Download Article
Find out why intimacy is so integral to a healthy relationship, and how you can improve your connection with your partner
Download Article
Whether you’ve just started seeing someone or you’ve been going out for a while, you might wonder how intimate your relationship is: have you and your partner reached soulmate status, or are things still a bit surface-level? Intimacy is all about how physically and emotionally close you are with someone in a relationship—but it'll look different from relationship to relationship and person to person. We've compiled a list of the classic staples of an intimate partnership: if you experience any of the following, it’s a sign you’re developing a deep connection, or that you have one already! Check out our list of signs of intimacy in a relationship, plus tips for improving intimacy with your partner.
This article is based on an interview with our holistic love coach and intuitive healer, Kate Dreyfus, owner of Evolve & Empower. Check out the full interview here.
Things You Should Know
- Couples who are intimate may flirt and have great chemistry, but they also trust and rely on one another and work together as a team.
- Physical intimacy can be just as important as emotional intimacy. Many couples need both in order to thrive.
- Physical intimacy may involve sex, cuddling, or hand-holding, while emotional intimacy involves being in tune with one another and sharing feelings honestly and safely.
- Cultivate greater intimacy by working to make your relationship “new” again and by checking in with your partner to show you care and to learn more about them.
Steps
Section 1 of 3:
Signs of Intimacy in a Relationship
Download Article
-
You can be vulnerable around them. Real intimacy means being able to open up to your partner . In a less intimate relationship, you and your partner might keep your conversations surface-level so as to avoid getting too deep or raw. But in a really close relationship, you can share the good and the bad, the light and the heavy, and your partner is there to listen and to accept you, warts and all.
- This sort of intimacy is rarely immediate, but comes after you’ve learned to trust one another and begun to share your tender, vulnerable sides.
-
You communicate well. Having good communication is super important for any healthy relationship. Good communication involves checking in with your partner about your day or your emotions, asking them how they’re doing, and knowing how to approach a disagreement respectfully and calmly. On the lighter end of things, it also means sending a good morning text to your partner for them to see when they wake up, or engaging in pillow talk after you’ve had a romp in the hay. [1] X Research sourceAdvertisement
-
You respect each other’s boundaries. Being intimate means not only that you feel comfortable expressing boundaries to your partner, but that they will respect those boundaries. If your partner is able to hear your boundaries and adhere to them, it’s a sign they are invested in both you and the health of your relationship. [2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
-
You both welcome radical honesty. Not shying away from hard conversations will help you and your partner grow closer. Raw honesty in a relationship means being able to tell your significant other how you feel, what you’re thinking, and what you need—even if they may not want to hear it. And it goes both ways: if you’re able to hear your partner express uncomfortable truths without shutting them down or negatively reacting, you’re on your way to a close, intimate relationship. [3] X Research source
- Raw honesty might mean telling your partner something they said hurt your feelings, or that you can’t financially swing something they really want you both to do. Being radically honest can be embarrassing or uncomfortable, but it’s worth it for the closeness it’ll cultivate—and it’ll get easier over time!
- Radical honesty doesn’t mean saying whatever you want, however you want: you and your partner must both try to employ tact , compassion , and empathy when expressing yourselves and when listening to one another.
-
You have your own language. When you and your partner talk, is it like you’re from the same distant planet, and only you 2 understand what the other is saying? Being intimate with your partner means you’re both so in tune with one another it’s like you share the same foreign language. Or maybe you bypass language altogether and feel like you can read each other’s minds sometimes!
- In some cases, being in sync with your partner is more than just hyperbole: research shows the hearts of couples who are in tune with one another may actually sync up! [4] X Research source
-
You work together. There’s a reason you’re called “partners”: you work together as a team, solving problems as a united front rather than as separate parts. When you face a problem, you both tackle it as a unit, turning to one another for support and encouragement rather than getting stressed by the circumstances and lashing out at one another. [5] X Research source
- This includes problems that affect the relationship as well as problems that only affect one of you: if you’re in an intimate relationship, when you’re struggling with something, you can turn to your partner for encouragement and aid, not shame or scorn.
-
You feel understood. Does your partner just…get you? Sometimes, you meet the right person and you both just click, and sometimes, you develop a deep understanding of your partner after many hours spent in each other’s company. If you feel like your partner understands you on a level you haven’t experienced with many other people, that’s a sign of true closeness and intimacy. [6] X Research source
-
You both prioritize the relationship. Once you’ve been together for a while, prioritizing the relationship can fall on the back burner to make way for other responsibilities and distractions. If you and your partner continue to put one another above other obligations and people even after you’ve been together for a while, your relationship is likely pretty close and intimate. [7] X Research source
-
You share experiences. Shared experiences are the lifeblood of close relationships. Everyone needs independence, even in the healthiest of partnerships. But if you and your significant other are intimate, you’ll enjoy spending time together and sharing experiences, from the exciting (say, skydiving) to the more mundane (say, trying out that vegetable lasagna recipe someone posted on Instagram).
-
You enjoy nonsexual intimacy. From cuddling to pet names, nonsexual intimacy is a relationship cornerstone. Nonsexual intimacy means that the signs of affection aren’t just limited to sex, but are a part of your everyday life together. Maybe you and your partner hold hands in the store, tickle each other during TV time, or call each other “Pookie.” Nonsexual intimacy looks different for different people, but it’s important in order for a relationship to thrive.
-
You have sexual chemistry. Nonsexual intimacy is important, but sexual intimacy is also important for a lot of couples. Your relationship could be healthy in every other way, but if you’re not happy in the bedroom, you might be at risk of losing some of the magic. For couples who have sex, this might mean that you have great communication between the sheets, or maybe you both feel totally empowered to try new things together.
- For many couples though, sex isn't really that important, or maybe it's not important at all! That doesn't mean that you two lack intimacy.
-
You’re BFFs. Healthy couples have social lives outside of their relationship, but many people in intimate relationships consider their partner to be their best friend of all. And why shouldn’t they be? They’re the person you spend the most time with, the person you talk to the most, the person you’re building a life with, and the person who sees you at your best and your worst. If that’s not a BFF, what is it? [8] X Research source
-
You like kissing each other. OK, rom-coms have led us astray in a lot of ways, but one thing they get right is the importance of a good kiss . Whether you’ve just begun your relationship or you’re celebrating your 20th anniversary, regular smooching can help increase your closeness and attraction to one another. [9] X Research source
- Kissing not only strengthens your connection, it can also boost your mood and lower your cholesterol!
-
You’re curious about each other. Whether you’ve been together a week or a decade, intimacy means always being curious about your partner. Even if you’ve heard all their most exciting stories a billion times, there’s always something more to learn about them!
- Curiosity means going beyond "How was your day, honey?" and asking more specific or even personal questions to indicate you care and are paying attention, like "What book are you reading? Why do you like it?" or "How did that big meeting go? You said you were nervous about it!"
-
You flirt. In a burgeoning relationship, flirting is pretty common, but when you’ve been together for a little while, it’s easy to tone down the compliments and seductive glances, or to forget about them completely. But flirting is essential to the health of any relationship, whether it’s 2 days old, 2 years old, or 2 decades old! If you and your significant other engage in regular flirtation, it’s a great sign. [10] X Research source
- Flirting might include pet names, tickling, teasing, playing with one another’s hair—it really runs the gambit!
-
You’re interdependent. Contrary to what rom-coms tell us, desperate dependence on your partner isn’t actually a good sign! In a relationship that isn’t interdependent, one or both parties might be neglectful of their partner, or they might be overly possessive or jealous of their partner. In an interdependent relationship, both partners care for and expect commitment from one another, but they live their own lives and don’t rely on each other for their happiness.
- In an interdependent relationship, both parties straddle the line between being together too much and losing their independent senses of self, and spending too much time apart and becoming isolated from one another. [11] X Research source
-
You love talking to them. You might have close friends whom you love chatting with about anything and everything under the sun. But in an intimate relationship, your partner is often the first person you want to talk to about your day or that interesting article you read or the latest workplace hot goss.
-
You give each other your undivided attention. If you and your partner put your phones down when you’re hanging out, that’s a sign you’re dedicated. We’re being slightly facetious, but seriously: not being tempted to distract yourself with fancy gadgets or other people when you’re around your partner is a sign you’re devoted to one another and your bond. [12] X Research source
Advertisement
Quiz
wikiHow Quiz: Are My Partner and I Compatible?
Expert Q&A
Ask a Question
200 characters left
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered.
Submit
Advertisement
Tips
Submit a Tip
All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published
Name
Please provide your name and last initial
Thanks for submitting a tip for review!
References
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/patient-zero/202110/how-effectively-communicate-others
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-relationships.htm
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/202207/why-is-honesty-so-important-in-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-lies-and-conflict/202105/why-couples-often-start-look-and-sound-alike
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/relationships-intimate-and-more/201602/collaboration-its-not-what-you-think
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201706/feeling-understood-even-more-important-feeling-loved
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fixing-families/201409/9-tips-making-your-relationship-priority
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202005/should-my-partner-be-my-best-friend
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/adventures-in-dating/201403/the-surprising-benefits-kissing
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/myths-desire/201909/without-flirting-it-wouldnt-be-marriage
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-ptsd/202210/creating-healthy-interdependence-in-your-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-intimately/201105/attention-is-the-most-basic-form-love-2
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/nourishing-the-different-types-of-intimacy-in-your-relationship#mental-intimacy
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/nourishing-the-different-types-of-intimacy-in-your-relationship#spiritual-intimacy
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/intimacy-definition-types-tips#types-of-intimacy
- ↑ https://psychcentral.com/relationships/nourishing-the-different-types-of-intimacy-in-your-relationship
- ↑ goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/intimacy
About This Article
Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 8,421 times.
Advertisement
100%
of readers found this article helpful
.
Click a star to add your vote
% of people told us that this article helped them.
