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An old proverb holds that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what it doesn’t say is that too much absence often makes the heart grow cold. If you have a crush on someone and they don’t feel the same way about you, it can be very difficult to get over that person and may start a longtime circle of painful feelings. Getting over your crush is never easy, but there are a couple of useful methods to help you get over them and move on to someone better for you.
Steps
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Distance yourself from them. One of the most effective ways to help you get over your crush is by distancing yourself from them. Minimize any contact or the potential for contact so that you can get over them without having any lingering ties that could upset you or reinforce your feelings for them.
- Distancing yourself will be hard at first, but it’s ultimately for the better and will make the process of getting over them easier and faster.
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Remove their contact information and text messages from your phone. One way to assure that you won’t have any contact with your crush is to delete their contact information from your phone. Also consider erasing any text messages from them that you may have. Deleting this information will not only keep you from contacting them in a moment of weakness, but won’t be an ever-present reminder of them, either. [1] X Research source [2] X Expert Source Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.- If you’re reluctant to delete their information entirely, consider writing it on a piece of paper that you won’t see every day and store it in a safe place.
- Email copies of their text messages and then archive them if you aren’t ready to completely delete them.
- Remember that even if you delete your contact, they may not delete you. If they contact you, you can either not respond or choose to send a brief, polite response. [3] X Research source
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Remove them from social media sites. The large number of social media sites, such as Facebook and Instagram, means increased accessibility to people, even those with whom you don’t necessarily want to be in contact. By removing your crush’s presence from your social media accounts, you can further limit the amount of contact you have with them. [4] X Research source [5] X Expert Source Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.- If you’re concerned that you might hurt your crush or leave others questioning your motives by unfollowing or defriending them on social media sites, find a way to minimize what you see on these apps. For example, on Facebook you can simply unsubscribe from their posts, which will make sure that you don’t get status updates.
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Stop talking about them and don’t allow yourself to think about them. It’s natural when you have a crush on someone to talk about them and to think about them a lot, but this will only reinforce your feelings. Consciously not mentioning them in conversations and actively shifting your thoughts when you do think about them will help you get over them more quickly.
- It may be difficult to not mention them in conversations, especially if you have mutual friends, so try to not talk about them or ask how they are too often. You can also step away from conversations about them.
- If you need to talk about them to process your thoughts and feelings, do so but don’t make it a regular habit.
EXPERT TIPLicensed Clinical PsychologistChloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over 12 years of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self-esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York, and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”Try coming up with a mental shortlist of 5 things you know your mental energy would be better spent on. Then, when you catch yourself thinking about your crush, turn to something on your mental shortlist instead.
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Ask your friends not to bring them up. If your friends know that you have feelings for your crush, they may occasionally mention them. This will only remind you of them and may hinder your ability to get over them, so ask your friends to not bring them up or update you if possible.
- There will likely be situations, especially in groups with mutual friends, where your crush’s name is brought up. In order to get over them more quickly, step away from these groups until they’ve moved on to a new topic of conversation.
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Avoid places they and their friends go. You and your crush may have many things in common, including friends, classes or workplaces, or favorite places. Avoid situations where you run the risk of seeing them.
- If you take classes together or work in the same place, don’t sit near them. If they sit next to you, you can also find a way to relocate or decide to keep it cordial. Also do not engage in eye contact with them.Then it could make things awkward or spark an unwanted conversation.
- If you like the same restaurants, for example, try out new places to eat.
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Get rid of tangible traces of them. Getting rid of any reminders of them that you may have will help you get over your crush. You’ll want to remove traces of them from everything from your phone and social media to photographs and other mementos in your home.
- You can either take a gradual or cold-turkey approach to removing them from your life. It might be emotionally easier for you to remove reminders of them bit by bit, or you can also get rid of traces of them all at once. Doing this at all once will be very difficult, but can speed up the process of getting over your crush.
- Delete emails or get rid of letters, cards, or presents from your crush. Holding on to these things make you hold on to your feelings for them.
- Delete any photos of them or the two of you together.
- If you aren't ready to throw out your mementos just yet, put them in a box and give them to a friend for the time being. [6]
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Expert Source
Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
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Allow yourself to grieve and don’t get mad. Getting over your crush is a painful process and it’s completely acceptable to grieve over the relationship you had. [7] X Expert Source Amy Chan
Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 1 May 2019. But it’s also important to not get mad at your crush in the process- just as you can’t control your feelings for them, they can’t control their feelings for you.- Recognize that your crush was something significant in your life. Even if you didn’t have a romantic relationship, you still had some relationship to them. It’s ok to be sad over the loss of this.
- Don’t be angry with your crush. They might not even know that you had feelings for them or they might be in a situation where they can’t reciprocate your feelings. Don’t get angry with them over something which they don't have much control.
- There are many reasons why you may have to get over your crush. Perhaps they found a boyfriend/girlfriend or perhaps they were always in a relationship or married. Maybe your parents oppose them, or and maybe it's something as simple as they're too old for you. Maybe you are wise enough to realize that you wouldn't be compatible in a relationship, even though you have romantic feelings for them. These are all factors over which you have very little control, and about which you cannot be mad at them.
- If you’re having an especially hard time with the process, you can always get counseling to help you with your feelings.
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Know you’ll find someone else. There are many fish in the sea and your crush may not be the right person for you in the end. You will find someone else who is great for you, and the quicker you get over your crush, the more open your heart will be to finding this person.
- Focusing on your crush’s flaws can help you get over them and possibly even find someone better suited for you. [8] X Research source
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Lean on your support system. You’re likely not feeling your best as you try to get over this significant person in your life, so this is a good time to lean on- or even reconnect with- your family and friends. From talking about your feelings to distracting you with fun activities, your support system can help you to get over your crush more quickly.
- Friends and family will keep you from wallowing in your sadness. They can provide an excellent distraction by doing fun activities with you that don’t involve your crush.
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Focus on yourself and your other interests. Concentrate on yourself while you try to get over your crush. This may make realize that you don’t have feelings for them.
- For example, start exercising or try a new fitness activity like yoga, which will also help you focus your mind on something other than your crush. You might also want to take a class that will help you with your job.
- Whatever you do, always make sure that it makes you feel good about yourself.
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Try new activities. This is also a good time to try out new activities, which will distract you from your feelings. The more often you can do something that distances you from your crush, the easier it will be to get over them.
- For example, maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to rock climb. This new activity will require a lot of practice, leaving less time to think about your crush.
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Meet new people. Getting out and meeting new people who don’t have any relationship to your contact is a good distraction from your feelings and your crush. You may find you have a much better time with new friends and acquaintances than you ever did with them.
- There are many different ways to meet new people, including joining a running group or going to happy hours at new places. Group activities are an excellent way to meet new people and distract yourself from your crush.
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Consider flirting or dating someone else. You might not be ready to fully commit to another person, but casually flirting with or dating another person can also help you to more quickly get over your crush. This will boost your self-confidence and distract you from your feelings for your crush.
- A little harmless flirting may be good to help you gain self-confidence and remember that there are other people with whom you might have a connection. Just remember to keep it light and fun.
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Get Over Your Crush with this Expert Series
Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionWhat if my crush was the only person for me?Amy Chan is a Relationship Coach based in New York, New York. She is the Founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after the end of a relationship. She has over 12 years of experience helping clients work on their relationships with strategies rooted in the psychology and science of relationships and personal development. Her team of psychologists and coaches at Renew Breakup Bootcamp has helped hundreds of individuals, and the Bootcamp has been featured on CNN, Vogue, the New York Times, and Fortune. Her book based on her work, Breakup Bootcamp, was published in 2020 and was featured by the New York Times.The idea of a one and only soulmate is a myth. There is more than one person out there for you. While you won't find another person who is exactly like your crush, you'll find someone who is amazing in their own way.
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QuestionIt hurts a lot. Why does it hurt so much?Community AnswerBelieve it or not, this is normal. Heartbreak actually causes responses in your body that can make you feel sick, tired, or otherwise not like yourself. Give yourself time to cry and be sad about it, and then find something else to do that won't remind you of your crush. It hurts a lot, but this feeling will pass with time, and if you need them, there are people around to support you through it.
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QuestionWhat if my crush is a best friend?Community AnswerYou shouldn't suddenly cut your crush off without explanation, because if you two are friends, they'll likely be confused and hurt, especially if they don't know about your feelings for them. Tell your friend that you need to take some space to handle a personal issue (or just outright tell them it's because of your feelings, if you're feeling bold) and then give yourself time to do other things and talk to other people. Reading through How to Get Over a Crush on Your Best Friend may be of use, too.
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Tips
- Be patient with yourself. Sometimes it takes us a while to get over someone.Thanks
- Remember that it's fine to cry if you are upset. You will find someone else.Thanks
- Realize that they are not as perfect as you once believed. Search for or remind yourself of their flaws, and that their negatives may outweigh their positives. If your crush has a negative quality such as impatience or disrespects you or people in positions of authority, realize that those same qualities would be turned on you if you were to pursue a relationship with them.Thanks
Tips from our Readers
The advice in this section is based on the lived experiences of wikiHow readers like you. If you have a helpful tip you’d like to share on wikiHow, please submit it in the field below.
- Try to see the person in a different way. Like, instead of liking them because you want to be their partner, think about the benefits of being their friend. If they are funny and fun to be around, it might be easy to switch into friendship mode. This is good for people you already know or can't avoid.
- If you never expressed interest in your crush, tell them you like them! If they don't respond the way you want, you'll probably lose interest in them because they don't have a lot of interest in you.
- I am going through this, and it has helped me to start going to the gym and get involved in the teams at my school. I'm finding that other people like me and I don't think about my crush anymore.
- Try not to be in situations where you have a clear view of your crush. The more you look at your crush, the harder it will be to stop liking them.
- If they want to be your friend but don't want to date you, you may need to take some time apart so you can get over them first.
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Warnings
- Try not to be rude to them. If they are polite to you by saying hello, it’s fine to kindly respond. Just don’t let it be more than that.Thanks
- Avoid getting angry with them or treating them as “the enemy.” They can’t control who they have feelings over just as much as you can’t and you should never actively hurt someone.Thanks
- Know that there are many fish in the sea. If they don't like you for who you are, then they are not worth it.Thanks
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References
- ↑ https://www.tumblr.com/login_required/thelostengineer/19781958825
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.tumblr.com/login_required/thelostengineer/19781958825
- ↑ https://www.tumblr.com/login_required/thelostengineer/19781958825
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ Amy Chan. Relationship Coach. Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.
- ↑ https://www.tumblr.com/login_required/thelostengineer/19781958825
About This Article
Article Summary
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Getting over a crush is tough, but with time and patience, you can do it. Start by putting some distance between yourself and your crush. Avoid spending time around them or contacting them. You might even need to delete their number or block them on social media. Avoid talking about them and ask your friends not to bring them up, either. Give yourself time and space to feel sad, too. Even if you were never together, it’s normal to grieve when you move on from a crush. Find ways to distract yourself, like spending time with friends, meeting new people, and doing hobbies you enjoy. To learn how to avoid resenting your crush, read on.
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Reader Success Stories
- "This helped a lot because I have been feeling like I have no chance with him, and my friend shouted out to my crush that I liked him! He just stared and walked away without saying a word, which hurt me. So yes, this helped a lot! Thank you!" ..." more
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"This helped a lot because I have been feeling like I have no chance with him, and my friend shouted out to my crush that I liked him! He just stared and walked away without saying a word, which hurt me. So yes, this helped a lot! Thank you!"
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"I don't know if I'm in love or if I'm crushing on this particular guy, but I can't seem to not think about him. I have a feeling he is not into me, so the only solution is to avoid him, nice read, helped me a lot."
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"It helped me to stop having feeling for someone while learning to discover myself."
"My Crush doesn't like me back, and I think these tricks will help me getting over them."
"This article was so amazingly helpful to forget the eternal emptiness that I felt once I realised my crush didn't like me. I found it so hard to move on from that telephone call. But this article made me realise that my true passions were rock climbing and playing the recorder."
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