you again?”
    • “You’re how old?”
    • “I’m curious, how old are you?”
  4. If someone mentioned their age in a story about when they were younger, ask them how old they are now or how long it’s been. This works best with people you know fairly well or have a good relationship with since personal stories could include dark, embarrassing, or semi-private information.
    • Them: “I was 24 when my grandpa passed.”
      You: “Oh I’m so sorry. How long has it been?”
    • Them: “I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 16!”
      You: “That’s not so weird. How old are you now?
  5. If they’re celebrating a birthday, ask if it’s a notable or special one. A milestone birthday might correspond to new opportunities (like being able to drink alcohol once you’re 21) or entering a new decade of life (like turning 30, 40, or 50). If they’re comfortable disclosing, they’ll more than likely tell you how old they’re turning.
    • “Happy birthday! Is it a special one?”
    • “Happy birthday! Celebrating any milestones this year?”
    • “Are you having a special birthday this year?”
  6. Ask a romantic or cheesy version of the question to make someone you’re flirting with smile (and tell you their age). Use a lighthearted tone, flattery, or a little humor to make them more comfortable sharing.
    • “How many times has your gorgeous smile traveled around the sun?”
    • “You level up in handsomeness every year! What level are you on now?”
    • “What year should I be thankful that the most beautiful person in the bar was born?”
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Section 3 of 4:

Is it polite to ask someone’s age?

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  1. Some people are very open about their age because they feel it’s just a number and it doesn’t define them. Others are more sensitive and don’t want to be stereotyped because they’re “too young” or “too old.” People are also more likely to open up about their age in one-on-one conversation than in front of a large group. [1]
    • Use your knowledge of the person and your relationship to decide if it’s OK to ask—if you suspect it’ll make them uncomfortable, it’s best not to ask.
    • It’s illegal for employers to ask a job applicant’s age. This helps prevent age discrimination during the hiring process and in the workplace. [2]
  2. In America especially, it’s ruder to ask a woman’s age than a man’s. [3] This is because many women already feel stereotyped because of their gender and don’t want additional factors, like their age, interfering with how others perceive their work, personality, or contributions to society.
    • Ads for anti-aging cosmetics and a youth-centric culture also make women feel uncomfortable revealing their age for fear of being considered “too old.”
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Section 4 of 4:

Discreet Ways to Find Out Someone’s Age

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  1. Ask someone when they graduated high school or college to learn their approximate age. In America, most people are 17 or 18 when they finish high school and 21 or 22 when they complete a 4-year college degree. Remember that not everyone completes high school or goes to college—only ask this if you’re confident about their education background.
    • “When did you finish high school?”
    • “What year did you finish undergrad?”
    • “When did you get your Bachelors degree?”
  2. If the person has siblings, find out their age and whether they’re older or younger. This might not get you an exact age for the person in question, but it’ll give you a possible range. Ask about their siblings if you’re already talking about family or if you’ve told them about yours before. The conversation might look like:
    • You: “Are you the oldest sibling?”
      Them: “Yeah, I have 2 younger sisters.”
      You: “How old are they?”
      Them: “32 and 34.”
  3. If an event or venue has an age restriction, use it as an opportunity to ballpark someone’s age. Things like getting into bars and clubs, different age categories for races, or age limits for contests and grant applications narrow down the age range possibilities.
    • You: “I found this cool competition you might like, but you have to be under 35 to enter.”
      Them: “Perfect! I’ve got a whole year to spare.”
    • Them: “I finished first in my age group!”
      You: “Congrats! Which group was that?”
      Them: “50 to 59 years old.”
  4. Complain about your age and watch the other person’s reaction. If they roll their eyes or reassure you that you’re young, they’re probably older than you. If they tease you, they’re likely younger. If you’re lucky, they’ll tell you their age in comparison.
    • You: “I don’t want to turn 40 next week!”
      Them: “Try turning 48!”
    • You: “I can’t believe I’m 35 already, the past few years flew by.”
      Them: “Haha, can’t relate! I’m still out here enjoying my 20s.”
  5. Bring up your age when a new technology debuted or became popular. Handheld personal gadgets like flip phones or smartphones, MP3 players, or flash drives are good references since most people have (or had) them and you can easily look up when they came out. This may not give you a person’s exact age, but you’ll get a ballpark estimate.
    • You: “I remember the Motorola Razr! I got one when I was 16.”
      Them: “They were so cool back then! I got mine when I was 14 I think.”
    • You: “Do you remember floppy discs? I never used a flash drive until 6th grade.”
      Them: “Oh, I remember. I never got a thumb drive until I graduated high school!”
  6. Talk about your memories of a really popular song or album, movie, or book when it came out. If they know it, the other person will probably respond with a memory that will help you place their age. Bring up something you know they like or that was universally popular for the best results.
    • You: “My parents let me watch the first Scream movie when I was 5.”
      Them: “Wow! I was 13 when it came out and I was still too scared to go see it.”
    • You: “The song “Fancy” defined my senior year of college.”
      Them: “Same! I was a junior when that dropped and it was impossible to escape.”
  7. Mention how old you were when a major historical or cultural event happened, like a presidential election or a notable celebrity scandal. This will prompt the other person to reply with how old they were during the same event. Pick an event that’s widely memorable or recognizable so you don’t get derailed explaining what you’re talking about.
    • You: “I was only 7 on New Years Eve 1999.”
      Them: “You’re so young! I was 15.”
    • You: “I was in 4th grade on 9/11.”
      Them: “I think I was only in Kindergarten.”
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      Tips

      • If someone doesn’t want to share their age, respect their boundaries and refrain from asking again.
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      • If you’re curious about someone’s age but don’t feel comfortable asking them, try asking mutual friends or acquaintances if they know.
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      References

      1. ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/want-to-be-close-to-someone-ask-these-36-questions
      2. ↑ https://www.eeoc.gov/age-discrimination
      3. ↑ https://harrisburg.psu.edu/international-students-office/guide-american-culture-etiquette

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