Q&A for How to Deal With a Liar

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  • Question
    How do you respond to a lying partner?
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Relationship Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Relationship Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you catch your partner in a lie, let them know what you observed, then share how you feel about it and make a request for how you'd like them to handle the situation in the future. If it's a really big lie, though, it might be beneficial to go to couples therapy so you can work through the betrayal or distrust and heal that wound in the relationship.
  • Question
    My boyfriend constantly lied about me to my parents, my siblings and, my neighbors. I still have feelings for him, but the lies are emotionally exhausting. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    You need to get him completely out of your life. His behavior is toxic to you and you don't need that. It will hurt, but you have to do it for your own good.
  • Question
    What should I do if my boyfriend lies to me so he can spend time with other people and on social media?
    Community Answer
    You should talk to him about it, explain how he's making you feel, and tell him that you need to be honest with each other. If he doesn't change his behavior, break up with him. It doesn't sound like he cares about you very much, and it's not worth being with someone like that.
  • Question
    My best friend tells me white lies, but I don't want to break up the friendship with her. How can I confront her?
    Community Answer
    Next time she lies, tell her you know it isn't true and ask her why she said that. Tell her you still want to be friends but find it difficult because she lies.
  • Question
    How do I stop lying? Lies just seem to come out before I realize what I'm saying. No one around me has caught on, and I don't want them to find out. I feel like such an awful person. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    If this is a habit, it is probably best that you seek counseling. You will start to lose close friends when they discover your bad habit.
  • Question
    What should I do if someone is often making up lies about me?
    Community Answer
    Distance yourself from him after you confront him about the lies.
  • Question
    Why do people like to lie?
    Community Answer
    Most people tend to lie because they're embarrassed or ashamed of the truth. Often, the truth implicates them in something that will get them in trouble. Some people also have mental disorders that actually cause them to lie compulsively.
  • Question
    I chose not to respond to a bunch of lies that were spread about me, so people chose to blindly believe them. What do I do?
    Community Answer
    If they refuse to believe the truth, do your best to have as little to do with them as possible. You don't need people like that in your life.
  • Question
    What should I do if someone lies and lies and lies and this person is a part of my daily life and we are obliged to be together?
    Community Answer
    Distance yourself as much as you can. When you can't do this physically, you can do it mentally by not really listening to or playing into his lies.
  • Question
    My husband is a liar and an abuser. When I go to stay with my mom, he hires gangs to break windows because he supports us. He is a control freak. What can I do?
    Razia
    Community Answer
    You have to take serious action as some people can be very dangerous. You have to decide if you want to put up with his behaviour or not. The best thing to do is divorce him, or file a police complaint.
  • Question
    I told a lie to a girl I like. She figured me out straight away and confronted me. I feel awful. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Apologize and tell her how you will change your behavior, then do it! It may take time to rebuild trust, so be patient.
  • Question
    How do I call out a friend who is lying?
    Community Answer
    Write down the lies and ask her to explain herself.
  • Question
    What should I do if my best friend will not admit that she told a lie?
    Community Answer
    First, make sure she has in fact told a lie, and that you're not just listening to gossip. Once you're sure, talk to her, and tell her how you feel about it. Friendships are very precious, and you want to save this one if at all possible.
  • Question
    My girlfriend is a liar. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Talk to her about her lies and why she tells them.
  • Question
    My child is a very convincing liar and is always apologetic, but it is not genuine. How do I handle this?
    Community Answer
    Get your child in to see a child psychologist. Look out for other people that may be influencing this behavior and separate him or her from them.
  • Question
    How can I confront a family member who is hot tempered and might hurt me?
    Community Answer
    This is not your battle and could be dangerous. Tell the person from a safe distance that you can no longer tolerate the lies, and frankly, you are afraid for your safety and believe they need help. That's all you can do.
  • Question
    What should I do if my friend is telling lies for no apparent reason?
    Community Answer
    You friend is probably hiding something embarrassing from you, or is scared to tell you something. Try talking to your friend about it and see what's going on. Offer to help, if you can.
  • Question
    My dad has lied to me all my life about smoking. Around a year ago I found a packet of cigarettes in his coat. Several months later, I found an e-cigarette in his bag. I found this less upsetting than him smoking. Half a year later, I find he has a packet of cigarettes in his bag. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    He is lying to please you. Smoking is a seriously addictive habit. Let him know how it feels that he has been lying to you. If you are concerned about his health, ask him what options he has considered to try quitting.
  • Question
    Can I force someone to be honest or tell the truth?
    Community Answer
    No. If you have evidence that they're lying you can confront them with it, but they will ultimately have to choose whether or not to come clean.
  • Question
    How can I understand my friend's inconsistent behavior towards me?
    Community Answer
    You may not be able to, but the best thing to do is talk to him/her. Ask (in a calm and judgment free manner) why they have been inconsistent. Use specific examples. See what they say. The problem could be anything from something going on in their personal life that you don't know about, to a mental disorder that causes them to behave inconsistently. You won't know until you ask.
  • Question
    What can I do if someone lies to the police insisting that another person be arrested?
    Community Answer
    Go to the police and tell them that the person is filing a false police report.
  • Question
    What do I do when someone lies to my friend about me and it's personal?
    Razia
    Community Answer
    Confront the liar. Ask them why they were lying about you. Often people lie just to get attention. If your friend is a good friend, they will believe you when you tell them the truth.
  • Question
    What can I do if the liar goes to a teacher saying that I am yelling at him or being rude?
    Community Answer
    Try to collect proof that he is lying and confront the teacher about it.
  • Question
    How do I deal with a friend who makes up elaborate stories about herself?
    Community Answer
    You can ask her why she is making up stories, or you can ignore them all together when you know she is fabricating them.
  • Question
    How do I handle a situation where my colleague tells lies about me in a management meeting?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    This is easily handled through professional ethics. Companies have rules for this; apply those rules. Catch the colleague in a lie, escalate it to your boss, demand an adequate response. For example "Dear [boss], it has come to my attention that [name] has said [this and that] about me. I feel this is inappropriate, inaccurate and slanderous. Please take the required measures to rectify this. When do you think I can expect your feedback? Kind regards, [your name]."
  • Question
    How do I deal with an ex who's a liar?
    Community Answer
    Unless you have an obligation, either financial or children with your ex, don't deal with the person at all. If you do have to deal with the person due to an obligation, keep interactions brief and minimal, and don't reveal any personal information.
  • Question
    How do I deal with a liar contradicting me when I call him on it?
    Community Answer
    It's best not to get into a "he said, she said" with a liar. Just smile and tell the person, "the truth will come out eventually" and go about your business.
  • Question
    A person in my building went around and lied about me. Later she called the police and lied about me, but fortunately the police didn't believe her. I have never had anyone do this to me before. What should I do?
    Community Answer
    Distance yourself - don't feed her lies with revenge. You can prove the truth, you can't prove lies. Sooner or later she will have the reputation that no one will trust her (as she deserves). If anyone asks what happened, tell the truth, refrain from details and just distance yourself and ignore it.
  • Question
    I have a coworker that lies every day about something. Anything really and it is not always work related. Should I tell my boss?
    Community Answer
    If you believe it's impacting your coworker's work or you know it's affecting yours, you should probably speak up.
  • Question
    How do I just cut someone out of my life if I love them but they constantly lie to me?
    Community Answer
    Tell them that you've given them plenty of opportunities to be honest with you, but the relationship is over now. Stop taking their calls, responding to their texts, etc. Block their number if you have to. Just keep reminding yourself that, even though you love this person, they have demonstrated that they do not deserve to be in your life. It will get easier with time.
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