Q&A for How to Detect Lies

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  • Question
    How do you outsmart a liar?
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Life Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    Listen to your instincts—deep down, you can usually tell whether someone is being genuine.
  • Question
    How do you confront someone about lying?
    Maya Diamond, MA
    Life Coach
    Maya Diamond is a Dating and Relationship Coach in Berkeley, CA. She has 15 years of experience helping singles stuck in frustrating dating patterns find internal security, heal their past, and create healthy, loving, and lasting partnerships. She received her Master's in Somatic Psychology from the California Institute of Integral Studies in 2009.
    Life Coach
    Expert Answer
    If you find someone in a lie, let them know. Tell them what you've observed, then share how you feel about that.
  • Question
    Why do liars feel stress when there is silence?
    Community Answer
    Silence makes them feel like their message hasn't been accepted by the person they are talking to.
  • Question
    Does this apply to both males and females, or are the tells different depending on the gender?
    Community Answer
    It depends. Men blink more rapidly when they lie, but women don't. Basically the concepts are the same, but the details may be different.
  • Question
    What do you do if someone thinks you're lying but you're not?
    Community Answer
    This is a tough one because some people do give off seemingly suspicious signals out of anxiety, fear, a desire to please or ironically, as a result of being too honest, and many people wrongly assume that they can actually tell when someone is lying. It might help to suggest that the person in question is being unreasonable and has no proof that you're lying other than their willingness to believe it to be so. Perhaps ask them why they're so keen to consider you a liar - that can open up a wider conversation provided you ask nicely and with a real intention to discuss it further. Stay confident and stick to your truths, the truth will always out in the end.
  • Question
    What if I believed someone when she swore she was telling me the truth, but she was really lying?
    Community Answer
    Don't trust the person again and remember that some people will lie after swearing they are telling the truth.
  • Question
    What if you accuse someone of lying, and then it turns out that they're not lying?
    Community Answer
    That's awkward. But if it happens, apologize immediately and explain why you thought that way. Then say you will trust them, and coat it over with another "sorry"' and a hug/high five/ smile/something similar to appease them. Be super nice for a while after.
  • Question
    Is it bad that I'm here just to learn what could get me caught -- is that bad?
    Community Answer
    You know it is or you'd not be asking, especially repeating "is it bad"? It's also smart though, you're clearly a reverse engineer kind of person, so whatever works for you. Just be realistic about how being a liar will affect your life. People won't trust you, close relationships will be impossible and you'll be more on your own than if you were honest and open about things.
  • Question
    What if someone is showing all the signs, but then someone else backs them up?
    Community Answer
    Either they are both lying, or the person has unusual body language and is telling the truth. Some people are naturally fidgety, especially people with disabilities like ADHD and autism, and may appear to be lying when they are not.
  • Question
    What if this person chews their nails all the time? I don't know if they're lying or not.
    Community Answer
    Look for other signs of lying. Some people just have a bad habit of chewing fingernails. If you think your friend is lying, you would have already known if it's just a bad habit or not.
  • Question
    How much do sociopaths blink?
    Community Answer
    It depends. Some sociopaths have what's called the predatory gaze or stare, in which they blink less and hold their gaze on their prey.
  • Question
    If the person is crying, how can I know whether or not they're lying?
    Community Answer
    You need to know them on a personal level so you know whether they're good at fake crying or if that's a natural, common response for them under stress. You need to consider all of the possibilities, and if you can, try not to act fazed by their emotions; it could be a sign that they are getting to you. Liars will try anything to get their way, so they might try anything to deceive you and slip up.
  • Question
    Can people act the same way when they are telling the truth?
    Community Answer
    Yes, while most people can't control themselves, there are trained people who can. Some people do what actors do: they memorize and become the story. Some can even brainwash themselves, but this is usually done with the help of someone else.
  • Question
    Caught husband cheating on audio recorder in our home. Married 25 years. He is still denying it is him. I can never trust him again; maybe if he admits it. What do you think?
    Community Answer
    He doesn't need to admit it for it to be true. You know it was him, and it was him whether he admits it or not. You're already sure, his admission won't make you more certain.
  • Question
    Will a person go red if she is lying?
    Community Answer
    It's very possible. Heat rushes to some people's faces when they're being untruthful. But a flushed face can also be a sign of overheating, cold, exercise, or a medical issue.
  • Question
    If my teacher is lying, would they have the same weaknesses?
    Community Answer
    Your teacher is still a person, so, most likely, he/she has the same indicators as others.
  • Question
    How can I catch a micro-expression?
    Community Answer
    Start actively looking for them and practice your recognition skills in this area - timing is important, the micro expression will occur directly after the event that is being reacted to - i.e. you ask a question or make a statement, the subject will react first with micro expression and then with the words or actions. Begin by paying special attention to one or two areas - perhaps how the eyes and mouth look during the brief expression. Once you get good at noticing the slight differences, your recognition will become almost instant and you can widen the number of things you are paying attention to.
  • Question
    How can I tell if someone is lying when they know all the lie indicators and can avoid them?
    Community Answer
    Use emotions to get the truth out. Appeal to their humanity by asking them to tell the truth and make them feel guilty for lying.
  • Question
    My boyfriend was evasive and looking away when I asked a question. He became defensive a day later when I tried to revisit the subject. What does this mean?
    Community Answer
    These are pretty clear signals that he doesn't want to answer your questions because he doesn't want to lie to you or incriminate himself. I suggest you confront him once more and tell him that his refusal to answer your question is making him look like he has something to hide.
  • Question
    What if he acts like he is telling the truth?
    Community Answer
    Most liars do act as though they are telling the truth. Follow the tips in this article and follow your gut.
  • Question
    What do I do if none of these tips work against someone who is a known liar?
    Community Answer
    If nothing works, then maybe this time he is not lying. But if you still have doubts, you should know that the truth will always find a way to come out.
  • Question
    How do I confront someone that is lying?
    Community Answer
    Tell that person that you know what really happened, then wait for him to reply. Give a hint and let him explain, then give more hints, and after a while, he will get it and give in.
  • Question
    Do liars talk faster and louder than other people?
    Community Answer
    Yes, that is possible depending on the individual. Everyone acts differently when they lie though.
  • Question
    Is it common for a person to laugh when lying?
    UniPandaPrincess
    Community Answer
    Yes, laughing could be a nervous habit indicating they are lying or they could be trying to ease the tension or catch you off guard.
  • Question
    What if a person raises their eyebrows?
    Community Answer
    That doesn't necessarily mean anything. It's a normal part of facial expression. They might be surprised by something or skeptical of something or playful.
  • Question
    What should I do if someone accused me of lying, but I wasn't?
    Community Answer
    Don't say a word. You did your part by telling the truth. Believing or not believing is the other person's choice.
  • Question
    Will all liars do the same thing when lying?
    Community Answer
    No, it is different for person to person, that is why there are many different methods of detection in this article. Not everyone does the same thing, and no one will do all of these things, so you just have to pay close attention.
  • Question
    What do I do if my friend lied to me over email, and when I confronted her, she didn't answer me back?
    Community Answer
    Confront her in person. Tell her that you know she lied and you don't want to be friends with someone who is deceitful. If she apologizes and promises to be truthful in the future, you should continue being friends. If she refuses to do this, you should break off the friendship.
  • Question
    When I stick to the same answer, am I liar?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Three plus three is six. That answer is the truth. If I say it's seven, then that is a lie. It remains a lie no matter how often I say it. Same goes for you. The fact that it's the truth or not doesn't depend on whether you stick to it or not.
  • Question
    I ask if she is lying but she keeps denying that she is, what do I do?
    Tom De Backer
    Top Answerer
    Stop asking. This is in essence a useless question. She could be lying about lying, lying about telling the truth, telling the truth about lying or telling the truth about telling the truth. There's no reliable information to be gained from the question, so stop asking it. Trust her until you have definite proof.
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