Q&A for How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Be honest with yourself regarding what you can and can't do, and stay true to your integrity. Understand that if you continue to people please, you may end up lashing out and feeling burnt out. Try to have open and honest conversations with people, as that can encourage compromise.

When you find yourself people pleasing, ask yourself a few questions before you say yes to something. Does this action make me happy? Do I want to do this? Why am I doing this? Make sure you are staying true to your own needs and sense of integrity before giving a response.

When you're better at taking care of yourself, you'll find that your life will be thoroughly enhanced. You'll feel better, you'll be more productive, and you will have more time and energy for yourself. It's a very different way of living.

His emotions are not your responsibility. Your responsibility is to yourself and your needs. There were reasons for why you broke up with him. Refer back to those reasons and try to relate how they went against your personal needs.

It can be helpful to practice saying "no" by using some of the exercises presented in the article. You may also want to get to know yourself better by writing down what you will or won't allow from others.

You should be in tune with your own feelings. Surely you know what fear and guilt feel like. If you feel fear or guilt and it's because of the fear or guilt that you want to be kind to the person, then, clearly, that's kindness out of guilt or fear. Kindness by choice means there is nothing at stake for you, whether or not you choose to do the act of kindness. You're doing it simply because it pleases you to help the person.

Try the broken record technique: continuing to say the same thing over and again, no matter how much they keep pressing. For example: "No thanks" or "Not right now". Repeat the same thing until they give up and go away. Ask your connections to be careful and to avoid helping these manipulative people.

Stand up for yourself! If people are taking advantage of you or your resources but refusing to return the favor, stop being so generous to them. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. If you are worried that you will lose their friendship if you stop being generous, then they are not your true friends and you deserve better. If they are your true friends, you should be able to confront them and say exactly how you feel. Another option is to tell the person in a joking way that they "owe you" because of what you did for them. People rarely say no to a lighthearted/funny request.

You aren't a free taxi service, so it's time for them to stop using you like one. Explain your financial situation, and say that you can no longer afford to give free rides. (If they get angry, use the broken record technique of repeating it until they give up.) You may choose to drive them if they pay for gas, or wait until you can afford a car that doesn't break down so much.

Learning to say no is the first thing. If they get mad or upset, it's not worth it, and they are not real friends.

First, ask them for the reason they cannot perform the task themselves. And remember, not even they can turn everyone against you. The people who do turn against you are not worth having in your life. Do not let their ultimatums scare you. If you feel absolutely uncomfortable with them, don't hang out with them. It's time for you to find new friends.

Sit them down and explain how you see the situation. Sometimes people don't recognize relational imbalances on their own, so talking openly and honestly is always a good place to start. You mentioned that you never say no to your friends: actually, that's not necessarily a good thing. Having boundaries and being able to tell people when you don't think you can help them is healthy. Of course, if your friends never say yes, they may simply be using you, in which case you may want to reconsider calling them friends.

Ask yourself what you are expecting in return, and why. Then, be brave and start asking more of them. Start small, like "Would you like to go for a walk with me?" or "Could you help me with ____?" Overcoming the martyr problem involves becoming more assertive and reaching out when you want attention, rather than waiting for it as a reward for your goodness. If you suspect they are using you, it might be time to learn to say no.

Let her. So what if she burns the things you got her? She's just trying to get your attention by saying negative things about you/to you. Don't give it to her. Ignore the comments, etc. You broke up, she's out of your life. It doesn't matter what she says or does.

You have to be firm and assertive. It's ok to say no when what they're requesting is too much. Assertive is not rude, it's just drawing a line and sticking with it.

Ask yourself why you can't say no. Remember that the people that you want to be with will still be your friend even if you don't do what they ask of you. If they are asking too much and not returning the favor ever, or very rarely, they are probably not people you want to be around too much.

Friends worth having do not do things like this to each other. First, believe you are worth being treated with the utmost respect. Second, let this person know, in a respectful way, that it's not okay to treat you like that. This sets a personal boundary. Surround yourself with people who treat you with respect.

Tell them that you have already given them your answer and don't want to keep being bothered about it. Tell them that you value their friendship, but if they keep trying to push something else on you, you might have to end it.

Tell them the reason(s). They may be genuinely curious or confused. But don't let yourself be guilt-tripped or coerced into changing your mind: when you tell them no, just stick with it.

Ask them why. Confront them!

If your friend is constantly asking you for things (answers to schoolwork, money, rides, etc.), and you feel like you don't get much in return, they could be using you. Also, if you feel like the two of you only ever talk about his/her problems and he/she never asks how you're doing, they could be using you for emotional support, which can be a serious issue as well.

Make sure you use your voice in standing up for yourself. If someone tells you to do something, don't be afraid of saying no. Apologize to the person you hurt & tell your friend they were mean to tell you to do that.

Family is a responsibility, so it is difficult to strike a balance. Set some boundaries of what you will and will not do. Especially if one of them is capable of doing something on their own, encourage them to do it.

You decide what your limits are & be clear in saying what you can and cannot do. If they treat you badly, talk to them about how you feel. For example, "I want to help you, but I also need to save money and do things for myself. I can't do everything you'd like me to do."

I would start by simply stating that you want to break up. Don't beat around the bush or you will be persuaded to stay. Set clear boundaries and outline your plans on how you will move out/gather belongings,etc. If they begin to yell, you can say "I'll wait until you're calm to talk." Be prepared for your ex partner to break down. They might say very hurtful words or make you feel bad for them. You can apologize for hurting them but do not apologize for your decision.

Tell your leader you can't participate because you need the time for you and your child(ren). I'm sure he/she will understand.

Respecting your parents is important, and not just because a failure to do that could, after a certain age, land you on the street. But work on pleasing your parents because you love them rather than because of a fear of losing their love if you don't. People pleasers are often driven by fear.

Tell them you have your own expenses and you can't afford to spare anything.

You need to realize that you don't owe your family members your right of choice, as much as you appreciate their place in your life. It is not a must for you to agree to everything they say; if they really love you, they will respect your choices. Many people end up doing things for their family because they don't want to be perceived as ingrates or deserters. If your family members are purely manipulative, disregard their (inconsiderate) opinions and do whats best for yourself (which is, in a way, what's best for them, too).