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Take time to yourself and mend a broken heart with our guide
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Though love can be wonderful, sometimes it can hurt you more than it makes you happy. Maybe you just went through a bad breakup or perhaps you’re in love with someone who doesn’t love you back. These experiences can be painful and you might be wondering how to move past them and be happy again. You can stop loving someone by creating distance, coping with your sadness, and moving forward with your life.
How to Stop Loving Someone and Move On
- Limit how often you see or communicate with them.
- Unfollow or unfriend them on social media accounts.
- Get rid of any keepsakes or reminders of them.
- Spend more time with your friends.
- Make time for hobbies that you love to do.
- Start dating again when you feel ready.
Steps
Method 1
Method 1 of 3:
Distancing Yourself
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End the relationship if you're still together. If you're trying to stop loving someone who you're currently with, it's time to break up with them. Whether this person doesn't love you back or if your relationship has taken a turn for the worse, sit them down and break the news gently but firmly. [1] X Research source
- Say “Though I love you very much, it's time for me to move on. You told me that you don’t love me, and I'd like to have a relationship with someone who cares for me as much as I care for them.”
- You can also say “Though I love you very much, we haven't been happy for a long time. I cry more than I smile and I don’t think this is healthy. We can talk about it more, but I have made my decision.”
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Limit seeing the person you love. When you're trying to move on from someone, spend as little time around them as you can. Drive a different route to work or walk an alternative way to class. If you have mutual friends, hang out with them less if you know the one you love will be around.
- If you work or have class together, only talk when necessary.
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Unfollow, unfriend or block them on social media. Remember: out of sight, out of mind. Avoid seeing the person you love both in person and online. Block them from all your social media accounts so neither of you has access to one another. If you don’t want to block them, at least unfriend or unfollow them so you don’t have to see their posts in your newsfeed.
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Cut off any unnecessary communication with them. Avoid speaking to this person even if they reach out to you. The less you communicate with them, the quicker you can fall out of love. However, it's necessary to communicate in some instances. If you have a child together, are working on a project at work, or if they are asking for their things back, you will need to talk. [2] X Research source
- If you must talk, do so in a neutral location that won’t bring up old feelings, like a coffee shop. Be civil with them but avoid being too friendly. When you talk, it’s okay to be polite and ask how they’ve been, but get to the point of the conversation quickly.
- Say something like “I’m glad you’re doing well! So let’s talk about Josiah now. His first day of Pre-K is tomorrow and we need to make a schedule for picking him up every day.”
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Avoid all your old spots. If the place where you first kissed or had your first date brings back memories, stay away from it. Though you can’t ever forget these times, there's no need to bring up old memories that might make this process more difficult.
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Take a vacation if possible. If you can, get away for a bit. This will ensure that you don’t have to see the person you love at all for a few days. Take a solo vacation somewhere or go on a trip with friends or family.
- If money is tight, take a day trip instead. Go to a local beach or to a big city nearby to sightsee.
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Method 2
Method 2 of 3:
Coping with the Loss
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Remove reminders of them from your environment. Have pictures of the two of you in your room? Throw them out or put them away. Have an old sweater of theirs that you keep in your closet? Donate it to charity. These little reminders can make it hard to get over someone, so box them up or toss them.
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Focus on their flaws instead of the good times. You might be thinking of the laughter and fun that you shared with the one you love; instead, remember the not-so-good times. There’s a reason you don’t want to love this person anymore. Focus on what led you to this decision.
- Think about the time they were rude to your mother, made you cry on your birthday, or how selfish they were in general.
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Meditate daily. It's likely that thoughts of the one you love are in your mind all the time. Meditation is a tool that you can use to clear your mind and bring peace to your life. Pick a time each day to sit down in a quiet space for at least ten minutes. Focus only on your breathing during this time. [3] X Research source
- If you're inexperienced with meditation, you can download apps like Headspace or Calm.
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Get support from your friends. Letting go of the love you have for someone is tough, but with a little help from your friends and family, you can do it. Rather than isolating yourself, call up a friend to talk. You can talk through your feelings for the person you’re trying to fall out of love with or just catch up on other things in your lives. [4] X Research source
- Try not to call them too often upset about the relationship ending, however. No matter how good a friend they are, they won’t want to hear sad news all the time.
- Reader Poll: We asked 415 wikiHow readers who they’d reach out to if they needed to vent about someone they love, and 52% said they’d connect with their closest friends to find the support they need. [Take Poll]
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Talk to a therapist if you think you're depressed. If you've been trying to get over this person for months but can’t shake your feelings, consult with a therapist. If you feel that you can’t get out of bed or that you aren’t enjoying things like you used to, you might be depressed. Address it now so you can beat the blues. [5] X Research source
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Method 3
Method 3 of 3:
Moving Forward with Your Life
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Make lots of changes in your life. When trying to stop loving someone, reinvent yourself. View the old you as the person who was in love and create a new version of yourself who doesn’t have these same feelings. Update your wardrobe, home, and set new goals for yourself. [6] X Research source Consider the following changes:
- Throwing out any clothing you haven’t worn in years and replacing it with new, stylish outfits.
- Moving or rearranging or updating your furniture.
- Updating your resume and applying for a higher ranking position.
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Exercise to improve your mood. Not only is exercise good for the body, but it’s good for your mental health, too. Exercise releases endorphins which are natural mood boosters. Though letting go of love for someone is a sad process, hitting the gym will make you feel better. [7] X Research source
- Do workout classes or run around your neighborhood with a friend.
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Hang out with friends. Letting go of love for one person doesn’t mean that you can’t still show love to your family and friends. Spend some time connecting with them weekly to hang out, see a movie or get a drink. Getting out and about again will help you feel better and move on quicker. [8] X Research source
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Find a new hobby. During this process, keep yourself busy with fun activities. Try something you’ve always wanted to do or rededicate yourself to an old hobby. Use all the free time that you’ll have from letting go of this person to invest in your own fun. [9] X Research source
- You can do things like dance, read, ride horses, cook, or paint.
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Go out on dates again. Once you’ve fallen out of love and no longer think of the person every day, get back out there. Ask your friends to introduce you to other singles they know or consider an online dating service. And remember, no matter how tough this is, you got it!
- Though new relationships are exciting, avoid rebounds. Don’t start going out on dates until you have moved on completely. Some signs that you’ve moved on are crying less often, not thinking of them when you wake up or go to bed, and not getting emotional when you hear your old songs.
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Be patient. Getting over someone you once loved takes time and a good amount of emotional effort. You should limit the time you spend thinking about the relationship, but if thoughts of the person creep in now and again, don’t panic. You’re only human.
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Crushing over someone you can't have is both draining and distracting. Learn how to move past these feelings and take back control of your life with this expert series.
Expert Q&A
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QuestionI love my best friend, but he's in a relationship with someone else. What should I do?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).Since your best friend is already committed to someone, it's best to focus on other things. Don't dwell on him, and try not to daydream about the "what ifs." Spend time with friends and family, try new activities, and limit social media contact with him and his partner.
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QuestionHow can I stop thinking about my love?Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).It's going to take time and effort. When you notice thoughts about this person, consciously focus your attention on something else. Distracting yourself with friends, family, and activities you enjoy can be helpful. Give yourself time--you can't make this change overnight.
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References
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
- ↑ https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-move-on-after-breakup-1208165
- ↑ https://www.unh.edu/pacs/break-ups-how-help-yourself-move
- ↑ https://www.unh.edu/pacs/break-ups-how-help-yourself-move
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/relationship-breakup/
- ↑ https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/for-young-people/relationship-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/relationship-breakup/
- ↑ https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/relationships/healthy-relationships/how-should-i-end-relationship
- ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/imperfect-spirituality/202007/want-feel-happier-avoid-social-media-and-add-in-hobby
About This Article
Article Summary
X
To stop loving someone, do your best to distance yourself by unfollowing them on social media and seeing them as little as possible. It may seem mean to cut off contact, but it’s an important step which will allow you both to move on. Besides distancing yourself, you should remove reminders of them from your house, such as old photographs and clothing, so you don’t have to think about them. Although it may be tempting to isolate yourself, you’ll feel much better if you talk to a friend about what you’re going through. Take some time to hang out with those people who are always there for you, no matter what! To learn how to go on dates again, read more from our Counselor co-author.
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Reader Success Stories
- "I'm a 62 year old woman learning to cope with the end of a second marriage. I thought this time after 19 years that my husband would be my forever guy as he was truly the great love of my life. I need to take baby steps and this article was perfect for me." ..." more
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