17 Signs Your Husband Isn’t Attracted to You Anymore & How to Cope With It

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What to do to rekindle romance when your husband loses interest
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You suspect that your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore, but you just can’t figure out if you’re overthinking things. Is he actually acting different than usual, or is it all in your head? Luckily, there are easy-to-spot signs that can help you assess the situation so you can start working on your relationship. In this article, we’ll go over all the signs that your husband isn’t attracted to you, including expert-backed advice on how you can deal with the issue and move forward. If you’re ready to reignite the spark in your marriage, read on!

This article is based on an interview with our licensed professional counselor, Tara Vossenkemper, founder of Tara Vossenkemper Consulting, LLC. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

  • If you’re spending less time with your husband, it could be a sign that he’s lost interest in you. To rekindle your romance, schedule a date at least once a month.
  • A lack of sex could mean that your husband isn’t attracted to you. Ask him about his needs and try to spice things up in the bedroom .
  • If your husband always picks a fight, his attraction might be waning. Calmly confront him to get to the bottom of things and express how he makes you feel.
1

He’s spending more time away from you.

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    Maybe he repeatedly makes up excuses as to why he can’t meet up, or he leaves dates earlier than expected. While spending less time together isn’t always a cause for concern, too much distance from your partner is a red flag. This could be a way for your partner to create physical (or emotional) distance in your relationship, especially if he may not be attracted anymore. [1]
    • If you’re not spending quality time with your husband, it can take a toll on your relationship. Even if life gets busy, try to schedule a proper date at least once a month, and devote 30 minutes each day to hang out and deepen your relationship .
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2

Quality time together feels forced.

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    Even if you’re spending lots of time with your husband, he might be hanging out with you without genuinely enjoying himself. If he constantly checks the time or stares at his screen when you hang out together, it could be a sign that he’s not fully invested. This can be worrying, but it’s totally normal behavior in most relationships—just try something new to spark his attention! [2]
    • If your dates start to feel a little routine, switch things up and be more adventurous ! Take on a fun hobby like karate or mountain climbing, go zip-lining or bungee jumping, or drive somewhere new and unexpected. By being more spontaneous, you can reignite the spark in your relationship and increase your attractiveness. [3]
3

He’s putting less effort into the relationship.

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    Throughout the course of a marriage, it’s common for partners to get comfortable with each other and get preoccupied with their own lives. But, that doesn’t make it okay for your partner to neglect you. If your partner never surprises you with small romantic gestures, such as buying you flowers or giving you compliments, it might mean that he’s not as attracted as he once was.
    • If you’re feeling neglected in your relationship, let your husband know that you want him to be more caring. Suggest ideas for how you would feel more loved, such as asking him to give you a back rub, make you a playlist, or surprise you with a gift.
    • Alternatively, be romantic toward him to inspire him to do the same. Instead of falling into a loveless routine, leave sweet notes for him in random places, send a thoughtful text in the middle of the day, or run an errand on his behalf.
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4

You’re having less sex.

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    It’s normal to have less sex after the honeymoon phase is over, but a poor sex life can be a cause for concern. If your husband rarely initiates sex, has trouble performing, or refuses to return the favor, he might be feeling disconnected to you. However, other reasons for a sex slowdown include stress, exhaustion, and mismatched libidos, so don’t assume the worst just yet! [4]
    • If you’re unsure why your partner is pulling away, ask him. Talking about sex can help you understand your partner’s wants and needs and lead to more satisfying experiences.
    • After expressing what you both want out of sex, feel free to spice things up in the bedroom . Send your husband a naughty text to keep things exciting, talk dirty in daily conversations, and find ways to bring each other’s sexual fantasies to life.
    • Reader Poll: We asked 857 wikiHow readers, and 66% of them agreed that the most relatable sign that their marriage isn’t in the best place is there's little to no physical or emotional intimacy . [Take Poll]
5

Your husband chooses porn over sex with you.

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    Everyone has different boundaries when it comes to their partner watching porn, but it can be problematic if your husband always uses it to fulfill his sexual needs. If you suspect that your partner enjoys porn more than actual sex with you, confront him about his behavior and open a discussion about his sexual needs and desires.
    • When you express your concerns, clearly state how you feel about the topic. Then, listen to your partner’s perspective with an open mind. Try to come up with a compromise and work together to find a solution if you don’t feel comfortable.
    • For example, you could say, “I feel like you’re not attracted to me because you watch porn frequently. Would you be open to trying something else in the bedroom?”
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6

He always tries to pick a fight.

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    If your husband always nags at you or finds small things to get upset over, it could mean his attraction is waning. His behavior might be a strategy to get some alone time, especially if he is reluctant to make up with you. [5] When things get really heated, write letters to each other to express your emotions, then exchange them when you’ve cooled down to discuss any grievances.
    • To stop fighting in your relationship , open up to your husband about the changes you’ve noticed in his behavior. State your feelings, instead of blaming him, and clearly communicate your needs and boundaries to come up with a compromise.
    • For example, you might say, “I feel hurt when you get mad at me, especially after I ask for some help around the house. I know we are both busy, but maybe we could set up a schedule so we can both do chores at a convenient time?”
7

He doesn’t show platonic physical affection.

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    While some people aren’t comfortable with public displays of affection, physical touch doesn’t have to be sexual. A gentle hug, kiss on the cheek, or squeeze on the shoulder all represent love and adoration. However, a total lack of physical touch could be a sign that your marriage has lost a bit of passion and excitement. [6]
    • To make your husband more open to physical touch, try re-introducing it into your relationship and see how he reacts. Offer him a hug at the end of each day, grab his hand when you’re out in public, or engage in a tickle fight to be more playful.
    • Sometimes, partners have different ideas of affection, and your husband might show love differently. Take a love language quiz together to see if he craves affection in other ways, so you can reignite the spark in your relationship.
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8

He never compliments you.

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    Physical compliments can boost your self-esteem, but a lack of them doesn’t necessarily mean your husband is no longer attracted to you. Think back to the last time he gave you any kind of encouragement or praise. If you can’t recall any words of affection over the past few weeks (or months), consider it a sign that something isn’t right. [7]
    • If you suspect your husband’s attraction is declining, offer him a compliment to reignite the spark in your relationship. Focus compliments on his personality by telling him that he has great taste or highlighting his skills or qualities.
9

There’s a lack of deep communication in your relationship.

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    Romantic partners can engage in meaningful conversations about a variety of topics. If your husband never shares his thoughts, interests, or experiences with you, it could be a sign that he’s no longer interested. Maybe he feels like he can’t be honest, or maybe he doesn’t value your opinion anymore. Regardless of the reason, interpret his behavior as a sign to confront him and get to the root of the problem. [8]
    • Communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship, so be clear about your feelings as soon as things feel weird. Remember to listen to your partner with an open mind, and avoid interrupting him to show respect and care.
    • Understand how your partner handles conflict so you can approach him gently. If your husband tends to get defensive, for example, use “I” statements to describe how you feel about his behavior and make you sound less accusatory.
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10

He doesn’t engage in everyday conversation.

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    Does it feel like you’re talking to a brick wall when you speak to your husband? If so, it could be a sign that he’s too busy with other things going on in his life. If your husband is attracted to you, he will provide thoughtful feedback and actively participate in conversation. If not, there is a small possibility that he isn’t invested in your marriage anymore and he wants to focus on himself. [9]
    • Sometimes, a lack of interaction could mean your husband is stressed or overwhelmed. Support your husband by encouraging him to express his emotions and see if he would like any advice. [10]
    • If your husband simply stops listening to you, consider changing your approach . Ask him if it’s a good time to talk before jumping into a conversation, and signal to him that the topic is important. For instance, you could preface the discussion by saying, “This subject means a lot to me..." [11]
11

He disrespects you in public and in private.

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    If your husband calls you names or makes mean comments, his behavior is usually a reflection of his feelings toward you. This kind of behavior is not normal or okay, and it is definitely a sign that you’re in a toxic relationship. [12]
    • If you want to fix your relationship , reach out to a trusted friend or family member, and talk to them about your concerns to gain an outside perspective. Or, attend couples therapy with your husband to work through any problems you may have and rebuild your relationship.
    • If it feels like you can’t do anything right, let your partner know that their behavior is unacceptable and end the relationship . Rehearse the conversation before confronting him, and be clear that you do not want him in your life anymore.
    • If your husband is abusive or violent, be discreet about your plans to leave the relationship. Call the phone number of the National Domestic Violence Hotline , or use their online chat feature to get help and ensure your safety. [13]
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12

He expresses interest in other women.

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    Whether it’s due to a decline in your sex life or frequent arguments, your spouse might flirt with other women if he’s searching for excitement outside of your relationship. This could be a sign that he is no longer physically attracted to you, and he doesn’t respect you or care about your well-being.
    • If your partner is flirting with other women, confront him and express how his behavior affects you. For instance, you might say, “I feel disrespected when you blatantly flirt with other people in front of me. I wish you would have told me about your feelings so we could have worked through things as a couple.”
    • Sometimes, men flirt with other women because they don’t feel like their partner is giving them enough attention. While this doesn’t justify this kind of behavior, it may help to address any underlying causes for your partner’s actions if you plan to move forward in the relationship.
13

There’s no talk about the future.

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    In a healthy relationship, both partners feel comfortable discussing anything with each other, whether it’s planning a vacation, buying a home, or starting a family. If your husband is no longer attracted to you, he might avoid conversations about building a life together. This doesn’t mean that he wants a divorce, but he could have different priorities than you or have commitment issues. [14]
    • If your partner has anxiety about your future together, seek couples therapy to help him overcome commitment issues and heal from previous relationships. [15]
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14

He only seems to care about himself.

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    In healthy marriages, both partners take on the world together, instead of individually. If your husband makes plans without your consent, cuts you out of decision-making, or ignores your input, it could be a sign that he’s not concerned about you. His behavior might be due to him feeling unsupported, but it may possibly indicate that his attraction toward you is on the decline. [16]
    • To bring intimacy back into your relationship , tell your husband that you care about him and stress that you have his back no matter what. Be clear that marriage is a team sport, and make an effort to recognize your spouse’s achievements on a regular basis.
15

He isn’t dependable.

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    Does your partner forget to show up when he says he will? Is he forgetting about things without showing any remorse? If your partner starts to act flaky or completely disregards his promises, it could be a sign that your relationship is in trouble. This might be a sign that he’s not invested in the relationship because he’s stressed, uninterested, or simply too comfortable. [17]
    • To get to the bottom of things, have an open and honest conversation about your partner’s behavior and express how it’s affecting you. If your husband is unlikely to respond to a broad discussion about his actions, you could bring up a few specific instances to decrease the chance of him shutting you out. [18]
    • Try to meet your own emotional needs to be less dependent in your relationship . For instance, if you have a bad day, you could take a relaxing bath or watch a funny movie to lift your spirits.
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16

He treats you like a friend.

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    Although it’s healthy to be close friends with your spouse, it does take a little more than friendship to keep the passion alive in a marriage. If you feel like your attraction is getting platonic, it might be a mutual experience. There could be a lack of mystery in your relationship that is making your husband feel bored (and possibly less attracted to you). [19]
    • Add excitement to your marriage by being mysterious and unpredictable. Surprise your husband by bringing him lunch at work, buying him tickets to see his favorite band, or planning a spontaneous adventure over the weekend.
17

He prioritizes his friends over you.

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    While spending time with his buddies is nothing to worry about, it could be a problem if your husband is prioritizing his time with them over you. Maybe he’s staying out longer and more often, or he’s making a bunch of plans without you in mind. While this might not be intentional, it could be a sign that he values his friends more than you if he’s starting to lose attraction. [20]
    • The next time your husband goes out, ask if you can join him! He might not be aware that you want to hang out with his friends, and it could be a bonding experience to boost intimacy in your relationship.
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      Warnings

      • If your husband is verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive, get help by contacting an organization like the National Domestic Violence Hotline . Communicate with a representative by calling 1-800-799-7233(SAFE), using their online chat feature, or texting “START” to 88788. [21]
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      References

      1. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/how-couples-deal-the-loss-physical-attraction
      2. ↑ https://marriagerecovery.com/i-get-mad-at-my-husband-who-wont-spend-time-with-me
      3. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htm
      4. ↑ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/husband-lost-interest-in-me-sexually
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/how-couples-deal-the-loss-physical-attraction
      6. ↑ https://blogs.iu.edu/kinseyinstitute/2020/05/28/the-power-of-touch-physical-affection-is-important-in-relationships-but-some-people-need-more-than-others
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/202109/11-signs-relationship-is-failing
      8. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202304/7-easy-to-miss-signs-of-relationship-trouble
      9. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/how-couples-deal-the-loss-physical-attraction
      1. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/listen-up-why-you-dont-feel-heard-in-your-relationship-0810154
      2. ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm
      3. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/magnetic-partners/201608/how-couples-deal-the-loss-physical-attraction
      4. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan
      5. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202304/7-easy-to-miss-signs-of-relationship-trouble
      6. ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/commitment-issues
      7. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-of-relationships/202304/7-easy-to-miss-signs-of-relationship-trouble
      8. ↑ https://eugenetherapy.com/article/10-relationship-red-flags
      9. ↑ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/unreliability
      10. ↑ https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/how-to-love-someone-when-it-feels-like-the-spark-is-gone
      11. ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rediscovering-love/202109/11-signs-relationship-is-failing
      12. ↑ https://www.thehotline.org/get-help

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