Q&A for How to Be a Good Husband

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  • Question
    How can I be a fun husband?
    Collette Gee
    Relationship Coach
    Collette Gee is a Relationship Coach, Certified Violence Prevention Specialist, the Author of "Finding Happily… No Rules, No Frogs, No Pretending." Focusing on creating meaningful romantic relationships, Collette uses her experience having worked in the mental health industry as a psych nurse to conduct relationship coaching, online courses, and workshops to help women and men find lasting love. Prior to Collette's coaching business, she worked in the mental health field as a psych nurse which has helped inform her practice to create and sustain happy, healthy meaningful romantic relationships. Her work has been featured on TLC, London Live, the Huffington Post, and CNN.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    Try planning surprise dates every so often. It could be something as simple as popping in while she's at work to have lunch.
  • Question
    What does it take to have a successful marriage?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    Commitment not only to each other but to the longevity of your relationship is a key part of a successful relationship. Keeping the love alive, being affectionate, communicating well and having each other's backs are also key elements of a successful marriage. For helpful ideas on keeping you marriage a successful one, check out the wikiHow: How to Have a Great Marriage .
  • Question
    How can I improve my marriage?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    All marriages require work and from time to time, reigniting the spark is an essential part of reviving the joy and interest for both parties to the marriage. There are everyday actions you can take to make improvements, along with better communications and being more affectionate. For help with these approaches and much more, check out the wikiHow: How to Improve Your Marriage .
  • Question
    What are the qualities of a good wife?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    The qualities of a good wife are the same as those of a good husband, including: Being respectful, understanding and kind; being supportive during hard times; being considerate and a good listener; and being willing to share the journey of life together.
  • Question
    How can a man make his wife happy?
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.
    wikiHow Staff Editor
    Staff Answer
    Care for your wife as you care for yourself. Be interested in her interests, be supportive of her when she needs to be lifted up and be kind. Respect her at all times. Be emotionally present and practice active listening. If she goes through hard times, be a source of comfort. For more helpful tips, check out the wikiHow: How to Make Your Wife Happy , as well as reading the suggestions in the steps above.
  • Question
    If I start being nice like you suggest, will she think I'm up to something?
    Community Answer
    Being nice is a normal thing in a healthy relationship and should not be strange or suspicious. If you weren't very nice before, she might wonder why you're suddenly changing your behavior, but you should be able to make that clear by communicating. Explain that you want to be a good husband and have realized that some of your previous behavior was not adequate.
  • Question
    If I yelled at my wife once, but knew it was wrong and apologized. Am I still a good husband?
    Community Answer
    Most likely yes. Nobody is perfect. You can still be a good person or good husband if you occasionally do something wrong, but acknowledge it, apologize for it, and avoid doing it again.
  • Question
    Why do I want to have deep, lengthy conversations with other people, but not with my wife?
    Community Answer
    Maybe the two of you haven't spent enough time communicating and are therefore uncomfortable with the idea of an extended conversation. Try spending more time together and talking about your interests, opinions, etc. The conversations may feel awkward or even forced at first, but they should improve over time.
  • Question
    How can I restore trust in my marriage once it has been broken?
    Community Answer
    Once trust has been broken, it can be difficult to regain it. Start by spending more time with your partner and focusing on their wants and needs. Engage in long discussions about how both of you are currently feeling and what you think you need in order to heal. Lastly, consider counseling if you are unable to regain trust for each other on your own.
  • Question
    My wife has a very low sex drive. What can I do?
    Community Answer
    Ask her what turns her on, if there is anything she'd like to try that you don't already do, etc. Remember that women respond to romance. Also, it's tough to get in the mood if you've been running around cooking, washing dishes, and chasing kids all night - make sure you're doing your share around the house.
  • Question
    How do I know that my wife loves me?
    Community Answer
    You know by how she acts not by what she says. Do you feel you can trust her? Does she make you happy? Does she know you on a personal level?
  • Question
    How can I please my wife romantically?
    Community Answer
    Wash the dishes, do chores, send her to the spa, watch the kids if you have any, tell her you love her and make her feel special. You could also take her out to dinner or shopping, or go somewhere both of you love to visit and spend time at.
  • Question
    I am not married, but have a boyfriend of 3 years who shows no emotion and never tells me how he feels. He tells me "that's just the way he is", but I'm starving for affection. What can I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    In a relationship, we give and we take. He is who he is, feels what he feels, and does what he does. But regardless of who he is, he has also agreed to love you, to give you what you need. In an ideal situation, one partner provides us with all the things we need, such as affection, love, security. If you need your boyfriend to give you affection, either get him to give it to you or find another boyfriend.
  • Question
    Should my husband stop me from helping my own parents out?
    Community Answer
    If your parents need help, you should discuss with your husband and see how both of you as a couple could help. Unless your financial situation doesn't allow any help, your husband shouldn't stop you from helping your parents. You are responsible for your people, just as he is responsible for his, and that is just something you both bring to your relationship.
  • Question
    Is it good for a man to tell the wife to divide her salary for the upkeep of the family?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Financial decisions, like all decisions, must be taken by mutual agreement. Any agreement is fine, as long as both partners are satisfied.
  • Question
    What do I do if my child is ruining my marriage?
    Community Answer
    Maybe you should get a child minder or friends/family to look after your child once every two weeks so you can spend time with your partner and get a break. Also, if there are things your child is doing to ruin your marriage you should have an open conversation with your child if he/she is old enough to understand and change or stop this specific behavior. If you are not getting on with your child, maybe you should see a therapist together as you will be in each other's lives forever and it's better to work things out.
  • Question
    I'm trying to save my marriage. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Stop focusing on yourself and focus on the needs of your wife. I spent so much time self-absorbed in my own issues that my relationship slipped away. If you can show her through your actions that she is the most important part of your life, the love and eventually physical relationship have a chance to return.
  • Question
    How can I maintain a relationship with a wife who is aggressive and always likes to fight me?
    Community Answer
    You should both seek counseling to discuss why she is so aggressive. Hopefully she will change her ways with help from a therapist.
  • Question
    My husband has a gambling problem, he now wants to sell my house to buy a car. Is this a midlife crisis?
    Community Answer
    Does he have any right to sell your house, since it's yours? It sounds more like a gambling addiction than a midlife crisis. Don't let him make any serious decisions, his mind isn't clear. Try to get him in to see a therapist.
  • Question
    What can I do if my husband refuses to seek medical help for his serious ED after much encouraging?
    Community Answer
    Have an honest conversation with him about his reasons and your reasons. Explain to him how it makes you feel with I statements. If he's still unwilling, you need to decide if you're willing to have that be the case for the rest of your relationship. If he's willing, you could seek couples counseling.
  • Question
    How do I get personal time with my spouse?
    Community Answer
    Sit down and have a conversation with your spouse. Explain to your spouse that you need to spend more personal time together.
  • Question
    Can this very faithful male heterosexual still have two very long-term, opposite-sex friends?
    Top Answerer
    Absolutely.
  • Question
    How can my husband be upset that I'm a stripper when that's how he met me?
    Community Answer
    Your husband shouldn't shame or get angry with you for doing something he knew about that you were doing before you met. If he's upset, try to talk about it with him calmly and rationally. If he doesn't respond to that, you may need to seek counseling.
  • Question
    Can masturbation save a marriage if I don't want to cheat?
    Community Answer
    Yes, masturbation can be an effective way of avoiding cheating. I might also recommend seeing a sex therapist with your spouse as well, which may improve your sex life with her.
  • Question
    How can I be a good husband if we are in a long distance relationship?
    Community Answer
    Try to be nice to your wife and send her gifts whenever it's her birthday. That'll surely make her happy.
  • Question
    How often should married couples have sex in a month?
    Community Answer
    This is going to vary from couple to couple as everyone has different sexual drives. Some couples have sex several times a week while others are satisfied with having sex once or twice per month.
  • Question
    I have been dating a lady for the past 4 years and I still can't trust her because I have been cheating and fooling her sometimes. But the true fact is I deeply love her and would love to marry her. What should I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    You clearly do not love this lady; it seems you love the fact that you can have her and she doesn't know about the others you're cheating with. If you did love her, you'd not cheat. How you say you can't trust her when really it's she who can't trust you? You're the cheater here, and she doesn't even know yet what pain lies ahead for her. Honestly, I would bow out gracefully, end the relationship, set her free to look for someone who doesn't cheat on her.
  • Question
    What can I do if I've been unfaithful to my spouse for years?
    Community Answer
    Start by telling your spouse everything. Give them proof that you are sorry. Show them that they can trust you again. Then it is up to them on how they react. Be understanding of their reaction and think about how you would feel in their situation. It may take years to get back to a full marital relationship but you have to be willing to take that time and effort to make the relationship work. Depending on how you and your spouse feel about outside help, it may be good to get marriage counseling or just talk to friends or family about the situation.
  • Question
    How do I make a marriage work if my parents intervene too much?
    Community Answer
    You must choose between being your parents or your partner. It is hard to make both a priority. And remember you live with your partner much longer. If you choose to continue making your parents a priority over your partner, you will likely either lose your partner or experience major resentment. It's not like times of old when your spouse or partner had to put up with such alienating behavior. They can now choose to up and leave. It really would be best to choose to make your partner a priority and to tell your parents to stop intervening in your marriage. Ask them how they'd like it if it happened to them; if they say it once did, remind them that it wasn't a good thing that happened to them and that society has moved on now. Tell them you will discuss with them only when you need them and they should leave you to make your decisions on your own. You could let them know if they won't stop, you'll both move somewhere far away from them.
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